Well that solves the 'what will she do next?'...'get onto a good masters programme'.
Ruby Granger #21 Dirty kitchen, messy car; I wonder where the planners are?
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Well that solves the 'what will she do next?'...'get onto a good masters programme'.
WARNING: May cause temporary deafness
Notable that she doesn't have that in the next year but in the next five years. 'Get a book deal' is in the next year though, I'm guessing she imagines that she'll have some time off for her serious author business before returning to university.
I bleeping love it when people react to criticism by accusing others of being jealous. It's the most trite argument ever for this kind of thing.
Sure, keep telling yourself that anyone who dares criticize precious little Ruby is a mean, spaghetti strap wearing bully who is jealous of the nerdy straight-A student, as if real life is a bad 90's movie. It's way easier than facing criticism and trying to improve, after all.
Our friend Penultimate H back again with the creepy compliments
Sure, keep telling yourself that anyone who dares criticize precious little Ruby is a mean, spaghetti strap wearing bully who is jealous of the nerdy straight-A student, as if real life is a bad 90's movie. It's way easier than facing criticism and trying to improve, after all.
Our friend Penultimate H back again with the creepy compliments
Oh this is interesting - cause on the one hand I think taking a gap year could be really good for her! But on the other hand Ruby has never had to live without external structure from school/university before so I feel like she'll spiral. Especially if her plans for the gap year amount to "sit in my childhood bedroom and write a novel to get a book deal". That's a recipe for disaster imho.
Edit: Also can anyone decipher the second item on her plan for next year? I think it says "publish" (something I couldn't read).
And the five-year plan also includes "work with an anti-bullying charity" so I guess these anti-bullying charities better get ready to cough up some money lol
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The thought of a separate room full of children's toys genuinely made me shiver. I'm picturing one of those serial killer shrine rooms that you'd see on Criminal Minds.
Ballet nerd here!lol you’re rightsame middle-brow wannabe ballerina vibes though
Pretty sure that it's Dance of the Little Swans. So we've had Nutcracker, Swan Lake and now all we need is Sleeping Beauty.Other thoughts/questions:
-Penultimate H is such a creeper!
-I can't read all of Ruby's list, but am interested to know why she chose Rome as her first solo travel destination, and also curious about the whole Royal Mail business.
-Dreading the book. Lmao.
-One item on the list mentions an escape room again. What is this?
-I swear she's written BAUM classes but that's not a thing.
-Gymnastics classes? Did I read that correctly.
-Also noticed how many of her resolutions seem to be a direct response to Tattle opinions.
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I think it says ballet classesThe thought of a separate room full of children's toys genuinely made me shiver. I'm picturing one of those serial killer shrine rooms that you'd see on Criminal Minds.
Ballet nerd here!
Other thoughts/questions:
-Penultimate H is such a creeper!
-I can't read all of Ruby's list, but am interested to know why she chose Rome as her first solo travel destination, and also curious about the whole Royal Mail business.
-Dreading the book. Lmao.
-One item on the list mentions an escape room again. What is this?
-I swear she's written BAUM classes but that's not a thing.
-Gymnastics classes? Did I read that correctly.
-Also noticed how many of her resolutions seem to be a direct response to Tattle opinions.
It's honestly comments like this that probably fuel her delusions about bullying and lead her to block anyone and everyone bringing up any sort of concerns. No wonder she's so full of herself. Her fans give her all this empty praise and then tell her people who are critical are just jealous
instead of feeling sorry for her and wanting her to act like the adult she is and actually be herself on camera.It says "publish an article somewhere", so hopefully we'll finally be treated with some of Ruby's academic writing soon!
I also think it's interesting that her only major academic goals are to get onto a master's programme (in the next 5 years, so I'm guessing as another commenter suggested she's taking some time out, which honestly I think would benefit her), and publishing an academic paper. No mention of a PhD — I wonder if she's actually working towards other plans...maybe even (gasp!) an actual job?!
Just watched Ruby’s new year video and I have a few observations:
1) look at her going straight through those muddy puddles like Peppa bleeping Pig.
2) I’m sure she used to have a big girl bed? When did that go?
1) look at her going straight through those muddy puddles like Peppa bleeping Pig.
2) I’m sure she used to have a big girl bed? When did that go?
Well, that would make a lot more sense than BAUM classes tbf.
If only 2022 could be the year of Ruby learning to differentiate between bullying and warranted criticism for actions that have a negative impact...
Roobly woobly whoosh!!!
I know this is nitpicky as hell but her pen grip enrages me. 
Relax your hand ffs, it's not trying to run away from you.
Relax your hand ffs, it's not trying to run away from you.I can’t read all the goals, but it will be interesting to see if Ruby manages to achieve a first class degree. I am not sure that a Masters would suit her as even a taught MA requires much more independent study and critical thinking than an undergraduate degree. I would also question what she means by a ‘good’ Masters programme as I think the important issue is ensuring that the research interests of your Supervisors align with your own, rather than the general reputation of the University. I wonder if she will apply to Oxford again, but I know a few people who have been rejected for the postgraduate English courses even with strong academic credentials and references.
Ruby's kicking off the New Year with her latest attempt to sweep this whole "Being a terrible businessperson and terrible person in general" thing under the rug without consequence. It's a new year! A time to forgive and forget the money she owes her customers and various charities!
As the famous song goes: "Should auld monetary pilfering be forgot and never brought to mind?" In Ruby's mind, absolutely. Ruby's a Tory, and they're not supposed to deal with annoying things like comeuppances.
Ruby starts the year as she means to go on: By clinging to the past and living in squalor.
This is a vlog covering the last few days of the year, Ruby claims. The flowers on her windowsill were delivered to her mid-December and looked near death then. Rub keeps them proudly on display still, even though they look pathetically wilted.
She starts the day by "making her bed" - i.e., pulling a throw over her bed to avoid having to change the sheets or adjust their sloppy hanging-off-the-mattress fit in any way. It's an approach she uses in every aspect of her life: Toss a metaphorical rug over anything messy or unfortunate, like criticism and requests for planner refunds, and hope it magically fixes itself.
"I always use the last few days of the year to REE-SAT and RE-FLACKT," she says, and I assume she means "Reset the Pumpkin Productivity order system to purge all refund requests and complaint emails to avoid dealing with them, and reflect on all the new money in the bank".
