Relationship Issues - HELP 😞

[BettyCrockerr]

agree with you on that. The more I pressure him. The more he gets put off.



I don’t know. He doesn’t live with me, I’ve moved house to be closer to him but he hasn’t been in the town since we’ve moved in March!
I said he needs to go the GP and he won’t, mentioned I’d have the depo injection so definitely no more pregnancies. Nope. Suggested the snip he went nuts and said nothings wrong with him.

He needs to be honest with you. You don’t just go from being in a happy sexual relationship to just completely not wanting sex at all.
If he’s not willing to sit down and discuss it with you and he won’t go to the Doctor…. I’m honestly not sure what else you can do. He’s not willing to do anything to sort out what is a massive problem in the relationship, so, I don’t know if you should even bother staying in a relationship with someone who isn’t willing to put any effort into something so fundamental. It’s been 4 years. You need more than this it if he’s so closed off to doing anything to help then….. I know what I’d be telling him

 

[Lynseyp]

Right, so correct me if im wrong. You did live together but he moved out due to your mood swings, you have kids together too but he hasn't seen them....
I would seriously have a word with this guy, this isn't a relationship, you clearly want different things to him. From what you have said, it doesn't surprise me if he's still has some involvement with the woman he cheated with.
Yes, its easier to say that your partner dislikes her and calls her names but that doesn't mean anything. Couples stand in church when getting married and say their vows and it means sod all to some of them as they still cheat.
Why isn't he unfriending this woman from social media?
For you: Whats the point in carrying on if this isn't the relationship you want. Think you need to have a serious word with him and ask him what he wants out of this relationship. Do you have a good relationship with your partners mum. Is it worth talking to her?

 

[lisa94xo]

To add if i did it all child maintenance would stop also. That’s his threat.



No, he doesn’t ask how they are I have to tell him they’re okay. Or what they’ve been up to.


Im okay thank you. Xx

Sorry if this sounds harsh but I don't understand how you can still have feelings for a man who clearly doesn't fancy you, has cheated on you & most of all doesn't seem to care a jot about his kids, to the point of threatening not to support them?! I also find it quite worrying that from your posts you seem to care more about your sex life than the well-being of your children & their relationship (or lack of) with their father?
What exactly do you get out of this relationship? If you're contemplating having sex with someone else, surely that means the relationship is effectively dead. Why do you keep subjecting yourself and your children to more heartache?

 

[Scorpihoe]

I’ve just sent a message saying my sex drive is very high I need to do something and his response “get your vibrator sort yourself out.”
Lovely.

Reply “if I have to ‘sort myself out’ for 4 years, why are you here?”

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Thank you. It’s not just sex I wanted to show him I love him, 12 years and first love means a lot to me. But he’s not interested so it’s absolutely fine.
I’m gonna have a soak and just chill.



I really appreciate it I really do xx

I know mate but it’s not a 12 year relationship,it sounds like the relationship broke down when he first walked out in you and your kids. It’s been over for a long long time.

 

[Scorpihoe]

@HankMcPrank go and get some condoms/morning after pill or get him to bring some.

OP I hope you have the best sex of your life tonight

 

[Hendrix]

The day he moved out was the day your relationship ended.

You’ve effectively been single for the last 4 years, go and have the time of your life with whoever you want, just be safe.

 

[yankydoo]

I would take his assertion that he has instructed a solicitor with a pinch of salt. If he isn't working then he probably does not have a lot of money. Legal aid for family law matters is very limited (I don't want to give the wrong advice so I won't say when and when it is not available). Anyway, my point is that I think he is lying about getting a solicitor. Notwithstanding the financial issues, it does take a few days to call around firms and get an appointment.

I am a solicitor so I can be pretty confident of what I have told you.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Forgot ‘seeing what today brings’.

The old friend is bad news, keep away from him because nothing good will come from it. Your kids dad is likely to run up your arse with false words so shut him down unless he talks about the kids. They are going to have such an unhealthy view of relationships.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

The more pressure you put onto him the more he’s going to say no. If you want this to work have an honest conversation with him and then back off completely and give him space.

