Niomi Smart #67 Lordon's pointy pencil peen is the very worst thing we've ever seen

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Ah what a time to be alive, settling down after a long day at work, glass of whiskey in hand, marvelling over photos of Lordon with mud on his teeth, watching Niomi’s hopes that a stressed, mainly Portuguese speaking minimum wage airport worker will read her self help book recommendations, after being spoken to like tit by two “high giving” privileged white whackos.

She’s a train wreck in her hippy era and I’m here for it.

It’s terrifying, this new culty shift. I was particularly perturbed by her following a “feminine energy” coach who gives advice on how to keep your “king” sweet, but honestly I just find her such an insufferable witch now I’m totally here for her ongoing fall from grace.
 
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Yeesh…first, they have aged each other! Not gonna do a comp photos (my eyes are begging for mercy), but Nimbobs’ crows feet have deepen, as has the trunks under Lordon’s eyes (not to mention that his hair seems greyer).

And all the melodrama surrounding them being apart, remember this Story? They were apart for, what, less than a day? I’ll take ‘Codependency Issues for $200.’
Not at all to show off their ring either. 🙄
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I'm massively behind! But I can't believe she is engaged to Jamie White 😂 I used to date a guy who worked with him in midnight events back in the day, the event headquarters we're in a basement of a house off leeson street which I'm pretty sure is where they are living now. I remember the knicker party well, Jamie was the biggest stuck up hole I have ever met.
Does he give the ick in person? We need more tea
 
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It's a bit of a power move on her part to be in a relationship with someone who is as controlling as she is, isn't it? They're love-bombing each other, it's a clusterbomb of red flags. There's no "lesser of two evils." They're very worthy, equal opponents, clawing at each others' faces to make sure there's nothing left outside their dominion. Then, the only thing that will remain will surely be the thing they never thought to look for, love.

I think we should be invited to write the next season of You.
Joey was so obviously reserved and quite shy. And had a job. And obviously disliked every fart being put on SM.
Can you imagine him hanging around outside her yoga class waiting to film her? 😬
And then there is Lordon. Whose aims seem to be doing handstands and journalling.
He is such a massive loser who is using her. Almost every one can see it apart from her. But he is so opposite to Joe that she has convinced herself she got it completely wrong with Joe. Therefore this person who expresses one insincere thought after the other, and who is creepily controlling of her, is the real deal.
 
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You don't understand, she was at yoga around the corner, it was probably like a whole hour or so. Their love is true and pure, it must be so painful not being able to suck face for even a second! Don't be single and jealous, find someone to kiss! 😘
Ok fine I found someone, he mightn’t look too pretty but he still smells better than Lordon!

I just have to transform my personality and go stand in a field and stare at moss or something.



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I think they will stay together for a few years. There’s no way she’s not going to go through with this wedding. If she really wants kids, she’s in for a rude awakening with her man-child bullshit life coach. I don’t think he ever wants to settle down and have a family. Doesn’t fit into his worldview imo. But Niomi might want to have a kid, and it will take her years to figure him out.
Is it possible that she’s playing along till they get married and then once that’s done her other personality will emerge and Lordon will be the one under control?! 😂
 
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1/ I just learned of Callan's wedding; congrats! Incidentally, we're all such a bright tribe here that I'm way more interested in seeing your dress and happy about your wonderful news than in Nimbobs's latest BS.
2/ I haven't followed for a while so I'm not sure what the few comments about her being distant from her family are coming from - other than the fact that she's never in the UK anymore and that we assume they can't be happy with her marrying this absolute twit, but I do wonder about her use of "freedom" in her latest Pokemon evolution. It might just be Lordon's self-help guru tit, of course, but I wonder what she's told herself (and him) she is now free from. It's possible all the negative feedback from the- in her words - massive amount of her followers who are angry at her changing was getting to her (I could see her thinking her life is back on track i.e. she's engaged again and can thus provoke envy in followers and in denial about what everybody is seeing) and that he's spun her into the love, light and brightness cult as a way to feel free from the constraints of SM, while leeching off her following $$ anyway. But I wonder if she has somehow convinced herself that her Kate Middleton Joe persona, her upbringing (nouveau riche "elegance" and emphasis put over appearance instead of education and professional achievement) and the veganism was really a prison she had put herself in. How sad that that's what she would have gotten out of the breakup that clearly has defined her whole life since then, because if that's what she means, then I'm 100% sure she blames her family, instead of herself. And yet deep down she's still the same vapid, shallow, uneducated person who despite claiming to be free, lets herself be influenced completely by her tool of a fiancé, and still cares way too much about what other people think of her, and looks at herself way too much and checks herself for how we see her (something that always used to bother me, unlike other Youtubers, she was always way too obvious about checking how she looked, always putting on an act).
Anyways, I do feel for her mom, who probably thought this space right here was a Niomi hate and irrational bunch of people, and actually may now realize we saw the downward spiral, originally kind of liked her, and are now absolutely disgusted - and for some us, worried, although not me. If she's going to be such a pretentious, enlightened idiot lecturing service workers and bragging about it like she did something that was the opposite of repellent, I hope she hits rock bottom and that it teaches her some real life lessons, finally.
Super sweet of you, thank you so much!! <3
 