"I'm basically trying to do things that will set me up well for the new year," she says, then aptly cuts to a shot of her running full-sprint away from responsibility and consequences.
Ruby says her morning walk through a muddy field is the highlight of her day, which doesn't sound like a good thing, and she can't have enjoyed it too much since she spent 85% of this walk setting up her camera to film herself walking back and forth from an embarrassing amount of different angles.
Most of the later shots in the video are the same angle as earlier ones, but Ruby's walking in a different direction. Nothings says "Mindfully enjoying a carefree walk in nature" quite like setting a camera up on a fence, walking twenty feet, turning around and then walking back to collect the camera and then doing this all again multiple times throughout the walk.
She trails off on one of her now-obligatory "walking through fields" casual magic nonsensical diatribes.
"I'm SO aware right now of why I love winter so mOch? I always think it's because I love Christmas aaaand I always think, 'Oh, after Christmas I'm gyowing to bee syooo down in the dumps because Christmas will be ovah, but...gyowing on this walk now, I remember just like I love just...I love winter." (Take a break here to down your headache pills of choice because Ruby's mangling of the English language feels like a violent verbal assault on the cerebral cortex.)
She claims January and February are her new favourite months, but since she says every single month is her new favourite month when it rolls around, this means nothing - it's merely her brain telling her mouth to make sounds just to confirm she's still conscious.
Ruby twirls around in the wind and mud and rants how much the weather reminds her how much she loves Winter. Only...this isn't Winter weather. This is British weather. Wet, windy, cloudy and muddy? That's the weather you get in the UK most of the year.
"Last January when I was just going on these walks every morning, I got into the habits of going on these walks every morning."
Rubes, this is your latest reminder that the body requires nutrients for the brain to function.
When you don't eat for long periods of time, the speech centre of your starved, barely-functional brain offers up tit like, "Back when I was doing that thing I was doing, I was doing that thing I was doing!" And the now-impaired judgement centre of your brain thinks, "Sounds good to me! Lets say that out loud and share it online!" The end result is this embarrassing video.
Ruby says that taking a walk in December reminds her of all those walks she took in January. No bleeping tit. You were walking in the exact same field, because you never leave home. It's a guaranteed recipe for déjà vu.
She says the walk is "really meditative" because she doesn't listen to music and lets herself think. And if this is the level of insightful thoughts she comes up with, she should really start taking headphones to drown that nonsense out.
After more footage of her walking through fields that goes on for far too long (Ruby resorts to time-lapse for half of it, and even then it drags on pointlessly), she's back home.
"LOOK how muddy my legs got." You aimed for every muddy puddle like a hyperactive 4 year old, what did you think would happen?
And those can't be jeans, right, Ruby? Because you made a preachy point in a recent video about how you don't own and never wear those, so this must be some kind of mistake, surely?
Ruby's going to get changed because her clothes are wet and "moddy", but first she points out that she's listening to The Cinematic Orchestra.
Rather than just telling people what album it is, she awkwardly just shows her screen. Strange, no? Almost as if she's conspicuously showing her screen to display the date. Y'know, the date on your phone that you can very easily change to pretend it's a different date...? That or she saw French on the album art and wisely didn't attempt to pronounce it, even though the English translation is right there.
As sloppy editing causes her sentences to overlap each other, Ruby says one of the things she does at the end of every year is to compile a memory video of the best things that happened that year.
Since Ruby never steps outside her comfort zone or try anything new whatsoever, she can (and probably will) just recycle last year's video. Contents will include:
She makes more tea, because in Ruby's mind it's a great substitute for food.
Then Ruby tries to place her tea strainer back on its holder thing. I say "try", because somehow even placing a light tea strainer in a clearly visible holder proves taxing for her. She misses by inches, acts confused, then has to try again.
There's major "Fry misses the big red button" vibes from Ruby failing at the most simple hand-eye coordination task:
Ruby, this is your latest reminder that the body requires nutrients for the brain to function.
When you don't eat for long periods of time, the part of the brain that controls coordination of visual perception and fine motor control starts failing to work as well. This means your eyes see something, your brain tells your hands, "Sure, dude, it's right there! Go for it!", when really it's not "right there" at all. It's 6 inches west of "there".
The thing you definitely want to see a person with impaired motor functions and non-existent attention span doing is playing with fire.
Ruby has almost set herself and her desk on fire several times before, by spilling nail polish all over a desk with burning candles on it, or by waving her sweater over naked flames because she wasn't paying attention to her immediate surroundings.
Here, she lights a match and while holding it in the air, burning, she gets distracted and starts reading the matchbox.
Ruby mentally adds an achievable goal to her 2022 goals list:
Though this isn't a 'What I got for Christmas' video, Ruby randomly starts mentioning things she got for Christmas. A candle from her cousin. Gold tea cups (because Ruby loves gold, in case her willingness to do or say anything for more money didn't give that away).
Apparently her parents bought her multiple of these for when she has tea parties for her friends, which she claims happens often.
It's assumed that this is a children's tea party situation and all the guests are imaginary.
While Ruby's pulling out random gifts that she got, she posts a lengthy disclaimer on-screen.
She's not doing this to show off, but lots of people asked what she got for Christmas, apparently. So...make a video about that if it's in high demand, Ruby. That's what a content creator does: Give their audience what they ask for.
If you don't want to, or feel conflicted, don't do that. If you couldn't be bothered, make an Instagram story or post. But be consistent. This isn't a gift haul video. Interrupting an unrelated video that's supposed to be about you preparing for the New Year to show off expensive trinkets you were given is especially blatant, and the very definition of showing off.
It's like if you were talking to someone about their plans for the weekend, and then mid-conversation, apropos of nothing, they just opened their wallet and just showed you their wads of cash, mentioned that there's a lot more where that came from, then defensively said "I'm not showing off."
Christmas isn't about gifts, she stresses in her disclaimer, it's about family. But she didn't veer this video off-course to tell viewers about what she did with her family over Christmas, did she? She did it to show off her gold-covered gifts.
Her mother got her another beret. She mentions that she never considered herself a hat person until Blakeney pointed out that she wears a lot of hats. Note that Blakeney did not say this was a flattering habit, only that she wore them a lot.
