It’s a basic Shakshuka and she hasn’t really messed with it and could have stolen the recipe from anywhere, to be fair it’s a difficult thing to duck up but she might have been tempted to hoopify it so you were lucky in that respect.I said I would make Shakshuka. It was actually nice. I must have struck lucky (goes out to do lottery numbers now).
Costs - I had everything else already
Tinned tomatoes - 29p
Pepper - 48p
Spinach - 90p
Starting off with picture one, this is salt, tinned tomatoes, I wanted to add spinach for the greens to have a chance of it being edible.
There was no recommendations on washing spinach before using but as I don't want to DIE, I washed and patted dry and tore up into bits.
The yellow pepper I deseeded and diced roughly. The red onion was from a prepack red sliced onion as i have difficulties chopping onions and the mini packs from Tesco have just the right amount for me at one time.
I used 3 eggs for this experiment.
The little shot glasses in front are a pinch of salt, tablespoon of oil, pinch of paprika and 2 tablespoons of cumin.
I started off with a cold pan as per Jack and added the onion, pepper, oil, cumin and salt. I admit I didn't add the black pepper as i absolutely hate it and I figured that it may not impact the overall recipes.
This mixture sat in a very dry looking pan for what felt like ages (but was about 10 minutes) on a medium heat. 3/6 on my hob dial. I tossed it around in the pan a bit but it was still a very dry mix.
Added the tinned tomatoes and chopped spinach, I put the lid over the pan for 10 minutes with tossing it around at 5 minutes intervals.
Turned the heat up to high, 6/6 on the dial and added the splash of water as per recipe, I used 1/3 of the tomato tin. I added the lid back on.
After about 10 minutes, I made the wells in the frying pan and added the eggs, one at a time and put the lid over the pan for 2 minutes again on job dial 6 and then turned down to job dial 3 for the next 10 minutes and checking it around at 5 minutes intervals. I used Alexa to set 5 minute timers.
I made 2 slices of toast and decided to scoop out onto a plate and garnished with a sprinkle of paprika. It was actually more solid that I was expecting.
Next is on the plate, over 2 slices of toast. It was actually plentiful. Dinner plate is 27cm for context. As that was the first serving and was actually very edible, slightly saltier than I would like but actually edible so was surprised.
This is the second portion in the pan and then the second portion on the plate over another two slices of toast so actually there is enough for two people in this recipe.
Texture was solid enough and the taste was actually quite good. I ate it over 2 portions in the same sitting
Overall its a 4, inhale greedily.
Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley
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It’s a basic Shakshuka and she hasn’t really messed with it and could have stolen the recipe from anywhere, to be fair it’s a difficult thing to duck up but she might have been tempted to hoopify it so you were lucky in that respect.
Does anyone remember when Jack made that ramen bowl with an obviously raw egg in it and claimed the broth was gonna cook it? Ah good times.
I've been Ron Swanson giggling all evening.
Pants tent!
I've been Ron Swanson giggling all evening.
Pants tent!
It’s like the shittest episode of strictly ever.I would've knocked a point off for having to read the phrase "the promise of soft sloppy gorgeousness" but fair play, well slopped!
That's the only 4 and the highest score so far
Quoting myself like a silly old ninny. But I am FORENSIC and wouldn't want to be thought of as a LIAR. Here is the labelling on a tin of Morrisons Savers tinned potatoes.She'll get someone killed or injured with that hot nicoise recipe. I'm surprised it passed editing (I'm not really). Unless tinned potato labelling has changed it has always stated DO NOT FRY them. Now, I do because I'm a grown up and I quite like them fried for breakfast. But you need to dry them REALLY WELL. Not just drain them. They can occasionally explode due to the internal water content. So best diced and dried thoroughly.
Attachments
Careful. You might manifest Leotard Jack
Here goes!
I chose the RED MUSHROOM CURRY from Jack’s website, as I thought it sounded relatively inoffensive. As it turns out, I was wrong.
I decided to half everything to make 1-2 servings (instead of 2-4). Here’s the link:
https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2018/02/13/red-mushroom-curry-40p-vg-v-df-gf/?amp=1
Ingredients:
She calls this a “hot spicy little number”, but it only has 1/8 tsp chilli flakes for 1-2 people. This is barely visible to the naked eye. FFS. Has she no taste buds?
Cost:
I had everything in already apart from the mushrooms, which cost 60p.
Making the “curry paste” in the blender:
Why is there passata in this? A teeny tiny amount, but still. Red curry paste gets its colour from dried and fresh red chillies, there’s no tomato. (There’s also things like lemongrass, galangal, fish sauce etc. none of which is here.) But passata is red, I suppose, so there is that. But what do I know, Jack is the self-proclaimed food expert.
