I'm sorry, I should google it but isn't the Alchemist a sweet children book ?
Niomi Smart #66 Engagement Era 2.0 Niomi Smug and her Slug
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Life coach Nimbobs pending…
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It’s funny how she refuses to see that she morphs into her boyfriends. So this Barbie is v culty now.
Nah, it's a regular novel but it's an allegorical tale. The guy has dreams about finding a treasure in Egypt and travel there. On the way he meets an alchemist who teach him to be his 'true self'. Not spoiling the ending but it's very corny and self-helpy.
It's the favourite book of pretentious 'enlightened' people who pretend they are bookworms (perfect for Niomi and Lordon
). It's bad self-help disguised as literature (sorry, if anyone is a fan 
)Edit: The funny thing is it's often 15yo who love the book and find it 'life altering', not 30yo rich londoners...
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Agree!
I was just about to say the same thing! The whole "calm down" thing is exactly something a condescending, misogynistic, manchild (*cough* Jamie) would say to a woman. It's a control tactic used to shut a conversation down and gaslight the other person.
I think she's parroting the same rhetoric Jamie uses on her...and we have proof! In one of Niomi's podcasts, she literally talks about whenever she's questioning her life, Jamie "grabs her" and tries to "calm" her down. Which I interpret as: any time she questions anything or has a less than positive thought, then Jamie acts as though she must be spiraling out of control to get her to shut up.
(Granted, she IS definitely spiraling out of control in general LOL, but that's beside the point haha
)
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trust niomi to finally discover drugs and festivals 10 years too late and turn it into sanctimonious journey of self exploration. is it just me or are her eyes actually beginning to move further apart the stupider she gets? she looks absolutely gormless
How can she “help” anybody? She got dumped by the love of her life because she was a controlling nut. And since then has fallen into multiple unsuccessful relationships. And the latest, well, she’s got engaged just one year KNOWING them 
Why would anyone take advice from her? She doesn’t even have a job zero purpose, no genuine friends, moping around Dublin depresssed…. there’s nothing about her that’s aspirational?!
Why would anyone take advice from her? She doesn’t even have a job
zero purpose, no genuine friends, moping around Dublin depresssed…. there’s nothing about her that’s aspirational?!
To me recommending The Alchemist to change your life is like recommending Burger King for a sit down meal
Tbh I really think the alchemist is a fun adventure story if you read it literally, otherwise it's a favourite of the privileged because the message is a very simplistic "everything you get in life is exactly what you deserve and if you don't do/have the things you want it's your fault because you didn't prioritise it highly enough" iirc, it's sad really because it's so wanky but Coehlo was an interesting guy with some other, better takes on life. As an average pace reader it's an afternoon at the beach read, I have no idea how she's gotten so much mileage out of it, prior to finding tattle I thought Niomi was an avid reader (of chick lit mind, not anything overly deep) but since people have pointed out how much mileage she gets out of books for months at a time featuring in every selfie I can't help but conclude that she's unable to read anything longer than an instagram caption.
#67 Lordpeen twigdick gives us major ick.
All that airport story was trying to show was ‘look at this poor angry guy and then look at me I’m so much better and in such a good place in life guys I’m so happy and zen and content I want to give that to other people’. Please, deep down she’s not happy, she’s bitter
Also surely Niomi isn't so thick as to not be aware that telling someone to calm down is the most antagonistic thing you can say to someone, it's like she was trying to wind him up so she could play victim.
Just havin' some fun... 
Niomi Smart #67 Boom, there goes all of her followers
Niomi Smart #67 Boom, there goes all of their clothes...again.
Niomi Smart #67 She almost got smacked (Boom!) by airport staff
Niomi Smart #67 She can't help us if we're not open to love
Niomi Smart #67 Calm down and let me take you on a magical journey of bare a$s, hangovers and dust
Niomi Smart #67 Boom is the sound of hitting rock bottom
Niomi Smart #67 Boom, there goes all of her followers
Niomi Smart #67 Boom, there goes all of their clothes...again.
Niomi Smart #67 She almost got smacked (Boom!) by airport staff
Niomi Smart #67 She can't help us if we're not open to love
Niomi Smart #67 Calm down and let me take you on a magical journey of bare a$s, hangovers and dust
Niomi Smart #67 Boom is the sound of hitting rock bottom
What's she been smoking? Lordon's Peencil (TM).
