Single by Choice

[Nurseali]

When my friend left a controlling and violent partner after many years, she confessed to me (much later) that when she first got her own place she literally had to think hard about what to put on TV, what to cook for tea, what clothes to wear as he chose EVERYTHING for her when they were together. I am so, so happy for you and how you must be feeling at the freedom that you are so entitled to

Completely relate. I had forgotten what I liked and not what I was allowed to like. Even tv shows could cause silent treatments.

I felt guilty going out with friends at first and still stuck to the curfew at first , then I went the other way for a bit strolling home at 4am
Now I feel I have hit my happy.

 

[Zulkraa]

I imagine a lot of people of this thread are like this I wonder sometimes if it’s listening to my friends that reassures me of my single status

 

[shadowcat5]

People at work sometimes ask me how it is living alone and do sometimes feel jealous. I eat what I want, sleep when I want, I don’t have to ask anyone what they want to watch on tv, I can play video games as much as I like. If my younger self could see me now I think they’d be shocked to see how happy you can be with only yourself to really answer to.

Agreed. I grew up in family where the women need men to be happy. I always thought I'd go down that route but just never did? Now, you'd have to be a real special person to interrupt and make me want to give up my freedom. It's funny because my mum and I had a debate a few months ago about this because my younger cousin is going down the same route as the rest of my family, jumping from 1 relationship to the next. I mentioned to her that my cousin could benefit from being on her own (she's 19) and just enjoying herself with her friends and my mum was honestly baffled by the suggestion.

 

[shadowcat5]

I like not having a row about what to watch. Whenever I go home to see my family we spend an hour rowing about what we’re going to watch cause someone has already seen it, someone doesn’t like that actor blah blah blah.
I am grateful to be home with full control of the remote

 

[kendallroysdownfall]

It is utterly fantastic being single 95% of the time. Those are odds I'm happy to live with. Now try adding a partner in. How are the odds looking now?

I couldn't tell you because it's utterly fantastic being single 100% of the time!

 

[Gomi goner]

They have this in South Korea -- single women communities. Financially secure mostly young women, but all ages welcome. It sounds perfect.

*googles- flights to South Korea*

 

[Sideboard Bob]

based on this, apparently i am

She explained to The Guardian: 'It sounds awful and makes me sound a bit cold but if I don’t have somebody at home, I don’t have to consider them.

It’s a great interview. She done well not telling the interviewer to f- off when they asked if she’s lonely. She’s busy, successful and thriving.

 

[unidentified]

I’m a miserable fecker because it isn’t for me. Hate it all and not because I’m single.

 

[margaretta]

And then to make it worst, places are now offering Galentine events for single women and their friends.

 

[Meringue22]

Not friends, but my siblings are like that : they always overlap their relationships, I've never known them single (they are 10-15 years older than me), for them being alone would be impossible. Their entire personality and life become their SO. I'm thankful to not have inherited that trait

Off topic but I want to do a solo trip soon-ish : if anyone here has tips/advices for a newbie, please share

There is a thread for solo travelling that you may find useful

Solo travel advice & recommendations

Hoping someone on here is / has been brave enough to go on holiday alone and can give me some tips! I haven't been on holiday at all for about 5 years for various reasons plus of course the pandemic. My husband doesn't like going abroad (won't fly, everything else is too much hassle for him &...

tattle.life

 

[Nurseali]

Their comment clearly says they cannot drive due to a medical issue. I personally don’t believe that everything is black and white eg “if you’re not happy then leave” when there are the logistics of life to contend with. In an ideal world just leaving / moving on would be perfect, but in reality it’s not always practical.

AHH my bad I did miss that part.

I certainly cannot judge anyone. I stayed for years in a marriage that was controlling and miserable. You have to be totally in the right place to make the leap.
It's strange how when you do you can't figure out why you didn't do it sooner .

 

[Tangent Tiger]

I'm in the same boat, I started talking to someone last weekend on a friendship basis, local group.

I was alarmed that he thought it was something more and moved so quick. I thought bloody hell slow down!!

