Ruby Granger #30 A warm milky mug of applestoodle tea

[gossip_guy]

I want to file a complaint. My ads are full of office chairs now because of gossip_guy.

Please direct all complaints to:

[email protected]

 

[Griftwood]

I know we give her a lot of shit for "writing is my identity" and stuff. But I'm reading Atomic Habits, and it claims that first you internalize that something you want to achieve is your identity, and then you begin acting like someone who does that.

I wonder if this is one of the books she's actually read?

How do you act like someone who vacuums their home regularly? Asking for a friend

 

[xoxoxo13]

Spent the evening with my partner watching Ruby videos as she is our favourite hate watch and I've got the fiancée disliking Ruby so much. She suggested that there should be a ruby Granger drinking game , e.g. take a shot when she describes something as 'cool' and when she twirls in the garden. What else would you guys add to this drinking game?

take a shot every time there's a jump cut
take a shot every time she mispronounces a word
take a shot every time she changes outfits
take a shot every time she shows her dirty nails
take a shot every time she wags her finger at the camera
take a shot every time she furrows her eyebrows and talks in her fake 'deep thoughts' voice
take a shot every time she waxes poetry about something as mundane as plant leaves
take a shot every time she mentions automn
take a shot for every undisclosed ad
take a shot every time she mentions tea

call an ambulance

 

[gossip_guy]

View attachment 1465191
I hope this beautiful day she hopes we all have time to notice is beautiful, includes time spent checking her room isn't burning to the ground given that obvious fire hazard of the jaunty angled candle about to fall onto the window sill ..oh dreamy victoriana house fire also loved how she had to say that the book she's reading isn't available to normal plebs until January!!!! Gosh!! January?!

"I'll give a review when I'm finished."

So she'll never review it then?

 

[alligatorshades]

Funny how everyone is allowed to have an opinion except me. I get criticised for my own opinions yet everyone else's are being accepted? So much for freedom of speech and having an own opinion.

Freedom of speech doesn't mean you can't be criticised, it just means you're allowed to say it. Don't take it too personally!

 

[Griftwood]

Ikr. It couldn't feel less like pre-autumn. Over 30 degrees here!!

Technically, you could claim that spring is also pre-autumn, or that winter is post-autumn - but you wouldn't say that because it would make you look like a pumpkin-obsessed weirdo.

She says she got it from her Norwegian pen pal, and it’s an actual word in Swedish as well (förhöst). It’s kind of a Nordic concept - it’s starting to get a little colder here, the nights are dark again, schools start around this time, and many people feel summer is over. Roobee, of course, is appropriating the concept for her own play-pretend purposes.

 

[gossip_guy]

I just can't. Her angry rant of protest that she AWHLWHEYS declares ads and is aWhLwHaYs transparent about brand deals and it's SYO UNFAHHR to call her a lying sneak is quite literally sandwiched between a video full of lies and undeclared ads and this, a post which is deliberately misleading about her ties to "Mispah Teena".

"I've been wearing Miss Patina for years."

Yes, because THEY'VE BEEN GIFTING YOU CLOTHES FOR YEARS. YOU ARE NOT JUST A FAN AND CUSTOMER. THIS IS THE SHIT WHICH YOU SHOULD DECLARE.

God, she's the absolute fucking worst.

 

[gossip_guy]

She's blessed us with even more bad writing.

Her new explanation for all her writing being bad and her showing no improvement: It's supposed to be like that!

Unfortunately she only posted her narrated version so I've transcribed the insanity:

"I swam out tharr in the mworning.
Sat my shyooes and jomper right down in front of the old pier and stripped down to my old swimsyoot.
The pabbles prickled moiy feet and oiy half-ran to the seafront.
But the wahhrtuh wasn't as cyold as oiy acks-packted.
Not tepid. Still cold.
Cold loike lammonade. Not tyoo intanse...in a NASS-essary syort of way.
Nyo waves this mworning - at least nwot awftah the farrsh stap.
I dock undernyeath, and my hahhr froze frays in the water. Around moiy head. Above moiy back.
And oiy'm ackshually pleeased oiy forgot my scronchie.
I swim farther. Dyeeper. The whhartuh neither wharm nor cwold anymwore.
Instad...loike ahhr - thahhr bot not.
I hold moy brath. And moiy hands yover moiy head to syee how deep it is.
(Not varry.)
Only johst about twaller than me.
Than oiy swam dyeeper still. Until oiy can see the pier cleanly.
The nasstling bahhrds fyocus. AVVERYWAHHR.
Nearly avvery spyoke and pillah. They sit near the whartuh in bonches.
Some floiy back to the beachfrohnt for croissants and tyoast.
The mattel sheets are loiyke filmstrips stratching twice around the strockcher.
And thyough they're opaque, they almyost look see-thryough.
Thin enoff, reflacktive enoff that you can awwlmyost believe that loight is shoiyning thryoo tham.
WHAT WOULD THOSE PICTURES SHOW?!
Thyose pictures that make up a myoment - a mammary - screaming flames orrr...quiet seaside plashah?
That one annual day at the seaside for Jacqueline Samuels or Buth-ollomyew Jyones.
That short London ascape. Slarthered in clotted cream--eye cream--ice cream--and bags of cockles."

