My gut instinct is that it is really him and not a fake, and that he is really that vacuous. But like everything else with this case, who bloody knows what is real or not.
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You have *no* reason to feel ashamed. You should be proud of yourself. xxLong story, I have thought many times about posting this and haven’t but here goes, I will try and make it as short as possible.
After my divorce (we still remain great friends to this day) I was vulnerable when an ex from my teenage years contacted me, we started dating and basically he was very controlling, not from the offset, but by the end of the relationship I was unrecognisable mentally and physically. My ex-husband bless him was so worried he took me to my GP who gave AD’s and sent me for counselling, I was an absolute mess, also going through peri.
The ex partner who was controlling then started stalking me, texting me, also seen near my home which is down a dead end so it wasn’t by accident. My friends said I should report him so I did, the police came out and said he wasn’t breaking any laws (this was a while back now but I still think it was illegal to stalk) so I left it. Then I lost the plot one day and signed him up for stupid things online, including sending info on penis enlargement to his address,incredibly daft and childish I know but I’d had enough.
Next thing I have the Police at my door asking me if I was signing him up for things as he’d reported it to the police, I was so scared of being in trouble I denied it. Anyway they went to the bother of tracing it to my home and I explained I’d had enough of his behaviour and lost the plot. I was asked to sign a form stating I‘d stay away from him which I was happy to do and he had to do one too, which was all I wanted to be left alone by him. Next thing I have a woman texting me saying she’d dated him, he was an hole but he hadn’t stopped talking about me and she wanted to know how he treated me, all very odd. Anyway a week or so later the police ring me saying I need to stop contacting him or I’d be in serious trouble. I was still having counselling and burst into tears telling them it wasn’t me and they needed to find out who it was as I couldn’t stop something I hadn’t done. About a month later the police turn up at my home and arrest me. I’ve never been in trouble with the law in my life, not even a parking ticket. So off I go and have a police interview and they accuse me of sending all these texts to him which I hadn’t done and told them so, over and over again. My family were livid and ringing them up saying I was having counselling and they were very concerned for my MH etc. eventually that same day I’m released on bail.But as much as I felt traumatised/humiliated/embarrassed I thought at least now they will look into it thoroughly and find out who’s doing it and then know it wasn’t me.
A few weeks later a letter came through saying case was dropped but basically saying if I did it again I’d be in serious trouble. I was mortified, I hadn’t been cleared and I didn’t see it ever stopping, as well as still struggling with depression. So in the early hours with my girls in bed I thought I‘d take myself to a nearby railway line, as I couldn’t see any other way out of it, after all this is the police were talking about who have such power. As I was getting ready to leave I burst into tears, thinking how my heart broke and never recovered when my brother died when I was a child and I couldn’t do it to my girls, they are my absolute world, so I called a MH service who came out and sat with me. After they‘d gone I couldn‘t trust myself, so I booked somewhere to stay with our dog and my girls and we disappeared. I’m not sure who contacted the police but next thing they were trying to find me out of concern that I could harm myself. They rang my mobile asking me to just show myself at a nearby police station, I refused as I was terrified and didn’t trust them. Eventually a police woman higher up in the rank contacted me and I said I want this looked into to find out who is doing this otherwise I’m never going home and it was then that she told me they couldn’t, because my ex had gone into to different police stations each time only ever with screenshots of the messages, so they only had them to go on. She apologised and was shocked I’d been arrested on no hard evidence. After that he was then visited by them and told if he ever went to them again without handing over his phone to get proof he would be in serious trouble.
I could have taken my life over that and what is so upsetting the police officers who came out to my home never contacted my counsellor, or GP, even though they’d asked for that info to verify all he had done to me. To this day I don’t know if the woman who dated him and contacted me tried to set me up, or if he did it still trying to have control over my life.
So this case with NB and the previous police visit, although for a different reasons has really struck a cord with me and it breaks my heart to think she could also have been so stressed about the police incident and it tipped her over the edge.
As much as I still feel ashamed of myself for being arrested, I thought it important to share in case anyone else found themselves in a situation where they felt embarrassed/humiliated/ashamed and couldn’t face life, to let them know you’re not alone and things do get better.
I was also referred to the woman’s refuge for advice and they were wonderful, they weren’t surprised by my story and said they had many similar in regards to policeman not believing women and look what’s come out about how female police are treated in the force by some of the men.
So sorry for the long winded post.
