Pregnancy #36 Mother In Laws… please shut up!!

[xoxo GG]

Another bad night another bad night of arguing, I’ve put in an application to my local council for housing, I feel exhausted and so emotional I love my partner but I can’t go on like this anymore but I’m absolutely terrified of doing this alone I’m scared of failing I’m scared my son will hate me in years to come for leaving his dad. I grew up in a broken home and it’s the last thing I wanted for my child. I guess I just feel so guilty, I’ve tried so hard to sort things but I can’t be the only one trying, I’m so emotional tonight feeling really scared and alone

I’ve never once hated my mum for going it alone. My ‘dad’ walked out on us when I was 2 days old and that was that, he never graced us with his presence again. I have a wonderful ‘stepdad’ who to me is the only dad I have even though we don’t share any DNA. He’s been in my life 24 years and I’ve never been left to second guess if he loves and cares for me because he’s proven it everyday since I met him. I appreciate its a very different situation to yours but I guess what I’m trying to say is it won’t define you as a mother, it won’t define where life takes you and it certainly won’t define your relationship with your son. Sure, there might be difficult times and hard questions to answer. But honestly? Just be upfront. My mum never protected me from the truth and I’m so grateful for that because I know now it was never an issue with me or her. It was always him x

 

[Clickbait]

Another bad night another bad night of arguing, I’ve put in an application to my local council for housing, I feel exhausted and so emotional I love my partner but I can’t go on like this anymore but I’m absolutely terrified of doing this alone I’m scared of failing I’m scared my son will hate me in years to come for leaving his dad. I grew up in a broken home and it’s the last thing I wanted for my child. I guess I just feel so guilty, I’ve tried so hard to sort things but I can’t be the only one trying, I’m so emotional tonight feeling really scared and alone

Is the arguing a new thing? Was this a planned baby? Perhaps he’s not dealing with the stress of an impending baby and you could seek some couples counselling? I can see how much you want it to work and how you’re beating yourself up about the idea it won’t. If you tried some guidance/intervention it might help you communicate better, so that even if it didn’t work to keep you together, you’d understand where the other is coming from and be better able to co-parent in the future.

 

[Chrisxo]

Is the arguing a new thing? Was this a planned baby? Perhaps he’s not dealing with the stress of an impending baby and you could seek some couples counselling? I can see how much you want it to work and how you’re beating yourself up about the idea it won’t. If you tried some guidance/intervention it might help you communicate better, so that even if it didn’t work to keep you together, you’d understand where the other is coming from and be better able to co-parent in the future.

No we’ve always argued but we have periods where we’re great then it starts again he never sees any issues he has it’s always my fault… I don’t think it’s the stress of a baby I just think he’s not willing to adapt his ways to be in this relationship he also won’t do counseling I’ve asked him and it’s a no… it’s breaking my heart but I just can’t do it anymore… I try and explain how I’m feeling and he takes it as an insult I’m feeling really self conscious with my body changing I’m struggling to adjust to getting bigger I’ve always had problems with my self image but as I’m getting bigger it’s getting worse I feel disgusting and undesirable… he doesn’t help as he’s even said he can’t wait till I go back to my skinny pre pregnancy body… I just said to him tonight I want some more affection and to feel wanted as I’m struggling and he told me I’m a moaning cow and I was to go F myself… he sees my feelings as an insult when I’m only trying to explain how I feel

 

[Nayalove96]

I’ve never once hated my mum for going it alone. My ‘dad’ walked out on us when I was 2 days old and that was that, he never graced us with his presence again. I have a wonderful ‘stepdad’ who to me is the only dad I have even though we don’t share any DNA. He’s been in my life 24 years and I’ve never been left to second guess if he loves and cares for me because he’s proven it everyday since I met him. I appreciate its a very different situation to yours but I guess what I’m trying to say is it won’t define you as a mother, it won’t define where life takes you and it certainly won’t define your relationship with your son. Sure, there might be difficult times and hard questions to answer. But honestly? Just be upfront. My mum never protected me from the truth and I’m so grateful for that because I know now it was never an issue with me or her. It was always him x

I needed to read this as my little ones dad isn’t in the picture

 

[SnooperTrooper]

No we’ve always argued but we have periods where we’re great then it starts again he never sees any issues he has it’s always my fault… I don’t think it’s the stress of a baby I just think he’s not willing to adapt his ways to be in this relationship he also won’t do counseling I’ve asked him and it’s a no… it’s breaking my heart but I just can’t do it anymore… I try and explain how I’m feeling and he takes it as an insult I’m feeling really self conscious with my body changing I’m struggling to adjust to getting bigger I’ve always had problems with my self image but as I’m getting bigger it’s getting worse I feel disgusting and undesirable… he doesn’t help as he’s even said he can’t wait till I go back to my skinny pre pregnancy body… I just said to him tonight I want some more affection and to feel wanted as I’m struggling and he told me I’m a moaning cow and I was to go F myself… he sees my feelings as an insult when I’m only trying to explain how I feel

You said right at the beginning when you found out you were pregnant that you didn't know if it was right or not because you had only just got back together.
It really sounds like he wants it his way or no way.
Even before when you were saying about his decisions on parenting. It was his way or nothing.
Sounds like you'll be so much better off without him.

