Niomi Smart #64 Happy clappy in a life so crappy

[Jelly Bean]

Thanks to @Coldfeet for most popular thread title suggestion.

Main excitement from last thread was Lordon's amazing birthday surprise for Niomi. He loves surprises! He told her to pack her passport, presumably to whisk her away on a romantic minibreak abroad.
Weeeelll. Not quite. It was a road trip to Kerry. In a hire car. That Niomi had to promote and endorse.
Never mind at least he planned some lovely activities for the weekend. Again. No. Lots of driving, trudging and swimming, so exactly like every other day of the week for her.
But he was probably saving the big romantic gesture for Saturday night. What could it be? Ah well he 'forgot' to make a dinner reservation anywhere so they ended up having a rather unpleasant looking Chinese takeaway on a wall.
But luckily Niomi had never been so happy. She said so extremely unconvincingly as she chewed her way through some grim noodles.
#blessed

 

[ElenaK]

Thank you, @Jelly Bean and @Coldfeet for the thread and title!
I keep hoping she'll see the light. Not as in, having a personality transplant and a complete change of lifestyle. Just waking up to the machinations and toxic nature of Lordon would be enough for a start. But that would mean a second failed engagement and she clearly is not in the right head space to handle any of that.
It's not even the smallest effort with this guy and he had her convinced it's more than enough. Hatts off! (followed by a punch in his stupid face)

 

[thereshegoesagain]

She won’t break up with him, she’s so obsessed with appearances and she would rather die than have two failed engagements.

 

[leigh213]

omg. Just checked in on her after totally forgetting for a long while. This guy? really?
He's like the bottom of the barrel.

Man, you're really up tit creek if you're that desperate to get married.

 

[Rosie34567-2]

It’s so ironic how she won’t break up with him because she’s afraid of publicly embarrassing herself and another failed engagement.

What Niomi doesn’t understand is: she is already publicly embarrassing herself and she has already “failed” by staying in this relationship. She’s not winning anything or proving any points by staying with him.

It’s the sunk-cost fallacy. Instead of cutting her losses and moving on and temporarily taking the hit to her ego, she’s going to double down and make Lordon a permanent issue in her life.

 

[Coldfeet]

Thank you for using my thread title suggestion- nice surprise
MUSING
What would have happened if she had refused his proposal- would we ever have known ??

 

[cee-bee]

She won’t break up with him, she’s so obsessed with appearances and she would rather die than have two failed engagements.

I think that’s why he blindsided her and why he’s proposed so soon.

she could hardly say “no” in a room full of people. Having witnesses mean there’s no cool down period until the engagement is announced more publicly. So he’a put her on the spot and it’s known to her family before she can give it a second thought.

He knew all along she wouldn’t want a second engagement cancelled. He knew he’d just need to get her to say yes and corner her with no way out.

the sad thing is, I don’t even think this is a Niomi specific issue. Most women are conditioned to be people pleasers, to prioritise his comfort over their unease. To say yes to make sure he isn’t embarrassed. This could happen to anyone, and I doubt this is Jamie’s first rodeo at cornering and coercing women.
---

It’s so ironic how she won’t break up with him because she’s afraid of publicly embarrassing herself and another failed engagement.

What Niomi doesn’t understand is: she is already publicly embarrassing herself and she has already “failed” by staying in this relationship. She’s not winning anything or proving any points by staying with him.

It’s the sunk-cost fallacy. Instead of cutting her losses and moving on and temporarily taking the hit to her ego, she’s going to double down and make Lordon a permanent issue in her life.

I have/had similar type of rejection/abandonment issues as Niomi I think.

for people like us - having someone validate us, is a way to “heal” previous rejections (it doesn’t, not really, obviously).

she’ll have created a fantasy and romanticised everything he does. He is the new White Knight in Shininng armour. She thought Joey was the WKISA, but he didn’t play up to the part and hurt her. So this new man and his validation that she is lovable, desirable and worthy - will (in Niomi’s mind) heal the underlying self esteem issues and the hit to her self esteem that Joey caused.

I don’t even think it’s a sunk cost fallacy in the sense that she puts these men on pedestals and into a role that… isn’t grounded in reality. I did the same.

the problem is, Niomi can’t (or won’t) identify when she’s doing this. She could be honest with herself that she did it with Joey - because he ended that relationship and she didn’t need or want to romanticise him any longer.

if she had spent more time single, more soul searching - she could’ve maybe thought a bit about why she put him on a pedestal in the first place. That would’ve helped her stop doing the same again. But she didn’t. She cried a bit, compartmentalised it and stopped thinking about it.

she genuinely sees Jamie as a catch and is ignoring all the numerous red flags because she doesn’t want to have this fantasy interrupted - not again.

