Relationship Issues - HELP 😞

[BettyCrockerr]

Honestly? I don’t know. I genuinely don’t know. The only crap he feeds me is “I’ve put weight on I’m fat”

So what has him putting on weight got to do with anything though? Sorry but it’s nonsense.
Forget him for a minute. What do YOU want? What do you want your life to be like? You deserve so much more than this. He’s not offering you anything.

I think there’s more going on here than he’s letting on. Another women perhaps or he’s using escorts/webcam girls etc

 

[Caramel Latte]

What a bizarre thread. If you weren't a VIP Tattler, I'd say it was all a complete wind up.

Not sure it's a great move getting involved with someone who's allegedly suicidal, even if you are desperate for a shag, would be my only comment.

You took the words right out of my mouth just waiting for Jeremy beadle to pop out soon! This can’t be real.

I've been reading this thread with a pinch of salt and glad I'm not the only one lol

 

[Tamij]

You’ve had some excellent advice here and I agree with most of it.
Bin him off. He’s effectively already walked away from you, so in all honesty, what exactly are you going to miss?
Then go and find this friend and shag him. You’re not cheating if it’s over. Besides, he can’t not pay his child maintenance. The CSA will ensure that.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

To add if i did it all child maintenance would stop also. That’s his threat.



No, he doesn’t ask how they are I have to tell him they’re okay. Or what they’ve been up to.


Im okay thank you. Xx

Sorry but if he’s going to cut off money to his children because of you cheating then he’s a vile piece of scum and I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of needing his money and I’d tell him where to stick it. My mum raised three kids without any maintenance…
Also… if you really wanted to, you could go to the CSA and he would be forced to pay child maintenance. I still wouldn’t let him have this power.

 

[Penguinandthepinecone]

You’re in a controlling relationship (except it’s not a relationship). But I don’t think you’ve realised yet. He’s keeping you hostage as a paid carer for his children, whilst living his own life however he likes. Speak to some women’s abuse charities, I think you’ve become very manipulated, but in a very slow and subtle way that you’re passive to the situation. I think you need some professional help to dissect and reflect objectively to the situation you find yourself in. Do not get involved with the suicidal man, he just sounds like another manipulator who wants to use you.

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I’m sorry but if it was me I’d personally end it, it sounds like you’re making all the effort and getting nothing in return.

The fact he hasn’t seen his children because he’s put on weight is an absolute ridiculous excuse in my opinion and he needs to get a grip.

I’d also tread carefully with your friend a depressed and suicidal person can be a bit all of the place emotionally.

 

[Be More Pacific]

Thanks but I’ve come to my senses that that is the worst thing possible with the way I’m feeling.

Yes he has got solicitors involved so thanks all.

CSA can’t do anything he’s not at a fixed abode.

But I’m not bothered anymore with what people joke or make me out to be. I could potentially lose my kids especially with the malicious words and accusation.... but yeah, laugh.... like other people have done do what ya want.

I thought your 'partner' lived with his mum so how can he be of no fixed address? Where does his post go to? Surely that will prove where he's living?

I'm sensing there is a WHOLE lot more to this 'story' than we're being told. I notice you have almost completely avoided answering a lot of the pertinent questions being asked particularly by @Penguinandthepinecone

But it is heartening to see you seem to finally be thinking of your children rather than your sex drive.

You have been given a lot of good advice here on what steps to take next. I don't know that much about family law but I'm not sure why you would lose custody of your children to someone who you say hasn't seen or bothered with them for months....?

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Even if you put the sex to one side - hes not offering you anything else. Your partner should be exactly that - a partner. Someone who wants to be with you and share all the responsibilities of life with you - the good and bad. He may provide money for his kids but that’s it - he’s not even bothering to come to see them, to help raise them, to share the responsibility of that with you.
his actions & behaviour is telling you everything you need to know. The best thing to do for yourself & your children is to end it - officially. Set yourself free and allow yourself to find someone who wants to be a real partner and a real parent.

 

[Clairer86]

So ive read the entire thread now, and i was far too polite in my previous post! The man is a fucking wanker. His behaviour regarding your children is shocking and his 'reason' is fucking ridiculous tbh. Also, and im sorry to say this but i wouldnt be surprised if he was still seeing/sleeping with the woman who he previously had an affair with. You need to live your life, he isnt bringing anything to the relationship. His behaviour towards you and the children tells me everything i need to know about this 'man'. He sounds like a controlling piece of shit who is doing nothing than waste your time and he is letting his children down. You dont need him, please remember that

 

[Very traditional]

I don’t know why he’s avoiding me. I’m broken xx

My friend has said he would happily come round tomorrow fuck I said don’t. Wouldn’t be able to control myself. Friends with benefits would be frowned upon.