My parents didn't split up until I was 9. But the amount of times I can fully picture me sitting there playing with toys with them arguing in the background. The constant arguing. I'm 35 now and I remember so so much of it. I honestly wish they would have broken up sooner.
My Mum was so unhappy and she was always crying and snapping at me from being stressed.

 

[Chrisxo]

You said right at the beginning when you found out you were pregnant that you didn't know if it was right or not because you had only just got back together.
It really sounds like he wants it his way or no way.
Even before when you were saying about his decisions on parenting. It was his way or nothing.
Sounds like you'll be so much better off without him.

My parents didn't split up until I was 9. But the amount of times I can fully picture me sitting there playing with toys with them arguing in the background. The constant arguing. I'm 35 now and I remember so so much of it. I honestly wish they would have broken up sooner.
My Mum was so unhappy and she was always crying and snapping at me from being stressed.

This is what I don’t want to be like or want for my child. Realistically I wouldn’t be much different off as he works all week and I wouldn’t have much help during the day anyway but im just scared of actually being alone but I just don’t feel respected.

 

[TreeTrunksApplePie]

This is what I don’t want to be like or want for my child. Realistically I wouldn’t be much different off as he works all week and I wouldn’t have much help during the day anyway but im just scared of actually being alone but I just don’t feel respected.

I hope you don’t mind me asking but how old are you? I get the impression you’re still fairly young. Do you have any family living nearby that could help? x

 

[Clickbait]

No we’ve always argued but we have periods where we’re great then it starts again he never sees any issues he has it’s always my fault… I don’t think it’s the stress of a baby I just think he’s not willing to adapt his ways to be in this relationship he also won’t do counseling I’ve asked him and it’s a no… it’s breaking my heart but I just can’t do it anymore… I try and explain how I’m feeling and he takes it as an insult I’m feeling really self conscious with my body changing I’m struggling to adjust to getting bigger I’ve always had problems with my self image but as I’m getting bigger it’s getting worse I feel disgusting and undesirable… he doesn’t help as he’s even said he can’t wait till I go back to my skinny pre pregnancy body… I just said to him tonight I want some more affection and to feel wanted as I’m struggling and he told me I’m a moaning cow and I was to go F myself… he sees my feelings as an insult when I’m only trying to explain how I feel

In which case I can’t see that you could have done more than you have. He sounds pretty unpleasant too, you should not have to be sworn at, called names or body shamed by someone who is supposed to love and support you especially in pregnancy! So sorry you’re in this position, hope you have some support around you x

 

[Chrisxo]

I hope you don’t mind me asking but how old are you? I get the impression you’re still fairly young. Do you have any family living nearby that could help? x

I’m 24, my closest family are around an hour away x

 

[ProphecyGirl]

Started to get pains around half 2 this morning and started timing around 3.. unsure if these are contractions or not as they seem so irregular and the time difference has increased and decreased
The pain hasn’t gone tho but I also haven’t passed my mucus or had any waters broke or any other signs of labour..
I just don’t wanna ring midwife if it’s false or bother anyone else and get them worked up if it’s nothing as it just gives me anxiety since it’s so early and if I ring my mum she will just panic

I told my OH but he was just trying it on to “bring it on” mid contraction now he’s back asleep

I’m running a warm bath and going to see what happens but I just wondered if anyone was awake and their thoughts??

 

[WhatABore]

Started to get pains around half 2 this morning and started timing around 3.. unsure if these are contractions or not as they seem so irregular and the time difference has increased and decreased
The pain hasn’t gone tho but I also haven’t passed my mucus or had any waters broke or any other signs of labour..
I just don’t wanna ring midwife if it’s false or bother anyone else and get them worked up if it’s nothing as it just gives me anxiety since it’s so early and if I ring my mum she will just panic

I told my OH but he was just trying it on to “bring it on” mid contraction now he’s back asleep

I’m running a warm bath and going to see what happens but I just wondered if anyone was awake and their thoughts??

I have never lost my mucus plug not noticeable anyway.
Your waters also don't always tend to go.
Mine have always been broken for me even though I was in labour apart from with my 2nd they started leaking but I wasn't in labour nor did I go into labour even though they were leaking.