 

[Hannabeth_]

It must be so strange for her to go from all of the insanely gushing comments that were on every video of her and Joe to the comments now which aren’t even hate but just CONCERN. Like 70% of the comments are people saying they don’t get a good vibe from Lordon.

Do they talk about the comments now? Does she put them down to people being rude or ignorant? Do we think she knows deep down it’s a terrible situation? I think she does, but I agree with others that she probably just thinks it’s better than being alone.

(oooh actually she deleted the specifically anti-Lordon comments from the last vlog)

 

[Rosie34567-2]

It must be so strange for her to go from all of the insanely gushing comments that were on every video of her and Joe to the comments now which aren’t even hate but just CONCERN. Like 70% of the comments are people saying they don’t get a good vibe from Lordon.

Do they talk about the comments now? Does she put them down to people being rude or ignorant? Do we think she knows deep down it’s a terrible situation? I think she does, but I agree with others that she probably just thinks it’s better than being alone.

(oooh actually she deleted the specifically anti-Lordon comments from the last vlog)

Totally. She knows Lordon’s a creep. She must.

I get that she’s in La-La land regarding her “love” for him or whatever.

However, regardless of how much she’s built him up in her head, there’s no way she can deny the facts.

Literal web links and photos of him being involved shady/inappropriate stuff have been brought to her attention. Dates, people, events…specific details that no rational person could question or ignore.

That’s why I, personally, believe this is more about her own ego than her love for him. Because she knows that dating a guy like Lordon says a lot about her.

The ironic part is, because she stayed and didn’t leave when this was brought to her attention, her worst nightmare has come true: she is now just as bad/guilty as he is. She is now complicit because she condones this behavior.

She could’ve redeemed herself if she left him. But now? I have zero respect for her.

 

[cee-bee]

Totally. She knows Lordon’s a creep. She must.

I get that she’s in La-La land regarding her “love” for him or whatever.

However, regardless of how much she’s built him up in her head, there’s no way she can deny the facts.

Literal web links and photos of him being involved shady/inappropriate stuff have been brought to her attention. Dates, people, events…specific details that no rational person could question or ignore.

That’s why I, personally, believe this is more about her own ego than her love for him. Because she knows that dating a guy like Lordon says a lot about her.

The ironic part is, because she stayed and didn’t leave when this was brought to her attention, her worst nightmare has come true: she is now just as bad/guilty as he is. She is now complicit because she condones this behavior.

She could’ve redeemed herself if she left him. But now? I have zero respect for her.

honestly, don’t underestimate the capacity for self delusion in people. And Niomi has a well documented history of self-delusion. I can fully believe she has deluded herself into believing he’s a stand up guy. And I have no doubt Jamie has a good excuse for everything that she’s all too happy to believe and buy into.

I can believe she blanks out the negative comments. Deletes them, ignores them. Nothing to see here folks.

But 100%, the standard you walk past is the standard you accept. She’s accepting his misogyny, his lack of remorse, his dodgy career. She’s accepting it all because she has no self esteem, and she’s condoning it to preserve her own little narrative, rather than confronting it.

I don’t think Niomi is in love with Jamie. I don’t think she’s ever been in love with any of her boyfriends/fiancés. I don’t think she’s ever had the closeness and intimacy and bond that comes from being truly in love. The type that brings out the best in you because you are safe in your relationship.

it’s always been a performance of sorts, there’s always been an element of delusion. She’s in love with the idea of them, and a fantasy. At a minimum, being In love with Jamie would mean actually confronting and addressing the comments about his past.

 

[martaS]

Re: Lordon being cheap on her Birthday. The engagement was as cheap ass, if not more. He did it during a family Sunday lunch - didn't have to book venue/hotel/restaurant, didn't have to pay for food/Champagne. It wasn't that he wanted the families there, he just does things on the cheap, doesn't he?

 

[November_again]

Totally. She knows Lordon’s a creep. She must.

I get that she’s in La-La land regarding her “love” for him or whatever.

However, regardless of how much she’s built him up in her head, there’s no way she can deny the facts.

Literal web links and photos of him being involved shady/inappropriate stuff have been brought to her attention. Dates, people, events…specific details that no rational person could question or ignore.

That’s why I, personally, believe this is more about her own ego than her love for him. Because she knows that dating a guy like Lordon says a lot about her.

The ironic part is, because she stayed and didn’t leave when this was brought to her attention, her worst nightmare has come true: she is now just as bad/guilty as he is. She is now complicit because she condones this behavior.

She could’ve redeemed herself if she left him. But now? I have zero respect for her.