I was going to say the same thing but you explained it much better. Extremely hard to get sectioned these days and I think it's important people realise that as a lot of people blame family and friends (not on here) once something terrible has happened to a person, asking "why didn't they get them any help" it's very possible they tried, many many times and just weren't given that help. Family are often not listened to about how serious a person's mental health is (not saying this is the case with Nicola at all just in general) it's just a very very high bar to get someone the help they need sadly.The thing is, if she walked back in the door, she wouldn’t be ‘sectioned’ (I hate that term). You can only be involuntarily hospitalised if you are actively suicidal or actively self-harming, or presenting a significant threat to another. This means the very extremes, not just shouting and being upset etc. This is reserved for situations such as attempting to jump off a bridge or wielding a knife at someone situation, where the person can absolutely not be talked down or de-escalated. It’s actually very hard to legal ‘section’ someone under the Mental Health Act, as it’s a complete breach of their rights. It *could* be possible to do it under grounds of incapacity, again this is tricky and depends on the person and the situation. If there were grounds for incapacity, a different route could and would probably be persued.
I think that *if* she came back, she would have had time to think and be open to voluntarily receiving help. It is out there, it’s just very hard to get into the system unfortunately. If she is out there, I really like to think she’s somewhere safe.
If she’s out there and happy where she is, I’d like to think she will reach out in time to say she’s safe and the investigation could be closed. Unfortunately, with alleged addiction and MH problems, the reality of her situation is probably a lot more grim than just chilling out with a friend. It’s lovely to hope that for her though. She could come to mine in a heartbeat too for a shower, a hug and bit of dinner. Same for all of you Tattlers of anyone ever needed a leg up in life.
ETA: I hope this is not distressing to read for anyone who may have needed either voluntary or involuntary psychiatric care. We have all had points in our lives where we need help and there is absolutely no shame in that. I hate the old terminology regarding MH admissions, kinda alluding to the men in white coats coming to take you away shite. It’s not like that. It’s always carefully considered and a last resort.
Also ETA: Finding Paul’s alleged social media use as inappropriate or distasteful is not equating him to be a murderer.
Thank you for being brave enough to share that, it must’ve taken a lot and I truly appreciate you sharing your story on here. Don’t mean to sound patronising by calling it brave, but it definitely takes balls to share something so personal and traumatic. I’m so, so sorry you were treated that way and made to feel there was no way outLong story, I have thought many times about posting this and haven’t but here goes, I will try and make it as short as possible.
After my divorce (we still remain great friends to this day) I was vulnerable when an ex from my teenage years contacted me, we started dating and basically he was very controlling, not from the offset, but by the end of the relationship I was unrecognisable mentally and physically. My ex-husband bless him was so worried he took me to my GP who gave AD’s and sent me for counselling, I was an absolute mess, also going through peri.
The ex partner who was controlling then started stalking me, texting me, also seen near my home which is down a dead end so it wasn’t by accident. My friends said I should report him so I did, the police came out and said he wasn’t breaking any laws (this was a while back now but I still think it was illegal to stalk) so I left it. Then I lost the plot one day and signed him up for stupid things online, including sending info on penis enlargement to his address,
Next thing I have the Police at my door asking me if I was signing him up for things as he’d reported it to the police, I was so scared of being in trouble I denied it. Anyway they went to the bother of tracing it to my home and I explained I’d had enough of his behaviour and lost the plot. I was asked to sign a form stating I‘d stay away from him which I was happy to do and he had to do one too, which was all I wanted to be left alone by him. Next thing I have a woman texting me saying she’d dated him, he was an hole but he hadn’t stopped talking about me and she wanted to know how he treated me, all very odd. Anyway a week or so later the police ring me saying I need to stop contacting him or I’d be in serious trouble. I was still having counselling and burst into tears telling them it wasn’t me and they needed to find out who it was as I couldn’t stop something I hadn’t done. About a month later the police turn up at my home and arrest me. I’ve never been in trouble with the law in my life, not even a parking ticket. So off I go and have a police interview and they accuse me of sending all these texts to him which I hadn’t done and told them so, over and over again. My family were livid and ringing them up saying I was having counselling and they were very concerned for my MH etc. eventually that same day I’m released on bail.
A few weeks later a letter came through saying case was dropped but basically saying if I did it again I’d be in serious trouble. I was mortified, I hadn’t been cleared and I didn’t see it ever stopping, as well as still struggling with depression. So in the early hours with my girls in bed I thought I‘d take myself to a nearby railway line, as I couldn’t see any other way out of it, after all this is the police were talking about who have such power. As I was getting ready to leave I burst into tears, thinking how my heart broke and never recovered when my brother died when I was a child and I couldn’t do it to my girls, they are my absolute world, so I called a MH service who came out and sat with me. After they‘d gone I couldn‘t trust myself, so I booked somewhere to stay with our dog and my girls and we disappeared. I’m not sure who contacted the police but next thing they were trying to find me out of concern that I could harm myself. They rang my mobile asking me to just show myself at a nearby police station, I refused as I was terrified and didn’t trust them. Eventually a police woman higher up in the rank contacted me and I said I want this looked into to find out who is doing this otherwise I’m never going home and it was then that she told me they couldn’t, because my ex had gone into to different police stations each time only ever with screenshots of the messages, so they only had them to go on. She apologised and was shocked I’d been arrested on no hard evidence. After that he was then visited by them and told if he ever went to them again without handing over his phone to get proof he would be in serious trouble.
