Niomi Smart #5 Onwards, upwards, but not Woodwards

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I have never followed nor intend to follow Niomi “Holds-in-Farts” Smart BUT thank you Tattle for alerting me to the biggest summer anthem of this year 🎵
I was once ranting to a friend about how so many of her recipes call for an extreme amount of expensive medjool dates and he said “she must be so regular eating so many dates!” 😂
 
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This is really bizarre random information on my part so I apologize for the creep factor but I remember Marcus actually making a point of mentioning that Niomi ran to the other rooms of the house so Marcus wouldn't know she farted lol. It was just banter between them but Niomi was refusing and saying she didn't do that and the whole new holds-in-farts name reminded me of it. Now I wouldn't want someone letting it rip around me constantly but the need to appear perfect all the time around your (at that point) very long term partner must be exhausting.
 
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I’ve been catching up on loads of her videos to try and find some tells for the break up and oh my God she is so boring.
Joe seems quiet and nice enough but dear God considering she waffles on so much about smoothies and sustainability she doesn’t actually say anything of interest at all!
Joe dumping her is literally the most interesting thing to happen 😴
 
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I was once ranting to a friend about how so many of her recipes call for an extreme amount of expensive medjool dates and he said “she must be so regular eating so many dates!” 😂
her book is.... the dream #shitinfluencerssay

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I saw the title of this thread and had to jump on in.

I saw this coming months ago. As soon as she moved to India, the sponsorships dried up and her business opportunities were limited. I bet she was relieved that lockdown came and she had to go back home and could make some money. Wouldn’t surprise me if she just told him that she wasn’t going back and he didn’t want to do long distance. Can you imagine having to stay in that small guest for 12 weeks. That’s bound to have taken a toll, too.
 
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I hope this comment is trolling. "Don't settle for someone that eats bread"??!!

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I think you might want to pop onto her feed rather than a gossip forum if you don't like speculation 🤷‍♀️


She's not actaully that ethical at all, she's a weapon of massive consumtion that exists to push products ~ "try this new land rover that's more sustainable". This green washing is very problematic.

She freaked out over him not wanting her favourite tea while on camera, what goes on when the camera isn't rolling?

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And seconds later it got worse when he meakly said he wanted toast :LOL:
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These screengrabs are gold!!!
 
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I’ve just rewatched the smoothie weather clip and what strikes is how childish she looks/behaves compared to him...

I hope this comment is trolling. "Don't settle for someone that eats bread"??!!

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The guy is completely crushing on her, I’m pretty sure I saw him commenting on many other posts of hers « Mark vegan UK » and he hopes she finds a real vegan man, isn’t that a little pointed haha
 
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I'm rewatching this Vlogmas clip and she seems to get along with Freddie really well. She even says they're going to be brother and sister in an exciting tone :rolleyes:

 
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"Just realized I haven't had a break in years!" -- THE classic influencer move (and she still wants us to believe she's ~~not an influencer~~ uhhh give me a bleeping break). This infuriates me more than I can find the words to say. She gets more days off than ANY of us; she travels more than ANY of us; she LITERALLY has been off work for weeks to deal with her ~~traumatic~~ breakup (something, again, NONE of us would ever be able to do!!!! Guess what, normal people have no other choice but to suck it up and wake up everyday to go to work, even after their engagement has been broken off!) She spends EVERY single day doing yoga, soaking in the sun, going out for lunch, hanging out with friends and family, getting beauty treatments, swimming in her family's pool, reading, baking. What the duck is she on about??? If even getting dumped 8 months into her engagement hasn't given her a dose of reality, I don't know what will?? This girl is beyond salvation in my eyes. How you can complain about not having a break when the world is going through a pandemic, people have lost their jobs and been stuck in a place for months in a row (all whilst she was having a blast!). This is the epitome of TONE DEAF! And she has the nerve to post this with a picture of her by the pool which was clearly taken recently!!! Niomi, you are the LAST person who needs a break right now!! What about the NHS workers who've been working non stop while your ass was sitting in a countryside cottage making FeelNew tea?? I think THEY need a break, NOT YOU! Go to HELL!!!!!
Tbh her normal life seems like a holiday. If i had a house like her parents do to escape to, i don't think I'd bother going away for a holiday at all. But, she will want to go abroad no doubt, despite promising to enjoy the UK as she will want to find new men to flirt with, and you generally don't find them at your parents house. Unless she fancies their pool boy or team of gardners.
 
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Also if joeyyyy does fo back to india or dubai at least she won't face the horror of having to bump into him. My friend moved to Australia after a break up to start over. Maybe i should give nimbobs her details?!

Sorry I know it’s been said so many times but I have a little chuckle every time at “smoothie bowl weather, smoothie bowl weather” and the way she makes him spin her 🤣🤣🤣 I cant!
It really is the gift that keeps on giving isn't it! That vlog is fantastic! Someone needs to make a copy for posterity.
 
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