Single by Choice

[sleepflowers]

I also don't get lonely much despite living alone, I work in the office every day and with customers so I love a bit of peace when I'm done!!

 

[LaBlonde]

Just weighing in my opinion (this thread is definitely for me). I am 35 years old. From the age of 27-33, I really, REALLY tried hard with the dating thing. Gave it my best intentions, and I feel so bad for my younger self and the absolute sh*t I had to put up with. Some really awful experiences, being absolutely used by men when I was looking for something real and genuine, it's just sad really especially when I tried to start dating 'older' men (ie 37-42) in the hope they'd be more genuine.

The last couple of years of my dating was fuelled by the fact I knew I wanted to buy a house and that it would be more realistic sharing the expenses with a man (sad but true). Well, this year I made my house purchasing a reality and I did it myself. It's been an absolute stretch but I did it, and without needing a man. Now I've done it, my desire to ever date again has fizzled out to 0%. I count myself lucky I've no desire to have a baby and that I'd need to force myself into a desperate dating situation for this. I am so happy ever since I deleted my apps and erased the expectations of people around me to 'find' someone. What needs to change is society's expectations that everyone needs to be coupled up. Women don't need a husband these days, things have changed and society needs to catch up.

congratulations on your house!!! having your own space, which you can decorate and make exactly your own, is the best xx

 

[Meringue22]

I’ve discovered a new joy, or I am officially getting old.

Gardening.

Who knew it could be so fun? Lately I seem to be thrilled at the idea of picking my plants for my hanging baskets. Hot pink petunias! And painting my terracotta pots for my rhododendrons. I am even considering getting a straw hat, because we are going all in with the “wild times” over here. Boring bastard. But seriously, the peace I have not dealing with men anymore, is unlike anything I could have predicted. It’s like my bandwidth has expanded, there are seemingly more hours in the day, and I’m much more creative.

It’s interesting, because I offered to cut the next door neighbours lawn last weekend, and while I was edging (not that kind) I could hear the two of em’ arguing. And all I could think was “that used to be me” sat inside in my pyjamas at midday, arguing with some twat who was committed to misunderstanding me. Felt weird to be on the other side, because Lord knows my old neighbours must have heard an f bomb or two. It was all such a waste of time. At one point, I heard her say “oh go on then. walk off like you usually do” And I thought to myself, “they just lose respect for you once you live with them.” It’s that complacency, and casual indifference about my feelings that I don’t want to experience ever again. Or explaining emotional intelligence to a grown adult. It sucked the life out of me. Will I be in a relationship again? Never say never. But the likelihood is that I won’t be. My standards are not of this world, and it’s ongoing, the peace I’m making with that.

I absolutely love gardening!! Nothing makes me happier than making my garden look just as I like it. And I get so excited buying plants I buy so much from a couple at my local market they always throw in a free bedding plant

 

[Chocolategoggler]

A lot of women are threatened by the presence of a single woman- they think you’re going to try to ‘steal’ their fuckwad of a husband.

Yeah, I can't even chat to a male neighbour as they get called in - doesn't matter what age they are. Seems I'm a threat right up till they pop their clogs.

 

[Gym&Tonic]

So he was using one hand to spread both cheeks? Or just one cheek? Why am I asking this? 🥲

To be honest I’ve been trying to bleach it from my brain ever since

 

[Zenchick101]

I don't think my fwb realizes how much I'm happy not dealing with the pressure of a serious relationship and just being able to focus on my life. He says that if I go out with another guy or more I have to tell him (lol no), he makes jokes about how "we're almost a couple" (my reply was: a couple of what?), "what would you say if I said let's be exclusive you're my girlfriend now?" (I'd say delete tinder first asshole I'm not that stupid- he laughed). He's supposed to take me out to see a light show saturday. I hang out at his place multiple times a week because he's helping me work out, and he feeds me, and he's got a pool and sauna in his building. I told him if he keeps feeding me and doing all this stuff for me I'll keep coming back and he just laughs and laughs. he keeps asking "you like me miss?" "you'll fall in love with me..(a joke?)" "did you tell your mom about me?"(me: yeah I told her I'm casually seeing someone - him: "are you just saying that to make me happy?) "did you tell your friends?"

I'm dead serious though. Bro wants to invite me on hikes with his friends.. he's acting as if I'm pushing things forward but I'm not. It's like I've become the man in this situation.

This is a weird rant to say I find men confusing, why do they get in their heads that we're always pushing for a relationship? when sometimes we're more than fine with the status quo? I have peace, I have food, I have regular company and keep being able to work on my little life in peace. Why disrupt that?

