Single by Choice

[Closedeyes]

Ah a woman after my own heart. It's the perfect arrangement isn't it, company and affection regularly, but if you can mentally shut off your mind afterwards, none of the stress of a relationship. Plus you get to keep the freedom of being single.

I was facetiming a friend the other day who's still pining for an ex she was with for 6 months last year.. looking into every social media detail trying to figure out if it means anything.. meanwhile she's spending all this energy on nonsense instead of living her life to the fullest.

Zen, it’s the energy. Ye got it in one. Am I feck spending hours wondering why some Henry hoover lookin trout man doesn’t want me when I could be eating Lindt balls and watching blankety blank in my pjs.

 

[LaBlonde]

I arranged a date tonight, first one in a long time. He stood me up waited in the cold for an hour. I really am better off by myself

i’m so sorry this is beyond rude - i hope you’re back in the warm now. it sounds like you had a luck escape x

 

[shadowcat5]

I went on a trip to NYC last month and many of my colleagues were horrified to hear I was going ALONE Who would I spend time with, eat at restaurants with, travel with? ME! I love my own company, and I got to do what I wanted, when I wanted! I tried lobster for the first time, went to some of the same shops multiple times (without annoying anyone else), got lots of uninterrupted sleep.

I also made great friends with a couple of fellow solo travellers at the airport when we found out our flight was delayed by 14 hours!! We spent time chatting and eating together, and it's something I certainly wouldn't have done if I was travelling with someone else. Being single doesn't mean you are lonely or can't have a good time

I am so tempted to go on holiday on my own this year. I can’t decide between a city break or a fly and flop holiday

 

[unidentified]

I've always had very long gaps being celibate. My current stretch is from June 2019. I find it difficult to imagine that changing to be honest. I think being on the apps and the blatant porn addicts on there kind of ruined any illusions I had about men. I value my contentment too much these days.

I feel like I could have written this. This is exactly the same as me.

I sometimes miss sex (I blame hormones) but I mostly miss that intimacy and emotional connection and people don’t want that anymore so single all the way!

 

[Chocolategoggler]

Being single (& childless) is the final taboo: quite rightly there is a lot of focus on racism, homophobia, transphobia etc, but it is still perfectly acceptable to say thoughtless & microaggressive things to people (& usually women) who are single & childless, especially after 30.

It is hard for it not to chip away at your soul & self belief after a while; even if you know deep down that being single is the right choice for you, society does everything it can to make you doubt yourself.

I always have to keep reminding myself that what they say is saying more about them than me, so much so that I had to say to one persistent bitch "you're boring me.......you're really boring me!" .......Her face!!!!!!

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@Thatswhattatsaid She sounds a pain. Just picture her up all night with the baby as you snuggle peacefully in bed! It must be hard not to snap at her. It shows really that she has zero empathy and doesn't listen!

 

[shadowcat5]

THIS!

and also, i felt it was rude at to me? we were on holiday together, just the two of us, and you want to spend your time trawling tinder?! i was like, girl, i am boring you that much? i’ll go by myself next time

how insecure must you be that you can’t even go on a holiday with your mate without needing male attention

 

[tomato_paste]

The only time I feel remotely horny lately is when I am on holiday. It's the sun , alcohol and general relaxed feel I think.
Maybe if I lived in Greece I would be a raging nymphomaniac as opposed to a I would rather read my book thanks so fuckoff woman?

Honestly, same. I'd rather read the 50th spicy romance than deal with real men.

Not that I think these books are realistic but why disappoint myself with reality when my fantasy is the price of my kindle subscription?

 

[peachesandcreamz]

This is not me wanting a partner (or kids for that matter!). But does anyone who lives alone get lonely? I love being alone but sometimes when I get home after work, or when I go to bed I do feel it. I know this is probably totally normal but is there anything people do to make them feel less so?

I spend all week at work with people and see people at weekends. In fact I don’t feel lonely at weekends even if I don’t. It’s just those specific times where I think about how other people come home to partners or families.

I tend to have background noise on a lot (tv or podcasts). But any things you do when you get home to an empty house?