Im going to be blunt here - it doesn't matter why he's avoiding you, the fact is that he is, and more importantly he's avoiding his responsibilities with his children, which is unforgivable. I know for you the fact that you don't have a sexual relationship seems to be your focus, maybe that's easier for you as you can see a physical resolution to this with your new/ old friend but the fact that he has abandoned his children and not seen them since March is the biggest issue here and it can't carry indefinitely like it is.

like I said upthread, you wanting to having a relationship with someone else, even if it's friends with benefits is understandable and couldn't be judged given the circumstances but be careful with your friend, he seems in a very bad place and has maybe put all his focus on you to avoid dealing with his own issues.

 

[Clairer86]

I thought this, was utterly convinced. But no just him and his mum.



no, there is a reason. I personally think it’s pathetic. When I was on the implant I had mood swings so would never live with me because of my moods

I am sorry you are going through this, but to be completely honest there are some massive red flags surrounding this! He sounds abit controlling- i mean in the way he wont have sex with you but expects you to be happy, and then him saying 'please dont cheat' and yet wont address his issues. And as for your supposed mood swings, that just sounds really childish (on his part, you dont sound childish). It just doesnt seem like a relationship to me. Its up to you, but i couldnt live like that. You deserve happiness and a partner who respects you, loves you, is intimate and who you can communicate with.

So what has him putting on weight got to do with anything though? Sorry but it’s nonsense.
Forget him for a minute. What do YOU want? What do you want your life to be like? You deserve so much more than this. He’s not offering you anything.

I think there’s more going on here than he’s letting on. Another women perhaps or he’s using escorts/webcam girls etc

@BettyCrockerr you ALWAYS give the best advice on here! I love reading all your posts (in a non stalker/strange way, i promise!). I wish you were my friend in real life!

So what has him putting on weight got to do with anything though? Sorry but it’s nonsense.
Forget him for a minute. What do YOU want? What do you want your life to be like? You deserve so much more than this. He’s not offering you anything.

I think there’s more going on here than he’s letting on. Another women perhaps or he’s using escorts/webcam girls etc

@BettyCrockerr you ALWAYS give the best advice on here! I love reading all your posts (in a non stalker/strange way, i promise!). I wish you were my friend in real life!

 

[LaurieLaurie]

It doesn’t sound like there is a relationship at all on his part. He won’t change.
End it, be thankful for your kids and find someone that’s worth it.

 

[Penguinandthepinecone]

He has not filed any type of court proceedings over this weekend, especially without access to a solicitor, he’s full of crap. In any case what on Earth would he be requesting the court do? You don’t have a mortgage (or it seems any sort of shared finances) and he chooses not to see the children himself, and you said your children don’t like him anyway.
However do not in any circumstances send him any more text messages, especially regarding your need for sex, if things do get nasty, he would cling on to those messages as a way of smearing you in court.

I’m really struggling to understand this set-up, especially why he has manufactured this situation. I wonder if it’s all, or a mixture of the following:
-he’s a psychopath/sociopath/narcissist (and gets kicks from controlling you)
-financial reasons (maybe he earns much more than you think, so has manipulated you into thinking you have got it good)
-cultural reasons maybe? Are you in the UK, this all seems so backward?!
-he’s kept you thinking you’re in a relationship (when you’re not) to prevent any other good men/father figures being near your/‘his’ children.
-or he’s living a completely unacceptable hidden life, and this ‘family’ he has kept is just a front for something very unsavoury that he’d never want you to see (thinking illegal addiction/abuse type things).
-or finally he just checked out of your relationship years ago, and is totally spineless, and didn’t tell you, and perhaps he does in fact want a relationship with his children, just not with you, but he’s so spineless he’d rather not see his children just so he doesn’t have to tell you the truth.

Only you can work out what’s gone on here. You definitely need professional help to navigate this situation.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Life’s too short for false promises.

 

[rainbowlemon]

I’ve just sent a message saying my sex drive is very high I need to do something and his response “get your vibrator sort yourself out.”
Lovely.

I've read the full thread. You honestly deserve to be treated so much better then this.

 

[rebremm99]

I really feel for you and I say this with kindness but this isn’t a relationship. He’s actively avoiding you and his children and his excuse is he’s put on weight? That is so messed up and I hope your kids don’t feel rejected by him. I really think you need to cut ties with him because it doesn’t seem like he is invested in this at all. Really hope you are ok x

 

[Very traditional]

I send pics of kids he hasn’t seen them for ages - but he does pay up.

Thank you all xx

I think you need to have a really good think about what's best for you and your children. Your relationship with their father is effectively over and he has abandoned them as well as you. It's great that he is financially responsible but as their father he should be seeing them at the very minimum. How on earth have you explained this situation to them?

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I second this!

 

[Scorpihoe]

OP I’m really sorry but I think you should leave…he sounds like a burden more than anything

 

[LaurieLaurie]

He’s not even bothering with his kids. That alone should be enough for you to give up on him.

You need to vanish and be silent. He knows where you and your kids are, have absolutely no contact from you and see if he comes back.