Anyway, the “paste” is not a paste - slurry is more like it. It is pinkish and tastes overwhelmingly of raw onion. Really unpleasant.
Cooking the “curry”:
The instructions said wash the mushrooms, which I did. Then halved (although Jack’s photo shows them whole), and into the cold pan with a “dash” of oil and some salt until “gently browned”.
I then added the “paste” and simmered for 20 mins, as per instructions.
And here’s the finished product.
Nutrition (for the whole 1-2 person serving):
Calories: 250 (181 from the coconut milk)
Carbs: 16g
Saturated fat: 16g (that’s pretty high for a tiny meal)
Protein: 5g (very low)
That is quite bad enough as a single portion, but if you split it between 2 people, that’s 125 cals each FFS. I’m actually furious that she is passing this off as a meal.
Verdict:
A red curry that’s neither red nor a curry. The dominant taste is raw onion (due to the main ingredient in the “paste” being blended raw onion, I guess), with an unpleasant muddy back note. There is no heat in this at all, and it looks like slurry. Nutritionally, it barely qualifies as a side dish.
Taste: 1/5
Visual appeal: 1/5
Nutrition: 0/5
I chose the RED MUSHROOM CURRY from Jack’s website, as I thought it sounded relatively inoffensive. As it turns out, I was wrong.
I decided to half everything to make 1-2 servings (instead of 2-4). Here’s the link:
https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2018/02/13/red-mushroom-curry-40p-vg-v-df-gf/?amp=1
Ingredients:
She calls this a “hot spicy little number”, but it only has 1/8 tsp chilli flakes for 1-2 people. This is barely visible to the naked eye. FFS. Has she no taste buds?
Cost:
I had everything in already apart from the mushrooms, which cost 60p.
Making the “curry paste” in the blender:
Why is there passata in this? A teeny tiny amount, but still. Red curry paste gets its colour from dried and fresh red chillies, there’s no tomato. (There’s also things like lemongrass, galangal, fish sauce etc. none of which is here.) But passata is red, I suppose, so there is that. But what do I know, Jack is the self-proclaimed food expert.
Anyway, the “paste” is not a paste - slurry is more like it. It is pinkish and tastes overwhelmingly of raw onion. Really unpleasant.
Cooking the “curry”:
The instructions said wash the mushrooms, which I did. Then halved (although Jack’s photo shows them whole), and into the cold pan with a “dash” of oil and some salt until “gently browned”.
I then added the “paste” and simmered for 20 mins, as per instructions.
And here’s the finished product.
Nutrition (for the whole 1-2 person serving):
Calories: 250 (181 from the coconut milk)
Carbs: 16g
Saturated fat: 16g (that’s pretty high for a tiny meal)
Protein: 5g (very low)
That is quite bad enough as a single portion, but if you split it between 2 people, that’s 125 cals each FFS. I’m actually furious that she is passing this off as a meal.
Verdict:
A red curry that’s neither red nor a curry. The dominant taste is raw onion (due to the main ingredient in the “paste” being blended raw onion, I guess), with an unpleasant muddy back note. There is no heat in this at all, and it looks like slurry. Nutritionally, it barely qualifies as a side dish.
Taste: 1/5
Visual appeal: 1/5
Nutrition: 0/5
As I'm a glutton for punishment and obviously quite mad, I may attempt another Slopalong - I quite fancy the 'mince and onion with notions' (from Tin Can't Cook). How wrong could it go?
I'm housesitting for a friend while they gallivant glamorously around this weekend (absolutely not saying any more due to genuine 🔺️) - I'm sure they won't mind Jack's recipes honking up the place
, though there will probably be fewer accompanying pictures as identifying details of friend are pretty much all over the place (they almost certainly don't read here but someone who knows of them may well do due to 'reasons'🔺️). Plus there'll almost certainly be some red wine knocking about and there's all the fast food chains within walking distance if it all goes tits up.
I'm housesitting for a friend while they gallivant glamorously around this weekend (absolutely not saying any more due to genuine 🔺️) - I'm sure they won't mind Jack's recipes honking up the place
, though there will probably be fewer accompanying pictures as identifying details of friend are pretty much all over the place (they almost certainly don't read here but someone who knows of them may well do due to 'reasons'🔺️). Plus there'll almost certainly be some red wine knocking about and there's all the fast food chains within walking distance if it all goes tits up.
Last edited:
@Tabitha D Excellent investigative work. Silly me for expecting that "Red Mushroom Curry" would be, you know, red
Came here to post EXACTLY this - you would be better off making the cake with an egg and water, then eating it with the tin of custard!!!
