Relationship Issues - HELP 😞

[HankMcPrank]

Sorry if this sounds harsh but I don't understand how you can still have feelings for a man who clearly doesn't fancy you, has cheated on you & most of all doesn't seem to care a jot about his kids, to the point of threatening not to support them?! I also find it quite worrying that from your posts you seem to care more about your sex life than the well-being of your children & their relationship (or lack of) with their father?
What exactly do you get out of this relationship? If you're contemplating having sex with someone else, surely that means the relationship is effectively dead. Why do you keep subjecting yourself and your children to more heartache?

he doesn’t want to see them. Feel free to think what you like, everybody will have an opinion. But him choosing not to see his children. Is that my fault?

I am only human. I still care, he gave me children. Children that I am bring up single handed. That wasn’t by choice. Whenmy youngest was born he started to break away and finally when he was 2.5 years HE chose to move out. I didn’t tell him.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I hope that ‘I’m horny’ text was your last ever attempt with him.

He doesn’t want you so stop giving him power to kept hold of you and block the other man. He sounds like an absolute mess that’s using you when he knows you’re having a hard time.

 

[HankMcPrank]

They side with a grown man who’s cheated and is hiding in his mum’s box room rather than being a father and won’t even put up a fight to save his relationship with his partner? Sounds like your partner isn’t they only one you should be getting rid of.

I don’t have many friends but the friends I do have, have my back.

 

[lisa94xo]

he doesn’t want to see them. Feel free to think what you like, everybody will have an opinion. But him choosing not to see his children. Is that my fault?

I am only human. I still care, he gave me children. Children that I am bring up single handed. That wasn’t by choice. Whenmy youngest was born he started to break away and finally when he was 2.5 years HE chose to move out. I didn’t tell him.

That's not your fault at all. I'm sorry you had to go through that. But by still letting him have power over you, you are teaching your children that this sort of behaviour is OK. It's not. You're teaching your children that love is putting up with being unappreciated, unsupported, threatened... It's not fair on them. When you're a parent, it isn't all about you anymore. Your children look to you for guidance; as a role model. You're not helping them by continuing on with this, whatever it is.

 

[HankMcPrank]

They don’t speak to him. They no longer ask for him, he has let them down far too many times.

but I’ve tried so many times before.

 

[Be More Pacific]

What a bizarre thread. If you weren't a VIP Tattler, I'd say it was all a complete wind up.

Not sure it's a great move getting involved with someone who's allegedly suicidal, even if you are desperate for a bag, would be my only comment.

 

[Penguinandthepinecone]

Are you in the UK? So the only thing your ‘partner’ is giving you is money. Are you sure this set-up is even fair? My concern is that your children’s Dad (I don’t actually think he’s your partner anymore…he just hasn’t had the decency to tell you) is/might be funding a mortgage that you are not named on, and you are just being paid as childcare. If he is living with his own mum (or pretending to) does this mean he can’t afford another property of his own whilst you live in ‘his?’ house? What if he has a completely different life and relationship with a women you are not aware of? Then when your children get to 18 he stops all maintenance money and kicks you out of your home? If you literally don’t see him, then his do you even know if the money he provides for your children is even fair, if you don’t know his salary? Do you have any joint finances? I really think the sex is the least of your worries.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Seeing this other man isn’t the answer. Don’t do something just because you can, he’s depressed and suicidal. Do you want to get involved? Think about your kids ffs, it’s all about your need to have sex.

Instead of just wanting to bag your husband have you suggested you meet up as a family and go to the cinema or for food? Anything?

