I’d earmarked tomorrow for my slopalong but turns out my ill 3 year old has covid and he’s not left my knee today, so will have to see how it goes!
Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley
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bleeping hell, I want to know more about your pals!!As I'm a glutton for punishment and obviously quite mad, I may attempt another Slopalong - I quite fancy the 'mince and onion with notions' (from Tin Can't Cook). How wrong could it go?
I'm housesitting for a friend while they gallivant glamorously around this weekend (absolutely not saying any more due to genuine 🔺️) - I'm sure they won't mind Jack's recipes honking up the place, though there will probably be fewer accompanying pictures as identifying details of friend are pretty much all over the place (they almost certainly don't read here but someone who knows of them may well do due to 'reasons'🔺️). Plus there'll almost certainly be some red wine knocking about and there's all the fast food chains within walking distance if it all goes tits up.
Cake update now that it’s completely cold:
It's super-rubbery and chewy, like bouncy gum. It weirdly tastes like an actual custard tart which isn’t that unpleasant if I’m honest and the middle part which didn’t cook has the consistency of a very thick custard tart too.
Nevertheless, it’s heading into my food waste bin.
RIP 2-ingredient custard cake
It's super-rubbery and chewy, like bouncy gum. It weirdly tastes like an actual custard tart which isn’t that unpleasant if I’m honest and the middle part which didn’t cook has the consistency of a very thick custard tart too.
Nevertheless, it’s heading into my food waste bin.
RIP 2-ingredient custard cake
I’m hyped to make a well a sort of hole on Thursday
thank you for your post and I’m sorry that you find yourself in need of a food bank and get exploited by JM. Corned beef hash was a firm favourite with my kids when they were little.I’ve Been hesitant to post this but I am a food bank user. Her recipes are a joke.
I normally get - tinned pasta. Spaghetti hoops, they go on toast. As they are, unrinsed.
Tinned meat, a pie or stewed tinned meat. I eat pie as is, normally try and get some new potatoes to go with and cook some frozen veg. Sometimes I get tinned new potatoes and that’s a meal right there.
Tinned tuna. Mix with pasta for tuna pasta or sometimes w tinned sweetcorn on a jacket potato. Tuna sandwiches for a treat, toasted with cheese of i have the money.
Oats, cereal and UHT milk. I eat as it comes. It’s not delicious, or ideal, but it does the job. Cereal or oats for tea sometimes with some cinnamon added, it’s ok.
Tinned soup: I just eat the bleeping soup.
Fruit, a snack. Sometimes breakfast if I’m not that hungry.
No rinsing or any of her bullshit is required. Her recipes are honestly dangerous.
I cant speak on behalf of all foodbank users, but I eat because I have to. I don’t or can’t afford to duck around rinsing meat or cooking veg peelings on a meal that is inedible.
It’s not fair she has 7 cookbooks and earning god knows what amount a month.
She doesn’t deserve to have a voice on behalf of people who are struggling. I hate everything about her.
just my two cents. Poor people do not need to be taught how to manage a budget. We only spend what we need to. Budgeting or making tinned food into something it isn’t supposed to be isn’t the issue. TORIES are the bleeping issue and that’s above Jacks remit. I wish she’d just disappear into oblivion.
Slopalong is so funny but it’s genuinely engaging at the same time. Poor people who rely on a food parcel cannot afford to be bleeping around with her disgusting ‘meals’. Bottom line
I almost forgot- this week I had a treat and got some corned beef. Corned beef & baked bean hash is ELITE and it is what it is. On a jacket potato? Not dire
It’s shameful. Truly.
Between this and her unpaid advocacy work that has never seen the light of day, it’s all a massive fraud. It’s unsurprising yet so sorely disappointing at the same time.
In truth we know desperately poor people aren’t relying on her but at the same time that’s who she pretends she’s aiming for. Those who are desperate wouldn’t take a chance on her recipes and those who are looking to cut a few corners can afford to buy the books whilst firmly in the knowledge they’ll never have to try the recipes exactly as written because they can afford better, and paying Jack absolves their conscience of actually doing something that brings them into contact with actual poor people.
It’s easier to turn a blind eye and pretend she’s helping, than it is to acknowledge she’s done nothing and then have to do something yourself.
Sorry for the massive rant.
PART 2 Marmite Mac and Cheese in a Mug: Work Version. Apologies for the delayed follow up.
@dickanddom did the non-work version, I prepped the refrigeration not needed work version and “commuted” with it. Now to cook my lunch.
Recipe at bottom.
cookingonabootstrap.com
Edit: here’s part 1
@dickanddom did the non-work version, I prepped the refrigeration not needed work version and “commuted” with it. Now to cook my lunch.
Recipe at bottom.
