Niomi Smart #16 Why am I hungry I had a banana, and why is Freddie following Anna?

[Farringdon]

I can totally see Niomi not so much craving passionate rough sex, but just any intimacy whatsoever. I agree, it did seem like she was being denied something that she wanted in the relationship - not intentionally by Joe being mean, but just through him always having work as his top priority no matter how much he wanted to spend time with her in whatever moments he could spare. I don't know if that would have been the entire reason for their breakup, but I think it probably drove them apart.

I remember a French friend telling me there was a saying in France, along the lines of “if you don’t know how to eat then you don’t know how to make love”

The idea I guess is that truly sensual people enjoy ALL the senses, smells, sights and of course, taste.

Ever since I’ve always thought of girls with disordered eating or very restrictive diets (perhaps unfairly!) as being cold fish somewhat.

How can you be truly sensual and enjoy your body with someone else when you deny yourself one of the BEST senses of the taste/smell of food because of deep insecurity with your body?

 

[getawaywithit]

Ever since I’ve always thought of girls with disordered eating or very restrictive diets (perhaps unfairly!) as being cold fish somewhat.

That’s cruel. Really not trying to come at you, but really Niomi and her irritating self aside, this is about a mental illness and the ways in which people (esp girls and women) are made to punish and control their bodies, and instead of recognizing that, it’s like, ‘oh guess they’re no fun to duck either’.

I think it is pertinent to remember that EDs are a mental illness that often resemble obsessive compulsive and anxiety disorders in how they manifest. It’s not about not liking food or not wanting it, but rather compulsively managing your intake because your brain requires those compulsions to feel safe and in control.

Again I know you were probably intending another message and not trying to attack, but there are a lot of myths around how these sorts of illnesses occur.

 

[judgejohndeed]

I once broke up with a guy I’d been seeing for a few months. The reason being was that another guy I barely knew, had asked me on a date. The fact I was interested in the latter showed me that I wasn’t invested in guy no.1 as much as I thought I was. Ended up breaking it off with both of them.

I don’t think joe is a prick for breaking up with Niomi if he found himself interested in someone else...

I think the biggest D-head thing would be the fact he prooposed to someone he obviously wasn’t deeply invested and in love with. Too many spineless guys go along with relationships with more strong willed women because they cba to be alone.

No I totally agree! I don’t think someone is a prick if they realise they’re interested in someone else but I do think you can still be as respectful as possible about it...I once waited for my ex to come back from a 2.5 week holiday to break up with him as I wanted to date someone else and didn’t want to ruin his trip, and didn’t start seeing the new guy until I’d dumped him! But I would’ve felt too guilty otherwise and that’s what I meant by overlap, he’s not a prick to me if he decided he preferred Anna but I do hope he waited until he broke up with Niomi before pursuing her seriously because I don’t think that’s a fair thing to do.

 

[oshare]

Ever since I’ve always thought of girls with disordered eating or very restrictive diets (perhaps unfairly!) as being cold fish somewhat.

Most people with an ED are very very insecure and therefore often pleasers. Unless they are hangry or feeling/reaction bad because of this mental illness, they are definitely not cold fish, in stead they often seek validation by doing a lot for others. So I (respectfully!) disagree with you on this.

 

[Farringdon]

He comes from money & likely has passive income coming in every month. My guess is that when they first met he was very drawn to how well she was doing for herself. Yes he worked, but a junior/mid-level marketing job couldn't possibly have sustained his lifestyle.

Ugh, pains me to see mediocre people rake it in and have the easy road in life. He’s so bland and lacklustre. He wouldn’t have half the things he does I suspect, unless his parents had money.

By contrast I know people who are super intelligent, hardworking, are high up in their career and still struggle to get a basic first time flat in London.

The system is so broken.

 

[Chattyman321]

Most people with an ED are very very insecure and therefore often pleasers. Unless they are hangry or feeling/reaction bad because of this mental illness, they are definitely not cold fish, in stead they often seek validation by doing a lot for others. So I (respectfully!) disagree with you on this.