 

[HankMcPrank]

It’s not a wind up. My friend I’ve known for years, I offered support and to get a coffee meet up at the park. And it escalated from there (it wasn’t me by the way)

Are you in the UK? So the only thing your ‘partner’ is giving you is money. Are you sure this set-up is even fair? My concern is that your children’s Dad (I don’t actually think he’s your partner anymore…he just hasn’t had the decency to tell you) is/might be funding a mortgage that you are not named on, and you are just being paid as childcare. If he is living with his own mum (or pretending to) does this mean he can’t afford another property of his own whilst you live in ‘his?’ house? What if he has a completely different life and relationship with a women you are not aware of? Then when your children get to 18 he stops all maintenance money and kicks you out of your home? If you literally don’t see him, then his do you even know if the money he provides for your children is even fair, if you don’t know his salary? Do you have any joint finances? I really think the sex is the least of your worries.

No I am in private rental, he doesn’t contribute to the rent.

Seeing this other man isn’t the answer. Don’t do something just because you can, he’s depressed and suicidal. Do you want to get involved? Think about your kids ffs, it’s all about your need to have sex.

Instead of just wanting to bag your husband have you suggested you meet up as a family and go to the cinema or for food? Anything?

yes I have.
he isn’t interested.

 

[lisa94xo]

They don’t speak to him. They no longer ask for him, he has let them down far too many times.

but I’ve tried so many times before.

So why are you still in a relationship with this man, who continually lets your children down? That's also teaching them that you care about him more than how badly he treats them. I don't understand how you can love someone who doesn't care about the children you share together - and I'm sure your children will carry this with them too.

 

[HankMcPrank]

I’m going to speak to him later after I’ve put babies to bed. It isn’t just a quick five minute decision of “right that’s it he won’t give me what I want. I’m looking elsewhere.” Its absolutely not the case.

I have tried my absolute hardest to keep the family unit single handed. I didn’t want to look like a failure or be judged. He is not interested, he clearly couldn’t give a toss about me or them. He isn’t upfront and honest. I’ve tried. I’ve really tried to no avail.

Video calls he can’t wait to end, phone calls it’s all pure sarcasm. Okay somethings got to give.
My children are and always will be my number one priority. I’ve tried days out, he makes excuses or doesn’t turn up. I’ve suggested Wetherspoons and stood up.

I am too caring. I give too many chances. I’m the lowest of the low, because what ever I do try or attempt, it’s never good enough.

I put my hands up, thats it. I’m out.

 

[Bubblegumblades]

I just want to echo back to a previous poster who mentioned him being abusive. He moved out and made it your fault, and made you believe it (I'm sure there are many partners who have stayed with their hormonal partners.)

He is withholding sex and affection giving you no reason but stringing you along. My ex did that, although from the start and due to religious reasons, stringing me along, getting heated up and then pulling away. He would blame random things like being hard on himself etc, but never more. At points he would stop things like holding hands and kissing and say sex was off the cards for good. This guy is being callous to your feelings, get a vibrator and sort yourself out, ffs that's just trivialising your worries, but also making it clear you're not ever going to get what you need from him.

Your children's father has also threatened to withold child payments if you leave, again this is blackmail and a controlling tactic...mine used to threaten not to take his medication and die.

These mutual friends, have you heard them say it or has he just told you what they said? Mine used to tell me all these people were against me and talked tit about me. If you heard them side with him, how do you know he hasn't poisoned the well? My ex told lies about me to his parents and they thought I was a mess.

Leave him and don't loom back. You could easily do no contact as he doesn't give a duck about the kids. I do Wonder if he suddenly decided to become father of the year and use them to further emotionally manipulate you.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I’m going to speak to him later after I’ve put babies to bed. It isn’t just a quick five minute decision of “right that’s it he won’t give me what I want. I’m looking elsewhere.” Its absolutely not the case.

I have tried my absolute hardest to keep the family unit single handed. I didn’t want to look like a failure or be judged. He is not interested, he clearly couldn’t give a toss about me or them. He isn’t upfront and honest. I’ve tried. I’ve really tried to no avail.

Video calls he can’t wait to end, phone calls it’s all pure sarcasm. Okay somethings got to give.
My children are and always will be my number one priority. I’ve tried days out, he makes excuses or doesn’t turn up. I’ve suggested Wetherspoons and stood up.

