Niomi Smart #80 Charging for articles sounding like ChatGPT, she's no morals, conscience or husband to be

[lurkerxx]

It's true no one should live their lives based on what other people say online but imagine reading all comments made about him when they broke up and now having the guts to post that photo with such a fake and dishonest word salad. "Love always wins". Of course she would twist it like this, of course. It's very obvious he didn't leave her alone all this time. All those BS Instagram posts of his, suddenly a very successful coach, was all part of the plan to get her back, for her to see what she was "losing". So so obvious. And she's SO dumb she fell for it. I'm 100% convinced it was HER who was having doubts and wanted a time apart. But she's so fragile, so afraid of being alone and not having a man by her side, that she swallowed her pride and self-respect and went back on her decision.

 

[WinterSolstice]

FOR FUCKS’S SAKE.


that is all.

 

[formerly_sitkx]

Not that I noticed but he'd post snarky stories if she was in Bali for a while that only losers and stoners can do nothing for weeks and how he's ready to get back to London to WORK, after being there for a bit, all passive aggressive, constant little digs that I personally saw as digs to Nimbobs.

He was savaged lately for his big ass rant against Veganism, deleted the post and wrote an "apology" story and lost over 3.5 subs in the last 30 days or so alone. Good job Bradders, keep failing. I love seeing it.
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Here we go again, she's doing her match game....

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Or maybe just maybe it's a thirsty frog trying to get water from your sink in a hot climate...

Why is everything with her about love and light #substack subscribe! and exploding cosmos kundalini swinging off a pole and magic signs and animals, and numbers on doors and streets, so wild!! Why is everything a fantasy story, why.

must be so exhausting going through life desperately looking for signs in anything and everything…a frog, a leaf, a butterfly, anything to help her cope

 

[simplithebEST]

Wow. I was not ready for this jump-scare at 03:47 am - here I am scrolling Instagram and boom I hear this soft spoken (what an ick! - grown man with a voice of a pre-teen boy) saliva slurping voice and recognised this fool and had to stop scrolling and see why is he coming up on my feed. Well, turns out Jamies daddy (or his sugar mama Niomi) paid for him to be advertised…..

 

[Numenorian20]

I guess it wasn’t So Long Lordon after all

 

[lurkerxx]

I AM SPEECHLESS. I SHOULDN'T BE, BUT I AM.
Well, Nims. I'm sorry. You deserve him, in all his disgustness. Worship his cock, bow to his penis. You deserve it.
They deserve each other.

 

[Coldfeet]

Off topic. Lino print of Cassie from a fine art printing course I'm doing. Original photo too. Tried to capture her character.

 

[simplithebEST]

I hate to wish bad on anyone but I can’t wait to see this shit show EXPLODE.
Where is Avocado Chef at?! She needs to spill the tea. She obviously unfollowed Nims for a reason, there’s bad blood there.

I still predict there won’t be a wedding - not because they won’t get married this time, but because they’ll elope and get it done in secret.
There’s not a cat’s chance in hell they’ll be any “happy family” wedding photos.

Avocado chef posted about recycling yesterday….. could’ve been a thinly veiled insult to these two giving their engagement ring another go

 

[Clover123]

It's so cringey that she boasts about how happy and light she feels on permanent holiday. Of course- we all feel that way on holiday, when even laundry isn't a concern, let alone cooking meals, paying bills etc. But Niomi always paints it as if she has discovered the secret to life, although unfortunately for her she STILL seems miserable

 

[Callan]

Do you think it’s some sort of unconscious passive aggressive tic that she doesn’t have a dad to get sad over?

I think she's too self absorbed to even be aware of such things, although the perfect timing every year is puzzling. Niomi is the type of person who will think "yeah but what do I get out of this" when she has to make a decision about something. You can’t manufacture authenticity.

I had such a stressful afternoon, my husband was suddenly invited to a zoom meeting by the owner of the company and his bosses are suddenly all on vacation this week, and it was just him and the guy, and that place drops people like flies. I had to sit for an hour in high stress and anxiety while watching my kid thinking that he could lose his job, it was either good news or bad news, it was sickening, Niomi will never have to sit there thinking how she's going to pay for things if sudden life changes happen. (He's fine for now but super stressed, his main boss and guy above him did get laid off, and the boss is on vacation and doesn't even know yet he wont have a job to come back to...)

I think lack of any stress in her life made her apathetic and just plain lost. I don't know why I wrote all that lol, but looking at real life and how people live and things they deal with that are serious and then looking at her doing nothing and being exhausted is like watching someone live on another planet trying to relate to us, when she can't.

