Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley

[binkbonk]

Not yet, lowest rating is a 1 for DIRE but if a frau can truly outdo Jack's mum's tatties we may have to reconsider.
Couple of 2.5 though which caused a minor aneurysm each

Sorry dear heart but Pickin' Balls were neither Terrible or Middle Class, they were something else altogether. 2.5 was necessary

I've gone in a completely different direction with the video and am now learning to use premiere pro, might take a while though so no clue when it'll be posted. Hopefully you ninnies will enjoy it 🩲

This! Suddenly realised that she *knows* her portions are ridiculous - didn't she post, not so long ago, that she had to have porridge after having her dinner because 75g of pasta and half a courgette is not enough for an adult? Disingenuous t*at.
Also curious about what kind of mushrooms she used - those in the pic look like shiitake, drowned in sieved tomato sauce. She wouldn't stage fake pics now, surely??

In so many of the recipes she says "this serves 2/3, but I ate the whole lot". Maybe it doesn't serve 2/3 if you regularly eat it all in one sitting?

 

[ThatsNotMyKitten]

Also curious about what kind of mushrooms she used - those in the pic look like shiitake, drowned in sieved tomato sauce. She wouldn't stage fake pics now, surely??

I thought this! I thought it looked maybe like a mini Portobello? Really doesn't look like a bog standard mushroom. And how is her sauce so red?

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Hot and spicy, oh dear. Then again Jack is the person who puts 1 tsp chilli flakes in a VINDALOO and nothing else
This comparison shot might be one of the worst as well, notice Jack's spoon to bowl size ratio here.
Could (must?) her version be fake?

View attachment 1712584View attachment 1712586


The thing that's really starting to irk me is the number of times her recipes are just plain WRONG in what they say e.g. "hot eggy mess" (despite the eggs being stone cold) or "hot and spicy" (despite the only heat or spices coming from 1/4 tsp chilli flakes).

How are the pictures so different? Is she buying food cooked by other people and photographing it?

 

[Nonah]

I’m so tempted to make that Vindaloo and feed it to my Harold. He LOVES a Vindaloo.

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

How are the pictures so different? Is she buying food cooked by other people and photographing it?

She's definitely done that in the past, although for Twitter/Instagram rather than her books.

 

[Whaa?]

How are the pictures so different? Is she buying food cooked by other people and photographing it?

If they are photos taken from her books, they will have be photographed by a food stylist. I had a look and the photos from Cooking on a Bootstrap were done this way. How much leeway food stylists have to enhance food from recipes, I don't know. A publishing frau will know, I am sure

 

[House of Carbonara]

How are the pictures so different? Is she buying food cooked by other people and photographing it?

Yes.

Too short.

YES.

 

[BlairWaldorf86]

If they are photos taken from her books, they will have be photographed by a food stylist. I had a look and the photos from Cooking on a Bootstrap were done this way. How much leeway food stylists have to enhance food from recipes, I don't know. A publishing frau will know, I am sure

Do you think she got the food delivered ready *ahem* before the photographer arrived to take the photos maybe?

 

[LadyGarden]

Not yet, lowest rating is a 1 for DIRE but if a frau can truly outdo Jack's mum's tatties we may have to reconsider.
Couple of 2.5 though which caused a minor aneurysm each

Guilty as charged, M'Lud.

Bearing in mind I wouldn't have eaten it in its 'natural state' I'm happy to downgrade it to a 2 (terrible).

The lemon was really overpowering (and she said you could add more after cooking it, thank god I didn't). The aftertaste of the fish paste was quite unpleasant. The parsley was added way too soon and just ended up black and tasteless which was a waste of an ingredient. I had to add garlic, a tin of tuna, the rest of the yoghurt and a small pot of tomato pasta sauce to make it edible. That added another £1.80 to the overall cost of the dish.

My son has taken the leftovers to work for his lunch. Fraus, I did not tell him its origin story or he'd have run away screaming.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I am sure everyone can donate to a local food bank if they want.

As it’s the midterm elections today and reproductive rights are likely to be even further decimated by the results, I donated to an organization fighting to protect them, and will donate to my local free pantry on the weekend when I do my main slop.

I meant it more as an exercise in how much effort and money someone would have to expend to come up with even one edible thing from her ghastly repertoire. The idea of someone on a tight budget trying to feed themselves and their family with one of these “meals”, wondering where they’ve gone wrong and losing confidence in themselves at the result should have Jack, her agent and publisher hanging their heads in complete bleeping shame. It’s also not inconceivable that one of these disgusting inedible cakes was made by someone on an incredibly tight budget for a special occasion, which is just so upsetting.

duck you Jack, and duck you Carole and Rosemary you pair of enabling assholes too. You three should be made to cook and eat nothing but this tit for a week.

