Single by Choice

[Fledgling Psycho]

Hah! @Lalla mentioning useful presents. I like them too. Years ago, was seeing a guy. He was a lot older than me. He asked what I'd like for Christmas? I said I'd love a new iron (I was on benefits at the time and buying one was a luxury for me). Anyways he did the predictable "I'm not getting you an iron for Christmas!" So what did I end up with? The most hideous shocking pink satin pyjamas which I took to the charity shop. I was gutted.

 

[Nurseali]

Would anybody consider this a red flag a guy constantly texting asking to meet up every single day when u have already explained the situation u have kids and can only arrange to meet when u are child free then they reply back what u doing now would love to meet u Even for a minute after u explained the situation

Yes. He already isn't respecting boundaries you have clearly set out.
Eurgh

 

[Lola Ruby]

Recent posts are reminding me of the brilliant "You should’ve asked" comic post by French artist, Emma: https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

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Another brilliant post by her is "Where does it go?" (about chores 'magically' disappearing if they're put off for long enough) https://english.emmaclit.com/2022/09/01/where-does-it-go/

This is amazing and I can relate to pretty much everything - it puts into words what I never could. It's honestly pathetic how incompetent so many men are and have been raised to be.

 

[Wolfshead]

This is amazing and I can relate to pretty much everything - it puts into words what I never could. It's honestly pathetic how incompetent so many men are and have been raised to be.

Yes, and they will continue to be so as long as women (their mothers) keep running around doing everything for them.

 

[Remotecontrol]

I shudder to think what it must be like attempting to connect to someone day in and out who you no longer want to be with but the alternative fills you with fear.

Yup so many people just stick together because it’s too much hassle/scary to separate.
a lot think they can’t be alone but they’d be fine.

 

[newtoyou]

Please tell me it wasn’t the counsellor that said it

It was! To be fair it’s not a site of trained councillors. They’re called “listeners” and anyone can do it but you are not supposed to give advice, it’s just somewhere for people to speak about their worries to someone. I did give them a 1 star review though

 

[HeadlessPostman]

I’ve discovered a new joy, or I am officially getting old.

Gardening.

Who knew it could be so fun? Lately I seem to be thrilled at the idea of picking my plants for my hanging baskets. Hot pink petunias! And painting my terracotta pots for my rhododendrons. I am even considering getting a straw hat, because we are going all in with the “wild times” over here. Boring bastard. But seriously, the peace I have not dealing with men anymore, is unlike anything I could have predicted. It’s like my bandwidth has expanded, there are seemingly more hours in the day, and I’m much more creative.

It’s interesting, because I offered to cut the next door neighbours lawn last weekend, and while I was edging (not that kind) I could hear the two of em’ arguing. And all I could think was “that used to be me” sat inside in my pyjamas at midday, arguing with some twat who was committed to misunderstanding me. Felt weird to be on the other side, because Lord knows my old neighbours must have heard an f bomb or two. It was all such a waste of time. At one point, I heard her say “oh go on then. walk off like you usually do” And I thought to myself, “they just lose respect for you once you live with them.” It’s that complacency, and casual indifference about my feelings that I don’t want to experience ever again. Or explaining emotional intelligence to a grown adult. It sucked the life out of me. Will I be in a relationship again? Never say never. But the likelihood is that I won’t be. My standards are not of this world, and it’s ongoing, the peace I’m making with that.

Not boring at all ! Wish I could have friends like you where I live who are into gardening and other simple joys

 

[popb1tch]

this is true. i hate all the cost of living articles atm which completely ignore the existence of single person households.

frankly, i’ll pay double the price for a holiday if it means not having to deal with a man though

Well of course the other thing is that without a male companion you are considered fair game for harassment in most of the world…even here at home in the uk!

Don’t get me started….

 

[Chocolategoggler]

This is exactly me!

I think it may have been mentioned in the Childfree thread (perhaps even by yourself) but how do people find answering the question of “so have you found anyone?” Or “when is it going to be you?” at like weddings etc. What do you say that will stop asking forever lol

Throw it back on them with the open question "why does it effect you so much" so they can't say yes or no but have to explain. And keep going with the open questioning using what they say and they'll soon leave you alone....

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@peachesandcreamz
2019 for me too. I do completely get what you mean but it's the aftermath. If it was brilliant I would naturally feel a bond and want a repeat. If it was awful then you feel regret and there's that horrible
experience of seeing you've been blocked by a loser and user!

