Niomi Smart #45 Fourchette la baguette and Donkey in the shed, are they engaged yet?

[Pundertaker]

Since she switches personalities every time she gets a new guy...will we see party girl Niomi again when she next lands in Bali, I wonder? Will she be off her tits on molly ten minutes after touching down, glowsticks in her mouth like she's some kind of pescatarian rave walrus...?

 

[Clover123]

I wonder if in going back to Bali to recapture the "magic", she will end up sorely disappointed. Sometimes if you pin your entire life on a holiday and want to go back and do it all exactly again, you just end up sad and bored. It's so quick, she barely did anything back in the UK!

Not that there seemed to be much magic tbh, it looked like the most boring 6 weeks of yoga and starvation!

 

[irvinelane]

Yeah that's his place. She took a story lying in his bed. Vom.

She did the same thing from forkys bed didn't she? I'm not a prude but I find it really odd when people REALLY want you to know that they've had sex, in her thousands of people that she's never met.

Exactly! She loves « bragging » about being in someone else’s bed. She probably finds it sexy, like « I’m naked in a man’s bed. Look how I’m playing with my legs, because I’m that kind of woman who bends over quite easily (supposedly to watch a lizard). »
She can do whatever pleases her, but I think these moments should stay private. What’s the point of these stories? No one gives a sh*t. Same mistakes, different dude.

 

[Lucia Cornelia Sulla]

so much for "barefoot living" if your grip on wellbeing is about having your suitcase and cosmetics lmao

srly tho, i would also be upset about losing my luggage but why post about it like that? with such grandiloquence? it really baffles me

 

[Jackie Daytona]

All she did for four years was talk slowly and smile coyly to the camera and say “awww Joey.”

 

[Rubyroo123]

Hello everyone! Long time lurker in here but finally decided to post because her "eco-friendly and sustainable lifestyle" started to get really annoying in view of her last travels. I asked her about her carbon footprint and of course, barely a few hours later my comment is already long gone...

 

[BeatrixA]

Thank god she went back to Bali, one less influencer with a Wimbledon invite. Those tickets should go to actual fans.

 

[laplusheureuse96]

Yea I think she built het new version on a flawed foundation because she never fully healed. I think she will make big mistakes and falls flat on her face. To then finally seek therapy and realise she has to heal all over again and now for real.

I also think the Bali lifestyle in general is sooo cringe. Why are these people taking over another country’s island with all this shit. Its disrespectful and another form of white priviledge and colonialism. Like completely neglecting the local culture and overtaking it with your own culture … thats not adventure.. adventure is exploring a new culture and country not moving yours to a better climate.I haven’t seen her showing her the “real” Bali once, doesn’t even eat Balinese food. This lifestyle is also sooo unsustainable, flying around, eating non local foods. Also,as many backpackers, forget they are in a foreign country like wearing no helmet acting yolo. Most people realise they are in a foreign country when they end up in the hospital or get arrested.

Exactly this. People like her only see the westernized, tourist-friendly version of Bali. Her “Bali life” video is an absolute joke, it actually infuriates me. Dimbobs, why don’t you get a real taste of Baaahli by actually traveling out of your little gentrified tourist-bubble? Then she would get the reality check she truly needs.

I feel like that’s the reason why she seemed less than impressed with India and didn’t rave about it as much - she still saw a bit of real life there and wasn’t enthusiastic about it - despite staying in a hotel all the time and constantly going to Soho house even there. She’s one of those people who can only enjoy gentrified, Instagrammable places with no authenticity to them whatsoever.

 

[Jackie Daytona]

I haven’t seen her new post yet, but I’m already impressed and inspired by this shit story:

View attachment 1415765

Very informative. Thank you Niomi, you can go back to sleep now.

I guess this is what she meant by « dream big about the future life you want to lead »

Mannnn, I’m not gonna lie, I wanna do nothing too! Why was I cursed with this above-average intelligence and charming sense of humor that has forced me into a life of ordinary hard work?

 

[curiouscat106]

"L'Orgie de Bali, because you're worth it.."

Aaaand we have our next thread title!

 

[Shutterbug99]

That guy Jamie is friends with is so fucking strange. Have a look at his profile... it turned me off my breakfast. He describes himself as a multi orgasmic man with multiple wives... he also follows Niomi. He's probably recruiting her to be a part of his harem.

Look at his eyes in the second pic. Cult leader vibes. How long before Nims is one of his 'wives?' Truly scary if she's associating with this guy.

ETA: Check out the oldest pic on his profile for how he looked before he became a cult leader.

 

[realmino]

It's this one, from 15.01-15.21. Watch at your own risk ahahaha

They didn't seem like lovers. It's like those awkward chats you have with a colleague on your break lol

 

[irvinelane]

She looks so evil

By the way, Niomi went to an event organized by this company?

I don’t know if my tears are from sadness or laughter she’s so miserable.

 

[malino_]

Okay I have a wild theory… and it could very well be out to lunch. So here goes. Do we think that Nims could actually be getting married within the month? It wouldn’t surprise me. Or it could be a total coincidence. Here’s why lol:


- She brings back Lordon to her family home within weeks of meeting him
- Sister of Lordon states she’s the matchmaker and the best thing she’s done
- BFF Says she’s wearing “THE ring”
- Nims flies back to Bali weeks after returning to London and barely mentioning it to her followers.
- Nims Grandmother states she’ll miss her to which Nims replies “I’ll miss you too. See you in a month on the boat!” (Pretty far trek for her to travel no?)
- Nims first posts in Bali to her Instagram stories are: Shopping for lingerie & looking for a videographer & photographer. OH and she was recently at an event in London for a company who sells wedding dresses prior to leaving for Bali….

Again could be out to lunch and could very well be a coincidence lol.

 

[irvinelane]

Crispy hair on fleek.

Exactly the hair she’s meant to have.

 

[Lucia Cornelia Sulla]

this guy is a part of awakened dreamers? a ~self improvement group with the same name and ties to a bigger US based company has been closed and its leaders are now being prosecuted in my country. it's a financial pyramid scheme attracting minors with promises of riches, heavily based on illegal (in my country) network marketing practices.
it may not be the same organization and all these fuckers just happen to have the same type of whimsy names, but still this is shady and creepy af.
also, not surprising.

 

[Shutterbug99]

But if Joe did cheat on Niomi with Anna, in my mind there's no way in the world that Niomi would want to copy Anna. She would despise that person with all her might.

I don't really believe it, since names weren't even mentioned but who knows.

I think she became the type of girl she thought Joe wanted to be with - or what she thinks men in general want. She was her best, most perfect (pahhfect!) self with Joe and it wasn't enough - hence her complete meltdown and transformation from little miss prim and proper to wild party girl.

If the cheating rumours are true then I don't think Nims found out until after the split - maybe when he started dating Anna and she wondered if there'd been a crossover. Remember we had that 'he's not a bad person' from her at the start. She wanted him back then. Now he gets a 'fuck you' on his birthday.

 

[Callan]

^ Yeah!! Apologies for TMI but imagine Lordon's teeth between your legs during sexy time. New wave of horror movies inspiration.

 

[cocochino]

Why isn't she wearing a helmet?! What a fucking idiot. She cares more about her hair than her own safety.

 

[irvinelane]

I just saw this on Instagram I wish I could send this to Niomi