 

[newtoyou]

Definitely - just today my mum tried to casually ask me if I'd 'like a boyfriend', but I could tell she wasn't feeling casual about it at all! My sister has a boyfriend and I just know that if I did, my mum would feel soooo much better about me and about how 'secure' I'd be. She definitely considers my (younger!) sister to be more grown up and fully realised than me. She also mentioned about having kids but I said that ain't happening, man or no man!

I explained that a relationship is not something I'm actively seeking as I don't think it would add much to my life as most men are unappealing to me in many ways. And she kept going on about how life was about 'making compromises' but I said relationships aren't basically mandatory anymore like they used to be for women, so I have no need to compromise anyway?

I do think the desire for a partner is partly biological, humans moving in packs etc. But I really think so much of it is societal. Imagine if society didn’t tell us the key to happiness and security was in finding love. I suspect there’d be a lot of single people (and humans would die out but whatever )

 

[Zulkraa]

Well!

View attachment 2559905

I love these it’s always avoid men and eat chocolate/drink booze

 

[pinkmug]

I'm sorry to say I'm no longer single by choice. Not that I'm in a relationship - it's just no longer by choice!! Not sure what changed, maybe I'll come crawling back after a bit of dating, but I suddenly woke up one day and realised I want a partner. I want the physical intimacy, and I'm absolutely not someone who can do that without also having an emotional connection.

Anyway, I know it's very much frowned upon to announce your departure from a thread, but thanks singletons for the chats Maybe speak soon lol!

Don't apologise, this isn't a duty! It's totally fine to change your mind and want something else. I hope you meet someone great for you! Best of luck with dating 🩷

 

[VeniVidiVicki]

Also an ex and an acquaintance have contacted me in the past year to proposition hook ups and yet, they post loving photos and captions with their long term partners on Instagram. One of them proposed to his girlfriend last week, despite commenting on all my holiday pictures last month and sending flirty DMs (I replied neutrally or not at all). Another bought his partner a Porsche (and they’re not that well off) despite him insistently asking me to meet him in a hotel when he was in the country 9 months ago.

I just make the assumption that most men are like this, which maybe isn’t fair.

That is my experience. So many men who I’ve had casual things with in the past assume because I’m single I’ll want to fuck them again. If they’d been any good, they wouldn’t have been a casual thing so really not sure what is in their heads

 

[Chocolategoggler]

Those things are like death by a thousand cuts.
My Ex and I used to joke about the little things that irritate you about each other, which over a long relationship just get more and more annoying...you either have to learn to ignore them or get to 80 and end up beating your spouse to death with a rolling pin (or other kitchen utensil of choice) at the breakfast table because you just CANNOT listen to them chew loudly/ stir their tea repeatedly/ scrape the spoon in their cereal bowl one more time

I had to sit opposite a bloke at work who ate with his mouth wide open. I cracked one day and told him to shut his mouth! He stopped speaking to me but he did shut his mouth. I was then moved (he was a serial complainer to the boss) and sat opposite a bloke who literally had his finger up his nose all day. I could actually cope with that better.
This was in a professional environment.

 

[LaBlonde]

Happy Valentines day you lovely lot!! (And New Year by the looks of things...)

What's the consensus on today? Personally I actually really love Valentines - I see it as an opportunity to celebrate love, which comes in many formats! I send cards to my close friends and my parents letting them know how much I love and appreciate them.

No romance planned of course, but I'm off to the cinema with some girlfriends this evening Hope you all get the chance to talk to a loved one today - if not, you've got us!

happy valentine’s day

i celebrate my friends and the folks i love today too: have sent so many soppy messages this morning. it shouldn’t be a holiday just for romantic love, love comes in so many forms!!

have a wonderful day you lovely people. treat yourself to something nice. i, and my “i deserve a little treat” lifestyle, already have xxx

 

[btw]

Out of interest (and feel free to ignore this if it's too personal) - do you feel having a relationship all through secondary school changed your experiences or focussed your attention elsewhere and do you think it impacted your life now (your child aside obviously!)? I ask because, my old friends and little cousin did the same thing whereas I didn't (mostly because I was autistic and bullied so no one liked me haha) and whilst at the time it felt like I was missing out, I look back and I'm not sure if I did miss out really. So I am interested in your perspective (if you're willing to give it!)