 

[londongirl2001]

She must have thought that all the single men in London had just been waiting for her return and when she couldn’t get herself a new boy within two months, she decided to take back Lord Horse

 

[Lionsden]

Sorry but this yoga thing seems like it's a glorified summer camp for adults. Maybe it's just me, but It just seems so unappealing to be stuck with a bunch of strangers 24/7. Do they have things like a curfew and meal times? Do they have roommates? Idk, I personally wouldn't want to pay a premium to be infantilized like that.

Who even has the time for this? It seems like a magnet for a bunch of unemployed people with no responsibilities, who need a lot of attention, and want a quick ego boost.

Edit to add: What's even the POINT of going to India, if she's just going to be with these people (who are all tourists, like her) the whole time? I'd rather take a vacation and actually SEE INDIA. She's already certified, too, so it's such a waste of time and money!

She got her first certificate online, that's a joke considering that yoga is primarily physical exercises. If she really wants to teach others, she cannot have too much training. Niomi never visited a yoga class consistently, she doesn't have a teacher, she hasn't committed to a school of yoga (like Iyengar or Ashtanga). She doesn't even practice daily as far as I know. She is at the very beginning of learning about yoga, let alone being a teacher. This stay was never meant to be a vacation to explore India, she is going purely to take part in this course, as are the others. I don't know about the quality of the school, I looked them up and they are not one of the best or major yoga schools in India. Four weeks for a certificate seems rushed, especially as the students don't seem to be on an advanced level (see the white haired guy recklessly performing dynamic standing poses and falling over, like a schoolboy fooling around doing handstands - except he is in his fifties and crunched his vertebrae when swinging onto his head in an uncontrolled fashion). It takes years of classes and guided training before you are even allowed to begin your Iyengar yoga teacher training for example. So this course is definitely not the most reputable, more like getting a certificate to do nail design when you are already a cosmetologist. But these certificates are enough to be allowed to teach, so what can I say? Not everyone who enjoys a yoga class at their gym is interested in actual yoga. As long as students aren't harmed, I guess it's okay. I just don't see Niomi as a teacher. She is so socially awkward and self-centered at the same time, so unintelligent and uninspired, unable to educate herself and without interest to do so. She is superficial in essence and that just works against her ever being good at anything.

 

[Jelly Bean]

Thanks to @curiouscat106 for thread title suggestion (v slightly amended to fit). And thank you for your beautiful comment

But plot twist. Expert Tattle sleuthing has uncovered Niomi has probably gone back THERE. She's almost certainly been to South Africa to visit entrepreneur handstand practitioner, pasta swerver and toothy former 'my love' Jamie White.
Now she is Goa doing a yoga teaching course. Here she is being tranquil.

Previously she had been floating around London laughing at pesky tourists, not doing anything on her substack apart from writing things using ChatGPT and discovering ART.

 

[curiouscat106]

I’m just going to put this out there:
I don’t think Nims cheated on Marcus.

Certainly not with DJ, there was a good what, 10+ months between her and Marcus splitting up and her meeting DJ? And she met DJ after Charlotte went on a date with him first.
I think it’s more plausible that Nims fucked Marcus over financially somehow. I’m not sure how… but I’d wager the split was was to do with money, not sex.

 

[Jackie Daytona]

Jamie White makes it look so easy to grift, yet here I am, still working and without a sugar mama/daddy. Maybe I’m actually too dumb? Don’t say it’s because I have morals because I don’t

 

[TapToBoreMeRigid]

Her family must be tearing their collective hair out.

 

[Coldfeet]

Right-handed? How common. I thought creative and attuned little Nims would at least be left-handed if not ambidextrous

If she heard the word 'ambidextrous' she'd cut out another food group

 

[kittenseer]

What the hell Niomi???? No. NO. NOOOOOO!!!

Edit: There were signs they were back together but I literally decided to ignore them as I didn’t want it to be true. This is crazy

 

[Yel]

I imagine Joey being the Ben Affleck meme every time his engagement photo with nims is dredged up.

 

[replace32titles]

I always feel like such a dick thinking this but do you guys really think she wants kids? I see it mentioned here but I don't feel it, maybe that's just me.

I don’t think she actually wants them but she definitely wants the husband-children-house-with-a-big-garden perfect lifestyle. She’d have a nanny keeping the kids out of sight 23 and a half hours a day.