 

[Clarends]

I've lost track - I've bought ingredients for oh god dinner - I think maybe someone else has done it? Also 2 versions - which one shall I do? (and ingredients NOT cheap)

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I've lost track - I've bought ingredients for oh god dinner - I think maybe someone else has done it? Also 2 versions - which one shall I do? (and ingredients NOT cheap)

Yet another one I noticed the other day that “makes enough two but she ate it all herself” (because it doesn’t)

Also, not sure what you’re talking about with the ingredients not being cheap? Literal cook and food writer Jack says it’s only 28p a portion or 55p (not 56p cos Jack maths) if you Burberry scarf the lot yourself. She also says you can feed your entire famalam for £20 a week in 2022 so the ingredients can’t have increased much in price since 2013. She’s autistic and cannot lie.

(Know that’s not helpful in answering your question, sorry! Have you looked to see if it’s in @That Forensic Man’s table in the Wilki? If it was me I think I’d probably do the version more likely to give an edible result-if there is one!-and comment why the other one was worse)

 

[overdueanadventure]

As it’s the midterm elections today and reproductive rights are likely to be even further decimated by the results, I donated to an organization fighting to protect them, and will donate to my local free pantry on the weekend when I do my main slop.

I meant it more as an exercise in how much effort and money someone would have to expend to come up with even one edible thing from her ghastly repertoire. The idea of someone on a tight budget trying to feed themselves and their family with one of these “meals”, wondering where they’ve gone wrong and losing confidence in themselves at the result should have Jack, her agent and publisher hanging their heads in complete bleeping shame. It’s also not inconceivable that one of these disgusting inedible cakes was made by someone on an incredibly tight budget for a special occasion, which is just so upsetting.

duck you Jack, and duck you Carole and Rosemary you pair of enabling assholes too. You three should be made to cook and eat nothing but this tit for a week.

I did tot up the ingredients I bought (£4.83) I have the receipt! (I put some cans in the foodbank collection at the supermarket as my donation to slopalong karma). I still have celery and carrots left over so could figure that out Jack-style. We could add a column to the slopalong spreadsheet I suppose if someone were willing?

I also have my slop left over in case it became more enticing with time.

Spoiler

It did not.

I'm not sure how long I will keep it, it seems terrible to chuck it. OTOH, it seems terrible to eat it.

 

[Clarends]

Yet another one I noticed the other day that “makes enough two but she ate it all herself” (because it doesn’t)
View attachment 1713781
Also, not sure what you’re talking about with the ingredients not being cheap? Literal cook and food writer Jack says it’s only 28p a portion or 55p (not 56p cos Jack maths) if you Burberry scarf the lot yourself. She also says you can feed your entire famalam for £20 a week in 2022 so the ingredients can’t have increased much in price since 2013. She’s autistic and cannot lie.

(Know that’s not helpful in answering your question, sorry! Have you looked to see if it’s in @That Forensic Man’s table in the Wilki?)

Very helpful. I will look at the wiki. From the cost of my shop inflation definitely 344% so too right, Jack cannot lie

 

[VeniVidiVicki]

I ate the rest of the ragu mixed with yoghurt and Boursin but chucked the horrible rubbery dry lasagne sheets. So it served 3 in the end - me twice and the dog once

I did also donate the cost of the ingredients to my local foodbank so I’ve evened up the karma. I cannot bring myself to do another one. Completed it mate.

 

[ThatsNotMyKitten]

Do you think she got the food delivered ready *ahem* before the photographer arrived to take the photos maybe?

I'm sure she did. There's an excellent example of this on Jay Rayner's Instagram. The photos of the food at the restaurants he reviews are done properly by a photographer after he's been there. He went to some awful restaurant that he slam
med and when the photographer went to take photos they produced beautiful looking things. He called them out on it and I think compared them with the phone snaps he took on the night.

 

[bakedcheesecake]

So off topic I’m sorry but thank you for all the love on my food bank post. Things are rough right now but it will pass

also I love you’re all donating to local food banks. You are a wonderful bunch of Frau/Herren.

Ps on topic jack is a fraudulent bleep xxx

 

[MavisBeacon]

I had some more of the pina colada bread for breakfast and yet again feel a bit sick. It's so stodgy, even toasted, but I hate food waste.
I've also been reflecting on the recipe, which says to drain off the pineapple juice, but then add 100ml water to the coconut milk. WHY NOT JUST ADD THE PINEAPPLE JUICE??
I mean, it's overly sloppy anyway and needs less liquid in the recipe, but it's a shocking example of waste. Same for the recipe in Tin Can't Cook where she tells you to drain off the gravy from a tin of steak and then has no ideas about what to do with it. IT'S bleeping GRAVY, YOU IDIOT, YOU POUR IT ON FOOD AND IT MAKES IT NICER.
It's genuinely infuriating how little she thinks about overall meal planning and home economics.

 

[itsnotmereally]

This thread is what the world needs.
I’ve just realised my recipe requires a blender which I do not possess. I’m going back to review the incredible choices.

 

[overdueanadventure]

I was just looking at some of the reviews on BBC Good Food and someone gave 5 stars to the
Chicken, sausage & prune pie

but reading it, it sounds like they pretty much changed all the proportions and cooked it their own way.