Wearing a beret, pearl necklace and holding a gold china tea cup, she could not look more like a pampered rich girl cliché. And she keeps rattling off gifts she got. Hot water bottles, sewing machines, tea light holders.
She says her sister Martha got her the sewing machine because Ruby wants to make her own clothes. Ruby can't even iron her own clothes, there's no chance she'll bother learning make them from scratch. Ruby's mother got her an embroidery kit last year, and that still goes unused.
Ruby also mentions that Martha got her a shark adoption/tracking gift so she can GPS track a shark in the Bahamas. Because, as you know, Ruby's a STAUNCH PROPONENT of shark conservation. You can tell by the way she made one slapdash video about it a year and a half ago, never mentioned it again until she got this gift and then quickly reposted someone else's shark conservation Insta story a couple of days ago.
After briefly considering work for another Dickens essay that's due in two weeks, Ruby decides to write some meandering essays in thankyou cards instead.
Pro tip, Ruby: If you want to thank someone, don't do it by giving them even more pages of your inane drivel to wade through to start the new year. Give them the gift of leaving them the duck alone for a while.
In her third outfit for this "day", Ruby goes for a run to the post box. Because if anything's a good idea when you're malnourished and haven't eaten all day, it's subjecting your body to strenuous exercise.
When she's back, it's time to clear old SD cards. Doesn't seem very efficient, since Ruby regularly needs access to all that old footage to recycle it in videos and try to pass it off as new, but anyway.
When she's done with that, she says she's going to help her mum tidy "the snug", which is apparently their name for one of their 473 living rooms, and then--
Umm... Hey, Rubes...? The duck is this?
Ruby casually pans around the "snug" to reveal she owns a child's primary school desk and it's kept up the corner so she can pretend to be a nine year old in detention.
If that weren't unsettling enough, Ruby opens the bleeping thing to reveal that she's adorned it with Harry Potter clippings and stocked it with childish items such as a Matilda pencil case.
Without a trace of irony, sarcasm or self-awareness, she proudly says that her new desk organisation "genuinely looks SO good".
Ruby is a twenty-one year old woman. She bought a child's bed. Dresses like a child most of the time. Reads children's books exclusively. She idolises fictional children and tapes their photos all over her walls. And now this. Adopting the lifestyle of a prepubescent child is not a fun personality quirk. It's a creepy-as-duck sign of serious mental instability.
Ruby claims that some of the desk's contents are her mum's. Not buying it, Ruby.
It's suddenly a new day, but old habits burn bright - quite literally - as Ruby goes pyro again.
After narrowly avoiding setting something on fire again, she says she's finishing off Vee Kativhu's book 'Empowered'. It's taken her so long to (pretend to) read it because she was simply too busy with (pretending to read) Christmas literature and poetry, which can only be read in December. According to Goodreads, the only other thing Ruby read (or pretended to read) in December besides Vee's book was A Tale of Two Cities.
But let's go back to Goodreads for a second.
Firstly, this review is terrible, and if this is the level of critical skill she applies at university, it's a wonder she hasn't failed out by now.
Now, obviously, a Goodreads review doesn't need to be an in-depth critical essay, but this vague, incompetently-written "review" tells almost nothing about the book, and like all Ruby's reviews, seems written by someone who read no more than the cover blurb.
Ruby makes grand, sweeping statements about the book, but gives zero examples.
"She gives practical advice, but also (and more importantly) shares kind and encouraging words."
This sentence could apply to almost any self-help book, and no examples or further details are given, because Ruby clearly didn't read it.
"Elements are heartbreaking (especially since we know and love Vee so much)..." Do we, Ruby? Not everyone knows who Vee is. You might know her because you share the same management team, which is likely the only reason you've written this "review" (and your relationship to Vee is also something you should absolutely be declaring in a glowingly positive review, but you clearly left that part out). But you are not the focal point of the universe. Most people have no idea who Vee is, as evidenced by her book having almost no reviews.
"...and show's why..." And which year of an English lit degree are you in again, Ruby? What's that apostrophe doing there?
"...Vee shows how she turns everything into lemons and then lemonade."
Ruby, the expression "turning lemons into lemonade" is a metaphor for taking a bad situation (a bitter lemon) and turning it into something positive (sweet lemonade). If Vee "turns everything into lemons and then lemonade", you're saying she's taking a good situation, creating her own problems and then fixing them. Sounds stupid, doesn't it? Have you considered taking an indefinite vow of silence? Clearly the whole language thing is an uphill struggle for you.
"All young people should read this." That's a bold statement, Rubert. Literally every single young person should read it? Yet you only rated it 4/5? It's almost as though...you didn't read the book, had nothing to say because you didn't read the book, gave the book an overwhelmingly positive review which made no mention of the obvious bias and conflict of interest you have since you know the author, and then took a star off (without anything in the review to justify this lower rating) to pre-empt any claims of this being a shady, fake positive review.
The book could be great, I have no idea. I don't know anything about Vee other than she's an influencer repped by the same agency as Ruby, Jack Edwards (who also gave it an even-more-vague 5 star review without declaring his link to Vee), Eve Cornwell and Jade Bowler.
But I'm instantly suspicious of any book where the cover pull quotes are all from the author's friends/influencer pals. And when all talent repped by the same agency as her, who were all invited to a launch party event and gifted free books, are out there dropping positive reviews without declaring their relationship to her, this makes this whole affair and everyone involved look suspicious as duck. Vee's book currently has only ten reviews. Two are from her agency peers. They're both glowingly positive, and neither mention their ties to Vee.
That said, this is a Ruby video recap, so let's get back to that.
Ruby marked the book as complete at 3:46am on December 29th...
Now, putting aside the fact that Ruby ain't going to be awake and reading at nearly 4am even if she did read things, here she is, still reading (or pretending to read) the book's final chapters at sunrise on December 29th:
The sun rises between 07:00 and 08:00 in the UK currently.
Make it make sense, Ruby.
Also, please note the "framed" picture to the right of her. Ruby not only seems to think pictures go on the outside of already occupied picture frames, instead of, y'know, inside them...but she's also just slapped a bit of tape in only a couple of corners, so the picture's hanging off. So aesthetic!