First, as she’s got SEVEN books and cooked for Mary PORTAS, I took a leaf out expert Jack’s book and made a line of tape on the floor that my child “work colleagues” must not cross when I am cooking my mug of yummy pasta. COLLEAGUES. YOU SHALL NOT CROSS!
Next, I recreated a workplace environment with some office-style accoutrements, and my own special private pot of pens. Note that while I couldn’t face filthying up the microwave inside for office authenticity, I did attempt to make a little bit of a smeary mess on the outside. (Please enjoy the picture of Sebastian Bach in golden hipster pants from the cover of his book that sits in my ‘workplace’ instead of the obligatory yet dull usual degree certificates and family photographs). Look at those lovely flowing locks everyone. Swoon!
Now to the prep. Jack tells me to cover my giant mug with cling film (which I do not have) or a saucer. Having been forewarned by the intrepid @dickanddom that all this is going to get hotter than the inside of a McDonald’s apple pie, I SHAN’T balance a saucer on it.
Hmmmm…. What can I use to cover my mug?! Oh, hello aluminum foil!
Thanks, Jack. Thanks for all that you do in the name of your embarrassingly betrousered Papa. To save us imbeciles from exploding our houses.
Hmmmm…. What can I use to cover my mug?! Oh, hello aluminum foil!
Thanks, Jack. Thanks for all that you do in the name of your embarrassingly betrousered Papa. To save us imbeciles from exploding our houses.
I didn’t have any beef stock so I decided to use 150ml of water and 100ml of low sodium veg stock. I was also scared to use a mug, so pulled out a Pyrex jug I knew could withstand the abuse. I then got my tasty looking room temperature oil/marmite/cheese mixture ready to go
I covered the jug with one of those microwave non splatter covers. I cooked for 2 mins at a time, stirring and putting back in for a total of 6 mins. After the second and third 2 mins all the liquid burst completely out of the jug like a fiancée/OH running for the door and had to be poured back in. The jug was SO bleeping HOT this part was dangerous. (To clear up any confusion about the Vali office/household, that is not a rampant rabbit reflected in the oily liquid, for I do not have a kitchen drawer of cocks, i have a kitchen pot of cooking implements, so it is SPATULAE plural)
Then it was time to plop in the cheesy oily room temperature ooze from my morning commute that does not need refrigeration. Yum! One more minute!
Voila! Finished product. As you can see, the liquid did not all dissipate. Jack gives no instruction for this so I assume it’s part of the recipe and dish that up too.
Apretend colleague comes into the office kitchen so I decide to be collegial and share my luncheon. (Shout out to the Wales and Manchester Massives with the muggos).
What?! White trash shouldn’t eat from mugs? Those oven gloves are CATH KIDSTON, witch!
Close Up
I tuck into the Grand Slam mug. The pasta isn’t cooked all the way. It’s oily and salty. I press on. After eating it all, there is a lot of liquid left.
I decide this is pretty much the equivalent of fancy bone broth, which is apparently all kinds of healthy. I do not have a shot glass so I use an eggcup. Note the minging oily residue left in the mug.
Down the hatch with the healthful-properties-imparting shot of “Bone Broth” (Jack, you can have that ‘recipe’ on me)
Bllllllleeeeuuuuuurrrrrgh! I don’t know why I did that. The things I do in service of you ninnies.
Anyway, it was all pretty awful. It was just about edible, but two hours later, just like @dickanddom, despite drinking a tit ton of water, I had a raging thirst and my tongue felt like a desiccated slug that the salt pot had been chucked at it.
Verdict: 2 Terrible. It was edible, but salty as duck, oily, kind of dangerous because everything got so hot with oily liquid slopping everywhere (and I’m not convinced that leaving an oil marmite cheese mix on your desk for 4 hours is wise either) and not worth it. Bonus, it was free food as it was all in my larder.
Note that my “colleague” couldn’t face their mug and I couldn’t face seeing it congealed in the fridge tomorrow so that second one went into the bin.
I covered the jug with one of those microwave non splatter covers. I cooked for 2 mins at a time, stirring and putting back in for a total of 6 mins. After the second and third 2 mins all the liquid burst completely out of the jug like a fiancée/OH running for the door and had to be poured back in. The jug was SO bleeping HOT this part was dangerous. (To clear up any confusion about the Vali office/household, that is not a rampant rabbit reflected in the oily liquid, for I do not have a kitchen drawer of cocks, i have a kitchen pot of cooking implements, so it is SPATULAE plural)
Voila! Finished product. As you can see, the liquid did not all dissipate. Jack gives no instruction for this so I assume it’s part of the recipe and dish that up too.
A
What?! White trash shouldn’t eat from mugs? Those oven gloves are CATH KIDSTON, witch!
Close Up
I tuck into the Grand Slam mug. The pasta isn’t cooked all the way. It’s oily and salty. I press on. After eating it all, there is a lot of liquid left.