Ruby continues to write from the perspective of people who have supernatural, omniscient vision. Here she's deep underwater - water which is not cold but also cold (like lemonade) - and from under the surface she can see the entire migratory patterns of all the birds in the sky in a 3 mile radius, along with their intended beachside foods.

She seems to discover some kind of alien structure underwater which is made of some shapeshifting metal that is both opaque and transparent at once.

And her fond daydreams naturally involve screaming and fire - not surprising given how intent she is on burning her house down.

 

[phatgollum]

I don't understand how she is going to be doing autumnal things when in the uk it's literally 33 degrees and we're in a drought.

 

[teflonpanda]

Congrats!! Born at the beginning of autumn, huh

 

[slicketyrickety]

am I not up to date with acronyms or whatever because what is this title card supposed to MEAN or did forget to continue the sentence ??

 

[emmer_moans]

Also “they say autumn has come early this year” who’s they girl boss? Because we’ve had a record breaking summer

I think she mistakes the parched fields as a sign of Autumn…

She looks unhinged in this video.
The lank hair, white nightdress and bare feet and eating some fruit off a tree with both hands just makes her look ridiculous.

 

[opal73]

She's obsessed with autumn not because she likes it but because she associates the season with the start of school...because she so badly wants to be 12 again

 

[hermionewannabe123]

the way she often acts as if university students are completely detached from the real world makes me so incredibly mad

If she'd actually spent her time at Exeter interacting with others instead of at home, she might've met and befriended people from entirely different backgrounds pursuing different goals- you know, the point of university.

Ruby has no idea what university is like for the average or even above-average student. She doesn't know what normal studying looks like or how students on a budget actually live. She doesn't even seem to grasp how academia works.

 

[Mclindy]

5. Her daddy seems to be having some inhuman facial seizure during every game, his brow "shifting" and his face "flickering" like a faulty Ikea lamp

This is why I'm happy people are complimenting her writing on IG. It's just going to encourage her and then we get a good laugh because her writing is actually getting worse the more confident she gets.

The passage about the roses was funny, but this chess piece was hilarious. Haha, I can't wait for whatever she produces next.

 

[yerdasellsavon]

I think she'll apply for Oxford, get rejected and then give up on the whole thing and never mention it again.

I disagree if I'm honest. I think she'll apply to Oxford and actually be successful this time round.

You need a strong academic showing at undergrad, which she has; Oxford requires a first-class or a strong 2:1 and she has a strong first from a very good RG university. With some modules at 80 and I don't think a single one being below a 74, that definitely satisfies that requirement. There is also no interview for postgrad English at Oxford. If there was, I wouldn't be surprised at all if she failed to get in, as interviewers will quickly realise she isn't as smart as her grades perhaps indicate.

While I think she'll get in, I certainly don't think it'll be the right choice for her and Oxford will swallow her alive. Doing a Masters in general is difficult with the additional pressure of doing much more individualised study, but to do it at an intense environment like Oxford will be far too much for her. She'll stick at it as it's "been her dream", but I expect a train wreck.

Ultimately, she'll want to go to Oxford to try and vindicate her previous rejection and prove the nasty bullies who didn't let her in the first time round, while giving up some spiel to not give up on your dreams and it being destiny/fate or whatever. You can add in the extra bonus of being able to put "Oxford" in every single video title, whether that's "7am Morning Routine for an Oxford Student" or "How I Manage to be Productive as an Oxford Student".

All in all, it's to do with what other people think, which she cares far too much about. She should really get out of the safety net of education and into the real world. Ah well, at least it'll provide us with entertainment.

 

[gossip_guy]

"the ocean"

No early years teachers around to give her a pat on the back, so she's had to do it herself.

I can't. This is just too funny.

 

[Elekktra]

I want to file a complaint. My ads are full of office chairs now because of gossip_guy.

 

[theMoth]

are these ants?

 

[pineapplesandcheese]

This is very nitpicky, but something that bothers me is how she says 'Like always' to lead into the description of the prawns, uh, I mean the pawns. That's the nature of chess pieces - and most inanimate objects. They stay the same. Why wouldn't they be 'like always'? It's not like the weather. Speaking of the weather, what kind of meteorological chaos is occurring in the Rubysphere? Wind shuffles, tree ruffles, pavement scatters, leaf shatters, nothing matters. These clouds are unnerving too. They've been grey all day, but they're no longer white? They've never been white! Ruby just told us they've been grey all day. But they're not ordinary grey; they're the kind of grey that's purple. Purple isn't a kind of grey.

Ever since the 'cucumber fragments in coves' post, I've had a suspicion that Ruby's been influenced by some special garden mushrooms, and this piece of chess writing does nothing to change that.

The writing she shares on her instagram captions has very English language GCSE vibes, I don't think there's any shame in not being a good writer especially at her age, but it really does highlight how insanely privileged she is that she can take a year off to try and get published when her writing quality is on par with an average top set English high school class