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She’s turning the words “love” and “happy” into such ugly words!
Wake up Niomi, life isn’t all love, happy and a higher feeling. Life is days where you could strangle your “love”, life is not wanting to get out of bed some morning, life is just crappy sometimes.
If only she could have just been: “I am really happy I found someone to love again, who loves me back. It took me a while to feel like I wasn’t a failure at love. We’re gonna take things slow and see where life takes us.” But that’s probably to smart for her, right?
Anyone miss Forky yet? At least then we had fun with Dumb and Dumber.

Side note, there are days where I forget what Lordon is really called 😂
 
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Ah what a time to be alive, settling down after a long day at work, glass of whiskey in hand, marvelling over photos of Lordon with mud on his teeth, watching Niomi’s hopes that a stressed, mainly Portuguese speaking minimum wage airport worker will read her self help book recommendations, after being spoken to like tit by two “high giving” privileged white whackos.

She’s a train wreck in her hippy era and I’m here for it.

It’s terrifying, this new culty shift. I was particularly perturbed by her following a “feminine energy” coach who gives advice on how to keep your “king” sweet, but honestly I just find her such an insufferable witch now I’m totally here for her ongoing fall from grace.
High vibing* not high giving! The most giving these two give is giving two fingers to anyone who dares offer constructive criticism about their ridiculous lives
 
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They are both going to be extra obnoxious and lovey dovey now to annoy her viewers, push back for people daring on posting a comment about her recent whacky content.
 
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Yeesh…first, they have aged each other! Not gonna do a comp photos (my eyes are begging for mercy), but Nimbobs’ crows feet have deepen, as has the trunks under Lordon’s eyes (not to mention that his hair seems greyer).

And all the melodrama surrounding them being apart, remember this Story? They were apart for, what, less than a day? I’ll take ‘Codependency Issues for $200.’
Not at all to show off their ring either. 🙄
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The irony of that ugly ring with the hippie book.
 
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Yeesh…first, they have aged each other! Not gonna do a comp photos (my eyes are begging for mercy), but Nimbobs’ crows feet have deepen, as has the trunks under Lordon’s eyes (not to mention that his hair seems greyer).

And all the melodrama surrounding them being apart, remember this Story? They were apart for, what, less than a day? I’ll take ‘Codependency Issues for $200.’
Not at all to show off their ring either. 🙄
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She calls her their ring “our star”?! 😂
They’re a parody of themselves.

Also, how does that work both ways if he doesn’t have a matching ring? Do they trade off wearing it? Does he connect to her ring, from a distance? Is it like Avatar, does he plug into it like a tree ahead of time?
 
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I just watched the airport stories. I feel like nobody would go from zero to aggressively yelling at a random customer just because she said "oh I was told I have to pay at this desk". Either she is completely exaggerating how rude that man actually was, or she's leaving out some key details, maybe she was rude and he matched her energy, how about that? Either way she's such a condescending twit.

Her whole vibe since she met this guy freaks me out. I don't even care that much about her, I used to like watching her cook in her little post-Marcus flat and stuck around for the mess that followed. But the way she's changed recently and the thought that she's actually going to marry Jamie kind of fills me with dread. It feels really culty.
 
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Speculating and semi-joking of course, but I wouldn't be surprised if Lordon put a tracking device in her their ring or maybe tracks her phone. It just seems so ominous and threatening anytime she goes somewhere without him it's like... rEmEmBeR thE rInG ...and i'M wAtChiNg yOu... and aBovE aLl ElSe wE aRe EngAgEd...

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You don't understand, she was at yoga around the corner, it was probably like a whole hour or so. Their love is true and pure, it must be so painful not being able to suck face for even a second! Don't be single and jealous, find someone to kiss! 😘
Plenty of frogs about 🐸🐸
 
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