I decide this is pretty much the equivalent of fancy bone broth, which is apparently all kinds of healthy. I do not have a shot glass so I use an eggcup. Note the minging oily residue left in the mug.
Anyway, it was all pretty awful. It was just about edible, but two hours later, just like @dickanddom, despite drinking a tit ton of water, I had a raging thirst and my tongue felt like a desiccated slug that the salt pot had been chucked at it.
Verdict: 2 Terrible. It was edible, but salty as duck, oily, kind of dangerous because everything got so hot with oily liquid slopping everywhere (and I’m not convinced that leaving an oil marmite cheese mix on your desk for 4 hours is wise either) and not worth it. Bonus, it was free food as it was all in my larder.
Note that my “colleague” couldn’t face their mug and I couldn’t face seeing it congealed in the fridge tomorrow so that second one went into the bin.
Marmite mac-n-cheese in a mug, 36p (MICROWAVE)
Friends will know that my Marmite obsession is almost as out of control as my peanut butter obsession. In leaner times, I would substitute Marmite, which was well out of my budget range, for a past…
cookingonabootstrap.com
Slopalong: Cooking with Jack Monroe
I'm on my phone and scrolling down to reveal @VeniVidiVicki 's lasagne was comedy gold.
tattle.life
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this is what it is. A fraud on a massive scale, taking in thousands of people. Delivered nothing in the last nine years other than shouting on twitter, repeating her one story, and seven books full of garbage content. She has rewarded herself with hundreds of thousands of pounds, and had people call her a hero.
I was on the bones of my arse for a short while and had heard of jack monroe, thinking to try out one of her recipes. luckily for me i must have seen ones on her website that were more obviously shite, and never paid actual money for a book. I could just actually cry thinking that desparate people have shelled out for this tit. sorry this may be more suited to the MT, but the more i'm reading this, the angrier i'm getting.
@Valiofthedolls the Sebastian Bach pic in gold pants 🫶
Quoting myself like a bellend. But…WTAF?? There are 149 calories in 100g of Aldi tagliatelle….
This woman is sooooo fuckn dangerous - she needs to be exposed for the actual fake ‘cookbook author’ that she is.
Jack Monroe #297 I'm not a natural tax payer.
This is her preamble to the teacher/stalking thread. Preplanned. But genuinely didn't realise she was tweeting until halfway through.
tattle.life
I’ve been looking forward to this and it did not disappointPART 2 Marmite Mac and Cheese in a Mug: Work Version. Apologies for the delayed follow up.
@dickanddom did the non-work version, I prepped the refrigeration not needed work version and “commuted” with it. Now to cook my lunch.
Recipe at bottom.
First, as she’s got SEVEN books and cooked for Mary PORTAS, I took a leaf out expert Jack’s book and made a line of tape on the floor that mychild“work colleagues” must not cross when I am cooking my mug of yummy pasta. COLLEAGUES. YOU SHALL NOT CROSS!
View attachment 1712485
View attachment 1712426Next, I recreated a workplace environment with some office-style accoutrements, and my own special private pot of pens. Note that while I couldn’t face filthying up the microwave inside for office authenticity, I did attempt to make a little bit of a smeary mess on the outside. (Please enjoy the picture of Sebastian Bach in golden hipster pants from the cover of his book that sits in my ‘workplace’ instead of the obligatory yet dull usual degree certificates and family photographs). Look at those lovely flowing locks everyone. Swoon!
View attachment 1712362Now to the prep. Jack tells me to cover my giant mug with cling film (which I do not have) or a saucer. Having been forewarned by the intrepid @dickanddom that all this is going to get hotter than the inside of a McDonald’s apple pie, I SHAN’T balance a saucer on it.
Hmmmm…. What can I use to cover my mug?! Oh, hello aluminum foil!
View attachment 1712275
View attachment 1712278
Thanks, Jack. Thanks for all that you do in the name of your embarrassingly betrousered Papa. To save us imbeciles from exploding our houses.
I didn’t have any beef stock so I decided to use 150ml of water and 100ml of low sodium veg stock. I was also scared to use a mug, so pulled out a Pyrex jug I knew could withstand the abuse. I then got my tasty looking room temperature oil/marmite/cheese mixture ready to go
View attachment 1712279
I covered the jug with one of those microwave non splatter covers. I cooked for 2 mins at a time, stirring and putting back in for a total of 6 mins. After the second and third 2 mins all the liquid burst completely out of the jug like a fiancée/OH running for the door and had to be poured back in. The jug was SO bleeping HOT this part was dangerous. (To clear up any confusion about the Vali office/household, that is not a rampant rabbit reflected in the oily liquid, for I do not have a kitchen drawer of cocks, i have a kitchen pot of cooking implements, so it is SPATULAE plural)
View attachment 1712302Then it was time to plop in the cheesy oily room temperature ooze from my morning commute that does not need refrigeration. Yum! One more minute!