After another outfit change, there's footage of Ruby putting her coat and hat on that goes on forever.
And then she goes trudging around in the muddy fields again.
(Pictured: Ruby with all the Pumpkin Productivity customers who received their planners on time.)
And since she's back in the field again, of course we get an obligatory casual magic ramble.
"I LOVE mist. Mist might be my favourite weather, maybe even more than snow. Probably even more than rain, and THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING because I love rain." Why does Ruby do this? Why does every new thing she encounters have to be her FAVOURITE? Same reason she constantly claim she ALWAYS does things she never does: Narcissists and compulsive liars often exaggerate and lie about the tiniest things for attention or just for no reason at all. Everything's a competition, and Ruby always has to win, even if the only other opponent is her last remaining brain cell.
After another outfit change (her third outfit of the "day"), Ruby shows off a sad, tiny piece of toast and a small, Shrek-green smoothie.
She manically points and flails her hand around like she's trying to perform a magic trick. It's partially effective: She's made her integrity disappear.
She eats her tiny, portion of toast and then reveals she's drinking three drinks at once, because that's entirely normal and not at all a bizarre substitute for actual food. In addition to her smoothie, she also has a cup of tea and a glass of water.
Then it's time for her to work on that Dickens essay she cast aside the day before.
"It's nine thirty...let's get cracking," she says, with zero enthusiasm.
She eats a tiny orange/satsuma and makes a point to shove a clock in the frame for a time-lapse.
Why would anyone do this, unless they're trying to prove something or impress someone? They wouldn't. It also means nothing, since clocks can be easily adjusted to show whatever time you want. But clearly Ruby's been reading Tattle and getting defensive.
"I've responded to some emails," she says. Only a month late with those Pumpkin Productivity emails, huh?
She's also going to subject another family member to a meandering thankyou card.
Ruby's family every time they get post:
This time she's going to pad out the card by sending her granddad a framed photo. Now, remember the part where she displayed a baffling inability to use photo frames?
Well, she hasn't exactly improved with time.
She places the frame face-down on the desk. Takes off the back of the frame. Puts the photo in. So far so good!
Now all that's left is to pop the back cover back in, and--
For some reason, instead of doing that, Ruby decides the pick the entire thing up by its unsecured glass pane. Why? I have no bleeping idea. But the whole thing collapses in her hand and falls apart and then she abruptly cuts away.
Ruby, this is your latest reminder that the body requires nutrients for the brain to function.
"I wrote a card to a...com-pany THAT..."
"I wrote a card to a...com-pany THAT...parcel to my granddad."
Ohhh, "accompany"...
You really out here just using language any which wrong way you feel like, huh, Ruby?
Ruby inserts bizarre pauses and alien cadence into her sentence and still pronounces it "a-com-panny", not "a-cum-panny".
After mangling the English language some more, she moves on to just general stupidity.
So...Ruby apparently has essays to write. And she also keeps going on about how much she values time with her family. And here she is, alone in her room, writing up notes in Notion for Vee's book for herself. A book she didn't actually read.
She appears to be flicking through the pristine, unread book, grabbing random passages and transcribing random "thoughts"/quotes into Notion. Who is this for? What purpose does this serve? I mean, her Goodreads review certainly didn't benefit from any of this. Why's she treating the random book she was gifted and pretended to read like it's an essay?
She even whips out the clock to show off how much time she claims to be wasting on this performative insanity. It's staggeringly stupid.
Then she moves onto her "New Year's Resolutions", which she wrote in November.
As a tribute to Ruby, I'll recycle my comments for this page from back when she first unveiled it. Although, since I'm being honest about it, that's not very Ruby at all. Whoops.
She evidently has no clue what the word "yearly" means, since two thirds of this "yearly planner" section is taken up with space to detail your wish list for life in five years or just the distant future.
Ruby has filled hers with goals that are either laughably unattainable (for her, at least) or where the bar is so low that it'll be hard not to accomplish ("Publish an article "somewhere"" - y'know, like a blog. Done! "Read Emma by Jane Austen" - Ruby will read the Sparknotes summary and mark this done.)
She's also set herself up for disappointment by expecting a first for her degree, even though she's struggling to meet deadlines or come up with even a basic foundation for her dissertation. Good luck with the Masters thing, Ruby!
Ruby thinks she can get a book deal, even though her dwindling popularity and vanishing relevance takes her out of the running for a vanity book deal, and no way can she get one on her own merits. Considering her lack of talent, her inability to use language coherently and the book she self-published being a major red flag to publishers, I wouldn't count on this happening, if I were her.
"Work with an anti-bullying charity."
Why this is still on her list after the anti-bullying week disaster (any proof that any of the ad revenue for those videos went to charity yet, Ruby?) and her own fabricated history of bullying is a mystery, but she should probably avoid walking through that PR minefield again.
"Tangibly promote letter-writing"? What nonsense is this?
After the old resolutions, she adds some more.
"Fully enjoy my last term." This year, Ruby has avoided campus as much as possible, complained about how much she hates studying on campus, is constantly falling behind with uni work and has generally appeared miserable at uni. Off to a great start, Ruby! Remember the "academic resolutions" she set (go home less, embrace uni culture, etc.) and gave up on in a day? This is that again.
"Send articles to magazines and competitions." Ruby employing the "If I send my drivel literally everywhere, someone will eventually read and publish it!" desperation approach.
"Work with Royal Mail." This doesn't mean Ruby will actually do any work or attempt to get a job at Royal Mail (or anywhere). She will just try to court a partnership deal for them to pay her to made tit-quality paid ads where she offers "Did you know?" historically inaccurate facts about the postal service and letter writing.
"Get a first for my degree." Why? This is out of your control, Ruby. Just put "Work to the best of my ability" and be happy with what you get instead of peddling this nonsense to people. And since you regularly cut every corner you can to avoid doing the work, a first isn't something you're entitled to or deserve.
Her 'Things to Do in 2022' list is a similar mix of 'can't fail' tasks, obvious tit that she needs to do anyway ("Complete my dissertation"? You need to do that anyway to graduate, Ruby) and pie-in-the-sky bullshit that will never happen.
