Niomi Smart #45 Fourchette la baguette and Donkey in the shed, are they engaged yet?

[LolitaBlah]

Yep that might be it. He broke it off without giving any explanation, she finds afterwards about the cheating... it might be true!

If it's true, come on, all together in one, two, three :

 

[Nitfey]

Is this his equivalent of the flamingo pose? I spared the one where he's naked because no one should have to see that.
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[lilieverland]

I don’t think she’s engaged. I’m assuming Charlotte bought her an expensive ring for her 30th birthday and she’s wearing it. I highly doubt Charlotte would be saying Niomi is engaged in her Instagram comments

 

[irvinelane]

Niomi manifesting hard:

 

[pointblankperiod]

Hi folks, I’m all caught up on the thread! Already heading back to Bali… I knew it, this summer is going to be a train wreck for Niomi. She thinks it’s a hot girl summer, when really it’s a lost girl summer. I’m here to watch it all though

 

[Clover123]

Niomi is deluded enough that she is probably excitedly calling terrina to tell her "Jamie is talking about marriage already! Get your grandmother of the bride outfit back out of storage, I manifested a husband and a suitcase and I'm already halfway there!!"

 

[mg95]

It's so on brand for Niomi to think of losing her suitcase as a "why me" and then a "test". Yes, a whole global pandemic happened over the last 2.5 years that completely obliterated the airline industry, caused mass staff shortages, a global logistics nightmare, and all of it comes down to the universe testing a girl who spends most of her time naked anyway. She probably thinks the same about the start of Covid and them being in India too. A country's population was absolutely ravaged so Niomi could go through the test of being dumped by her fiance after he lost his job and she was so insufferable about it he gave her the boot after trying on wedding dresses.

 

[Pundertaker]

Developed a crush on Joe.......

A few minutes watching a Niomi lockdown vlog ought to cure you of that. Poor Joey looks like he's just escaped from the gulag.

 

[Shutterbug99]

She is finally marriedd!!!!!!!!

What the actual....This has to be a joke, right?

Imagine she returned from Bali and went to meet her family with this guy as her new husband. Surprise! Haha! Maybe she is just one of his many wives - like that other guy he hangs out with, the dude with the crazy cult leader vibes.

 

[pointblankperiod]

Did you guys notice that every time Niomi finds a new boytoy, she uploads a youtube video showing off her body, twisting and turning, breaking her back basically lmao
When she first got involved with Forky in late September, she posted a video practically showing her whole vag and ass to the camera, "trying on" Organic Basics stuff. That video was a first red flag for me, I started to lurk on here since then lol. Then recently she uploads from Bali, doing the same thing, cause she probably already met Lordon at that point. Sure she knows these men will watch her recent youtube uploads... I'm not even going to get into countless IG stories of the same nature. If you were to tell me in 2016 that this will be Niomi in the future, I would have called you crazy. Two absolutely different people. 2016 Niomi seemed to have a maturity of 30 y.o... she's aging backwards mentally

 

[Shutterbug99]

So she got a free flight (not disclosed) or is on the beg for some future perks because of all the trips to Bali she'll be making?

Who did she fly with last time? Did she have a bad experience? Can't recall.

What's with the beanie in July?

So many questions!

 

[Callan]

OK don't hate me but I got her "eat smart" cookbook, it was like a $1.50 used and finally arrived. Super curious about the recipes, she also mentions Marcus in the acknowledgments at the end haha.

 

[sydneybarrett]

I'd be worried he accidentally chomp my head off!!!!

He just might.

 

[Ciri]

I felt the Moon too, she confessed to me that she is not Niomi's friend, that she is embarrassed when Niomi justifies all her shit days (so 365 days) by "It's the Moon's influence, girls".

Niomi ! Wake up ! Your lazy ass and bad eating habits are the reasons you feel weak.

 

[Mr.Mistoffelees]

Well she's got another man.. confirmed, instagram official, family introduced, unbelievable, yet true!
Tattle meet Lordon McDonkey!
The nims downgrade from Forky Van Der Dickson (never thought it possible!), he is our second random boyfriend of the year, a life coach collected from her 7 weeks trip to Bali. His personality seems to be a delight, not.