It’s been going on for 4 years though. 4 years in a sexless relationship.

 

[WilmaHun]

Well, according to you, it's bringing the allegedly suicidal one to fuck you senseless isn't it?

What a way with words

 

[BettyCrockerr]

If you don't live together and haven't has sex in 4 years that's not a relationship that's a friendship at that.
Be careful/mindful of bringing over men into your children's home to shag them.

Yeah I have to agree, be careful with any other men you get involved with. Yes, you can abs should feel free to have sex and enjoy yourself with whomever you like but you have children in your care who need to be protected - you can’t have random guys rocking up at your home for a shag - from a safe gaurding point of view and also don’t assume your kids will be oblivious to what’s going on, and if you are sleeping with guys you need to use proper protection from STIs aswell as pregnancy.

All our mutual friends side with him. I have one nearly teenager and two under 10



yeah he’s bringing some ribbed goodies.



He wouldn’t be staying over x

Your mutual friends are a bunch of weirdos.
sorry but everything you have divulged about this set up is completely bizzare and shambolic and is not in anyway a “normal” set up for a relationship or family.

 

[1001 others]

Some men just go off having sex - as much as media and friends might like to tell us that is never the case, it is more common than people realise. Women too, but it happens with men a LOT. If your relationship ticks all the other boxes then maybe you need to engage in self-satisfaction to tick the intimacy box? I certainly wouldn't encourage an affair or leaving him if the relationship works in every other way.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I send pics of kids he hasn’t seen them for ages - but he does pay up.

Thank you all xx

Unfortunately I think you need to take a step back and look at this situation objectively.

this isn’t a relationship. He’s left you and your children, he is providing nothing but some financial support for his kids which is the bare minimum he should be providing. That’s it. There doesn’t sound like there anything else going on between the two of you. Why on Earth hasn’t he seen you or your children in months?

 

[BettyCrockerr]

He’s nasty bit of scum.

Yes. Dont Reply to anything he sends you but keep all of his texts or any emails or anything he sends you from this point forward.

if you would like to have a chat about this with somone please contact women’s aid below - they offer an online chat service and I think it would be good for you to talk all of this over with them.

Live Chat | Women's Aid Live Chat

Women's Aid's live chat service lets women chat directly with a support worker

chat.womensaid.org.uk

 

[LaurieLaurie]

With your update about living apart. Are you sure he isn’t seeing someone else?

 

[Peakyblinders]

What a bizarre thread. If you weren't a VIP Tattler, I'd say it was all a complete wind up.

Not sure it's a great move getting involved with someone who's allegedly suicidal, even if you are desperate for a shag, would be my only comment.

You took the words right out of my mouth just waiting for Jeremy beadle to pop out soon! This can’t be real.

 

[newtoyou]

Honestly? I don’t know. I genuinely don’t know. The only crap he feeds me is “I’ve put weight on I’m fat”

That is a bizarre excuse for not being a dad to his kids. Sounds like there’s something going on with his mental health perhaps. Maybe you should tell him you want a break from the relationship.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Seeing this other man isn’t the answer. Don’t do something just because you can, he’s depressed and suicidal. Do you want to get involved? Think about your kids ffs, it’s all about your need to have sex.

Instead of just wanting to shag your husband have you suggested you meet up as a family and go to the cinema or for food? Anything?

 

[newtoyou]

Hope you’re ok OP. Clearly what you described as initially about sex was actually something deeper that was going on. From what you’ve said, it seems you’ve been looking out for your kids for many years. I’m not personally going to judge you for wanting a night for yourself. But I guess that particular man might not be the best choice.

Agreed with everyone else, the whole solicitor thing seems like something designed to scare you. Just say “ok” and let him get on with it. If what you’ve said is accurate, he hasn’t got a leg to stand on.

All the relationship advice threads seem to take a turn eventually. Might be better to take a step back.