View attachment 1712303
Voila! Finished product. As you can see, the liquid did not all dissipate. Jack gives no instruction for this so I assume it’s part of the recipe and dish that up too.
View attachment 1712305
Apretendcolleague comes into theofficekitchen so I decide to be collegial and share my luncheon. (Shout out to the Wales and Manchester Massives with the muggos).
What?! White trash shouldn’t eat from mugs? Those oven gloves are CATH KIDSTON, witch!
View attachment 1712319
Close Up
View attachment 1712320View attachment 1712323
I tuck into the Grand Slam mug. The pasta isn’t cooked all the way. It’s oily and salty. I press on. After eating it all, there is a lot of liquid left.
I decide this is pretty much the equivalent of fancy bone broth, which is apparently all kinds of healthy. I do not have a shot glass so I use an eggcup. Note the minging oily residue left in the mug.
View attachment 1712395 Down the hatch with the healthful-properties-imparting shot of “Bone Broth” (Jack, you can have that ‘recipe’ on me) View attachment 1712394Bllllllleeeeuuuuuurrrrrgh! I don’t know why I did that. The things I do in service of you ninnies.
Anyway, it was all pretty awful. It was just about edible, but two hours later, just like @dickanddom, despite drinking a tit ton of water, I had a raging thirst and my tongue felt like a desiccated slug that the salt pot had been chucked at it.
Verdict: 2 Terrible. It was edible, but salty as duck, oily, kind of dangerous because everything got so hot with oily liquid slopping everywhere (and I’m not convinced that leaving an oil marmite cheese mix on your desk for 4 hours is wise either) and not worth it. Bonus, it was free food as it was all in my larder.
Note that my “colleague” couldn’t face their mug and I couldn’t face seeing it congealed in the fridge tomorrow so that second one went into the bin.Edit: here’s part 1Marmite mac-n-cheese in a mug, 36p (MICROWAVE)
Friends will know that my Marmite obsession is almost as out of control as my peanut butter obsession. In leaner times, I would substitute Marmite, which was well out of my budget range, for a past…
Slopalong: Cooking with Jack Monroe
I'm on my phone and scrolling down to reveal @VeniVidiVicki 's lasagne was comedy gold.tattle.life
. I didn’t know about the line of tape hahahahahahahahahahaha duck me this is too funny. For some reason I’m picturing it on Come Dine with Me, featuring Dave Lamb’s narration becoming so high pitched in disbelief only dogs can hear him hahahahaha
Not her recipe, dear heart! Stolen, yet again. Even JM couldn't screw that up.
It isn't. It's Middle Eastern/Mediterranean, there are many many versions of it.
@Valiofthedolls risking a fire in the workplace, oil burns and salt poisoning all in the name of frau research 
it's the drama Mick, I love it.
it's the drama Mick, I love it.How much do we think it pained her to not ruin it with a weird ingredient (custard anyone?) and then name it Jackshuka.
Absolute stunner@Valiofthedolls the Sebastian Bach pic in gold pants 🫶
In my experience they also have a tendency to explode in the oven if you’re trying to roast them
Hot and spicy, oh dear. Then again Jack is the person who puts 1 tsp chilli flakes in a VINDALOO and nothing else
This comparison shot might be one of the worst as well, notice Jack's spoon to bowl size ratio here.
Could (must?) her version be fake?
The thing that's really starting to irk me is the number of times her recipes are just plain WRONG in what they say e.g. "hot eggy mess" (despite the eggs being stone cold) or "hot and spicy" (despite the only heat or spices coming from 1/4 tsp chilli flakes).
Yeah, I thought we should have at least one thing on these threads that looks good enough to eat@Valiofthedolls the Sebastian Bach pic in gold pants 🫶
(With abject and sincere apologies for objectifying you in this impertinent manner, Sebastian)
and 
ing. Chapeau!
Point of order, m'lud - if the egg/cheese/milk is added at *end* in the Crabby Nora, the egg is NOT going to cook and you risk food poisoning. Just saying!Thank you for posting this, dear heart - apart from the funny side of things (the ninnies are the best), the main take from the experiments is that it has confirmed what we already knew. Her recipes are crap, and she's certainly no help to those she's been made the public face of. I hope she won't be that for much longer, the lying, grifting charlatan. I also hope with all my heart that things improve for you very soon.
@PermanentEyeroll
Hot nicoise & Crabby Nora
[/QUOTE]
If you are in the UK all hens are inoculated against salmonella which was the major cause of food poisoning from eggs in the UK. They should be safe to eat, although if I was pregnant or immune compromised I would only eat well cooked eggs
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