"Publish a book"/"Release an audiobook". Never going to happen unless she self-publishes again.
"Solo travel to Rome". This will be like that "solo trip" to Devon, where she'll go with her family and do everything she can to hide their presence on social media to make herself seem more independent.
"Sort out library in full"/"declutter the loft" these are both rooms in her parents' home. Not only will she not bother doing these, but it's a sign that she has zero intention of even considering moving out after graduation if she's planning on claiming two more rooms as her own.
And then another walk in a field, this time with her cousins, mother and aunt.
Ruby shouts to get their attention. "Wooooo! Smile everyo--"
As everyone but her mother glares at her with confusion, she abruptly and awkwardly cuts away.
The video's almost over but the stupidity's not finished yet!
After yet another outfit change, Ruby mentions that she takes lots of screenshots to remind herself of things on her phone. I'm not sure how this is supposed to work as a reminder system, and evidently neither is Ruby, as she forgets about all the screenshots she's taken. So now she's going through over a month's stockpile of forgotten screenshots and transcribing what she thinks they might've been for into Notion.
So alongside her complex, pointless busywork system of using dozens of concurrent paper and digital planners and so on alongside Notion, Ruby also uses this screenshot system that clearly doesn't work. Isn't there reminder sections in your planner for this, Ruby?
Note that Ruby is always obsessed with finding a new morning and night routine (even though they always stay the same) yet never once considers streamlining her bullshit system of numerous redundant planners that wastes most of her day with busywork. And then she wonders why she's always late for things, always falling behind on work and never has time for anything.
What a bleeping dipshit.
Happy New Year, everyone!
As the famous song goes: "Should auld monetary pilfering be forgot and never brought to mind?" In Ruby's mind, absolutely. Ruby's a Tory, and they're not supposed to deal with annoying things like comeuppances.
Ruby starts the year as she means to go on: By clinging to the past and living in squalor.
This is a vlog covering the last few days of the year, Ruby claims. The flowers on her windowsill were delivered to her mid-December and looked near death then. Rub keeps them proudly on display still, even though they look pathetically wilted.
She starts the day by "making her bed" - i.e., pulling a throw over her bed to avoid having to change the sheets or adjust their sloppy hanging-off-the-mattress fit in any way. It's an approach she uses in every aspect of her life: Toss a metaphorical rug over anything messy or unfortunate, like criticism and requests for planner refunds, and hope it magically fixes itself.
"I always use the last few days of the year to REE-SAT and RE-FLACKT," she says, and I assume she means "Reset the Pumpkin Productivity order system to purge all refund requests and complaint emails to avoid dealing with them, and reflect on all the new money in the bank".
"I'm basically trying to do things that will set me up well for the new year," she says, then aptly cuts to a shot of her running full-sprint away from responsibility and consequences.
Ruby says her morning walk through a muddy field is the highlight of her day, which doesn't sound like a good thing, and she can't have enjoyed it too much since she spent 85% of this walk setting up her camera to film herself walking back and forth from an embarrassing amount of different angles.
Most of the later shots in the video are the same angle as earlier ones, but Ruby's walking in a different direction. Nothings says "Mindfully enjoying a carefree walk in nature" quite like setting a camera up on a fence, walking twenty feet, turning around and then walking back to collect the camera and then doing this all again multiple times throughout the walk.
She trails off on one of her now-obligatory "walking through fields" casual magic nonsensical diatribes.
"I'm SO aware right now of why I love winter so mOch? I always think it's because I love Christmas aaaand I always think, 'Oh, after Christmas I'm gyowing to bee syooo down in the dumps because Christmas will be ovah, but...gyowing on this walk now, I remember just like I love just...I love winter." (Take a break here to down your headache pills of choice because Ruby's mangling of the English language feels like a violent verbal assault on the cerebral cortex.)
She claims January and February are her new favourite months, but since she says every single month is her new favourite month when it rolls around, this means nothing - it's merely her brain telling her mouth to make sounds just to confirm she's still conscious.
Ruby twirls around in the wind and mud and rants how much the weather reminds her how much she loves Winter. Only...this isn't Winter weather. This is British weather. Wet, windy, cloudy and muddy? That's the weather you get in the UK most of the year.
"Last January when I was just going on these walks every morning, I got into the habits of going on these walks every morning."
Rubes, this is your latest reminder that the body requires nutrients for the brain to function.
When you don't eat for long periods of time, the speech centre of your starved, barely-functional brain offers up tit like, "Back when I was doing that thing I was doing, I was doing that thing I was doing!" And the now-impaired judgement centre of your brain thinks, "Sounds good to me! Lets say that out loud and share it online!" The end result is this embarrassing video.
Ruby says that taking a walk in December reminds her of all those walks she took in January. No bleeping tit. You were walking in the exact same field, because you never leave home. It's a guaranteed recipe for déjà vu.
She says the walk is "really meditative" because she doesn't listen to music and lets herself think. And if this is the level of insightful thoughts she comes up with, she should really start taking headphones to drown that nonsense out.
After more footage of her walking through fields that goes on for far too long (Ruby resorts to time-lapse for half of it, and even then it drags on pointlessly), she's back home.
"LOOK how muddy my legs got." You aimed for every muddy puddle like a hyperactive 4 year old, what did you think would happen?
And those can't be jeans, right, Ruby? Because you made a preachy point in a recent video about how you don't own and never wear those, so this must be some kind of mistake, surely?
Ruby's going to get changed because her clothes are wet and "moddy", but first she points out that she's listening to The Cinematic Orchestra.
Rather than just telling people what album it is, she awkwardly just shows her screen. Strange, no? Almost as if she's conspicuously showing her screen to display the date. Y'know, the date on your phone that you can very easily change to pretend it's a different date...? That or she saw French on the album art and wisely didn't attempt to pronounce it, even though the English translation is right there.
As sloppy editing causes her sentences to overlap each other, Ruby says one of the things she does at the end of every year is to compile a memory video of the best things that happened that year.
Since Ruby never steps outside her comfort zone or try anything new whatsoever, she can (and probably will) just recycle last year's video. Contents will include:
- Spent 90% of the academic year with parents.
- Spent 98.5% of time in Exeter with Blakeney.
- Frolicked in fields behind house.
- Got lots of money through questionable means.
