Single by Choice

[Valentine1402]

A colleague told several of us last week how he was chastised by his wife (of less than 2 years) for 'emptying the dishwasher in the wrong way'. This is a man with a very high level job, is head of his own department and responsible for hundreds of staff. It baffles me why people would put up with this trivial shit and firmly reinforces my preference to be alone and live alone!

The idea of sharing my bed and home with another human is abhorrent! Yes, life would be easier financially (and practically, in sharing the load with jobs and things I cant/don't want to do such as decorating/fixing things in the house) but it's not for me.

 

[unidentified]

You know what, there is one thing I am slightly jealous of about the non-singles - splitting bills

I live alone and would absolutely NEVER have it any other way (except animals, I need at least 2 dogs!), and there is no price I could ever put on not having to share my space....but when I see someone else's half rent payments etc, damn lol!

Totally get this! My friend moans about having no money. Their joint income is more than double mine, have no mortgage and don’t ‘waste’ money but they have a lot of holidays or weekends away (that to me is a holiday but not them). Just came back from Balmoral and booked Florida without needing to save. I did have to tell her that she doesn’t have no money she would just like more. I would like someone to pay my bills. Or help. I’d love a lovely even a weekend away but right now it isn’t possible. I do have the two dogs and I recommend sticking with one. Two is a LOT Wouldn’t change them for the world but didn’t anticipate how hard two could be and they’re expensive

 

[unidentified]

I'm not actively looking to date as well because many men are just looking for something casual - (late 20's), from what I've heard many think they'll find a woman 20 years younger so they can wait and settle down in their 50's

Yes! I think this is a very common concept for men these days. Most men don’t want to be settling in their mid to late 30’s even into their 40’s and I think some of this is that more people don’t want kids or want to live this ‘adventure lifestyle’ and they know they have the flexibility of having kids without a biological clock like women.

If anyone is on IG check out tinder translator if you haven’t already. She explains what men are really meaning by their profiles and boy is it true!

 

[mediocrehouseplant]

Decided to break up with my boyfriend last night. I don’t want to have to think about someone else’s happiness, he was getting annoyed I wouldn’t see him quite a lot during the week cos I’ve got my child and I’m busy with life/work/ my house/ my child.. I want time on my own. He was slightly controlling and made me feel guilty for spending time with my daughter just me and her. He expected to be invited everywhere with us. It got too much for me and I am done. I do not want to be in a relationship, I don’t have the time for one either and I don’t want to have to think am I making someone else happy when my priority is my daugher, my work and my own life BYE men x

I hope you're feeling happier without him - you've made the best decision for you and your daughter.

I read some Reddit post this week where the commenter said something like, "a partner needs to be contributing something to my already happy and contented life, not taking away from it" and think it resonates with your post. Of course, this goes both ways and both people should be making every effort to enhance a partner's life, but I think a lot of men think just existing in your space is enough.

The last guy I was seeing came over to my place and spent the next 3 hours critiquing my home, my DIY skills, my decor choices, books on my bookshelves, and my hobbies. It was incredibly insulting and hinted at a major issue with social skills (later confirmed: they were terrible and it was embarrassing for me on our first, and final, date in public). Instead of showing me all his good qualities in the early dating stages, he negged me. Cool, I've done this dance before and I know what you're up to - see ya.

People feel sorry for me being single but I'm just exhausted with it all - I love my own company and am not pining for anything, and when I stick my toe back into the dating pool this happens I'm embarrassed to admit I did the immature thing and ghosted him, but I just couldn't think how to express my feelings about it all.

Spoiler: NSFW spoiler: the neg continued, but smexy

He also spent a long time telling me all the filthy things he'd do to me and the ways he'd make me orgasm; both times we tried he went floppy and also his oral skills really weren't up to par (he negged me again telling me how his ex had made him good at oral by instructing him and showing him all these different tricks - idgaf about past relationships, and trying to make me jealous doesn't work).

 

[Wolfshead]

Urgh. I have Bumble and honestly rarely match with anyone because I won’t swipe on anyone that has “wants kids someday” ticked in their bio. What’s the point when I don’t want them!? It’s slim pickings. Another reason I rarely match with anyone is cause I’ve usually got my profile deactivated I just cannot be bothered to actually date or attempt to date. I don’t want kids or marriage and I don’t want to live with someone.

The only time I dislike being single is when I’m not invited out with “couples”. This sometimes happens in my extended friendship group - I’m closer to some of them than some others and yet I don’t get asked to certain things and it’s obvious the reason is because it’s intended to be a couples only night

I hear ya! I too tried a dating site, but I simply don't want what the men want. Basically they want a housekeeper (skivvy) with a bit of sex thrown in from time to time. Oh, and about 90% say they're looking for "the girl next door" and I'm certainly not that (whatever it means)!

I've never understood these "couples events" - what's the problem with throwing in a few singles? I just don't get it.

 

[unidentified]

Not sure people can see this but hoping so

 

[mozzarellagirl]

Absolutely loved this article:

I'm 70 And I've Lived Alone My Entire Adult Life. Here's What Everyone Gets Wrong About Single People.

"For people like me who are single at heart, the risk is not what we'll miss if we do not organize our lives around a romantic partner, but what we'll miss if we do."

www.huffpost.com

It resonated so much with my own thoughts on single hood.

