"I'm gonna put someImagine Ruby getting bullied by Bully Maguire
While we're on the subject of mind-boggling stupidity and Ruby's house of putrid squalor:
Inside Flood
Some friends were due to come over for a movie night and so I was running about trying to make the house look tidier and clean up before they arrived. I set the Roomba off downstairs and was soaking some dishes in the sink when my mobile rang. I answered but could hardly hear a word, so shut...
Ruby's mother's latest blog is up and...as usual, there's a lot to digest.
"Some friends were due to come over for a movie night and so I was running about trying to make the house look tidier and clean up before they arrived. I set the Roomba off downstairs and was soaking some dishes in the sink when my mobile rang. I answered but could hardly hear a word, so shut myself in another room to take the call. Minutes passed and by the time I emerged, there were a couple of inches of water covering the kitchen floor. Argh! I had left the tap running."
As always with Ruby and her mother, stupidity causes a problem that they then wildly and blatantly embellish, but they're never to blame. Her mother's frequent bouts of dangerous idiocy are always framed as someone or something else's fault. Here she was simply too damn busy juggling all that cleaning, getting ready for another Tory Covid-spreader get-together, when some inconsiderate person decided to call her. "Argh!" indeed.
Let's unpeel the layers of stupidity here. "Soaking some dishes" generally means...well, soaking them - leaving them in a still body of soapy water. "Soaking some dishes" does not cranking the taps, standing back and having a glass of wine, which is what is being described as happening here for this whole thing to happen.
Now, we've seen this family's kitchen. We know that zero cleaning takes place. But this tall tale of allegedly unavoidable disaster raises obvious questions.
They have a dishwasher. This is the whole point of owning a dishwasher - for the convenience of being able to load it up and walk away. They're the laziest, most spoilt toffs who ever dodged their taxes. There is zero possibility that given the choice between the option of soaking dishes in the sink before hand-washing them, or just shoving them all in the dishwasher and letting nature take its course, that Ruby or her mother would choose the former.
To prove this point: Mother Granger previously posted a self-congratulatory blog about how she bought - (Gasp!) - an upright vacuum cleaner.
Feminist Housewife
Having lunch with old friends recently, I was told that I am not very feminist because of being super excited about my new 'Hoover' coming today. It is actually a Sebo but I was raised in the seventies and we called all vacuum cleaners 'Hoovers' back then. My friends did point out that it is a...
This is evidently used as nothing more than a novelty decoration/beret holder in that house, since Ruby's mother sends a poor underpowered and unprepared Roomba up against the mountainous piles of dirt, grime, dust and god knows what else instead of vacuuming. It's a bit like putting a butter knife in the hands of a malnourished child and sending up against the entire Roman legion alone; that poor bastard is gonna die in seconds.
(Ruby's Roomba, praying for the sweet release of death.)
The fact that Ruby's family let a Roomba handle all their household cleaning explains a lot about how constantly filthy that house is, considering they aren't known to work great on hard surfaces and Ruby's home is all tile and hardwood. But regardless, it's very clearly the lazy option, instead of mopping the kitchen floor or hoovering the living room(s). So the idea that Mother Granger would willingly do dishes by hand when there's a more convenient/lazy option available doesn't make sense. Either she's lying (most likely) or she's an idiot (also a given). It's definitely both.
Now, from the sounds of it, Mother Granger was alone in the kitchen. So what was making so much noise that Mother Granger had to flee the room? Was the noise on the other end of the phone, and Ruby's mother's just a complete moron trying to escape it by changing her location? Or is cleanliness such an alien concept in their house that the sound of running water is apparently so unfamiliar and abrasive to Ruby's mother that she had to run away and put a closed door between her and it to be able to hear a phone call?
"The Roomba was stranded roller deep, so I scooped it up and put on the radiator to dry off - not sure that is recommended in the manual."
So...Ruby's mother had the Roomba cleaning the kitchen? Roombas generally don't seem to be especially loud, and there's the obvious solution: If it's making noise and you want it to stop, just switch it off for a few minutes.
And putting plastic objects on old, piping hot steel radiators is always a smart decision that never ends badly.
If Ruby's mother's attention span and object permanence are so non-existent that she'd run away leaving free-flowing water filling a plugged sink and shut herself in another room long enough for the kitchen to flood with water two inches deep on the floor, then it's easy to see where Ruby's complete life incompetence comes from.
"I grabbed some old dog towels and threw them about to soak up the access spillage, when the doorbell rang. I let in my guests, who hardly battered an eyelid when they saw the chaos in front of them."
No bleeping tit. If they'd visited your home before, they're undoubtedly well aware of the putrid state of squalor your house is perpetually in. They're more likely to be shocked that anyone in the family was pretending to do housework.
And how many "dog towels" do they own that we're to believe that she mopped up most of a two inch kitchen flood with them?
"Cathy offered to mop up but I said not to worry, as it would most probably evaporate overnight or while we watched the film - she looked dubious."
The state of horrifying mess and filth that infests their home is so commonplace that even the guests are offering to clean, because the people who live there clearly won't.
Ruby's mother believed that two inches of water would just evaporate overnight - if not in two hours - in a house with no modern heating system in the dead of winter.
Again, either she's lying her ass off and this two inch high flood of water was actually a small puddle, or just didn't exist, or she's a colossal moron. It's still both.
"I had hardly a clue what was going on during the latest Bond."
Ruby's mother, to no surprise, is easily confused by a relatively straightforward popcorn action movie.
Another week, another wildly embellished tale of disaster that (if it even happened) was the result of stupidity, but is blamed on the unfair whims of outside forces. This family is too dumb to function.