- Browsed Waterstones. Touched everything. Bought nothing.
She makes more tea, because in Ruby's mind it's a great substitute for food.
Then Ruby tries to place her tea strainer back on its holder thing. I say "try", because somehow even placing a light tea strainer in a clearly visible holder proves taxing for her. She misses by inches, acts confused, then has to try again.
There's major "Fry misses the big red button" vibes from Ruby failing at the most simple hand-eye coordination task:
Ruby, this is your latest reminder that the body requires nutrients for the brain to function.
When you don't eat for long periods of time, the part of the brain that controls coordination of visual perception and fine motor control starts failing to work as well. This means your eyes see something, your brain tells your hands, "Sure, dude, it's right there! Go for it!", when really it's not "right there" at all. It's 6 inches west of "there".
The thing you definitely want to see a person with impaired motor functions and non-existent attention span doing is playing with fire.
Ruby has almost set herself and her desk on fire several times before, by spilling nail polish all over a desk with burning candles on it, or by waving her sweater over naked flames because she wasn't paying attention to her immediate surroundings.
Here, she lights a match and while holding it in the air, burning, she gets distracted and starts reading the matchbox.
Ruby mentally adds an achievable goal to her 2022 goals list:
Though this isn't a 'What I got for Christmas' video, Ruby randomly starts mentioning things she got for Christmas. A candle from her cousin. Gold tea cups (because Ruby loves gold, in case her willingness to do or say anything for more money didn't give that away).
Apparently her parents bought her multiple of these for when she has tea parties for her friends, which she claims happens often.
It's assumed that this is a children's tea party situation and all the guests are imaginary.
While Ruby's pulling out random gifts that she got, she posts a lengthy disclaimer on-screen.
She's not doing this to show off, but lots of people asked what she got for Christmas, apparently. So...make a video about that if it's in high demand, Ruby. That's what a content creator does: Give their audience what they ask for.
If you don't want to, or feel conflicted, don't do that. If you couldn't be bothered, make an Instagram story or post. But be consistent. This isn't a gift haul video. Interrupting an unrelated video that's supposed to be about you preparing for the New Year to show off expensive trinkets you were given is especially blatant, and the very definition of showing off.
It's like if you were talking to someone about their plans for the weekend, and then mid-conversation, apropos of nothing, they just opened their wallet and just showed you their wads of cash, mentioned that there's a lot more where that came from, then defensively said "I'm not showing off."
Christmas isn't about gifts, she stresses in her disclaimer, it's about family. But she didn't veer this video off-course to tell viewers about what she did with her family over Christmas, did she? She did it to show off her gold-covered gifts.
Her mother got her another beret. She mentions that she never considered herself a hat person until Blakeney pointed out that she wears a lot of hats. Note that Blakeney did not say this was a flattering habit, only that she wore them a lot.
Wearing a beret, pearl necklace and holding a gold china tea cup, she could not look more like a pampered rich girl cliché. And she keeps rattling off gifts she got. Hot water bottles, sewing machines, tea light holders.
She says her sister Martha got her the sewing machine because Ruby wants to make her own clothes. Ruby can't even iron her own clothes, there's no chance she'll bother learning make them from scratch. Ruby's mother got her an embroidery kit last year, and that still goes unused.
Ruby also mentions that Martha got her a shark adoption/tracking gift so she can GPS track a shark in the Bahamas. Because, as you know, Ruby's a STAUNCH PROPONENT of shark conservation. You can tell by the way she made one slapdash video about it a year and a half ago, never mentioned it again until she got this gift and then quickly reposted someone else's shark conservation Insta story a couple of days ago.
After briefly considering work for another Dickens essay that's due in two weeks, Ruby decides to write some meandering essays in thankyou cards instead.
Pro tip, Ruby: If you want to thank someone, don't do it by giving them even more pages of your inane drivel to wade through to start the new year. Give them the gift of leaving them the duck alone for a while.
In her third outfit for this "day", Ruby goes for a run to the post box. Because if anything's a good idea when you're malnourished and haven't eaten all day, it's subjecting your body to strenuous exercise.
When she's back, it's time to clear old SD cards. Doesn't seem very efficient, since Ruby regularly needs access to all that old footage to recycle it in videos and try to pass it off as new, but anyway.
When she's done with that, she says she's going to help her mum tidy "the snug", which is apparently their name for one of their 473 living rooms, and then--
Umm... Hey, Rubes...? The duck is this?
Ruby casually pans around the "snug" to reveal she owns a child's primary school desk and it's kept up the corner so she can pretend to be a nine year old in detention.
If that weren't unsettling enough, Ruby opens the bleeping thing to reveal that she's adorned it with Harry Potter clippings and stocked it with childish items such as a Matilda pencil case.
Without a trace of irony, sarcasm or self-awareness, she proudly says that her new desk organisation "genuinely looks SO good".
Ruby is a twenty-one year old woman. She bought a child's bed. Dresses like a child most of the time. Reads children's books exclusively. She idolises fictional children and tapes their photos all over her walls. And now this. Adopting the lifestyle of a prepubescent child is not a fun personality quirk. It's a creepy-as-duck sign of serious mental instability.
Ruby claims that some of the desk's contents are her mum's. Not buying it, Ruby.
It's suddenly a new day, but old habits burn bright - quite literally - as Ruby goes pyro again.
After narrowly avoiding setting something on fire again, she says she's finishing off Vee Kativhu's book 'Empowered'. It's taken her so long to (pretend to) read it because she was simply too busy with (pretending to read) Christmas literature and poetry, which can only be read in December. According to Goodreads, the only other thing Ruby read (or pretended to read) in December besides Vee's book was A Tale of Two Cities.
But let's go back to Goodreads for a second.
Firstly, this review is terrible, and if this is the level of critical skill she applies at university, it's a wonder she hasn't failed out by now.
Now, obviously, a Goodreads review doesn't need to be an in-depth critical essay, but this vague, incompetently-written "review" tells almost nothing about the book, and like all Ruby's reviews, seems written by someone who read no more than the cover blurb.
Ruby makes grand, sweeping statements about the book, but gives zero examples.
"She gives practical advice, but also (and more importantly) shares kind and encouraging words."
