Ruby Granger #36 Pumpkin Bread Activity

[gossip_guy]

I might be wrong, but I think that originally Erimentha was not on a scholarship and then Ruby re-edited the book and added that in, presumably to make Erimentha more relatable (or to emphasise the ‘child genius’ aspect, I was never sure which). However, as you say, she didn’t really change anything in the rest of the book so Erimentha, despite needing financial support, lives in a large house with mud-rooms and pantries galore and lives a generally very privileged life (I’m not suggesting that doesn’t happen but honestly, in the context of this book it’s odd). I can’t help but feel that if this were real life, Erimentha would be regarded by the school as a major PITA and the scholarship would be quietly withdrawn. I really doubt they’d be supporting her over the fee-paying pupils, but perhaps I am cynical. Also, when reading keep an eye out for the disappearing sibling (who I’m sure was originally a girl but who was changed to a boy …)

This might be my favourite bit of insane incompetence from the book.

Erimentha Parker is from a poor, struggling working class family who magically have all the perks and privileges of wealth, like private tennis lessons, a palatial home and endless summer holidays in France.

Ruby, I'm begging you, please just self-publish Lottie Parton. The world needs more of this hilarious cringe.

 

[Auga]

I might be wrong, but I think that originally Erimentha was not on a scholarship and then Ruby re-edited the book and added that in, presumably to make Erimentha more relatable (or to emphasise the ‘child genius’ aspect, I was never sure which).

This is true - she edited the book to make Erimentha seem less disgustingly wealthy (didn't work) and less obnoxious (same). I think in the original, Erimentha was more vocal about her sneering rather than just thinking it.

 

[LostGhosts]

This is true - she edited the book to make Erimentha seem less disgustingly wealthy (didn't work) and less obnoxious (same). I think in the original, Erimentha was more vocal about her sneering rather than just thinking it.

Wait the version I am reading is the LESS obnoxious version. My god ...

 

[Auga]

Ruby, I'm begging you, please just self-publish Lottie Parton. The world needs more of this hilarious cringe.

I do hope this is you signing yourself up for doing the chapter summaries in penance for encouraging such evil to be released into the world! I can promise you, you will never be the same again after about three or four. Or as Ruby might say, you will feel like a felt tip pen which has been used so harshly that all of its ink has been lost, or as deflated as an untied balloon released from a child's sticky finger tips...

(I still haven't recovered from doing the Erimentha ones which required rereading it twice, and seeing a new series is bringing back the trauma...)

 

[StatusWoe]

This is almost certainly her third attempt at getting into Oxford and her second attempt at getting in for her masters. She had it the applications on her to do list last year, and then we didn't hear anything until she said she was taking a gap year. Knowing how obsessed she is with Oxford, there's no way she didn't apply last year because that would be giving up a chance.

I hadn't thought of that, but perhaps you're right. Third time lucky?

 

[gossip_guy]

I do hope this is you signing yourself up for doing the chapter summaries in penance for encouraging such evil to be released into the world! I can promise you, you will never be the same again after about three or four. Or as Ruby might say, you will feel like a felt tip pen which has been used so harshly that all of its ink has been lost, or as deflated as an untied balloon released from a child's sticky finger tips...

(I still haven't recovered from doing the Erimentha ones which required rereading it twice, and seeing a new series is bringing back the trauma...)

Your sacrifice was not in vain. Yours and @Satisfying Click 's summaries brought the thread inordinate amounts of joy.

If she were to self-publish Lottie Parton, I'd even do the unthinkable and pay for a product that Ruby releases.

Make it happen, Rubert! Funky Bread Activity will be dead in a month, you'll be needing a new revenue stream to bring in that extra £9 a month!

 

[Auga]

Wait the version I am reading is the LESS obnoxious version. My god ...

Wait until you get to the laminated reading rules...

The worst is that I think even now, Ruby still doesn't see her Erimentha's behaviour as obnoxious. As she saw it, Erimentha's only problem was being too naive about how her brilliance could make others jealous. But even Kimberl(e)y - whom Ruby takes pains to depict as having the IQ of pondscum - and the other eleven year olds are able to see that Erimentha's sole motivation is to make herself seen and acknowledged as the smartest, bestest child in the room, and all at their expense.