Maybe I'm giving her too much credit here but I don't believe for one second that she has any intention to go through with the wedding. It'll be sold as a long engagement until the relationship fizzles out.
She obviously considers it a triumph that a second man has proposed to her and so soon after Joey too and she's enjoying the attention and initial high but once that excitement has died down, she'll be as unhappy as she was before the proposal and one day she'll get on that plane to London because being single will seem less miserable than a life with him.

 

[Shutterbug99]

Maybe I'm giving her too much credit here but I don't believe for one second that she has any intention to go through with the wedding. It'll be sold as a long engagement until the relationship fizzles out.
She obviously considers it a triumph that a second man has proposed to her and so soon after Joey too and she's enjoying the attention and initial high but once that excitement has died down, she'll be as unhappy as she was before the proposal and one day she'll get on that plane to London because being single will seem less miserable than a life with him.

I actually think she'll be in a huge rush to get married ASAP and will have a short engagement. I don't think she'll want a long engagement after what happened last time. I guess we'll see.

At this point I won't be surprised if their wedding takes place on a 'secret' wall somewhere in Ireland with Nims in a bikini eating a bag of chips...because they are not like other couples

 

[Tellyawhat]

I think she'll make a massive mistake and marry him just to avoid the hurt of another broken engagement. I also think she won't be able to resist getting swept up in wedding planing because she has literally nothing else going on in her life. I reckon a Christmas 2023/Spring 2024 wedding to have content to get her through the winter.

 

[londongirl2001]

I think she'll make a massive mistake and marry him just to avoid the hurt of another broken engagement. I also think she won't be able to resist getting swept up in wedding planing because she has literally nothing else going on in her life. I reckon a Christmas 2023/Spring 2024 wedding to have content to get her through the winter.

Lordon is such a cheapskate, I could see him convince her to get married in a private ceremony, just the two of them. Weddings cost money and need planning. Would he really let Niomi out of his sight for, say, wedding dress shopping with her mum? Maybe with the avocado chef, but not anyone from her own family or the few friends she might still might have.
Nah, I reckon it’ll be a quick ceremony, with Niomi being „happier than ever“.

 

[MargaritaMay]

I'm team quick wedding, too. Don't know about the style of it and have no time to give it too much thought. Praobably something trashy and horribly sparkly, like crystal chandaliers, pearly dress or sth and cringey photos she will later be trying to pretend never happened.
I too think she is now dying to tie the friggin' knot, Jamie does too and only after the newness and excitement of it goes down and he will start gettin more and more on her nerves untli she will terribly start missing her home and old life in London, she will pack her bags, leave him and after a bit of social media silence, adress it in a 'new chapter' video. In about a year or so.
---
Also they really have nothing else to do, so wedding planning will be their only activity and "content"

 

[Tellyawhat]

Lordon is such a cheapskate, I could see him convince her to get married in a private ceremony, just the two of them. Weddings cost money and need planning. Would he really let Niomi out of his sight for, say, wedding dress shopping with her mum? Maybe with the avocado chef, but not anyone from her own family or the few friends she might still might have.
Nah, I reckon it’ll be a quick ceremony, with Niomi being „happier than ever“.

Lordon definitely won't be paying. The wedding will be wherever they can get the biggest 'exposure' discount then he'll pull the traditional brides family pay for the wedding. He's Irish there's no way there'll be less than 100 people at the wedding (still small by Irish standards) he has to show off to his old private school chums.

She deserves a life so much better than she is settling for. I'd love to know where she sees herself in 5-10years

 

[QueenBW]

Re: Lordon being cheap on her Birthday. The engagement was as cheap ass, if not more. He did it during a family Sunday lunch - didn't have to book venue/hotel/restaurant, didn't have to pay for food/Champagne. It wasn't that he wanted the families there, he just does things on the cheap, doesn't he?

I think with the engagement, the cornering her to say yes and the showing her family who's in control now required it to be in that setting. She needed to be shocked and her family needed to be standing there, like chumps, unable to do something.

The fact that it cost him nothing was probably good too, though.

I'm really starting to believe that the ring is zirconia or at best a diamond grown lab.

 

[Bonjour92]

Why is everything a secret spot? And how many takeaways can she eat during her birthday trip lol…depressing

 

[CallItAsItIs]

Why is everything a secret spot? And how many takeaways can she eat during her birthday trip lol…depressingView attachment 2205874

Because they are the “secret spot, picnicking” couple, apparently. 🥱

This is what happens when you have too much time on your hands.
But hey, at least the best view of Lordon so far: The back of his head, and from a distance. Keep *this* kind of content creation going, Nimbobs!