Also, why doesn’t she ever suggest making cakes/steam puddings in the microwaveyyy - so light and take a minute or so to cook!!
I am getting increasingly more angry at how tit her recipes are - I will re-post my efforts at making a pasta recipe I did of hers a while back where the portions were so minuscule it was ridiculous - I can’t remember what it was called it was that memorable so will need to search back through my posts.
I am also getting more than a bit emosh at all the slopalong ninnies who are donating to their local foodbanks - sterling work frauen and herren - she is such a FUCKN fraud!!!!
Anyways I will be attempting my effort at upside down fish pie after I have yomped to Asda tomorrow with my backpack.
Love to you all xxx
That's astonishing. Does she think that frying and blending are essentially the same process? It would explain her horse spunk white sauce, too.Here goes!
I chose the RED MUSHROOM CURRY from Jack’s website, as I thought it sounded relatively inoffensive. As it turns out, I was wrong.
I decided to half everything to make 1-2 servings (instead of 2-4). Here’s the link:
https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2018/02/13/red-mushroom-curry-40p-vg-v-df-gf/?amp=1
Ingredients:
She calls this a “hot spicy little number”, but it only has 1/8 tsp chilli flakes for 1-2 people. This is barely visible to the naked eye. FFS. Has she no taste buds?
View attachment 1712213
Cost:
I had everything in already apart from the mushrooms, which cost 60p.
Making the “curry paste” in the blender:
Why is there passata in this? A teeny tiny amount, but still. Red curry paste gets its colour from dried and fresh red chillies, there’s no tomato. (There’s also things like lemongrass, galangal, fish sauce etc. none of which is here.) But passata is red, I suppose, so there is that. But what do I know, Jack is the self-proclaimed food expert.
Anyway, the “paste” is not a paste - slurry is more like it. It is pinkish and tastes overwhelmingly of raw onion. Really unpleasant.
View attachment 1712218
Cooking the “curry”:
The instructions said wash the mushrooms, which I did. Then halved (although Jack’s photo shows them whole), and into the cold pan with a “dash” of oil and some salt until “gently browned”.
I then added the “paste” and simmered for 20 mins, as per instructions.
View attachment 1712231
And here’s the finished product.
View attachment 1712239
Nutrition (for the whole 1-2 person serving):
Calories: 250 (181 from the coconut milk)
Carbs: 16g
Saturated fat: 16g (that’s pretty high for a tiny meal)
Protein: 5g (very low)
That is quite bad enough as a single portion, but if you split it between 2 people, that’s 125 cals each FFS. I’m actually furious that she is passing this off as a meal.
Verdict:
A red curry that’s neither red nor a curry. The dominant taste is raw onion (due to the main ingredient in the “paste” being blended raw onion, I guess), with an unpleasant muddy back note. There is no heat in this at all, and it looks like slurry. Nutritionally, it barely qualifies as a side dish.
Taste: 1/5
Visual appeal: 1/5
Nutrition: 0/5
TBH I didn’t expect the Slopolong results to be quite as bad as they are. Naively I thought there must be *some* recipes that work. It’s actually pretty depressing. How on earth has she been getting away with this?
Thinking back to Jack’s posts about her new book, it is fairly obvious that she never tested the recipes. Remember all those scrappy bits of paper? The endless drafts with methods or ingredients missing? The constant missed deadlines? She was pushing it to the wire right to the end - there is no way she allowed time for testing.
That mushroom thing I cooked earlier is going straight in the bin. It feels like my breath is going to smell of raw onion for weeks. I wonder how many people waste food cooking her recipes, and then think it must be their fault and not Jack’s?
How can she treat her readers with such contempt? Especially those on limited means who cannot afford to waste food, and have been duped into believing Jack is some kind of budget food genius. And how can her publisher allow it?
Thinking back to Jack’s posts about her new book, it is fairly obvious that she never tested the recipes. Remember all those scrappy bits of paper? The endless drafts with methods or ingredients missing? The constant missed deadlines? She was pushing it to the wire right to the end - there is no way she allowed time for testing.
That mushroom thing I cooked earlier is going straight in the bin. It feels like my breath is going to smell of raw onion for weeks. I wonder how many people waste food cooking her recipes, and then think it must be their fault and not Jack’s?
How can she treat her readers with such contempt? Especially those on limited means who cannot afford to waste food, and have been duped into believing Jack is some kind of budget food genius. And how can her publisher allow it?
Is your friend Matt Hancock dear heart?As I'm a glutton for punishment and obviously quite mad, I may attempt another Slopalong - I quite fancy the 'mince and onion with notions' (from Tin Can't Cook). How wrong could it go?