I’m more than happy to give my perspective. I 100% feel that having a long term relationship during secondary school has impacted my life. Like I said previously, it was a very mature relationship from the age of 12/13 - 17. We would see eachother every evening, stay over at eachothers houses, go on days out with both of our families, go away for family weekends away and also being sexually active from a young age. I didn’t realise it at the time, but now as an adult, I realise those intense and big feelings were just too much for two teenagers to deal with and cope with. It left me with a lot of heart break when it ended. I would say it’s also left me quite nervous about dating / new relationships because I never “flirted” and got to know other people. I was tied down to one person and reliant on that relationship during a time when I should have been exploring myself as a teenager.
I personally (I don’t want to be a controlling parent and restrict my child) but I would advise my child(ren) to enjoy being young and not to get into too serious relationships during their school age years as I just don’t think anyone is mentally mature enough for the feelings that come with it (no matter how grown up you feel at the time, you realise when your an adult how young and immature you were).
Having said that, I do believe everything happens for a reason and it’s shaped the person I am today both positively and negatively. And some people do have amazing stories of being together throughout school and staying together in a healthy relationship.
I’m still only in my early 20’s so I cannot comment on how it’s affected my relationships as an adult since I haven’t had one since my child. The main thing I would say, is I do feel like I’m more aware about what I want and need from a partner but I would say part of that is just general maturing into an adult, not necessarily purely from having a relationship during school.
Sorry I rambled on abit but I hope that helps to understand my perspective x

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

To be fair, women saying they don't like men isn't the same as otherwise. When women say they hate men, it's because they are angry and worried about an ongoing culture of violence and they avoid men. When men hate women, it's usually because they can't get laid and they kill women.

Totally and like @petitspois said, avoiding is different to actively (or even passively) making life harder for women like men do. That's such a good point. And other than on here I'm not out there spewing hatred and mistreating men. I barely even talk about this with friends because they just don't get it - and I also suspect they'd think "well with that attitude she's never going to meet someone". Two people in the last month have said to me "if you want to win the lottery (meaning find a partner) you have to buy a ticket" and another one said "I think not dating is just a wall you've got up".

A) I don't want to win that lottery
B) Fuck off! Maybe I"m just weak but why would I WANT to subject myself to what modern dating is like? Surely a wall is more logical.

 

[Tell.A.Tale]

Sometimes I wish I was a different kind of person who thrived in a relationship and felt the rewards of sharing a life with someone in a home. I think life would be easier financially and socially, if I could feel happy with a partner. And despite all this, the thought of coming home to the sort of marriages I see in my friends' lives scares the shit out of me.

I'm sure they are happy so I keep my thoughts to myself but fucking hell, I hope I never become the kind of person who looks at herself and wonders "who she used to be before him" as soon as her husband leaves the country for a work trip. Verbatim, quoted from her text, with a laughing emoji.

I felt so embarrassed on her behalf, a woman in her 30s who has a full time job, hobbies, interests and intellect. Wondering what to do with herself now that the guy is away for just 10 days. They couldn't waterboard that shit out of me but she must have thought it sounded cute and quirky, maybe romantic. Mega cringe.

Are you me?

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

I don't know if they even exist now but when my marriage broke up (instigated by me) I went to live in a room in a shared house. I absolutely loved it. Then into a bedsit with this adorable partition kitchen/shared bathroom. Honestly it was tough at times but I never regretted giving up my "security" which actually felt like a trap.

@Lola Ruby ((hugs))

 

[shadowcat5]

My boss’ wife popped into work today and was talking about holidays. I was saying how I’ve not been away in years as I can’t afford it with all my bills etc. She looked at me with a sad face and goes “aww do you not have a partner? ”

No and that’s my CHOICE. I’d rather be single and stuck in England than stuck with a moronic man just so I can have a crap package holiday every summer

Yes let me just get into a relationship just so I can have a holiday... That sounds healthy

 

[shadowcat5]

Happy singles days you absolute treats!

My bestie (who is normally fiercely independent) came over to mine last night freaking out over a guy she’s slept with once who she’s now mooning over. She was like a completely different person. It was so wild to me that someone who I’ve always looked up to as the ultimate independent woman was now fretting over her appearance and the way she types messages, constantly checking her phone to see if he’s online. She’s also stopped eating meals and is living on shakes. Apparently this has nothing to do with pining for the guy who’s “too good looking” for her and is just a coincidence

Never been happier to be single!

Whenever my friends would do this (I'm talking analysing texts, analysing the way he said hello - shit you not) I would ask them if they thought he was analysing it like she was. The answer was always no.

 

[newtoyou]

THIS! I have one friend in particular though that always brings up me finding a man in every conversation, to the point that we have a new manager at work, he’s in his early 30’s same as me, she’s currently off on MAT leave ready to have a baby and she messaged on his first day to ask if I’d met him and if I think he’s single, I said no and no idea and she said “you need to get in there”. I’m sorry what? Just because he might be single? Having seen him on a meeting he’d never be someone I went for anyway and I’m more than happy as I am?!? Why do people not get it?

Urgh this makes me angry on your behalf! I know someone who always asks if there’s any men at work I like

 

[Nurseali]

2 years and still single.
Don't miss sex at all tbh, it was more a chore in the later years , akin to putting the bin out.