Nicola Bulley #12

[Avenged7Fold]

Two things I want to say before I think about doing some chores.

1) @Tangerine Cat

2) HRT…. Well I have made a right song and dance about HRT. Didn’t want to go down another pharmaceutical route as I try my hardest to stick to supplements etc. BUT… my menopause was just dragging me down. Hot flushes, aches, pains, bloating but the actual worse one of all is the brain fog. I’ve actually wondered if I’d got dementia and I still do as my memory, clarity, understanding and organisational skills have just gone. It really is horrid. So I’m giving it another go. I haven’t seen any improvement yet. The only side effect is really painful boobs, very similar to pre-menstrual or when breast feeding. Not nice at all we I’ll just try for a few months and see.

You could be me. My life changed when I became peri menopausal. It coincided with my Mum being diagnosed with dementia and my GP had to convince me I wasn’t going the same way. Some nights I had 2 hours sleep, I was in total meltdown. HRT helped but I was only allowed to be on it for two years due to risks. Some days I could quite easily have run away from home.
I’m still forgetful and have days of terrible brain fog, who knows if I’ll develop dementia in the future.

If Nicola felt this way, then she has my absolute sympathy. I hope she’s in hiding somewhere, but the longer she’s away, the less likely it seems.

 

[And_that's_okay!]

I‘m sorry but I do think you should stop trying to sell yourself as an adult mental health expert, it’s concerning, especially with some of the comments and accusations you’ve made on these threads. It’s also not about scaremongering it‘s about being honest. If anything you’re trying to belittle menopause concerns saying it’s rare symptoms are severe, making it more difficult for women to speak out. Many women suffer from insomnia/sleep deprivation, that in itself is severe for many, as it makes it difficult to function. As for ‘menopause specialists’ lucky you if you’ve managed to find one, the reality is it’s not as easy as you imply and I’m a little surprised in your line of work you don’t know that. I have had to do a lot of research myself (much science based) online and with the help of a male GP to find a better way through the menopause as I was told to avoid HRT, which thankfully has made a big difference but I was really struggling to cope.

Edit And it’s important for women to know even if their symptoms are severe they can be much improved.

Are you saying I'm not deserving of an opinion on this case or place in this thread because of the field I work in? Why are you policing what I can share and comment on?

What I AM sharing are facts. Yes, facts based on reliable data and statistics.

I never said menopause isn't severe. I never said women don't suffer. I'm not invalidating anyone's experience. I believe my comments have triggered you and you ought to take a step back and breathe for a minute before responding.

The media is doing what it's always done for years, using mental illness to scare people. To instil fear.

Perhaps you can refer me to the online study you've been a participant in? Primary Care services have introduced the aforementioned menopause-specific measures. I'm sorry you've not had the help you so need.

 

[90sGal]

Haven't posted since this morning as still raging from this victim blaming of she was an alcoholic menopausal woman...

She isn't missing because she is going through the menopause

She isn't missing because she has some alcohol 'vulnerablities'

She is missing because something has happened to her that morning.

And now it's a bun fight with media and her family and so called experts.

She is still missing.

Children are without their mum.

But let's all use our energy to victim blame and completely and utterly discredit someone we are meant to be looking for.

Gosh what a few weeks it's been.

(Anyone struggling with menopause symptoms please do have a look at Dr Newsons resources on line. I waded through peri menopause thinking I had dementia. Seeking help was a first step and it's helped. Don't suffer. Use the menopause checklist that all GPS are now encouraged to use as a way of confirming peri menopause rather than the out dated blood test. And please don't let this damaging language used by the police and the media make you fear menopause, or prevent you from seeking help for the bumps in the road of life)

 

[Sophie80]

Lack of sleep is a complete killer. During lockdown myself & my husband lost our jobs and I became very anxious. My sleep was the number one thing affected - I literally could not sleep and I developed head/body shakes and tingling in my face. I ended up on medication and having two brain scans. It was terrifying and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, let alone dealing with the other symptoms Nicola had on top of that.

My Husband and Friends were incredible. My kids are older than Nicola’s so could understand a bit more but they were very scared.

 

[MeghanSnarkle]

Because like the menopause and alcohol situation, is no one else’s business. Someone has had to make it everyone’s business by being a complete low life. No one has to tell people their personal issues

Its a weird one isn't it ....

I agree that's it's no one elses business, it's private and she's still a missing mum first and foremost.

I do however equally feel like saying you know what duck it !
Yes it's out there Nikki but don't you worry yourself about it girl no shame in being peri menopausal and if having a drink helped you're not the first and you won't be the last so sod 'em all let's just get you back and get you sorted with some help .

 

[coconochanel]

Paul wasn't 'lying' he was protecting his GF from the shitstorm that has now erupted and made alcohol and menopause the main focus when it should be about FINDING HER!

 

[shadowcat5]

Paul wasn't 'lying' he was protecting his GF from the shitstorm that has now erupted and made alcohol and menopause the main focus when it should be about FINDING HER!

Exactly this. It would have been written off as her being drunk or 'crazy' exactly like it now has been!

 

[pommobear]

I see the media is scaremongering with the menopause now. Having worked in adult mental health services for my entire career, yes we do see people with menopausal symptoms but it's rare that these are very severe. This is going to lead to mass hysteria and fear amongst some women. Services have developed menopause-specific pathways, trained and appointed menopause specialists and created menopause groups. There is help out there. Nicola's menopause may be a aggrevating factor but we don't know if she had other predisposing difficulties.