I'm housesitting for a friend while they gallivant glamorously around this weekend (absolutely not saying any more due to genuine 🔺️) - I'm sure they won't mind Jack's recipes honking up the place
"See you on the other side" - a bit optimistic. Unless you mean heaven (or Hell, as that's where most of us are probably heading after this thread).Two-ingredient Cake: today’s the day!
This will be tough, my darlings, but so am I
I unscrewed my lightbulb for maximum authenticity when I took the photo of the recipe. Hope y’all appreciate my FORENSIC attention to detail here.
See you on the other side! TOOT TOOT
"He's also a fellow rule-bending maverick"... Oh duck OFF JACK you cringelord
[/QUOTE]
I could honestly imagine her taking credit for all these donations because, without her slop, they wouldn't have happened
Honestly just the thought of blended raw onion being the base of a sauce makes me want to vom.Here goes!
I chose the RED MUSHROOM CURRY from Jack’s website, as I thought it sounded relatively inoffensive. As it turns out, I was wrong.
I decided to half everything to make 1-2 servings (instead of 2-4). Here’s the link:
https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2018/02/13/red-mushroom-curry-40p-vg-v-df-gf/?amp=1
Ingredients:
She calls this a “hot spicy little number”, but it only has 1/8 tsp chilli flakes for 1-2 people. This is barely visible to the naked eye. FFS. Has she no taste buds?
View attachment 1712213
Cost:
I had everything in already apart from the mushrooms, which cost 60p.
Making the “curry paste” in the blender:
Why is there passata in this? A teeny tiny amount, but still. Red curry paste gets its colour from dried and fresh red chillies, there’s no tomato. (There’s also things like lemongrass, galangal, fish sauce etc. none of which is here.) But passata is red, I suppose, so there is that. But what do I know, Jack is the self-proclaimed food expert.
Anyway, the “paste” is not a paste - slurry is more like it. It is pinkish and tastes overwhelmingly of raw onion. Really unpleasant.
View attachment 1712218
Cooking the “curry”:
The instructions said wash the mushrooms, which I did. Then halved (although Jack’s photo shows them whole), and into the cold pan with a “dash” of oil and some salt until “gently browned”.
I then added the “paste” and simmered for 20 mins, as per instructions.
View attachment 1712231
And here’s the finished product.
View attachment 1712239
Nutrition (for the whole 1-2 person serving):
Calories: 250 (181 from the coconut milk)
Carbs: 16g
Saturated fat: 16g (that’s pretty high for a tiny meal)
Protein: 5g (very low)
That is quite bad enough as a single portion, but if you split it between 2 people, that’s 125 cals each FFS. I’m actually furious that she is passing this off as a meal.
Verdict:
A red curry that’s neither red nor a curry. The dominant taste is raw onion (due to the main ingredient in the “paste” being blended raw onion, I guess), with an unpleasant muddy back note. There is no heat in this at all, and it looks like slurry. Nutritionally, it barely qualifies as a side dish.
Taste: 1/5
Visual appeal: 1/5
Nutrition: 0/5
I think this and the veg peeling loaf thing are ‘winning’ the slopalong so far. A dubious accolade, for sure.
I was actually eyeing up Fingers Kerridge's Shakshuka just yesterday (not a euphemism).
Has more ingredients than Jack's and I think the feta cheese would really set the dish off.
SHAKSHUKA BREAKFAST EGGS RECIPE - TOM KERRIDGE
Shakshuka breakfast eggs - Moroccan-style, poached in a spiced tomato sauce, cooled by the deliciously salty feta crumbled on top.
tomkerridge.com
It’s as good as “make a well - a sort of hole”
"This cake is heavy and dense by nature, so it needs some time to rest". Interesting that most of the cakes made so far in the slopalong turn out heavy and dense no matter what they were supposed to be like. And most of them are now "resting" in the bin. Consider yourself WARNED @Potatoes O’HoulihanTwo-ingredient Cake: today’s the day!
This will be tough, my darlings, but so am I
I unscrewed my lightbulb for maximum authenticity when I took the photo of the recipe. Hope y’all appreciate my FORENSIC attention to detail here.
See you on the other side! TOOT TOOT
If you've mentioned the word 'slurry' twice in your description of some food you have just cooked it probably didn't go well.... that looks properly rank @Tabitha D (obviously through no fault of yours) - sending a box of wrigley's to you ASAP dear heart x
Her agent right now: "Jack's tireless activism on behalf of the poors has inspired many to support their local food banks in whatever way they can"I could honestly imagine her taking credit for all these donations because, without her slop, they wouldn't have happened
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