And if her dynamic with Nathan - i.e. how Erimonster is always at pains to draw attention to how superior she is different they are - is in anyway reflective of how Ruby and Martha grew up, then I feel very sorry for Martha. If you are labelled early on as the "unacademic one" just because you aren't studying 12 hours a day and telling everyone about it (the second part is always the most important), it's very easy to absorb that kind of limitation into your identity as you grow up.

 

[Satisfying Click]

Yes, the sibling dynamics were unpleasant to read. I hope Martha 'drops the rope' (a Mumsnet term I recently learned) with her family, as she makes a lot of effort (thoughtful gifts, wanting to go to Ruby's graduation) and seems to get little in return.

 

[Satisfying Click]

I'm not sure if this was a recent follow, but she's certainly dropping those hints

 

[StatusWoe]

I can’t help but feel that if this were real life, Erimentha would be regarded by the school as a major PITA and the scholarship would be quietly withdrawn.

Just while we're on this topic, scholarship students don't need to be low-income. It basically just means they're given a fee reduction because they're talented in one or more areas. It's not usually a very large deduction either - like 25% and rarely more than 50% of fees. If Ruby's trying to write about a poor character at a posh school, the term she wants is 'bursary' because they're the things that are means-tested. Apologies for this highly specific tangent lol.

“They don’t offer psychology in year 7 but I still made the GCSE teacher a pamphlet about the changes in mental health care, from Plath’s time in McLean Hospital up until the present day. The historical element means that I can also show Mr Aldridge – I expect that he’d find that interesting”

You'd expect that, would you?

“I am actually thrilled – sitting so close to the teacher means that we can converse about Cambodia and mental health care while my peers chatter seamlessly about lip gloss, social media and pop music”

First of all, this is horrible. Surely Ruby intended this to be comedy?? Second, I'm not sure 'seamlessly' is the word Ruby's looking for in this context. Maybe incessantly?

"I will continue doing extension projects, even if it means sneaking them to my teachers in the dead of night as though I am part of some clandestine organisation"

This image is killing me. Erimentha Ruby breaking and entering in the middle of the night, trying to deliver her ASSAY on mental health care in 1960s Cambodia. Wow I hope this isn't autobiographical lmao.

 

[Blue_Letters]

Is she serious with this

Spoiler: TW: weird food

This has to be the saddest most disgusting bread and jam I've ever seen. It looks like it's been spread on and then scraped back off. Also soggy like it's been sat there awhile. Ruby, please duck off with your Oliver Twist breakfast.

 

[laynelo_]

I'm not sure if this was a recent follow, but she's certainly dropping those hints

View attachment 1989547

Shaking in her little middle class loafers Pretty much confirmed she’s in now, someone mentioned how niche the English masters are at Oxford so she’s guaranteed a spot essentially.

 

[rubysdeadfly]

“I am actually thrilled – sitting so close to the teacher means that we can converse about Cambodia and mental health care while my peers chatter seamlessly about lip gloss, social media and pop music”

I am the peer that chatters about lip gloss, social media and pop music lmao me in class applying my dior lip oil as I talk about elphabas latest meltdown

 

[Auga]

I am the peer that chatters about lip gloss, social media and pop music lmao me in class applying my dior lip oil as I talk about elphabas latest meltdown

I hope you're thoroughly ashamed of yourself. If you carry on down this unproductive path, you might end up talking to boys and partaking of ethanol.

 

[pinkmug]

Erimentha Parker Chapters 4 and 5:

- Just a random point, but this whole book highlights how privileged Ruby is and how she doesn't understand how people can essentially not have money. Erimentha is described as poor and needing a scholarship to afford the school. But there are just so many things in the book that contradict this. I'm only really writing this because Ruby had to mention that Erimentha's house has a mud room ...

