Jack using cake mix as an ingredient always reminds me of Greg Davis sketch about pie not being an ingredient.
I love that this actually lists 4 ingredients. Even the name is wrong!Two-ingredient Cake: today’s the day!
This will be tough, my darlings, but so am I
I unscrewed my lightbulb for maximum authenticity when I took the photo of the recipe. Hope y’all appreciate my FORENSIC attention to detail here.
See you on the other side! TOOT TOOT
View attachment 1710910View attachment 1710911
Look on the bright side dearheart. Come the Apocalypse and we are eating soylent green you will know what to expect .Good morning fraus
Pickin' Balls
The name Pickin' Balls fascinated and disgusted me in equal parts. Why would someone name a dish after men scratching their genitalia? The recipe was also unlike anything I had ever read; the thoughts of grating spam haunting me as I carted the can up and down the country. Having dumped my bags contents on my bed Saturday night the can was one of the last things I saw, and what I woke up to the next morning. I decided to eat the frog.View attachment 1710850
The tin of spam was 300g instead of 340g but I took that as a blessing.
It was impossible to find tinned chicken in white sauce in Ireland so I settled for tinned chicken curry from M&S. Initially I was concerned the curry might affect the balls taste, but dear reader, I shouldn't have worried.
I didn't want to buy a slice pan for 2 slices of bread that were considered optional, so I decided I'd grate some of my bread roll (for lunch) if it was needed.
The tin of pineapples was double the size so I weighed out the equivalent of a 200g tin.
She didn't mention what vinegar to use so I just used malt.
I also used some flour for dusting which I had completely forgotten about until I stuck them in the oven and had to take them back out to dustSpam: €2.49
Chicken: €4.40 but this is something you can get for cheaper in the UK
Pineapple: €1.09 - used slightly less than half of the tin so 50c
Tomatoes: €1.39 for 4 tins so 35c
The rest was in my cupboard so FREE (I think it would be about an extra €5)
TOTAL SPENT: €8.33
FOR RECIPE: €7.74
They took 30 minutes in the oven at 160°, and 20 minutes on the hob.View attachment 1710827
I scooped out the bits of chicken from the curry and removed the spam. I heated up the curry separately and it was decent, might be a good one for posh store cupboards.
View attachment 1710828
Rinsed the chicken
View attachment 1710890
Grated the spam. I cannot express how much psychic damage I took from this. The texture was disgusting. I chopped up the bits that I couldn't grate.
View attachment 1710891
Chopped up the rinsed chicken
View attachment 1710892
Combined in a bowl - it looks like fancy cat food. Added a pinch of 5 spice and salt which was essentially nothing? I didn't add the breadcrumbs as it stuck together quite well, and left it in the fridge while I made the sauce.
View attachment 1710893
I pretended I didn't have a blender to save on washing up. She doesn't say to cut up the pineapple but I did so I wouldn't have two pineapple eyes staring back at me.
View attachment 1710894
Brought to the boil and left it simmering.
View attachment 1710835
Took out the meat mix and made little balls. Dusted in a little flour but left some of them plain to compare.
View attachment 1710836
Half way through cooking. While turning them they all stuck to the pan and fell apart
View attachment 1710846
Done.The balls by themselves were indescribable, and I mean that in the most neutral way possible. There was no taste other than "unspecified meat". They didn't have enough flavour to be defined by "bad" or "good"; it was the liminal space of food. It's what I imagine sci-fi nutrient blocks would taste like. The pinch of 5 spice did not give it "some life" as she claimed.
Texture was not great, the grated spam was weird. Maybe if I had added breadcrumbs they would have stuck together better.
The sauce was... ok? I wouldn't make it again but it definitely wasn't terrible and blended up with more spice it would be fine.
I was not a greedy goblin and did not inhale the lot but I did eat more than I thought I would, about 1/3 of the balls with sauce. I have no idea how much would be a serving as I can't imagine having to eat this as a meal.This recipe surprised me, in that it didn't taste disgusting after such a horrific method. I'm going to give her some credit here as, unlike other recipes where the ingredients are better suited elsewhere, I'm not sure what I would do with these specific tins had I been given them from a foodbank (except for having the curry separately, obviously). There has to be something better than grating spam though.
RATING
2.5: Indescribable.
And cakes generally have some butter in don’t they? Which seems to be missing from her custard and cake mix monstrosity.Yeah and to replace the eggs, milk and sugar in a cake, that should mean you are just mixing the custard with flour and baking powder, right? Not cake mix
When I read that recipe in the kindle copy of Tin Can Cook that I regretfully bought. I could help but think that when SB asked for sweet and sour chicken balls her mind went to grating and rinsing tinned meat rather that popping to her very local Tesco Metro for theseGood morning fraus
Pickin' Balls
The name Pickin' Balls fascinated and disgusted me in equal parts. Why would someone name a dish after men scratching their genitalia? The recipe was also unlike anything I had ever read; the thoughts of grating spam haunting me as I carted the can up and down the country. Having dumped my bags contents on my bed Saturday night the can was one of the last things I saw, and what I woke up to the next morning. I decided to eat the frog.View attachment 1710850
The tin of spam was 300g instead of 340g but I took that as a blessing.