The confirmation:
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The edits were everything in the last thread, amazing guys:
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Don't forget to answer the pawfect poll.
Enjoy the shitshow! litcheraly.

Ah, thank you for the thread and the feature! 'Tis an honour.

She looks so haggard and old in that plane selfie. I'm sorry, but this is a girl whose whole life and career are dedicated to getting free beauty treatments, working out, counting every single carb that enters her mouth, and going to the spa. She lives a life devoid of any financial worry and workplace-related stress. How does she manage to look so appalling despite all that? It's truly a talent.

 

[QueenBW]

If she really wanted Joe back, she should have reflected on the things that went wrong (he must have at least hinted as to why he wanted out of the relationship), work on them, go to therapy if necessary and then focus on her self-esteem, real self-development and creating an actual future for herself (independent of any man) by building a solid brand consistent with what's she's trying to preach. Had she done that, sooner or later Joe would have found out and maybe actually miss her. Instead she went on some kind of boy toy, faux spirituality and finding herself rant that makes completely no sense and just makes her spiral further down.

I get the feeling Nimbobs is super impatient. She seemed to have tried the get-him back approach at the very beginning. After the weird Kate Middleton accented video of her in the fields in which she swore Joe wasn't a bad guy, etc. She was then kind of relatively quiet. But theeeen. Anna happened. Obviously this is just one theory, but I could see how Niomi would have looked at Anna and been like, "wait, what? He broke up with me (why meeeee) because I'm fake and an influencer and is now dating someone who among other things does PR and stuff for influencers?!" And then she went unhinged and unleashed Nimbobs the Party Girl. It's all been downhill from there. Since she didn't get him back within a couple months, she instead went the opposite way and became everything Joe probably told her he disliked of her. She doubled down, basically.

 

[Jaybtee]

Find it embarrassing that she’s always “reading” these hippy dippy self help books. Why not pick up some chick lit, one of Dolly Alderton’s, or a thriller like a normal person. What *does* she talk about? The same chapter in Manifest, over and over? She never seems to get passionately interested in anything - no tv programmes, no book series, podcasts… anything! It’s what separates her from the real content creators who consume consume consume. Niomi has like, one brain cell and she uses it to take the same boring posey pics over and over again.

 

[QueenBW]

It's concerning that she appears to be selling the shed. There are plenty of real life stories on cults and selling your belongings is step one. Like @bahiaorange 's post on Rohini Elyse. And usually the earnings of the sales are put into the cult.

Hopefully we're just being paranoid but Lordon and his pal who likes to take photos like he's Jesus Christ are scary AF. Niomi's always been too dumb and too susceptible to adoration/fawning, but this only became more true since the breakup. She'll do anything for a little male validation.

As always, Niomi. Run to the therapy. RUN.

 

[curiouscat106]

The thing is, most people have been through a heartbreak of some kind, traumatic ones even. Niomi just hasn't accepted that and thinks she is so hard done by because Joe didn't want her when she feels she deserved that. If she was a bit more grounded and less selfish she could have met another dreamy Joe by now but she's still not over it and deluding herself!

So true! Instead She just won’t let go of her victimhood mentality! Although saying that, I’m not sure she would’ve bagged herself another DJ. Looking back she did actually used to do a little bit of work… in her Vlogmas she was volunteering at a charity shop in Wimbledon (albeit for PR), hosted a Smart Swap clothes swap event to promote sustainably, went to some fashion awards, plus filming and editing YT content. So she actually seemed to be doing something and have a purpose, as opposed to now where she does NOTHING except post random ads on IG each week. Who would want to be with someone who’s only “work” is that and getting bad haircuts?

Meanwhile back in the present, I don’t think the Lordon silence will last long though, give it another week or two and BAM!!

Place your bets; who thinks he’ll be joining her on the boat next month?

 

[Pundertaker]

I could totally see her having a spontaneous Bali beach wedding with a few randoms, just because it's the polar opposite of what she planned with Joe.