I'll show myself out---
Yes sadly the only 'constants' with Nimbo is her selfish nature, greed, snobbery and narcissism. Imagine being so SO beige that anyone can come and paint their stripes on you. Don't forget that her first agency Gleam had to do that too! Averagely pretty won't cut it even in Influenza Town - you've still got to have an angle even if its banal. As someone else said, she's a therapists dream. I know it's awful, but I really appreciate good psychology and therapy (family is in the biz) so I'd be very curious to find out what a psych would make of her / this tit show.Niomi's personality hasn't really changed because the one constant to that personality, was it always adapting to her boyfriends or people around her. Whatever they were into, vlogging with Marcus, high society with Joe, now this 'Summer of love' psychedelic crap with Peen ween. She wasn't with Forky long enough, but he did influence her in a big way to completely change her diet. She's a blank canvas, anybody can just come and leave their mark and then it's like it didn't happen when the next guy comes around. She doesn't know any better, never has. Whether she truly wants this hippie nonsense or no, I don't know and neither does she. Jamie is definitely working a number on her, but he doesn't have to try that hard, she was right and ready when they met. She's definitely surching for something. Her true self, a brain cell, a mind of her own, will power? The options are limitless.
All I know is her disgusting attitude is very real, very her, has always been there, if not that pronounced, and for that, she gets no sympathy from me. I'm just along for the cringe.
Let’s be honest, she’s probably just real bleeping hungry.
I love 'Boom is the sound of hitting rock bottom' lol - ingeniusJust havin' some fun...
Niomi Smart #67 Boom, there goes all of her followers
Niomi Smart #67 Boom, there goes all of their clothes...again.
Niomi Smart #67 She almost got smacked (Boom!) by airport staff
Niomi Smart #67 She can't help us if we're not open to love
Niomi Smart #67 Calm down and let me take you on a magical journey of bare a$s, hangovers and dust
Niomi Smart #67 Boom is the sound of hitting rock bottom
Haha thanks
Oh my good god the airport story this has to be peak influencer... she has absolutely, irrevocably lost touch with reality.
How can she not see how ridiculous she sounds. A minimum wage worker at an antisocial hour in an airport... is faced witb some sky high hippy morons who have never done a day's honest work in their lives, who live off mummy and daddy's money and who's biggest worry in life is mastering a new yoga position or someone bringing their energy down
The absolute lack of understanding of what normal peoples lives are like and disregard of service workers!
She has absolutely missed out a critical part of that story as well.
I honestly can't believe she was going on about energy and vibes and recommending books to someone working at the airport. So so offensive. When she said 'I have invested so much time in my spiritual growth' or something... yes Niomi because you don't work 37.5 hours a week, you've been handed life on a plate in every way possible but have become so detached from reality that you think Instagram, Bahli and Boom festival is 'work' and that you've earnt everything you have
I'm actually a little disturbed that she thought that was an appropriate way to behave in public and then post about!
this has to be peak influencer... she has absolutely, irrevocably lost touch with reality.How can she not see how ridiculous she sounds. A minimum wage worker at an antisocial hour in an airport... is faced witb some sky high hippy morons who have never done a day's honest work in their lives, who live off mummy and daddy's money and who's biggest worry in life is mastering a new yoga position or someone bringing their energy down
The absolute lack of understanding of what normal peoples lives are like and disregard of service workers!
She has absolutely missed out a critical part of that story as well.
I honestly can't believe she was going on about energy and vibes and recommending books to someone working at the airport. So so offensive. When she said 'I have invested so much time in my spiritual growth' or something... yes Niomi because you don't work 37.5 hours a week, you've been handed life on a plate in every way possible but have become so detached from reality that you think Instagram, Bahli and Boom festival is 'work' and that you've earnt everything you have
I'm actually a little disturbed that she thought that was an appropriate way to behave in public and then post about!
Flash in the pan life coach, if the podcasts are anything to go by.
Calling time of death on Niomi’s brand and career as an influencer. Not only is this tit-show not what the vast majority of her followers signed up for content-wise, but her brand was largely built on envy, and as has been said here repeatedly, her life is just not remotely enviable or aspirational anymore. She’s trying to pivot into inspirational hippy-dippy content, but it’s not working and won’t work because she’s disingenuous and clearly miserable.
Her absolutely terrible life choice in shacking up with a misogynistic donkey aside, she’s just such a shite businesswoman too. How could she take a look at his complete and utter lack of success as a supposed inspirational influencer and life coach and want to emulate that? Like, before she came along he probably had £10 to his name and only maybe double that in followers.
If she wants to talk about people dragging each other up or down, he’s going to drag her down to his level of success, she won’t drag him up to hers.
Her absolutely terrible life choice in shacking up with a misogynistic donkey aside, she’s just such a shite businesswoman too. How could she take a look at his complete and utter lack of success as a supposed inspirational influencer and life coach and want to emulate that? Like, before she came along he probably had £10 to his name and only maybe double that in followers.
If she wants to talk about people dragging each other up or down, he’s going to drag her down to his level of success, she won’t drag him up to hers.
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