I don't find this personally - in the evenings when I get home from work my friends are also finishing and we're sharing voicenotes about our day, sending each other pics of our dinner or talking about what TV we're watching. I often call my parents on my drive home too.

Being full time in an office surrounded by people constantly I'm usually really looking forward to some me time

 

[newtoyou]

I hate this 'my person' thing that's become popular in recent years. No one is anyone's person. Everyone is their own and doesn't belong to anyone. I've never been in love but I think the attraction and beauty of it is both of you choosing the other person actively, not just assuming ownership. Saying we are all finding 'our person' just implies none of us are complete on our own.

Exactly this, ditto with “the other half”. Never been in love and it seems lovely from the outside. But the way society pushes the idea of not being a whole human or have had a successful life without a romantic partner is crazy.

 

[Chocolategoggler]

Piggy-backing off everyone else's chat - I have been in two relationships in my life when I was much younger. I'm now 30 and my standards are just so incredibly high that it seems near impossible that I'll meet anyone who would fit into (and add to!) my life. And I'm very happy with that!

As women I definitely think the longer you spend single, the more....off-putting, perhaps, you are to men (if you swing that way, of course). They see our independence and realise we have high expectations and it's too much for a lot of men. We have our own interests, we have friends we spend weekends with - I will NEVER become that person who gets into a relationship and suddenly my only "friend" is my partner!

I think if I do ever decide to be with someone, they will also have to have been single and lived alone for a decent amount of time so I know they are able to look after themself!!

I don't want to settle for just anything to "fit in".
I've been told that men will look around for someone to marry when they see their friends settling down. It can feel to a woman like you're being interviewed for a job.
I was criticized for being too independent.Not being someone their mother would like. Not knowing my place.Nor talking about the right things. I could go on.

 

[shadowcat5]

There are 2 people in my work who are seeing each other. They message on the work message system and then take tea breaks together on top of seeing each other outside of work/at the weekends..
It's quite nice really and I am happy for them but I honestly thought 'fuck I'd hate that'. Firstly, there's the awkwardness of seeing someone you work with but I don't think I could manage being around/talking to someone that much lmao.

 

[QueenBW]

I saw this on Threads recently and it made me so sad! I know it’s mostly tongue in cheek but it’s so common for women in relationships to say how they’d only eat toast etc. if they lived on their own. Imagine only living half a life because you’re waiting around for a man.

Different perspective here but what if what they're actually saying is that they wouldn't conform to societal expectations of what a "life" is, and how much you should go out and liv e for others if they were on their own.

I actually do a lot more of what I want to do when I'm single, and that often means being home early, with a good book and having something simple for dinner. It is in no way, shape, or form a half life. It's what I want

 

[petitspois]

I'd be happy with just a few good FWB's don't ever want a man living with me again

oh god no. The pee on the seat, the smells, the mess, the sheer amount of food they eat. No chance.

 

[GiftedNotFree]

Tbh I think you’d be better off sharing that on the dating thread.

 

[scottie84]

i think you said earlier that you identify with being demi too? (sorry if this wasn’t you ) but THIS exactly. i cannot feel an instant attraction to anyone really, i have to have some degree of feeling of what they’re like as a person and some level of slow build before i even consider it. meeting in bars doesn’t work for me and i’m not sure if i would/will ever meet a man who will go at the glacial pace i need. maybe one day!

i always like speaking to other demisexual people. it’s still so new and it’s valuable to know it’s not just me

This is 100% me. I’ve always been like this and it’s only recently I’ve kinda clicked that I’m not abnormal but in fact demi. Like you, not sure I’ll ever find anyone 1. That I like….. and 2. Go at my snails pace. If I don’t it’s not the end of the world for me. I’m 38, have a great life with lots of friends and feel pretty fulfilled. When I was younger I thought I would have children but the older I get the less I’m fussed about it. All seems like a lot of hard work and I think I’m too selfish for it.

It’s nice to hear I’m not alone!

 

[Nurseali]

Howdy from another happily single gal. Love having a day to myself or with my amazing daughter. I have a female dog and 2 female cats, too, so all gal household here

My nobhead cat was supposed to be a girl but the vet assured me she was a boy. She has a very feminine name and I use female pronouns.