I am too caring. I give too many chances. I’m the lowest of the low, because what ever I do try or attempt, it’s never good enough.

I put my hands up, thats it. I’m out.

Please know that YOU are not a failure. your view on this, on him, is so completely clouded and he’s really done a number on you.


let’s have it straight.

you are NOT in any kind of relationship with this man. He is not your partner, he is not your boyfriend. He very clearly is not interest nor involved in your life in anyway. years ago, he got you pregnant and you have children by him, but you are a single parent. He very clearly has absolutely no interest in his children, he doesn’t want to be involved with them in anyway and doesn’t care about them. He likes having control over you - not because he loves you or cares about you in any way, but because he’s a twisted sociopath who doesn’t want to be with you but enjoys knowing you can’t break free from him. This is psychological abuse.


my honest advice here is to completely cease all contact with him from right now- Contact the CSA tomorrow to enquire about child maintenance payments and start living your life completely without him.

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I’m going to speak to him later after I’ve put babies to bed. It isn’t just a quick five minute decision of “right that’s it he won’t give me what I want. I’m looking elsewhere.” Its absolutely not the case.

I have tried my absolute hardest to keep the family unit single handed. I didn’t want to look like a failure or be judged. He is not interested, he clearly couldn’t give a toss about me or them. He isn’t upfront and honest. I’ve tried. I’ve really tried to no avail.

Video calls he can’t wait to end, phone calls it’s all pure sarcasm. Okay somethings got to give.
My children are and always will be my number one priority. I’ve tried days out, he makes excuses or doesn’t turn up. I’ve suggested Wetherspoons and stood up.

I am too caring. I give too many chances. I’m the lowest of the low, because what ever I do try or attempt, it’s never good enough.

I put my hands up, thats it. I’m out.

I know you don’t know us but we’re all here for you lovely

 

[HankMcPrank]

Thank you. It’s not just sex I wanted to show him I love him, 12 years and first love means a lot to me. But he’s not interested so it’s absolutely fine.
I’m gonna have a soak and just chill.

I know you don’t know us but we’re all here for you lovely

I really appreciate it I really do xx

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Thank you. It’s not just sex I wanted to show him I love him, 12 years and first love means a lot to me. But he’s not interested so it’s absolutely fine.
I’m gonna have a soak and just chill.



I really appreciate it I really do xx

I know mate but it’s not a 12 year relationship,it sounds like the relationship broke down when he first walked out in you and your kids. It’s been over for a long long time.

 

[HankMcPrank]

I know mate but it’s not a 12 year relationship,it sounds like the relationship broke down when he first walked out in you and your kids. It’s been over for a long long time.

unfortunately you are right. Thank you for making me see the light. Xx

 

[lisa94xo]

I hope you and your children will be OK. You all deserve a lot more. x

 

[Begborrowsteal]

This is bonkers.

Hes a bleep and has just held you in this weird position whilst not actually bothering with you all. Its pointless. Its not a relationship of any kind. Having kids with someone doesnt mean you must keep trying.. especially when he isnt!

I wouldnt contact him again. I also wouldnt entertain this friend either, who is suicidal. Thats a dodgy path to go down when you're both in vulnerable places emotionally. Put you and your kids first. Get yourself a vibrator and dont be entertaining more fragile men when you need to sort your own head out first.

 

[Penguinandthepinecone]

You’re in a controlling relationship (except it’s not a relationship). But I don’t think you’ve realised yet. He’s keeping you hostage as a paid carer for his children, whilst living his own life however he likes. Speak to some women’s abuse charities, I think you’ve become very manipulated, but in a very slow and subtle way that you’re passive to the situation. I think you need some professional help to dissect and reflect objectively to the situation you find yourself in. Do not get involved with the suicidal man, he just sounds like another manipulator who wants to use you.