Either way it sounds positive

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Started to get pains around half 2 this morning and started timing around 3.. unsure if these are contractions or not as they seem so irregular and the time difference has increased and decreased
The pain hasn’t gone tho but I also haven’t passed my mucus or had any waters broke or any other signs of labour..
I just don’t wanna ring midwife if it’s false or bother anyone else and get them worked up if it’s nothing as it just gives me anxiety since it’s so early and if I ring my mum she will just panic

I told my OH but he was just trying it on to “bring it on” mid contraction now he’s back asleep

I’m running a warm bath and going to see what happens but I just wondered if anyone was awake and their thoughts??

Sounds like something is happening
Don’t worry about the waters breaking or mucus plug as neither are key signs (we have all been mislead by TV on the waters breaking side of things).

good luck

 

[ProphecyGirl]

Thanks guys
I’ve rang the MW they’ve just told me to ring back when I’m getting 3 contractions in the space of 10 mins

Just want to bloody sleep and the oh is no help and snoring away, think I’ll be hating him for the next few hours

 

[Megatron1298]

Started to get pains around half 2 this morning and started timing around 3.. unsure if these are contractions or not as they seem so irregular and the time difference has increased and decreased
The pain hasn’t gone tho but I also haven’t passed my mucus or had any waters broke or any other signs of labour..
I just don’t wanna ring midwife if it’s false or bother anyone else and get them worked up if it’s nothing as it just gives me anxiety since it’s so early and if I ring my mum she will just panic

I told my OH but he was just trying it on to “bring it on” mid contraction now he’s back asleep

I’m running a warm bath and going to see what happens but I just wondered if anyone was awake and their thoughts??

Exciting sounds like you are in early labour. If not too intense relax and try rest until they are closer together

 

[Blair-Waldorf]

Thanks guys
I’ve rang the MW they’ve just told me to ring back when I’m getting 3 contractions in the space of 10 mins

Just want to bloody sleep and the oh is no help and snoring away, think I’ll be hating him for the next few hours

Oooh good luck keep us posted x

 

[WeHadFunRight]

How did you all sort out your booking in appointment with the midwife? I have my first scan booked in but it says to arrange bloods and a booking in appointment and my doctors have shut the phone lines to general enquiries can you believe it… I might just go down there… why do they make everything so difficult?! The way they say you can self refer for your scan and get set up at the hospital makes it sound like that’s the key thing you need to do, and lurking in the background is this murky world of “other tit”

it is making me wish I was one of those mothers who spends 9 months in ignorant bliss only for a baby to pop out after a bit of a tummy ache.

 

[WhatABore]

How did you all sort out your booking in appointment with the midwife? I have my first scan booked in but it says to arrange bloods and a booking in appointment and my doctors have shut the phone lines to general enquiries can you believe it… I might just go down there… why do they make everything so difficult?! The way they say you can self refer for your scan and get set up at the hospital makes it sound like that’s the key thing you need to do, and lurking in the background is this murky world of “other tit”

it is making me wish I was one of those mothers who spends 9 months in ignorant bliss only for a baby to pop out after a bit of a tummy ache.

With mine you self refer online
If you type in your town and type in maternity self referral. There may be a link that comes up with it.
If not, I would go in like you say.

With mine, you self refer online for the midwife and they contact you between 8 and 10 weeks for your booking appointment and bloods and then they put in for your scan and you receive a letter.
But every Trust is different.

 

[calmyourritas]

Congratulations @LittleBluebird ! 🤍🤍


@ProphecyGirl sounds promising! They look like the contractions I started having on the Thursday afternoon and baby Rita was with us Friday lunchtime! My waters never broke either.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

With mine you self refer online
If you type in your town and type in maternity self referral. There may be a link that comes up with it.
If not, I would go in like you say.

With mine, you self refer online for the midwife and they contact you between 8 and 10 weeks for your booking appointment and bloods and then they put in for your scan and you receive a letter.
But every Trust is different.

Thanks! I got my scan letter and it says “make sure you arrange bloods and booking in appt…” but no guidance about how
I’m going in… can’t wait to have a passive aggressive conversation with the receptionist

 

[Clickbait]

Thanks! I got my scan letter and it says “make sure you arrange bloods and booking in appt…” but no guidance about how
I’m going in… can’t wait to have a passive aggressive conversation with the receptionist

Nothing was done via my GP so bear that in mind when you speak to the receptionist - they may just point you in the direction of the internet! Sadly it’s a postcode lottery as to how well the system works and what is available to you. I’m seeing a midwife this week for the first time in 19 weeks - all of my appointments bar one have been on the phone whereas many people have had all of theirs done face-to-face. Likewise I’ve never spoken to the same person more than once, and not spoken to my named midwife contact at all.

The whole process is very different to what I was expecting!