I just watched her last video. Well the Q&A part, because I really don't care about her making videos about stuff as if she was trying to give tips to her followers when it's really her trying to feel good about not enjoying university because she puts too much stress on herself and doesn't eat. And I'm procrastinating homeworks so I'm gonna answer her answers.
1-How do you go to parties as an introvert
-I don't go to parties
Hot take, being introverted/extroverted doesn't exist. I'm gonna link an
article about it and not explain it here but it's something I've been thinking about for a while now. I'm autistic, I have issues with some smells and sounds and flashing lights and people in general. And I've stopped myself from going to parties for so long because of it. I just started going out recently, and I really, really, like it. Yes, some events are not enjoyable. And maybe you will never like parties, no matter what kind of party, but why would you make the "executive decision" to never go to one?
Also, she associates parties with being an introvert, wich doesn't make any sense. Because she goes to social events that are not "parties". There is ways to go to "parties" and only talk to your friends.
"I'm an introvert haha in parties I will talk to the dog and read books while everyone is getting drunk and having sex, I am so smart"
shut the duck up Rebecca this is why no one likes you.
Socializing is important, there are so many studies proving health benefits of social contact. There are ways to go out and enjoy it, even if you are not a loud person that talks easily to people.
Take it from someone who can be either extreme of the intro/extro-vert scale depending on the situation. If I'm confortable and with people I know/have stuff in common with, I can be the life of the party. But if I don't feel confortable, I'm gonna try to exist as little as possible.
I know her point is that it's ok to not go to parties, with the social pressure to do so, but she's missing nuance.
She's saying she went to one, and knows she doesn't like it so she doesn't go. That means she has an american movie view of what a party is. The number of time I didn't want to go to a social event and forced myself, to actually really enjoy it. And I'm not saying you should force yourself, or that you absolutely have to find parties you like. But it doesn't hurt to try, find people that you have affinities with and that respect your boundaries, find events where you can leave anytime you want to, and "parties" are gonna be a lot less scary and a lot more fun, I promise.
2-How do you know when it's good to "give in" to recharging and when to push yourself more socially
-Basically the same messy answer, you should go out of your confort zone but also don't do it but also it's good because you'll find friends this way but also you don't have to
She clairly doesn't know what she's talking about. This is my opinion, but I don't think you should ever have to go out of your confort zone. There's a big difference between making an effort and going out of your confort zone.
I don't talk to people, I never take the first step. It's not my confort zone, it's something I don't like to do, gives me anxiety. Me going up to people and engaging in conversation would be an effort. I'm probably gonna make more friends if I start doing it more, effort=reward. It's a good thing.
I don't have conversations I don't enjoy. Me having a conversation with someone racist would be out of my confort zone, only to not seem "rude". There's no reward, I'm never gonna feel good about it. Will it happen throught my life? Yes, probably, and I'm never gonna get more confortable doing it if I force myself to do it. I don't want to practice so I feel good talking to people with fucked up system beliefs. I wanna have as little of these interactions as I can.
Pushing yourself to go talk to people when you don't want any more friends is going out of your confort zone. You don't have to do it.
3-How do you make friends when you're anxious to talk to other?
-Talk to people in your seminar groups
I don't think she knows what being like-minded means? My degree has a business profile, and I'm in the sustainable development profile. There are so many people that are unlike-minded to me in my program. I would say she's not wrong, but interests (especially as we get into adulthood) in common is far from being synonymous to "like-minded". Views about the world are really what unites good friends (in my opinion). She talks like she would be friend with anyone that likes poetry and tea, I mean, I love cartoons, but I don't mind if my friends don't like cartoons. We have other stuff to talk about. But if they were right wingers and looooved cartoons, my god, I would have a hard time. Maybe this is nitpicky but it's important know that being in the same program as someone absolutely doesn't mean you are compatible as friends.
4-Did you ever feel shame about going home so much?
-Yes
This point has been adressed a lot here, so I'm not gonna talk much about it, but "normalizing homesickness"... Ruby, homesickness is already something people find normal. Your weird relationship with your parents and the clear way you like to go home that much because becoming an adult an growing up give you mad anxiety is the weird thing. I stand by this, if you feel the need to live with your parents (not being near them, but live in the same house, I think wanting to see them and live close to them is completely normal) and be under their authority when you're past 21 years old and could physically/fiscally be 100% autonomous if you wanted to, you need to adress it and talk to a therapist about it because you're setting yourself up for major issues in the future.
She's also quoting John Stuart Mill wrong. Liberty is about free will from society yes, but if people want you to stop doing something that's armful for your mental health, it's not societal pressure.
That's where I draw the line between "making an effort" (forcing yourself to do something you don't like so you can make friends, get a job,
tit like that) and "going out of your confort zone" (forcing yourself to do something you don't like because it's the socially acceptable thing to do).
5-I never go out with friends to party. Should I change that in university?
-No
The fact that probably no one asked her this question aside, we are now at a third reformulation of this exact same question, and since the answer is really obivous, I'm not going to adress it.
6-Omg Ruby shut up with your non-existent problems. Find a better therapist. Idk.
"we live in an extroverted society, unfortunately, which privileges and sees socializing as the best form of self-care, when actually for many people can be very draining and... it's ok to find it draining". u the best
This was the second top comment. It's painful. I can't emphasize that enough, it is very important for your mental health to see people. Find social interactions that you like and enjoy. If you find socializing draining, it's because your social circle doesn't respect your boundaries, or you're overdoing it.