Plot -

Honestly barely anything happens in these chapters
- Ruby goes to the library and is sad to find you can only take out two books at a time
- The librarian tells her the books she chose are quite tricky but Ruby essentially tells her to duck off as she read A brief history of time, so this is nothing
- Back in form they rearrange the desks and Ruby sits next to the teacher
- We get some unnecessary descriptions of trees and stuff while Ruby goes on a walk
- They have pumpkin soup for dinner and Ruby has to go get her waste of space brother who was building lego instead of doing work
- She uses an out of date encyclopaedia to read up and make notes on Cambodia so she can harass her form tutor later
- Waffles on for three pages about different definitions of bullying

Quotes -

• “They don’t offer psychology in year 7 but I still made the GCSE teacher a pamphlet about the changes in mental health care, from Plath’s time in McLean Hospital up until the present day. The historical element means that I can also show Mr Aldridge – I expect that he’d find that interesting”
• “I am actually thrilled – sitting so close to the teacher means that we can converse about Cambodia and mental health care while my peers chatter seamlessly about lip gloss, social media and pop music”
• Unfortunately for me, and to the delight of my peers. We have not been given any homework apart from a brief account of how we found our first day
• "I will continue doing extension projects, even if it means sneaking them to my teachers in the dead of night as though I am part of some clandestine organisation"

The more I hear about Erimentha, the more I am shocked she didn't get bullied more.

 

[LostGhosts]

Erimentha Parker Chapters 6 and 7:

Plot -
- It is day 2 at school. Kimberley and the other girls snatch her book of post it notes and and up accidently throwing it out of the window
- Erimentha asks to meet Kimberly and co in the form room at first break
- During history she knows the answer to all the questions and after she doesn't get picked to answer it she raises her hand even higher because one of the stupid pesants she has the misfortune of sharing a class with only provided a basic answer, not a 3 hour seminar. Obviously Mr Aldridge rewards her for embarrising the other student by giving her a housepoint
- Ruby meets with the 'bullies' at break and basically gives them a stern talking to which does absolutely nothing. Kimberly ends by saying she has decided she will spend the whole year hating her, and then spits gum at her.
- We are also treated to a sticky note checklist of things to include in a creative writing piece. I may be god awful at English but I don't think anyone needs a post it note reminding them to write something that has a "beginning, middle and an end". Also Ruby lets us know it is important to include the use of "at least one semicolon".
- For some random reason Ruby felt it was important to let us know Nathan is allergic to vinegar when writing her list of supplies for her volcano. Maybe her plan is just to gas him enough so he goes into anaphylaxis and dies?
- The next day Simone comes round to build the volcano. Ruby suggests they film the whole thing to show their geography teacher
- After they build it they go into the garden to sit at the end of the "lakeside Jetty". I love how Ruby really highlighted in the first chapter how poor the character was but now it sounds like she lives in a country manor
- Simone encourages Ruby to report the bullying to their form tutor and Ruby shuts her down

Quotes -
- This is a point on her to do list: "Talk with Kimberley (I might be going crazy but I thought it was spelt Kimberleigh earlier ...), Beth and Izzy - find a time to talk and clarify the exact reason for their unkindness. From here, adjustments can be made as necessary. It is possible their behaviours is perfectly justified"
- "My hand shoots up diligently, straightening so quickly that a shudder passes through my left arm"
- When talking about being nervous about starting secondary school - "My insomnia was so terrible the first few weeks of the summer holidays that I had to go to my local GP"
- "Simone doesn't look convinced and I see cogs turn underneath the marrow of her skull, beating against the blood flow and electrical impulses of the cerebrum"

 

[xoxoxo13]

View attachment 1984822
Are we cruising towards an Oxford era?!

God that fingernail is disgusting

 

[emerald]

I just went and read the free sample of Erimentha Parker on amazon because I thought from those quotes that @LostGhosts is posting Ruby must be a My Immortal level troll but no. Those really are direct quotes from the book. I'm speechless.
It's also painfully autobiographical. Extremely cringe making.

 

[VallegGirl]

I have just read the blurb on the back of Rubes book on Amazon. Isn't that a photo of her bedroom? I wondered if it was enlarged it would be possible to spot candle grease, dead flies and dust bunnies?

 

[anakinskywalkers]

imone doesn't look convinced and I see cogs turn underneath the marrow of her skull, beating against the blood flow and electrical impulses of the cerebrum"

Did Patrick Bateman write this? Good god