Yeah I totally get that. I watched my grandpa pass a few years ago (vascular dementia, not suicide) and the day I walked in and he was sat in his chair and making jokes after weeks of lying in his bed holding his wife’s hand or asking for my granny, I knew he at peace with it being his time.
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Yeah I totally get that. I watched my grandpa pass a few years ago (vascular dementia, not suicide) and the day I walked in and he was sat in his chair and making jokes after weeks of lying in his bed holding his wife’s hand or asking for my granny, I knew he at peace with it being his time.
I wondered this too. Over exercised, over dieted, maybe took something to help with weightless and his body could take it.
It’s one argument I won’t stand for in real life, that death by suicide is a coward’s way out. To be in such mental torment that ending one’s life is the only way to go is heartbreaking.
One of my young adult children was in a very dark and bleak place during university and they couldn’t see a way out , thankfully they pulled themselves back but others just can’t .
When I was struggling at 16/17 and crashed a car, i told my parents about how I wasn’t sure it was an accident but I asked them not to tell my sisters because my eldest sister was about to move to America and she is very very protective of me & I knew she wouldn’t have gone. She knew something was up and called me out on it, and that’s what saved me. I don’t think she knows how much she saved me, back then but also a few years later when I lost 2 grandparents in a year and a week. She told me then she was having my nephew and that was like a switch in my brain. A few weeks ago I saw a TikTok that said ‘don’t let your suicide be your niece’s first trauma’ when things were slipping again and that’s what prompted me to get help.
I am so glad your child came out of it on the right side
and I hope they’re doing well now
It's when all hope is lost and they can't see a way out.
They feel things will not get better and would rather be dead than live with their pain or unhappiness any more.
And it's so hard to keep giving them hope when they feel there is none. (I speak from personal experience.)
I’m sorry you had to go through this and I’m glad that your child managed to see a way though.
Spoiler coming up for “Love and Anarchy” so don’t read if you’re on Series 1….
I would encourage anyone who doesn’t understand why someone would take their own life to watch the second series (but watch the first) of “Love and Anarchy”. It helped me understand why it can happen after years of it not making sense for me when one of my parents did just that.
Death by suicide is incredibly brave. I just wish those with suicidal ideation would stop and talk to their friends and family - not necessarily to be persuaded to live but so that they (the loved ones) have some understanding of the reasons for the decision. The pain after a suicide is indescribable for those of us left behind.
Agreed. I lost a friend to suicide and she was one of the strongest and selfless people I knew.
My mum’s mum ended her life when my mum was in her 20s. She went to the house with her mum’s sister when there was no response and found her. Don’t think my mum actually saw her but was still at the scene.
Yet despite what she went through, for the past 20 odd years she has every now and then made odd comments that she will do the same when the time is right for her, then says ‘but don’t worry I’m not there yet’.
I don’t think she’s depressed but she has a lot of unresolved trauma, very controlling, our family is dysfunctional and she’s emotionally abusive. I’m basically preparing myself for that happening one day and wondering how she will do it and who will find her. It’s very hard to not think she is being selfish because she actually is only thinking of herself and I just see this as her final bit of control in wanting to control her own death regardless of the impact on anyone else.
I don’t have this view of the majority of suicidal people but I don’t feel like my mother fits the ‘it’s never selfish’ narrative that I find really hard to hear when people talk of suicide as my mum is basically planning that, despite the pain it will have on us, for decades.
Yet despite what she went through, for the past 20 odd years she has every now and then made odd comments that she will do the same when the time is right for her, then says ‘but don’t worry I’m not there yet’.
I don’t think she’s depressed but she has a lot of unresolved trauma, very controlling, our family is dysfunctional and she’s emotionally abusive. I’m basically preparing myself for that happening one day and wondering how she will do it and who will find her. It’s very hard to not think she is being selfish because she actually is only thinking of herself and I just see this as her final bit of control in wanting to control her own death regardless of the impact on anyone else.
I don’t have this view of the majority of suicidal people but I don’t feel like my mother fits the ‘it’s never selfish’ narrative that I find really hard to hear when people talk of suicide as my mum is basically planning that, despite the pain it will have on us, for decades.
My brother‘s best friend took his own life in his early twenties. His mum never recovered from that and took her own like a few years later.
I don’t think it’s selfish, I think it’s very sad that they get to a point where this is the only way for them to feel at peace. I imagine that things in their own head are so bad that they feel this is greater than the loss felt by others, they are likely so low that don’t appreciate how much they mean to everyone.
I don’t think it’s selfish, I think it’s very sad that they get to a point where this is the only way for them to feel at peace. I imagine that things in their own head are so bad that they feel this is greater than the loss felt by others, they are likely so low that don’t appreciate how much they mean to everyone.
This is how I see it, that ending their life is the only way to be free of torment and the black hole they’re in.
I was VERY close in 2020. For reasons I'll not go into it seemed the most logical option. I was tit scared though ultimately
I do not wish to derail the thread but I have a question. Someone I know is constantly threatening but so far has not done it. Is this really what someone with suicidal thoughts does, from what I’ve read no it’s not. So, those who know people or have been close, were they/you constantly threatening?
Speaking only for myself I kept thoughts largely quiet apart from predicting I wouldn't see old age (I still do that)
I think emotionally abusive people can sometimes threaten suicide as a form of abuse (eg if you leave me I’ll kill myself) but have no intention of going through with it. It probably depends what you mean by threatening (are they using it to try and control behaviour of others, or are they in despair and just repeatedly feel suicidal and telling people that).
My Brother in Law died by suicide and it was honestly a huge shock. He had never mentioned anything about suicide or depression to us.
My ex said that he thought about suicide on a daily basis, and always had for as long as he could remember. It was one of his first thoughts every morning, would today be the day. However despite this, and on one occasion telling me he was going to do it, to my knowledge he has never made any kind of attempt.
2 of my friends have each lost a family member to suicide, one had money worries but gave no indication they were thinking of ending their life, the other was really outwardly happy and had just come back from a luxury holiday.
There are some people who are in a place of depression or mental illness where they will repeatedly self harm, attempt to end their lives, but even then often don't discuss it with others. Ime the ones who are often talking about it, like my Ex, are just doing that. It's a form of emotional abuse and control.
2 of my friends have each lost a family member to suicide, one had money worries but gave no indication they were thinking of ending their life, the other was really outwardly happy and had just come back from a luxury holiday.
There are some people who are in a place of depression or mental illness where they will repeatedly self harm, attempt to end their lives, but even then often don't discuss it with others. Ime the ones who are often talking about it, like my Ex, are just doing that. It's a form of emotional abuse and control.
It's wrong to call.it selfish as at the end of the day,the person is unwell and not thinking straight. I wouldn't say it's a strong thing to do either though but l guess it depends on the circumstances.
I’ve always heard that people who constantly threaten it won’t do it, but obviously every person is different. I didn’t tell anyone, until breaking point but that was only cos my mum was in the car with me when it crashed so I kinda had to 
One of my friends ended their own life in 2020. She had shown no signs or anything that she would. She was the most happy and bubbly person I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Just took herself off to the woods one day and shocked us all to the core
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