 

[Gym&Tonic]

i am intrigued as to how he took this photo?!! or if he got one of his friends to take it

like you say, how are you meant to react to that? it would be all i could see whenever i looked at him!

It was actually the reflection in a mirror. He’d taken it as a selfie. Phone in one hand, cheeks spread with with the other

 

[LaBlonde]

My sibling recently got engaged but now I’m being bombarded with the ‘you’ll be next!’ ‘Will you be getting married?’ and ‘you’ll find someone’ whenever I respond with No. This is all despite knowing I’ve never had or want a long-term relationship, also, why are they making this about me and my future?!

the wedding is going to be hell

sending you - it’s SO tough. i was at a family party over the weekend and my aunt was talking about my cousin (25) and how she’s been in a relationship since she was 13 and i could feel everyone looking at me. i don’t know why people insist on (a) being awkward and (b) asking such invasive questions.

i did see this on insta this morning though which seems to speak to both of us x (and probably other people here too!)

 

[LaBlonde]

Funny you say that because I have dreams (nightmares really!) where I'm in a relationship with an unknown man and I feel DESPERATE to get out of it and can never work out why I would choose to not be single

same!!! i literally have a recurring dream where i am getting married (to an unknown man, he never appears) and i keep trying to tell people that i don’t want it to happen but the plans keep going on regardless around me and i get more and more stressed. my/our subconscious is obviously trying to tell me something

 

[al255]

I’m single by choice because I just enjoy being by myself (and my daughter) I love my own space, I have had a good few serious relationships since I was 16 and I’m at the point where I just can’t be bothered to date. I’ve got the apps installed but I can’t really be assed to scroll through the same people over and over again, to have boring conversation. Im SO OVER IT!!! I’m nearly 30 and I’m happy being single.

I do what I want, when I want, I don’t have to run anything by anybody. I don’t have to hide my purchases.. not to mention that I’m happier on my own

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@Thatswhattatsaid He sounds like a complete plank. Also if he was into you, going on about other women is so immature and attention seeking. I know someone married to a man like this and it ruined her trust in him. She never left but they live in an emotional war zone. So glad he showed himself before you wasted any precious time.

 

[Zenchick101]

Happily happily single for 6 years. Don’t want to be in a relationship. Bisexual but only had 2 relationships in my life and both with men with one resulting in my son. Anyway, little old Ms Eyes over ere is having a fwb situation with a woman I met through work and I heckin love it. Not told anyone but felt like I could be honest with you lot. She’s in her mid 20s and doing a PhD so busy busy busy but we get together every week and snog like 16 year olds

Ah a woman after my own heart. It's the perfect arrangement isn't it, company and affection regularly, but if you can mentally shut off your mind afterwards, none of the stress of a relationship. Plus you get to keep the freedom of being single.

I was facetiming a friend the other day who's still pining for an ex she was with for 6 months last year.. looking into every social media detail trying to figure out if it means anything.. meanwhile she's spending all this energy on nonsense instead of living her life to the fullest.

 

[AshMay]

same on all counts. my male centred friend is so lax with her safety too: she gave one man her address so he could send her roses before even having met him and posted on instagram like #luckygirl while i was like girl he could rob you or worse now. she treats the apps like a part time job, literally dedicating an hour a night after work to swiping and messaging, and i just don’t understand it. after work time is MY time!

i am, i admit, on and off the apps myself because i’m chasing some kind of companionship that is borderline fictional at this point (i blame heated rivalry ) and men are just so tedious. the whole thing is so tedious. there is always always something else i would rather be doing.

Oh god nooo the safety aspect is so scary! As time goes on I'm more weird about people knowing where I live and having them in my space

Good luck on the apps my queen 🫡 I totally feel you with the ✨️yearning✨️ setting in sometimes!!

 

[newtoyou]

It was actually the reflection in a mirror. He’d taken it as a selfie. Phone in one hand, cheeks spread with with the other

So he was using one hand to spread both cheeks? Or just one cheek? Why am I asking this? 🥲