I could have taken my life over that and what is so upsetting the police officers who came out to my home never contacted my counsellor, or GP even though they’d asked for that info to verify all he had done to me. To this day I don’t know if the woman who dated him and contacted me tried to set me up, or if he did it still trying to have control over my life.
So this case with NB and the previous police visit, although for a different reasons has really struck a cord with me and it breaks my heart to think she could also have been so stressed about the police incident and it tipped her over the edge.
As much as I still feel ashamed of myself for being arrested, I thought it important to share in case anyone else found themselves in a situation where they felt embarrassed/humiliated/ashamed and couldn’t face life, to let them know you’re/they’re not alone and things do get better.
I was also referred to the woman’s refuge for advice and they were wonderful, they weren’t surprised at my story and said they had many similar in regards to the policeman believing women and look what’s come out about how female police are treated in the force by some of the men.
So sorry for the long winded post.
The women Paul allegedly follows on TikTok prompted my curiosity about my boyfriend's FB, the only social media he uses (at least that I know of). A quick skim through and I was relieved to find his current friend list is a healthy smattering of both sexes and the women don't seem to have their tits out . I hadn't bothered to look at his friend list in years but cases like this make you think!
Jwren, what a horrendous ordeal you were put through! Thank goodness you had the strength to survive. And thank you for bravely sharing with us all here - you're an amazing woman. 
To add to the discussion about the tiktok following, I also showed it to my husband and he said it was proper n0ncey 
Ngl I combed through it earlier and some of them are defo under ageThe profile is public. His girls would be able to search for themselves. All anyone here has really shared is that if it was our partner, we would feel various different levels of upset and also, not that bothered.
I suppose there is nothing inherently wrong with having a bit of titillation in the form of some kind of a wank bank. I think the shade being thrown is because the girls seem quite young and objectified. Who knows if the account is real or not.Maybe it would be best for one to just do it under a burner account and not your real name and make sure ones privacy settings are ‘private’.
It’s getting disappointing again that people here can’t express their opinions. It’s a discussion forum after all. Most people here have been very mindful and respectful for the most part, even when there are significant differences of opinion.
the boobie ladies will be hiding in his Facebook message requests
my husband and all his mate’s get them all the time sending dodgey scamming links ahahaI’ve seen the Pinterest 🫣. Oh Paul, you little Jezabel. I’m sorry but I’ve never known anyone before to treat Pinterest like a Page Three magazine 
.
.
Looking at pornography is normal.
Looking at pornography under your own name and publicly possibly not normal.
Some of the pics are 6 years old. What ages are the kids? Some within the last year.
Looking at pornography under your own name and publicly possibly not normal.
Some of the pics are 6 years old. What ages are the kids? Some within the last year.
Just had a look at his pinterest, omg 
I really hope it's not him. But just found this picture he had pinned and the guy really does have a titty obsession, the vast majority he has pinned is women with their boobs out. Made me laugh but at the same time if its him I'm horrified given the circumstances.
I really hope it's not him. But just found this picture he had pinned and the guy really does have a titty obsession, the vast majority he has pinned is women with their boobs out. Made me laugh but at the same time if its him I'm horrified given the circumstances.
Omg hang on to that man!
He last pinned to his Pinterest 8 months ago (a photo of a nearly nude woman of course) so it’s definitely not a new fake profile.
I can’t believe thisJust had a look at his pinterest, omg
View attachment 1968203
Me neither, I thought it was just for lifestyle inspiration! Paul has taught us a lotI’ve seen the Pinterest 🫣. Oh Paul, you little Jezabel. I’m sorry but I’ve never known anyone before to treat Pinterest like a Page Three magazine
Thank you, that means so much. xx
As honestly sometimes I still do feel ashamed about it and that’s okay but I don’t want others who might be reading on here to think there‘s anything worth taking your life over.
Hate to break it to you but Facebook isn't the go to place when you want to look at sexy women
Also in the sectioned named 'style' it is full of pinned photos of womens clothes, shoes and handbags, no mens clothing
I'd say you're right there. We used to have each others passwords just in case of incapacitation or whatever, but I don't even remember what my own is now, let alone his. I don't think I'd want to go in anyway. They say if you go looking for dirt you'll find it. I'd hope that I'd find out some other way if he did ever cheat - these things usually come out. I'm not one of those women who say "Oh he'd never do that to me" because whilst he appears trustworthy, a lot of women have thought that about their partners, and been very wrong, so I'm never complacent.the boobie ladies will be hiding in his Facebook message requests
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