And look at that, shes stress-free, happy and glowing

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I have to admit, right now I’m “man free by choice”. I’m bi, and wouldn’t mind having a girlfriend one day.

 

[petitspois]

When I heard about the England footballer who got a yellow card and broke his wrist despite not playing a minute during the last match, my first thought was ‘his poor wife’, no doubt having to put up with his huge moods and anger over the coming months. I’m so glad to live in a peaceful home.

 

[petitspois]

I was really referring to men that can’t cope with set backs or disappointments, which is many in my experience and use their wife or girlfriend as a therapist- or worse.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@Nurseali I think that shows how deep the conditioning is to be coupled up. No matter how happy we are to be single there's a tiny bit that feels on the outside looking in. Also I personally wonder why I just can't seem to overlook the stuff that often bickering couples tolerate in each other. I can't walk on eggshells of moods & atmospheres yet some people it's like water off a ducks back.

 

[LaBlonde]

It was! To be fair it’s not a site of trained councillors. They’re called “listeners” and anyone can do it but you are not supposed to give advice, it’s just somewhere for people to speak about their worries to someone. I did give them a 1 star review though

i honestly kind of want you to go back on there like “okay i married someone now what”

(not meaning to make light of your situation at all, i’m just gobsmacked that was the “advice” they gave you)

 

[Mrs Fluff]

We are all amazing!!

Single & Free. Yippee

And helping out in a small way an over populated planet

 

[Zenchick101]

ladies as I am currently enjoying peacefully building my little dream life by myself I thought this recent tinder experience might be worth reposting here:
I just learned last night that one of the guys I hooked up with last year has a long distance girlfriend he cheated on twice last year (once with me). This is someone who is attractive, physically took care of himself, paid for the date without flinching, and who apart from the surprisingly really bad intimacy, I would have thought was an all around decent dating option. I am not the kind of person who does this stuff, I don't know that guys girlfriend.. (no way to tell her). This is not the first time someone has tried to cheat on their girlfriend/wife with me (last year I found two gems like that on Tinder).

I'm just saying being single - not so bad. Love yourself first and foremost.

--------

Personally last time I was in a relationship? I had to sacrifice everything, what I ate, couldn't only have the food I wanted in the house, I was treated like a slave, he was the dirtiest person around and didn't clean up to extreme levels, he cheated a bunch, he was abusive, I needed a therapist afterwards.. 3 years later I'm in my career, I've exponentially grown financially, lost 25 pounds, grown back hair (I had bald spots from being abused in my mid twenties), skin looks refreshed, I have more friends, I sleep peacefully, I travel. No one asks me to cook, clean for them.. My stress level is down.

also started learning a third language. life is good

 

[qqwertyy]

I saw this on Threads recently and it made me so sad! I know it’s mostly tongue in cheek but it’s so common for women in relationships to say how they’d only eat toast etc. if they lived on their own. Imagine only living half a life because you’re waiting around for a man.

 

[qqwertyy]

The World Cup in general makes me glad that I'm single. I know that there are plenty of women who are really into football, but I don't hear about women getting aggressive or sulking because of a football result.

Or going home drunk and beating the shit out of their husband because their team lost.

 

[QueenBW]

I've been told "I think too highly of myself" for not putting up with bs, that I'm arrogant because I'm the best in class/at work (never bragged but I'm somehow still arrogant just for getting the accolades, that I need to lighten up because I didn't find sexist jokes funny.

Honestly, I don't need a man in my life to feel worth it and the ones I've encountered wouldn't add anything of worth to my life as it is. So I prefer my own company and that of friends.

 

[newtoyou]

How are we all doing singletons!! Keeping Love Honey in business I hope?

Will this thread get shut down if we recommend our love honey (other shops available) purchases Because everyone needs to know about the satisfyer 2

 

[TheGlossy]

this is a really lovely post and i could have written it too

i have huge issues with dating (for oh so many reasons) but spent most of 2021 dating a guy and thinking wow maybe this is it only for him to ghost me after nine months right before christmas in a year where i had already lost both grandparents.

my biggest fear with dating has always been that the person dating me will only be pretending to like me and will eventually just ghost with not explanation and that is exactly what happened.

i just don’t know if i have anymore dating left in me tbh. i’m terrible at small talk, terrified of rejection, apps are just a constant stream of making a move and getting nothing back or having replies just fade off. i’ve become super protective of myself and i’m just not thick skinned enough for it. i worry sometimes that i will get to a grand old age and realise i’ve never been romantically loved but, gosh, it’s TOUGH out there right now and is a man a prize, really? does a man validate my life?! nope.

your comments on bettering yourself are really wonderful and what we should all be aiming towards

Thank you for the kind words

I’m really sorry you had to experience getting ghosted, especially during such a difficult moment in your life. It’s very cowardly and I can only imagine the pain you must have experienced. I’m hoping you’re healing from this situation

Getting ghosted can trigger trust issues and fear of a repeated pattern. I can certainly emphasize. It ultimately just says a lot about the person who ghosted.

 

[mousey]

i am still figuring things out but I don’t experience anything sexually.
I can find people aesthetically pleasing and I think I can have romantic feelings but sexually I just feel nothing?

This is exactly me!

I think it may have been mentioned in the Childfree thread (perhaps even by yourself) but how do people find answering the question of “so have you found anyone?” Or “when is it going to be you?” at like weddings etc. What do you say that will stop asking forever lol