Single by Choice

[yogiessexdubs]

I notice how the men act trying to get onto trains/getting a seat & that’s all I need to remember - no thanks!

 

[petitspois]

I'm happily single and can't see it changing for a while. Maybe it's the men I've been out with but I really couldn't care less about their prowess at a range of sports, I just want someone who pulls their weight at home without expecting a medal.

A decent bloke with a sense of humour who can look after himself and doesn't look like Shrek seems hard to find.

 

[MollyMalone]

Oddly the ones on Facebook I used to be jealous of have opened my eyes. One found out her husband started an affair the week they got married!!! Another caught hers licking out his sister in law on their settee like she was a Magnum!

The couples I know that do genuinely work I rarely see post mushy stuff.

Like she was a magnum

Edited to add: terrible situation obviously but that phrasing has killed me off

 

[EllenDeGenerate]

Someone close to me had a relationship end recently. He is very upset because he thought things were going well and really liked her. The reason for the breakdown in the relationship? She has orthorexia and her commitment to it was being adversely affected by their dates,eg a meal out, cinema treats, a cocktail, or a coffee with cake, meant macros/calorie aims were being compromised. So she chose the orthorexia over a boyfriend. Its very sad actually. Sad too for my friend who is now very disillusioned with the dating scene, but singledom for him will be very lonely due to his having a very small friend group

 

[MarthaFarkus]

Does anyone else have any single friends who can't seem to function without male attention and find it hard to deal with them? I have a few recently single friends and they've all jumped straight on the apps and spend hours talking to any and every man they find, I have no idea how they do it and it's very hard to not judge them for being so lost without men talking to them...

Yes. One specific one who continues to make the same man mistakes all the damn time, it drives me insane. We’re always around picking up the pieces but jheez, learn something please!

 

[LaBlonde]

No victim blaming but cmon
There are certain rules as women we gotta follow to protect ourselves. And I can’t understand the naïveté of some. Being alone with a man in an empty place, locked place, is dangerous. Point blank.
Going into his car is dangerous. Elevator, let alone appartment on the first date. If not even 6 date.
You have to know the person before doing things like that.
and for fuck sake stop going in forrests alone. Stop walking in an alley alone. It’s sadly our reality that this is dangerous.
With dates for me it’s in a public place. And I dont go inside ur car, I dont go in ur place. I don’t know u dude. You can’t trust blindly just because he’s handsome or seems nice. Nah some people could hide dark sides. How do u think Dahmer got away with so much at first
And I can’t stand women not being able to say no. SAY NO. STOP BEING SHY OR SCARED. NO ONE CAN EVER TELL U WHAT TO DO LIKE CMON. Stop being intimidated by men. Seriously. Enough. I hate hearing stories of women thinking they HAVE TO do xyz. YOU DONT. You don’t have to do shit. And if u force urself because u r scared of being alone, IT’S BETTER than being with an abuser or asshole. I mean cmon have some self respect. Be tough.
but at the end of the day you do what u want Im just saying I wish things changed with women.
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My pet peeve are women obsessing over men. Obsessing over boyfriends. All they talk about. Then once they date they kinda dont hang out with u. They take 383838 pics, they post it online with a cringy ass long paragraph about how this is the love of their lives. Then when things go south they obsess, they act like they are now a « bad bitch » but they’re not. They need a new boyfriend very soon or they might die. F***k off. I don’t have time for that

THIS!

and also, i felt it was rude at to me? we were on holiday together, just the two of us, and you want to spend your time trawling tinder?! i was like, girl, i am boring you that much? i’ll go by myself next time

 

[Lauramar]

Hello single people! I've been single for a long time and plan to stay so. I absolutely adore my own space and this may sound selfish but I love that I can do what I want, when I want to. I don't have to consider anyone else when making plans or decisions. Most of my friends and family actually seem quite unhappy and bored in their relationships and spend a lot of time complaining. I'm not going to seek out a relationship or agree to dates when asked because I'm simply not willing to have anyone disrupt my peace I've also had men tell me that I'm wrong about this and I actually do want to go on a date with them but so far, it hasn't been the case

 

[Sunflower91]

People at work sometimes ask me how it is living alone and do sometimes feel jealous. I eat what I want, sleep when I want, I don’t have to ask anyone what they want to watch on tv, I can play video games as much as I like. If my younger self could see me now I think they’d be shocked to see how happy you can be with only yourself to really answer to.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

I’ve always just been so picky? I’ve been attracted to like two men in my life, I’ve never been attracted to anyone on a dating app or whom I’ve met socially. I don’t get how my contemporaries are always dating and having relationships, I don’t think I’m asexual but 98% of men give me the ick and I’d honestly rather be single than have one of them, although I’d quite like someone I genuinely like

I have only genuinely desired one man my entire life. The others, well I was playing a role to justify my place as an opposite I think.
The one I did desire. It was like a film, mutual passion & some love in there. I fear it could never be replaced. Some things are so absolutely good and real.