Totally agree with you. My sister has had an eating disorder since she was about 17, she’s now 32. It first started when she was bullied at school by her friends, being left out etc because she was quieter than them. It led to loads of insecurities and self confidence issues. I was a couple of years younger and didn’t really understand at the time and only my mum really knew, just thought why does my sister always stay in her room and never go out, weirdo?! Like you said, she’s always tried to please people, especially guys because of these insecurities. Point being, she actually has a great personality and is definitely not a ‘cold fish’ but sadly other peoples actions can have a lasting effect on more vulnerable people.

 

[Farringdon]

I think it’s like Shutterbug99 said, he just felt the pressure to propose and so he did. He wouldn’t be the first guy to do that. I wouldn’t say he didn’t want to be with her as strongly then as he didn’t want to be with her by the time he broke up with her, but I think the beginnings of it were there. It definitely seemed as though he wasn’t really arsed whether she came to India or not (though he said the obligatory, ‘I’m glad you’re coming’ in the video), which is weird AF for someone in an established relationship. Like I said, I get that for some people their career comes first, but then you would at least expect them to be quite sad about leaving their partner behind and, conversely, very happy if their partner decides to come along, which is not the vibe I got from him at all. My wild, speculative hunch is that he wasn’t feeling it anymore long before getting the job in India (I have pre-India reasons for thinking this), didn’t end it with her because he’s a bit wet, and then when the India thing happened didn’t think she’d actually pack up and come with him, instead secretly hoping the relationship would die a natural death while he’s away and he’d be off the hook. Then, when she announced she’s moving with him, it changed everything and he must’ve felt massive pressure to reciprocate the commitment she had shown by uprooting her whole life to come with him, without actually, truly wanting to marry her.

This is all silly speculation, of course, but I think one could say with reasonable certainty that he wouldn’t have proposed if she weren’t moving to India with him and that they, in fact, probably would’ve broken up back then if she hadn’t.

I think you’ve hit the nail in the head, that’s my haunch too. Though of course it’s wholly speculative

I've heard quite a few people claim they "never argue" and while a healthy relationship certainly doesn't involve any screaming or insulting each other, if two people spend years together and NEVER disagree about the smallest thing, I think that just means at least one of them is a doormat who's more focused on keeping the peace than asserting themselves.

I know of a very wealthy couple who had been together since their 20s. He ended up cheating with his secretary (I know).

The wife was left shell shocked. She never got over it, always said she couldn’t understand what had happened because they’d never had cross words, ever. Financially he made sure she was extremely well taken care of, but she always said she was happiest when they were poor and struggling to launch his business. I guess that’s because when he needed her most.

I think the reality was he just wasn’t invested in the relationship in the same way she was, despite being married. She supported him as he built his business and wealth. He didn’t see the point in ending things until he had a legitimate reason to, aka when he’d met someone he did feel invested in. Brutal but the reality of it.

IMO never having a fight, ever, is usually a very bad sign.

That’s cruel. Really not trying to come at you, but really Niomi and her irritating self aside, this is about a mental illness and the ways in which people (esp girls and women) are made to punish and control their bodies, and instead of recognizing that, it’s like, ‘oh guess they’re no fun to duck either’.

I think it is pertinent to remember that EDs are a mental illness that often resemble obsessive compulsive and anxiety disorders in how they manifest. It’s not about not liking food or not wanting it, but rather compulsively managing your intake because your brain requires those compulsions to feel safe and in control.

Again I know you were probably intending another message and not trying to attack, but there are a lot of myths around how these sorts of illnesses occur.

I didn’t mean it as a negative. Not being particularly sexual isn’t a negative in my view.

I was making a link between attitudes to food and sexuality . Maybe I worded it a little clumsy but I have experience of disordered eating as I certainly wasn’t particularly in the mood or fun because I was uptight about food to the point it took up most of my attention, plus too subconscious about my body. So I think there’s a valid link there. I didn’t particularly want to bring my personal experience into it but hey ho

 

[judgejohndeed]

Well this photo has been a story twice AND it’s on the feed so...it’s certainly getting old

 

[midsummer1]

Niomi, take notes. I'm a vegan and real leather is terrible for the environment, it uses awful chemicals and dyes often ruin rivers and water sources in developing areas. However it's very suspicious, and simply greenwashing, to use "vegan leather" as an umbrella term. If it's not made of recycled materials, you need to interrogate whether it actually aligns with your "sustainable" ethos.