Liberation certainly didn't free us of some complex and painful emotions and experiences around sex. I know I'm talking more from a personal experience but I'm sure I'm not alone. Good luck

 

[FilthyGorgeous]

What about those joined at the hip couples who do everything together. There is a couple at my gym who attended all the classes together and you never see either of them there on there own. The classes are more aimed at women anyway and he stands out like a sore thumb doing Legs, Bums and Tums or Body Pump or whatever. They must be in their 40’, possibly older, so not in the young sickly love phase. I just find it so odd. My parents weren’t like that, never have been and they’ve been married over 40 years. I’d be so stifled by that. Like why can’t you do anything by yourself? Is it a control thing or maybe a codependency? What happens if something happens to one of them or they break up? My parents next door neighbours were like that and then the husband got cancer and died, the wife doesn’t know how to be without him. Fuck that for a game of cards!

I wonder which one cheated

 

[Tula]

I like the World Cup - and happy that I can dip in and out of it now as I choose, without my household having to revolve around the games and the dreaded mood changes and tension. I’ll never stop being grateful for my peace.

 

[ElChanguito]

A lot of women are threatened by the presence of a single woman- they think you’re going to try to ‘steal’ their fuckwad of a husband.

Yes, I have experienced a lot of this! Also when I meet men now they are quick to mention they are married. Like I’m gonna try it on with them or something As if I’d be interested in their dusty selves, please.

 

[mousey]

My sibling recently got engaged but now I’m being bombarded with the ‘you’ll be next!’ ‘Will you be getting married?’ and ‘you’ll find someone’ whenever I respond with No. This is all despite knowing I’ve never had or want a long-term relationship, also, why are they making this about me and my future?!

the wedding is going to be hell

 

[Olgivy]

Also, a question for all of you - how do you deal with being touch starved? All I want is to be held sometimes.

I don’t miss any touch at all. And I used to love affection, it’s like my mind just stopped desiring it. But, I have heard weighted blankets are helpful. Also self massage, from your toes to your neck, and put essential oils on. I feel absolutely sublime afterwards. I also do a full body moisturise daily after my shower or bath. And my dog jumps on me a lot, along with cuddling my daughter. But she is a teenager, she ain’t about cuddling mum often! And, I also use my “bullet” around ovulation time (if you know you know).

Final note on self massage: What you think and feel about yourself when you self massage, is key I believe. You aren’t just slapping some oil on yourself. I use those times as an opportunity to really connect and appreciate my body. I pour my own “life” into it. It’s about using the energy of my love for myself and adding it into the experience, not sure if that makes any sense?

You could go for an actual massage too.

I really like Neals Yard massage oil (Women’s Balance) and the corresponding essential oil.

 

[peachesandcreamz]

I don't want to settle for just anything to "fit in".
I've been told that men will look around for someone to marry when they see their friends settling down. It can feel to a woman like you're being interviewed for a job.
I was criticized for being too independent.Not being someone their mother would like. Not knowing my place.Nor talking about the right things. I could go on.

Hahaha I get told I am "intimidating" regularly, but I'm also super friendly, chatty etc.....so I think what they mean is "You come across far too independent and it scares me!"

 

[qqwertyy]

Yes I completely get this and feel exactly the same - it’s more about the intimacy and connection than the actual sex, I think. But like others have said I don’t want casual sex and that’s why, because it’s the closeness I want not the actual sex and that’s impossible from a ONS for me.

I reckon it’s so much easier for men in this regard as they don’t need that emotional side, it’s the physical aspect for them (again, generalising). There have been so many times I’ve cried or wanted a deep conversation after sex because of the hormones I guess and the guy just wants to roll over and go to sleep

 

[Zenchick101]

Right gang, going to be blunt so avert your gaze if you're easily offended - but I'm sorry to say I need a SHAG!!!

I know a lot of people can be happily single and still get laid, but it's been nearly 6 years now and I just cannot imagine being intimate with someone. I need to know and deeply trust a person before I could even entertain the idea so Tinder & co are out of the question. What's the answer!!!

Yours sincerely,
A should-be Love Honey shareholder xx

Friend that means you're going to have to actively start dating till you build that sort of relationship with someone. They're out there but rare and I personally don't feel like filtering through an endless amount of options to find one, hence highly picky usually.

 

[petitspois]

Would anybody consider this a red flag a guy constantly texting asking to meet up every single day when u have already explained the situation u have kids and can only arrange to meet when u are child free then they reply back what u doing now would love to meet u Even for a minute after u explained the situation

100%, he's after some sex. That's no shade on you, he sounds like a typical arsehole.

 

[Sprezza]

Yay I've found my people