 

[Misbehaving]

Great thread and it makes for some very
interesting reading.
I'm so happy for the people who have wised up, who won't be taken for granted, who don't want to play second fiddle and also want to have integrity and standards in how they are treated
That's a very healthy attitude to take imo and should be encouraged.
I wish more people (myself included) had just waited and took their time and went on their own voyage of self discovery before settling down instead of being in a rush to form attachments and bonds to someone who turned out to not be suitable or compatible.
It's not really a good thing to be defined by your relation or relationship with others, tbh it just reeks of co dependency...(I should know I have been there) and that's not a fulfilling way to live your life, but I feel like that's been encouraged even recommended to a lot of women (and some men, because bad relationships happen to both genders) but yes traditionally speaking though, marriage has always benefitted men more than women.
That's not a good thing and a lot of people have suffered because of that.
It's good that we are finally waking up to this, for too long their has been a massive imbalance of power and too many women have exhausted themselves or found themselves trapped into people pleasing mode and tricked into thinking that they should be all things to all people but to never know themselves? Or encouraged to spend time to process or evaluate situations or people, and to keep on basically giving too much of themselves away to others, that don't really appreciate it?
It's so draining and unhealthy no wonder so many of us are finally saying enough is enough.
We should live the way we want to live and not how we have been conditioned to live by past conditioning.... here's hoping that more and more people reject all the things that are bad for them and move on to better happier lives.

 

[Mrs Fluff]

Does anyone else have any single friends who can't seem to function without male attention and find it hard to deal with them? I have a few recently single friends and they've all jumped straight on the apps and spend hours talking to any and every man they find, I have no idea how they do it and it's very hard to not judge them for being so lost without men talking to them...

No but I used have this flatmate where even though I was going to a pub somewhere to catch up with people once a month, I'd get the same question the next morning: 'Did you meet anyone?'

 

[newtoyou]

I'm happy being single, but I can never shake off this weight on my shoulders that believes there must be something wrong with me, I must be unattractive, I've failed at life, etc, which I know logically is complete nonsense because I know lots of wonderful people who are single and lots of terrible people who are married which proves those beliefs are completely untrue! But it's still sat there at the back of my subconscious.

This video is from the POV of asexuality but it’s v useful in explaining a concept called chrononormativity which is the idea that everyone in society should follow the same path on the same time line to keep order. Kind of related to you saying it’s in your subconscious because that’s what society has taught you

 

[Mugglewump]

Ooh, I didn't know this thread existed, may I join please?

 

[Remotecontrol]

There are 2 people in my work who are seeing each other. They message on the work message system and then take tea breaks together on top of seeing each other outside of work/at the weekends..
It's quite nice really and I am happy for them but I honestly thought 'fuck I'd hate that'. Firstly, there's the awkwardness of seeing someone you work with but I don't think I could manage being around/talking to someone that much lmao.

I agree! I don’t know how people don’t get sick of each other in that scenario. I don’t want to be negative, but I suspect that’s the sort of setup that will implode quickly and coworkers will have to deal with some of the fallout.

 

[MarthaFarkus]

How are we all feeling the day before valentines day?

I didn’t even realise it was I never was arsed with Feb 14th when I was in relationships so give even less of a crap now

 

[freaknasty]

My friend’s boyfriend cheated on her and she got back with him and got pregnant… rather her than me now I’ll have to hear all about it when he inevitably cheats again and have to resist the urge to say I told you so.

 

[aidil]

Happy singles days you absolute treats!

My bestie (who is normally fiercely independent) came over to mine last night freaking out over a guy she’s slept with once who she’s now mooning over. She was like a completely different person. It was so wild to me that someone who I’ve always looked up to as the ultimate independent woman was now fretting over her appearance and the way she types messages, constantly checking her phone to see if he’s online. She’s also stopped eating meals and is living on shakes. Apparently this has nothing to do with pining for the guy who’s “too good looking” for her and is just a coincidence

Never been happier to be single!

 

[Mrs Fluff]

I don’t know if I’m just being a bit sensitive but I feel like I’m struggling this eve. I went out for tea with friends, of the 5 of us 2 are married and currently pregnant (same stage of pregnancy) and the other two, both are engaged and have children. I was the only one single and without kids. I feel like I’m at a stage where I can’t make a decision whether I want kids and even if I do I’m single so not on the cards any time soon. The first 47 minutes was spent talking about pregnancy and labour, a large amount of time thereafter was spent on pregnancy and kids, to the point I said very little as I literally have nothing to input. I feel selfish for feeling left out. It doesn’t help that one of them has literally dropped me since finding out she’s pregnant, in the run up to her wedding I obviously suited her agenda in going for walks and getting fit etc but now lucky to get a phone call. Does anyone else struggle with this?

I've had to stop struggling with but it's not you. Trust me I spent years thinking it was me.

 

[peachesandcreamz]

If we get to another thread at some point we should change the title to "Single at Heart"
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Here's the book online btw!

Single at Heart

Appreciate where this comes from but from the outside it sounds like people who are in a relationship but feel single deep down lol!

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

They're 100% deluded, it's hilarious! I don't know of anyone my age (just out of my 20s) who settled with someone a lot older. They'll find out the hard way when they get to 50 and realise no one wants their outdated sperm and beer belly, and that the whole 'men age gracefully' thing is limited to rich celebs!

Very well put. My last ex and I'm going back quite a few years used to keep saying how proud he was of his body. This was a guy quite overweight, big bellied, large bald spot etc and that's ok. But to keep announcing how proud he was made me think he must have some kind of magic mirror! I'll never understand men and have given up trying. Mind you, when we finished after eight years, another woman swooped in and took him on within a month!