It was impossible to find tinned chicken in white sauce in Ireland so I settled for tinned chicken curry from M&S. Initially I was concerned the curry might affect the balls taste, but dear reader, I shouldn't have worried.
I didn't want to buy a slice pan for 2 slices of bread that were considered optional, so I decided I'd grate some of my bread roll (for lunch) if it was needed.
The tin of pineapples was double the size so I weighed out the equivalent of a 200g tin.
She didn't mention what vinegar to use so I just used malt.
I also used some flour for dusting which I had completely forgotten about until I stuck them in the oven and had to take them back out to dustSpam: €2.49
Chicken: €4.40 but this is something you can get for cheaper in the UK
Pineapple: €1.09 - used slightly less than half of the tin so 50c
Tomatoes: €1.39 for 4 tins so 35c
The rest was in my cupboard so FREE (I think it would be about an extra €5)
TOTAL SPENT: €8.33
FOR RECIPE: €7.74
They took 30 minutes in the oven at 160°, and 20 minutes on the hob.View attachment 1710827
I scooped out the bits of chicken from the curry and removed the spam. I heated up the curry separately and it was decent, might be a good one for posh store cupboards.
View attachment 1710828
Rinsed the chicken
View attachment 1710890
Grated the spam. I cannot express how much psychic damage I took from this. The texture was disgusting. I chopped up the bits that I couldn't grate.
View attachment 1710891
Chopped up the rinsed chicken
View attachment 1710892
Combined in a bowl - it looks like fancy cat food. Added a pinch of 5 spice and salt which was essentially nothing? I didn't add the breadcrumbs as it stuck together quite well, and left it in the fridge while I made the sauce.
View attachment 1710893
I pretended I didn't have a blender to save on washing up. She doesn't say to cut up the pineapple but I did so I wouldn't have two pineapple eyes staring back at me.
View attachment 1710894
Brought to the boil and left it simmering.
View attachment 1710835
Took out the meat mix and made little balls. Dusted in a little flour but left some of them plain to compare.
View attachment 1710836
Half way through cooking. While turning them they all stuck to the pan and fell apart
View attachment 1710846
Done.The balls by themselves were indescribable, and I mean that in the most neutral way possible. There was no taste other than "unspecified meat". They didn't have enough flavour to be defined by "bad" or "good"; it was the liminal space of food. It's what I imagine sci-fi nutrient blocks would taste like. The pinch of 5 spice did not give it "some life" as she claimed.
Texture was not great, the grated spam was weird. Maybe if I had added breadcrumbs they would have stuck together better.
The sauce was... ok? I wouldn't make it again but it definitely wasn't terrible and blended up with more spice it would be fine.
I was not a greedy goblin and did not inhale the lot but I did eat more than I thought I would, about 1/3 of the balls with sauce. I have no idea how much would be a serving as I can't imagine having to eat this as a meal.This recipe surprised me, in that it didn't taste disgusting after such a horrific method. I'm going to give her some credit here as, unlike other recipes where the ingredients are better suited elsewhere, I'm not sure what I would do with these specific tins had I been given them from a foodbank (except for having the curry separately, obviously). There has to be something better than grating spam though.
RATING
2.5: Indescribable.
Because she's a muppet.I love that this actually lists 4 ingredients. Even the name is wrong!
Also, she doesn't specify what sort of custard to use. She talks about 'instant custard' in the method - which, to me, means Birds' Instant Custard powder, but then mentions an "ambrosial delight" which implies that she's actually referring to Ambrosia ready-made custard. Why does she conflate the two?
A fellow three tin tender victim!I have to admit, I once made the 3 tin tenders with rolla-cola as it was bad times financially and wanted to make something a little fancier to make me feel less tit... I had high hopes. I'm a bleeping eejit.
After rinsing, obv, the gravy away, I was left with a couple of spoons of meat and the amount of coke and toms used meant that it was drowning in the liquid. The electricity used to reduce the liquid could've bought a couple of minute steaks, but none the less, I cooked on.
I should've stopped. It was akin to eating a caramelised steak bake, if Greggs had a shop in Lilliput. There was only enough for half an actual portion and I was trying to feed 3 kids. At the time I figured I'd bought a copy that was an early run misprint. The picture in the book obviously showed quadruple the portion.
I now know better and do better. Jack does not.
She’d have been better off suggesting packet cake mix and a can of Coke/Sprite/Fanta etc. I‘ve used that method to make vegan cakes and it works fairly well.Packet cake mix and tin of custard? Interesting combination... However, what do I know - obviously the povs don't know how to use a box of cake mix.
You know, I so want to try that.She’d have been better off suggesting packet cake mix and a can of Coke/Sprite/Fanta etc. I‘ve used that method to make vegan cakes and it works fairly well.