Single by Choice

[qqwertyy]

My instagram algorithm is so good that I’ve not seen one single heartfelt earnest Valentines post. Every suggested post is either a piss take or something nice about self-love/soulmate friends. Love that for me

 

[CostaChat]

I haven't read all the posts on here for a while but just wanted to see if anyone else feels like I do. I've been single most my life, had the odd short term relationship and every time they ended i have been relieved. I'm trying to get back into the dating game and met someone really nice, due to meet up in a few weeks time as I'm away before then. However I just feel so sad and anxious all the time now. I am very happy with being single, I have friends, I have family but feel like I "should be" settling down now, hence trying to date. Is it normal to feel so horrible at the thought of dating and being in a relationship? I have my own flat, a good social life and love going on holidays, I have pretty much no interest in being in a relationship other than the fact I have a wedding to go to in a few years time and I know i should go with someone or risk being the odd one out again. Don't know why I'm posting this, I just feel so lost now whereas a few weeks ago I was my normal happy self!
Also to add, this guy seems very sweet, genuine and not your typical tinder type, I'm just constantly waiting for him to cancel our date so I don't have to or if it goes well later down the line I know I'm going to be stuck
Ps I'm fully aware I probably need therapy to deal with all this instead of tattle

 

[shadowcat5]

I despise fitness but may have to take it up now

I might be in the gym, I might be on a run, I might also be in the beach bar enjoying a mocktail… who knows

 

[LaBlonde]

I live with a friend who is absolutely wonderful but obsessed with dating and is never not on the apps, in talking stages, or seeing someone. And then she'll always be talking about men or texting them constantly even while spending time with me/others. I admire her persistence and get that she wants to find her person and have kids etc, and sometimes it's fun to get the gossip since I don't actively date myself.... but overall I just don't get it?? I don't find it interesting talking about mediocre men all the time or it infringing on quality time. Plus I like home to feel like a sanctuary so I cba with random men being in the house ruining the energy (as much as I appreciate it's her home too). But yeah, I just don't get it when people centre men so heavily!!!

same on all counts. my male centred friend is so lax with her safety too: she gave one man her address so he could send her roses before even having met him and posted on instagram like #luckygirl while i was like girl he could rob you or worse now. she treats the apps like a part time job, literally dedicating an hour a night after work to swiping and messaging, and i just don’t understand it. after work time is MY time!

i am, i admit, on and off the apps myself because i’m chasing some kind of companionship that is borderline fictional at this point (i blame heated rivalry ) and men are just so tedious. the whole thing is so tedious. there is always always something else i would rather be doing.

 

[Mugglewump]

I'm single by choice in 40's.
I just can't be doing with a relationship.

 

[newtoyou]

I know someone who came into a lot of money and decided to self fund a phd. The immediate response from someone else I knew was “why doesn’t she buy a house?!”. Maybe cos she doesn’t want to??!!

 

[sleepflowers]

I am on Bumble but I don't like the format because women have to start the convo and I literally never want to start a convo with a man. He can talk to me!!

 

[smartalec]

I also hate hearing about women whose boyfriends/partners string them along for years without getting engaged, then they split and he marries someone else 6 months later.

Although those women might feel shit at the time, marriage does not benefit women unless they have children and give up work, due to financial protections. On every other measure, marriage is a negative, and they swerved a real pothole.

Those men are deeply pathetic types who cannot survive without constant ego-massaging or total cocklodgers always looking to drain a woman. I have a friend, who was married in those circumstances (before I got to know her and to be fair to her she found out near to the wedding that he had started dating her whilst living with the ex). Her soon-to-be ex-husband really never saw his partners as humans, but as stepping stones. The marriage drained her financially and made it x10 harder to exit. We are pretty sure the new girlfriend is lined up but he is too busy playing victim to be public about it.

 

[Zulkraa]

One of my friends renamed it Single Awareness Day

 

[popb1tch]

This mentality of "I need a man" is prevalent in so many cultures across the globe.

Which is strange when you think about the freedom and quality of life that so many women are able to enjoy.

The double shift that married women have to go through is so not appealing to me.

Double shift…that’s it…that’s exactly it…..go to work-work and then come home and do all the home/cooking/kids/family bit

Brilliant phrase…

 

[peachesandcreamz]

I posted this in childfree by choice but I thought I'd get some input from here actually!

Recently my Dad was talking how he hopes to retire soon. I told him you absolutely should - he's worked for 44+ years and deserves it! However he made a comment that he wants me to be "settled down" first (i.e. with a partner that can 'look after' me??). I said to him, what if I never get into a relationship? I'm more than happy with the people I have in my life and don't feel there is anything missing. It made me a bit uncomfortable as now I feel a pressure that he won't be happy retiring until I am "settled down"?

I'm hoping I can convince him I am just fine and he doesn't need to worry (I know that's a big ask from a parent!) but arghhhhh it's really weighing on my mind

 

[Quattro formaggi]

Hey, thanks for checking in, it went for a few dates then fizzled out and was happy with that think I'm destined to be single for ever, though do have lots of trips planned to look forward to.

I love planning my own trips no one else to have to please!

 

[shadowcat5]

You lot are definitely my people. I’m big into fitness so I always claim to “have to stay on track” while I’m away. I don’t really give a shit but it’s a good excuse to sod off alone for an hour because nobody wants to come

 

[Zenchick101]

I think some people are very bothered by the thought of being alone, so to them it might be.

Personally I don't mind being alone at all, for the most part.

I agree - I've gotten the "you're going to end up alone" insult a lot over the years. Due to me being too picky. But you just need to build a solid community around yourself in my opinion. You don't have to rely on dating.

By the way I'm in my twenties

 

[Chocolategoggler]

What I never understand is why it bothers other people so much. They have their own partner and kids so why does it unsettle them so much?!

They're scared/jealous of us non conformists

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@Millais They sound very narrow minded. Like living in a gossipy village. You sound contented and happy. That's what's important.

 

[Wolfshead]

I'm newly single (getting divorced) and it's made me realize just how much time and energy a lot of women (myself included) spent on their male partners. So much of his needs were prioritised above mine. I see it in so many of my friends now too. Them planning the holidays, them making reservations, them worrying about their partner's stress, all the house admin... don't get me started on the children! It's absolutely exhausting and now it's SO FREEING not to have to worry about all of that any more. Men who are unorganized, unmotivated and not outgoing give me major red flags now!



Omg this! This is exactly what I was trying to say! My best friend and her partner are exactly like this, to the point I don't enjoy seeing them together anymore. She has to lead him by the hand in EVERYTHING. I just want to give her a shake

And then they wonder why you don't become a sex goddess come bedtime.

 

[peachesandcreamz]

Got into work this morning and took the lift up from the car park with a member of our security/reception team that I always chat to. He was grilling me saying "why aren't you married yet? what are you waiting for?!" and offered to help "fix" that

I told him repeatedly I am happily single and don't want a relationship - what concern is it of him??? He has a wife and children, why does my life affect you??

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I really appreciate hearing from people explaining what it’s like to be demisexual or asexual. I can’t relate, and no-one I know talks about this in real life.

Seriously, thank you all for being so honest. In my eyes, it’s clearly just a “normal thing” now.

 

[yogiessexdubs]

I just feel men aren’t masculine enough these days. Like, solve a problem, drive something forward. I’m not interested in anything less & they appear to be wet lettuces & more of a hinderance, in which case I’m fine on my own!