Single by Choice

[LaBlonde]

You know what, there is one thing I am slightly jealous of about the non-singles - splitting bills

I live alone and would absolutely NEVER have it any other way (except animals, I need at least 2 dogs!), and there is no price I could ever put on not having to share my space....but when I see someone else's half rent payments etc, damn lol!

same - i constantly think this

and when i want to treat myself to one of the tesco finest meal deals but it’s always a huge meal for two that i can’t properly split (it’s not enough to make me want to convince a man to date me but it’s annoying)

 

[drewydrop]

Book the holiday!! I’ve been on 3 holidays by myself and loved it. Twice to Goa - part of the holiday was at a yoga retreat so lots of people to talk to and then last October I went to Ibiza. It was great, planned something for each day. Got talking to another woman at a yoga class who was on her own and we went out for dinner that night across the island and shared a paella! Something I wouldn’t have been able to do on own. On my final night got chatting to an older couple in a restaurant and had a few drinks with them. Then on the other nights I was a hermit and in my room watching Netflix by 9pm or out drinking cocktails listening to podcasts/ reading my book. It was great and if I didn’t plan these things I wouldn’t never have gone anywhere and I love a holiday.
I’m off to Tenerife with a friend next month and I’m actually worried how I’m going to cope being with her 24/7 as I’m so used to being alone.

 

[petitspois]

It very often doesn't turn out how you expect. I once met a guy and he ticked all the boxes for a no strings relationship but, on hitting the sack, I discovered a micro penis. I obviously had to continue and not react but it was soooo disappointing.

 

[Anne1448]

I'm not against a relationship with a man, but I've not yet come across a dick that was worth sacrificing my space and my sanity for.

I wish I could put this quote on my front door.

Every time I've left a relationship was because my well being or quality of life went down with a man.

Yet, some acquaintances would challenge me with the usual "But what if". As if being a single women with healthy boundaries and standards was a problem.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

My (way past retirement age, white, male) GP said nearly the same thing word for word when I had an appointment with him to discuss my deteriorating mental health due to past and recent trauma. "I just want to see you back here in a year's time married and with a baby". a year later and I am not, in fact, married and pregnant and am, instead, diagnosed with complex PTSD and on the waiting list for Step 4 NHS mental health care. A relationship/children was not the solution I was in need of.

Happy to have been signposted to this thread from the dating one and find some solidarity!!!

Omg I’m so sorry. I really hope the waiting list isn’t too long.

And yes solidarity to everyone here. I’m really lucky in that my friends and family have no issue with me being single. I sometimes forget that wider society thinks it’s strange.

 

[tomato_paste]

Agreed - anyone and anything is better than being single. I saw this on mumsnet the other day. ‘Generally a good, loving dad and husband’. I beg your pardon? The bar is in hell.

And they wonder why we rather stay alone.

Can you imagine? Being stuck, connected, to an abuser like that for the rest of your life? And you don't know. Some abusers will be the best partners right until you get pregnant or lose your job or get sick and they feel like they've "chaught" you.

Having a husband used to be a neccessity, and a lot of women paid a steep price for it. Now that the necessity is gone, why put yourself into that position?

 

[Tell.A.Tale]

If I never smell a cheesy ball sack again - I will die a happy woman!

 

[Sglodion]

To be honest, while I agree with the general sentiment about most men being gross, I have quite a high proportion of non-gross male friends and still haven't ever dated any of them. With some there's an obvious reason for that (gay, married, too old/young), but even with the single ones where I love them very much and there's enough mutual attraction to have a FWB relationship I just don't feel any particular desire to move into a house with them, meet their families, insist they don't shag anyone else etc etc. I like spending the occasional evening snuggling on the sofa to watch a film together, but that's about as far as it goes in terms of romatic feelings

 

[shadowcat5]

Hello! Not sure if this is the place for me I have been single for 2 years now, I believe by choice a I'm not actively looking for a relationship and the thought of being with another person and starting a relationship again doesn’t interest me in the slightest. I became single at 28 after spending 11 years with the person I thought I was going to marry and have children with. He worked and lived abroad for 6 years of the relationship, said he was doing it for us (incredibly well paid and tax free). In the time he was away he’d come home regularly and for the first 4 years I’d visit him regularly, anyway to cut a very long story short he was living a double life with another woman. I’d been living in his house for almost 2 years after his Mum passed away and we’d put it up for sale and had put an offer on the house of our dreams, He told me he was coming home, it was in the first lockdown and after months of being “stuck” abroad I found out he wasn’t were he said he was at all , he was in fact in the usual place and living with this woman. The manipulation and torment that came after it was horrendous, a little insight, everything I did on the Internet or watched on TV he knew about as he could access it abroad and there’s was CCTV in the house. It was a long drawn out process but when he caught wind of me putting stuff in place to buy my own house it got nasty, he’d send stuff to the house addressed to me for his new house (knowing I had nothing but my clothes, I’d given up furniture to move out of my parents home to his Mums which was fully furnished), he would write and send letters to the printer telling me about the future we could have and how much he loved me but did this so it couldn’t be traced back to him and shared with the other woman (she knew about me) and eventually gave me 2 weeks notice essentially leaving me homeless as the new buyers were moving into the house and he’d be returning to move into his new home that he’d bought for us both, didn’t tell me the details just turned up in the doorstep 3 days before I was due to leave and asked for a hug. For some context he’d spent years telling me he was going to propose, sending me videos of the ring he was having made and on one holiday telling me to get my nails done, not to look in his case and to dress up nice - at the end of the holiday when I asked him why he’d said all these things he told me that I ruined the holiday when I asked if he was moving home permanently, he said he was and yet he hadn’t returned any of his stuff which I then questioned.