 

[imsorryabtthisacct]

Niomi, take notes. I'm a vegan and real leather is terrible for the environment, it uses awful chemicals and dyes often ruin rivers and water sources in developing areas. However it's very suspicious, and simply greenwashing, to use "vegan leather" as an umbrella term. If it's not made of recycled materials, you need to interrogate whether it actually aligns with your "sustainable" ethos.
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I feel the same way about faux fur tbh.

People avoid fur for 2 main reasons: environmental or ethical. If it's environmental, faux fur is terrible for the environment. If it's ethical - why tf would you want to look like you're wearing fur then?

 

[Jackie Daytona]

Why are you guys simping over Joe No offense to anyone, but he seems like a wet sock?

But he’s so dreamy! And there’s a Joe out there for everyone!

 

[SaganandScotch]

All the respectable single guys at my office are on bumble so it's probably the way to go! One of them even met his current girlfriend there and they are a match made in heaven!!

Met my fiancé on Bumble. The most wonderful man ever. Thumbs up for Bumble

 

[Callan]

I'm watching this video (huge fan of this channel) and can't help but think what a wellness fraud Niomi turned out to be yet she's still hailed as "the best in the business".. give me a break

 

[Farringdon]

Met my fiancé on Bumble. The most wonderful man ever. Thumbs up for Bumble

I swear back when I was on bumble, (many years ago when I was single) all the better looking guys were on bumble too.

 

[toanna1]

I'm watching this video (huge fan of this channel) and can't help but think what a wellness fraud Niomi turned out to be yet she's still hailed as "the best in the business".. give me a break

I feel the same way about faux fur tbh.

People avoid fur for 2 main reasons: environmental or ethical. If it's environmental, faux fur is terrible for the environment. If it's ethical - why tf would you want to look like you're wearing fur then?

Fully agree ! Also saw this on q& a on Amanda Howells account ( she is a public health professional- incredible resourceful , speaks science and talks Eberything based on research and evidence ( not Facebook research but actual research ) , and is into fitness and doesn’t not advocate for any fad diets ) - her q&a said veganism is not helping environment as transportation cost for vegan /veg food and carbon food prints caused by is not any less ! Attaching the screen shot below

Edit: she also talked about how it’s not the optimal diet with regards to health , adding the screen shot

 

[emm]

Fully agree ! Also saw this on q& a on Amanda Howells account ( she is a public health professional- incredible resourceful , speaks science and talks Eberything based on research and evidence ( not Facebook research but actual research ) , and is into fitness and doesn’t not advocate for any fad diets ) - her q&a said veganism is not helping environment as transportation cost for vegan /veg food and carbon food prints caused by is not any less ! Attaching the screen shot below

this is exactly the kind of information I think needs to be more widespread. I am not vegan nor am I ever likely to be, and it has always annoyed me there is just this almost universal acceptance that veganism is better for the environment, ignoring things like coconut oil and avocado etc etc that are obviously (in the UK anyway) shipped from abroad, the issue is SO much mroe complicated than just veganism

 

[Swipeupyouguys]

Rich people circles are so incestuous, anyone watch Made in Chelsea? They swap partners like there’s no tomorrow, I wouldn’t like it myself but for those people it seems normal

It's whoever is in your social circle. One doesn't want to stray too far from it,or you might end up with someone who went to the local comprehensive, and grew up in a semi detached house - the horror.

 

[Hannah Banana]

Oh, yes, yes, absolutely. They have to keep it in their circle, darling. God forbid any of their descendants grows a chin!

 

[emm]

It's whoever is in your social circle. One doesn't want to stray too far from it,or you might end up with someone who went to the local comprehensive, and grew up in a semi detached house - the horror.

it is the same as the royal family type of attitude (until recently anyway) royal families always marry etc amongst themselves

 

[Swipeupyouguys]

But he’s so dreamy! And there’s a Joe out there for everyone!

I don't get the impression Joe was that adventurous or eager to please niomi either. Maybe after a couple.of years they were just dead in the bedroom and he saw Anna was single, started putting out the digital feelers to see if she'd bite before heaving niomi off to her parents after lockdown 1.