Until he shits on my floor then I use male pronouns oddly.

 

[FilthyGorgeous]

You know what, there is one thing I am slightly jealous of about the non-singles - splitting bills

I live alone and would absolutely NEVER have it any other way (except animals, I need at least 2 dogs!), and there is no price I could ever put on not having to share my space....but when I see someone else's half rent payments etc, damn lol!

Me too I’m so happy living alone with my dog! The security of having another income to fall back on would be a lovely position to be in. Thing is I’m too fucking independent and embarrassed at talking about money there would be no point anyway

 

[Zulkraa]

For anyone interested there is a solo travel thread:

Solo travel advice & recommendations

Hoping someone on here is / has been brave enough to go on holiday alone and can give me some tips! I haven't been on holiday at all for about 5 years for various reasons plus of course the pandemic. My husband doesn't like going abroad (won't fly, everything else is too much hassle for him &...

tattle.life

 

[MarthaFarkus]

Hello! Not sure if this is the place for me I have been single for 2 years now, I believe by choice a I'm not actively looking for a relationship and the thought of being with another person and starting a relationship again doesn’t interest me in the slightest. I became single at 28 after spending 11 years with the person I thought I was going to marry and have children with. He worked and lived abroad for 6 years of the relationship, said he was doing it for us (incredibly well paid and tax free). In the time he was away he’d come home regularly and for the first 4 years I’d visit him regularly, anyway to cut a very long story short he was living a double life with another woman. I’d been living in his house for almost 2 years after his Mum passed away and we’d put it up for sale and had put an offer on the house of our dreams, He told me he was coming home, it was in the first lockdown and after months of being “stuck” abroad I found out he wasn’t were he said he was at all , he was in fact in the usual place and living with this woman. The manipulation and torment that came after it was horrendous, a little insight, everything I did on the Internet or watched on TV he knew about as he could access it abroad and there’s was CCTV in the house. It was a long drawn out process but when he caught wind of me putting stuff in place to buy my own house it got nasty, he’d send stuff to the house addressed to me for his new house (knowing I had nothing but my clothes, I’d given up furniture to move out of my parents home to his Mums which was fully furnished), he would write and send letters to the printer telling me about the future we could have and how much he loved me but did this so it couldn’t be traced back to him and shared with the other woman (she knew about me) and eventually gave me 2 weeks notice essentially leaving me homeless as the new buyers were moving into the house and he’d be returning to move into his new home that he’d bought for us both, didn’t tell me the details just turned up in the doorstep 3 days before I was due to leave and asked for a hug. For some context he’d spent years telling me he was going to propose, sending me videos of the ring he was having made and on one holiday telling me to get my nails done, not to look in his case and to dress up nice - at the end of the holiday when I asked him why he’d said all these things he told me that I ruined the holiday when I asked if he was moving home permanently, he said he was and yet he hadn’t returned any of his stuff which I then questioned.

It’s taken a long time for me to recover and I’ve done a whole U-Turn on what I want in life, I have no desire to get married or have children. I’m now approaching 2 years living alone, turned 30 this year and have been single since, I look back and recognise a lot of negatives from the relationship and wish I’d listened to the people around me. Despite all this I’m at a point where my closest friends have got married and are now having babies and part of me feels a little bit sad about being stuck and not moving forward or I guess having nice things to celebrate. I’m in a good career and we’ll paid although because of the cost of living tend to live month to month and I’m so sick of listening to the above mentioned friends say “you just need to meet someone” because that’ll solve all my problems.

Eurgh for those interested my ex is now engaged to the other woman, which left me feeling for a long time “what is wrong with me” and has left me questioning myself a lot.

Anyway, there are many day I love being on my own, more days than not for sure.


Thank you! I feel like you’ve hit the nail on the head for me… “we’re unworthy when we’re not in relationships” - I have friends that will inadvertently isolate me from conversation because I’m single, not married and without kids.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you and plenty wrong with him. I’m really sorry you were treated like this, it really tests your faith in humanity doesn’t it. You do whatever is right for you, the stigma of being single by choice or whatever needs to end.