It’s taken a long time for me to recover and I’ve done a whole U-Turn on what I want in life, I have no desire to get married or have children. I’m now approaching 2 years living alone, turned 30 this year and have been single since, I look back and recognise a lot of negatives from the relationship and wish I’d listened to the people around me. Despite all this I’m at a point where my closest friends have got married and are now having babies and part of me feels a little bit sad about being stuck and not moving forward or I guess having nice things to celebrate. I’m in a good career and we’ll paid although because of the cost of living tend to live month to month and I’m so sick of listening to the above mentioned friends say “you just need to meet someone” because that’ll solve all my problems.

Eurgh for those interested my ex is now engaged to the other woman, which left me feeling for a long time “what is wrong with me” and has left me questioning myself a lot.

Anyway, there are many day I love being on my own, more days than not for sure.


Thank you! I feel like you’ve hit the nail on the head for me… “we’re unworthy when we’re not in relationships” - I have friends that will inadvertently isolate me from conversation because I’m single, not married and without kids.

firstly I’m really sorry your ex was such a piece of shit. I can imagine it hurt like hell when he got engaged but the likelihood is, he’s probably cheating on her too.

my friends would do the same to me. They all went on a couples night out (to the pub!) and didn’t invite me. I get it but also what probably happened is that the women went off and did their thing and the men went off and did theirs

 

[petitspois]

I think a lot of it comes down to age. Now I’m close to 50, I’d say two thirds of my friends openly acknowledge their husbands are utter disappointments but still care for them enough not to leave. I’d suggest seeking out groups where friendships or special interests are the focus- there’s a supper club near me, a women’s travel group and a running club for example.

I’ve just checked this for typos and it comes across as a bit patronising and it’s really not meant to- just what I would do if I had my time again.

 

[OmgObsessed]

It's crazy how men have

Spoiler: NSFW

sex with 20+ women yet they still can't unlatch a bra, find our clit, or make us orgasm.

But they now let us pay even though we make less. They're making great progress to understand us. /s

 

[GiftedNotFree]

“Because I am an English lady, and the Americans monopolise the market”

Some of the other responses to that are really great too! Still as relevant today.

 

[Millais]

They don’t wash.

 

[Quattro formaggi]

GOOGLE IT.

Oookay I was just making conversation by asking but whatever hun

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Peace of mind is priceless.

 

[AlanBanan]

I’ve always just been so picky? I’ve been attracted to like two men in my life, I’ve never been attracted to anyone on a dating app or whom I’ve met socially. I don’t get how my contemporaries are always dating and having relationships, I don’t think I’m asexual but 98% of men give me the ick and I’d honestly rather be single than have one of them, although I’d quite like someone I genuinely like

Someone told me that most men look like Sims after you click the randomise button and I can’t help but agree.

 

[newtoyou]

Would anybody consider this a red flag a guy constantly texting asking to meet up every single day when u have already explained the situation u have kids and can only arrange to meet when u are child free then they reply back what u doing now would love to meet u Even for a minute after u explained the situation

Absolutely! Makes me feel claustrophobic just reading this.

 

[peachesandcreamz]

same - i constantly think this

and when i want to treat myself to one of the tesco finest meal deals but it’s always a huge meal for two that i can’t properly split (it’s not enough to make me want to convince a man to date me but it’s annoying)

Hahahahaha I'll just eat the whole meal for two!!

I do quite love cooking for myself and doing big batches so you can freeze the extra portions and that's you sorted for the week. I know technically that's possible if you're in a relationship too, but knowing that every single serving I make is for future me's convenience and not anyone else's is priceless.

Also making the food you like the exact way you like, right amount of spices Just having what you like, when you like, how you like really!

 

[Nurseali]

I do not miss the sound of cereal being eaten at 9.30pm.
If I was ever gonna murder someone Kellogs cornflakes and an gob that didn't shut when eating would have been my reason.

 

[Huxley]

The first day to day things that I don't miss that come to mind....

1. No putting up with a stinking toilet or drips or pee on the seat or floor
2. No big baby stuff when they are ill
3. No need to coo and nod when they talk, at considerable length, about their strava/bike/run/swim etc..
4. No need to feel like you should have sex when you're not 100% keen
5. Can suit yourself with meals, holidays and house decor
6. No need to deal with in laws
7. No need to feel obliged to tidy up after them and bear the mental load of organising them and their lives

Not having to deal with in laws is such a huge plus.

I was with my ex for 10 years but I only ever spent 1 Christmas with them, which I am ever so grateful for now!

His family never used to ask me anything, it was always about them, I had to almost dumb myself down so I didn’t appear threatening. I remember after 5 years they finally asked what I did for a living, and was shocked I was more senior than their son; up until then they always used to make little comments about my ex having to make his own dinner (shock horror!) when I was still in the office working, or snide remarks (particularly from his dad) about the fact we had a cleaner. His dad always used to ask me what I spent my ex’s money on, “shoes and handbags”, and I bit my tongue & laughed it off to keep the peace. When I should have said that the ex was tighter than 2 coats of paint and never bought me anything, it was always 50/50 and I could buy my own shoes and handbags!