This sentence could apply to almost any self-help book, and no examples or further details are given, because Ruby clearly didn't read it.
"Elements are heartbreaking (especially since we know and love Vee so much)..." Do we, Ruby? Not everyone knows who Vee is. You might know her because you share the same management team, which is likely the only reason you've written this "review" (and your relationship to Vee is also something you should absolutely be declaring in a glowingly positive review, but you clearly left that part out). But you are not the focal point of the universe. Most people have no idea who Vee is, as evidenced by her book having almost no reviews.
"...and show's why..." And which year of an English lit degree are you in again, Ruby? What's that apostrophe doing there?
"...Vee shows how she turns everything into lemons and then lemonade."
Ruby, the expression "turning lemons into lemonade" is a metaphor for taking a bad situation (a bitter lemon) and turning it into something positive (sweet lemonade). If Vee "turns everything into lemons and then lemonade", you're saying she's taking a good situation, creating her own problems and then fixing them. Sounds stupid, doesn't it? Have you considered taking an indefinite vow of silence? Clearly the whole language thing is an uphill struggle for you.
"All young people should read this." That's a bold statement, Rubert. Literally every single young person should read it? Yet you only rated it 4/5? It's almost as though...you didn't read the book, had nothing to say because you didn't read the book, gave the book an overwhelmingly positive review which made no mention of the obvious bias and conflict of interest you have since you know the author, and then took a star off (without anything in the review to justify this lower rating) to pre-empt any claims of this being a shady, fake positive review.
The book could be great, I have no idea. I don't know anything about Vee other than she's an influencer repped by the same agency as Ruby, Jack Edwards (who also gave it an even-more-vague 5 star review without declaring his link to Vee), Eve Cornwell and Jade Bowler.
But I'm instantly suspicious of any book where the cover pull quotes are all from the author's friends/influencer pals. And when all talent repped by the same agency as her, who were all invited to a launch party event and gifted free books, are out there dropping positive reviews without declaring their relationship to her, this makes this whole affair and everyone involved look suspicious as duck. Vee's book currently has only ten reviews. Two are from her agency peers. They're both glowingly positive, and neither mention their ties to Vee.
That said, this is a Ruby video recap, so let's get back to that.
Ruby marked the book as complete at 3:46am on December 29th...
Now, putting aside the fact that Ruby ain't going to be awake and reading at nearly 4am even if she did read things, here she is, still reading (or pretending to read) the book's final chapters at sunrise on December 29th:
The sun rises between 07:00 and 08:00 in the UK currently.
Make it make sense, Ruby.
Also, please note the "framed" picture to the right of her. Ruby not only seems to think pictures go on the outside of already occupied picture frames, instead of, y'know, inside them...but she's also just slapped a bit of tape in only a couple of corners, so the picture's hanging off. So aesthetic!
After another outfit change, there's footage of Ruby putting her coat and hat on that goes on forever.
And then she goes trudging around in the muddy fields again.
(Pictured: Ruby with all the Pumpkin Productivity customers who received their planners on time.)
And since she's back in the field again, of course we get an obligatory casual magic ramble.
"I LOVE mist. Mist might be my favourite weather, maybe even more than snow. Probably even more than rain, and THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING because I love rain." Why does Ruby do this? Why does every new thing she encounters have to be her FAVOURITE? Same reason she constantly claim she ALWAYS does things she never does: Narcissists and compulsive liars often exaggerate and lie about the tiniest things for attention or just for no reason at all. Everything's a competition, and Ruby always has to win, even if the only other opponent is her last remaining brain cell.
After another outfit change (her third outfit of the "day"), Ruby shows off a sad, tiny piece of toast and a small, Shrek-green smoothie.
She manically points and flails her hand around like she's trying to perform a magic trick. It's partially effective: She's made her integrity disappear.
She eats her tiny, portion of toast and then reveals she's drinking three drinks at once, because that's entirely normal and not at all a bizarre substitute for actual food. In addition to her smoothie, she also has a cup of tea and a glass of water.
Then it's time for her to work on that Dickens essay she cast aside the day before.
"It's nine thirty...let's get cracking," she says, with zero enthusiasm.
She eats a tiny orange/satsuma and makes a point to shove a clock in the frame for a time-lapse.
Why would anyone do this, unless they're trying to prove something or impress someone? They wouldn't. It also means nothing, since clocks can be easily adjusted to show whatever time you want. But clearly Ruby's been reading Tattle and getting defensive.
"I've responded to some emails," she says. Only a month late with those Pumpkin Productivity emails, huh?
She's also going to subject another family member to a meandering thankyou card.
Ruby's family every time they get post:
This time she's going to pad out the card by sending her granddad a framed photo. Now, remember the part where she displayed a baffling inability to use photo frames?
Well, she hasn't exactly improved with time.
She places the frame face-down on the desk. Takes off the back of the frame. Puts the photo in. So far so good!
Now all that's left is to pop the back cover back in, and--
For some reason, instead of doing that, Ruby decides the pick the entire thing up by its unsecured glass pane. Why? I have no bleeping idea. But the whole thing collapses in her hand and falls apart and then she abruptly cuts away.
Ruby, this is your latest reminder that the body requires nutrients for the brain to function.
"I wrote a card to a...com-pany THAT..."
"I wrote a card to a...com-pany THAT...parcel to my granddad."
Ohhh, "accompany"...
You really out here just using language any which wrong way you feel like, huh, Ruby?
Ruby inserts bizarre pauses and alien cadence into her sentence and still pronounces it "a-com-panny", not "a-cum-panny".
After mangling the English language some more, she moves on to just general stupidity.
So...Ruby apparently has essays to write. And she also keeps going on about how much she values time with her family. And here she is, alone in her room, writing up notes in Notion for Vee's book for herself. A book she didn't actually read.
She appears to be flicking through the pristine, unread book, grabbing random passages and transcribing random "thoughts"/quotes into Notion. Who is this for? What purpose does this serve? I mean, her Goodreads review certainly didn't benefit from any of this. Why's she treating the random book she was gifted and pretended to read like it's an essay?
She even whips out the clock to show off how much time she claims to be wasting on this performative insanity. It's staggeringly stupid.
Then she moves onto her "New Year's Resolutions", which she wrote in November.