It's not fair putting the fear of God into women. Yes it may be difficult, it may not. Let's not assume this case is typical.

Yes, silly old hysterical women eh.

 

[VicksterIcon]

If it amazes you how Nicola can just disappear “into thin air” check this lady who has been missing 6 months last seen in a public park. It’s a shame this lady hasn’t had the coverage that Nicola has had.

Denise Jarvis: Renewed appeal for help finding woman missing for six months | Avon and Somerset Police

Denise, 44, was last seen on the evening of Wednesday 3 August in the area of Southey Park, in Kingswood, South Gloucestershire.

www.avonandsomerset.police.uk

Until Nicola’s body is found in water, I am of the opinion that someone else was involved.

 

[And_that's_okay!]

Exactly this. It would have been written off as her being drunk or 'crazy' exactly like it now has been!

And as abhorrent as it is, this would have led to less interest in the case and the welfare of Nicola. People would have cared less. Cruel and wrong but sadly true (even in 2023 when we should be further than this).

 

[pommobear]

Are you saying I'm not deserving of an opinion on this case or place in this thread because of the field I work in? Why are you policing what I can share and comment on?

What I AM sharing are facts. Yes, facts based on reliable data and statistics.

I never said menopause isn't severe. I never said women don't suffer. I'm not invalidating anyone's experience. I believe my comments have triggered you and you ought to take a step back and breathe for a minute before responding.

The media is doing what it's always done for years, using mental illness to scare people. To instil fear.

Perhaps you can refer me to the online study you've been a participant in? Primary Care services have introduced the aforementioned menopause-specific measures. I'm sorry you've not had the help you so need.

Wow for someone who claims to work in mental health this is an incredibly tone deaf, patronising and dismissive post.

 

[shadowcat5]

And as abhorrent as it is, this would have led to less interest in the case and the welfare of Nicola. People would have cared less. Cruel and wrong but sadly true (even in 2023 when we should be further than this).

Maybe if any semblance of good can come from this awful situation is that there will be more awareness and knowledge of the menopause/alcohol and less stigma. I doubt it, but we can hope

 

[Futtrit]

Are you saying I'm not deserving of an opinion on this case or place in this thread because of the field I work in? Why are you policing what I can share and comment on?

What I AM sharing are facts. Yes, facts based on reliable data and statistics.

I never said menopause isn't severe. I never said women don't suffer. I'm not invalidating anyone's experience. I believe my comments have triggered you and you ought to take a step back and breathe for a minute before responding.

The media is doing what it's always done for years, using mental illness to scare people. To instil fear.

Perhaps you can refer me to the online study you've been a participant in? Primary Care services have introduced the aforementioned menopause-specific measures. I'm sorry you've not had the help you so need.

Were you also using your Mental Health expertise when you called someone on this thread a dick?

 

[And_that's_okay!]

Yes, silly old hysterical women eh.

I think you've totally misread my post. Women are sharing their fears about menopause and the severity of it. The truth is not ALL women will get it that bad. SOME will - not all. This isn't dismissive; it's facts.

 

[HaloGirl]

So very angry about the statement released yesterday. Her medical history should have been respected. I feel for Nikki, her family especially her girls.

 

[pommobear]

I think you've totally misread my post. Women are sharing their fears about menopause and the severity of it. The truth is not ALL women will get it that bad. SOME will - not all. This isn't dismissive; it's facts.

No I haven't, I'm simply picking up on your use of the phrase "mass hysteria" in relation to women. Blessed as I am with more than one braincell, I assure you I understood your post perfectly well.

 

[And_that's_okay!]

Were you also using your Mental Health expertise when you called someone on this thread a dick?

If you think people who work in mental health don't swear then you are mistaken. We're human like everyone else. Do you want us to be perfect, all seeing, all knowing, clean living robots? Trust me, we're not.

 

[InTheDollsHouse]

So it was him that threatened to leak if before the family?

Certainly seems so

 

[50sGirl]

You could be me. My life changed when I became peri menopausal. It coincided with my Mum being diagnosed with dementia and my GP had to convince me I wasn’t going the same way. Some nights I had 2 hours sleep, I was in total meltdown. HRT helped but I was only allowed to be on it for two years due to risks. Some days I could quite easily have run away from home.
I’m still forgetful and have days of terrible brain fog, who knows if I’ll develop dementia in the future.

If Nicola felt this way, then she has my absolute sympathy. I hope she’s in hiding somewhere, but the longer she’s away, the less likely it seems.

O/T

Your post could have been written by me, except that I’m not on HRT.
Insomnia is so debilitating. I just want to sleep but I’m wide awake.
The fear of dementia is awful. The brain fog is so real.
I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been mid sentence and forgotten what I was saying. It’s embarrassing.
Even posting on here, I can sometimes lose track of what I was posting about and have to delete it unfinished.

That said compared to many, my peri menopause isn’t too bad. I’m not having mood swings and hot flushes are few and far between. Flooding isn’t much fun and my headaches/migraines have notched up a gear and take me out for a couple of days at a time.

Sorry to hear about your mum. I think someone said earlier that as women hit peri, many are dealing with caring for ageing parents too. It’s a double whammy.

We also need a menopause insomnia thread because at 3am there’s not many Tattlers about!

 

[Moderator]

All, stop arguing. you'll get banned from this thread. Scroll on & ignore.

Mods don't have time to deal with all the disruption that's coming from just this one thread.