As a tribute to Ruby, I'll recycle my comments for this page from back when she first unveiled it. Although, since I'm being honest about it, that's not very Ruby at all. Whoops.
She evidently has no clue what the word "yearly" means, since two thirds of this "yearly planner" section is taken up with space to detail your wish list for life in five years or just the distant future.
Ruby has filled hers with goals that are either laughably unattainable (for her, at least) or where the bar is so low that it'll be hard not to accomplish ("Publish an article "somewhere"" - y'know, like a blog. Done! "Read Emma by Jane Austen" - Ruby will read the Sparknotes summary and mark this done.)
She's also set herself up for disappointment by expecting a first for her degree, even though she's struggling to meet deadlines or come up with even a basic foundation for her dissertation. Good luck with the Masters thing, Ruby!
Ruby thinks she can get a book deal, even though her dwindling popularity and vanishing relevance takes her out of the running for a vanity book deal, and no way can she get one on her own merits. Considering her lack of talent, her inability to use language coherently and the book she self-published being a major red flag to publishers, I wouldn't count on this happening, if I were her.
"Work with an anti-bullying charity."
Why this is still on her list after the anti-bullying week disaster (any proof that any of the ad revenue for those videos went to charity yet, Ruby?) and her own fabricated history of bullying is a mystery, but she should probably avoid walking through that PR minefield again.
"Tangibly promote letter-writing"? What nonsense is this?
After the old resolutions, she adds some more.
- "Read more selectively." Ruby doesn't read anything as it is, aside from children's books. That's about as selective as it gets already.
- "Try and declutter significantly." This is on her list every year. Her home is always a shithole and nothing changes.
- "Develop a better night routine." What is her obsession with night routines?
- "Donate 10% of everything I earn." This has been suggested to her countless times on here whenever she gets all preachy about charity while doing nothing charitable. She won't even give charities back the money she took from them. She ain't going to give them her own money, too. The fact that she's put this as a future goal instead of just doing it right away with nothing stopping her is as big a sign as any.
- "Do more charity work/volunteering." Another suggestion that's been thrown at her on Tattle. She won't actually do this. She will move the goalposts, consider a reposted Insta story to be "charity work" and consider this done.
"Fully enjoy my last term." This year, Ruby has avoided campus as much as possible, complained about how much she hates studying on campus, is constantly falling behind with uni work and has generally appeared miserable at uni. Off to a great start, Ruby! Remember the "academic resolutions" she set (go home less, embrace uni culture, etc.) and gave up on in a day? This is that again.
"Send articles to magazines and competitions." Ruby employing the "If I send my drivel literally everywhere, someone will eventually read and publish it!" desperation approach.
"Work with Royal Mail." This doesn't mean Ruby will actually do any work or attempt to get a job at Royal Mail (or anywhere). She will just try to court a partnership deal for them to pay her to made tit-quality paid ads where she offers "Did you know?" historically inaccurate facts about the postal service and letter writing.
"Get a first for my degree." Why? This is out of your control, Ruby. Just put "Work to the best of my ability" and be happy with what you get instead of peddling this nonsense to people. And since you regularly cut every corner you can to avoid doing the work, a first isn't something you're entitled to or deserve.
Her 'Things to Do in 2022' list is a similar mix of 'can't fail' tasks, obvious tit that she needs to do anyway ("Complete my dissertation"? You need to do that anyway to graduate, Ruby) and pie-in-the-sky bullshit that will never happen.
"Publish a book"/"Release an audiobook". Never going to happen unless she self-publishes again.
"Solo travel to Rome". This will be like that "solo trip" to Devon, where she'll go with her family and do everything she can to hide their presence on social media to make herself seem more independent.
"Sort out library in full"/"declutter the loft" these are both rooms in her parents' home. Not only will she not bother doing these, but it's a sign that she has zero intention of even considering moving out after graduation if she's planning on claiming two more rooms as her own.
And then another walk in a field, this time with her cousins, mother and aunt.
Ruby shouts to get their attention. "Wooooo! Smile everyo--"
As everyone but her mother glares at her with confusion, she abruptly and awkwardly cuts away.
The video's almost over but the stupidity's not finished yet!
After yet another outfit change, Ruby mentions that she takes lots of screenshots to remind herself of things on her phone. I'm not sure how this is supposed to work as a reminder system, and evidently neither is Ruby, as she forgets about all the screenshots she's taken. So now she's going through over a month's stockpile of forgotten screenshots and transcribing what she thinks they might've been for into Notion.
So alongside her complex, pointless busywork system of using dozens of concurrent paper and digital planners and so on alongside Notion, Ruby also uses this screenshot system that clearly doesn't work. Isn't there reminder sections in your planner for this, Ruby?
Note that Ruby is always obsessed with finding a new morning and night routine (even though they always stay the same) yet never once considers streamlining her bullshit system of numerous redundant planners that wastes most of her day with busywork. And then she wonders why she's always late for things, always falling behind on work and never has time for anything.
What a bleeping dipshit.
Happy New Year, everyone!
It’s so frustratingAlso why include subtitles if they aren't accurate?
Her subtitles are always way longer than what she actually says and as someone that uses them, if anything, we need them to be shorter and more concise
She’s so unaware of everything and just prioritises how academic and clever she appears, ridiculous when using a function designed to make her videos more accessible
I wonder if the Royal Mail thing will be something about the lost art of sAnding handwritten lAtters!*
* (E's replaced with A's intentionally of course!)
* (E's replaced with A's intentionally of course!)
I would love to know what Ruby thinks she is enough of an authority on to publish a book (see 'Things to do in 2022'). I guess she's starting to feel left out that so many of her 'influencer' peers have published books, but that doesn't mean that they're worth reading. Once again it's all about the bottom line, knowing that followers will buy something that is completely full of bad advice. Live a little, Ruby, and you might learn something to write about.
On another note, her videos are getting more and more slapdash and repetitive. The captions don't stay on the screen long enough to read, things jump around all over the place, clips are cut off halfway through and everything is only ever half explained (if that).
On another note, her videos are getting more and more slapdash and repetitive. The captions don't stay on the screen long enough to read, things jump around all over the place, clips are cut off halfway through and everything is only ever half explained (if that).
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