Nicola Bulley #12

[DellaC]

The profile is public. His girls would be able to search for themselves. All anyone here has really shared is that if it was our partner, we would feel various different levels of upset and also, not that bothered.

I suppose there is nothing inherently wrong with having a bit of titillation in the form of some kind of a wank bank. I think the shade being thrown is because the girls seem quite young and objectified. Who knows if the account is real or not. Maybe it would be best for one to just do it under a burner account and not your real name and make sure ones privacy settings are ‘private’.

It’s getting disappointing again that people here can’t express their opinions. It’s a discussion forum after all. Most people here have been very mindful and respectful for the most part, even when there are significant differences of opinion.

This.

Also it's Tattle, not Mumsnet.

A certain member got all dramatically forthright earlier and when I looked at their discussion history they refer to a person (on another thread) as 'Windowlickers'...vile. As a parent of a child with SN i find that a disgusting slur...But we all have different standards don't we.

And I 100% guarantee. Absolutely 100% of posters of this thread has a smelly poo. Yup your shit stinks

 

[caroleffinbaskin]

I really hope this is the case and that she’s lying low but wouldn’t you get some message to either the police or your family to stop all the media frenzy? Just a simple message to say that you are alive and will contact again once you’ve had some time out? I just think she would get some message back, at least for her girls

One of my friends, who was going through the shit that is menopause plus all of the baggage and responsibilities of a meno-age woman, one day just said “fuck it”, left the husband and teenagers who treated her like a piece of the furniture and buggered off to Scotland, found a B&B with an amazing woman owner who took her in and comforted her. She was away for a week with no contact with anyone. Came back and kicked the husband out and “realigned” the teenagers. She’s now in a new relationship and has a new career and is doing great.

I hope against hope that Nicola has a good friend who no one knows about who has given her shelter as well as lots of cuddles and no judgement and is helping her sort her head out.

 

[BigMavis]

I totally get it. It's fine to victim blame Nicola but we must say nothing about Paul, because there's no evidence right? Right?? Except there's a big picture thats been painted by Paul and Nicola hasn't said a word.

 

[InkHeart]

I hate it when men make beard their personality.

 

[raspberryjuice]

Whatever Nicola’s issues with alcohol were, whether her or Paul were abusive at home, if anyone was cheating on anyone else or whatever the latest village gossip is it doesn’t change the fact that 3 weeks ago Nicola walked out of her home to drop her girls to school and walk her dog and hasn’t been seen since.

Let’s hope today is the day she is found.

 

[RosieSparkle]

@InTheDollsHouse Are you responsible for the Wiki? It's a fantastic piece of work, really detailed and factual. Thank you for all you're doing x

 

[teabob]

I had to stop my HRT to allow the gynaecologist to investigate my early menopause after a GP diagnosing it without referring me in the first instance. I was only 38 with no family history so should never have just been put on HRT without further testing. To cut a long story short, I do not know how I survived that time period. I was a basket case, brain fog, day and night sweats, low mood, crippling anxiety, heart palpitations and being a working mum on the 2 or 3 hours of sleep I managed to get a night. I used to drive to work and pray someone would crash into me or fantasise about driving into a brick wall. I ended up on antidepressants, beta blockers and sleeping tablets till I was able to go back on it. I don’t think it can be overstated how horrendous menopause can be for some women. My heart goes out to Nicola

 

[raspberryjuice]

I was trying to catch up but with 30odd pages still to go I’ve given up. Sorry if I’ve missed something important.

I feel incredibly sad for Nicolas daughters that her personal information has been released. So many will be discussing it and in years to come when they Google mum (which they will), it’s going to be all about how she’s an alcoholic with menopause problems. The stories about the loving mum who enjoyed countryside walks with her dog and took her babies on a magical Christmas trip to centre parcs are buried and the headlines are horrible to read.

I don’t judge Nicola at all for her alcohol issues. Life is complex, and throw in something like menopause and all that comes with it, likely on the back of lockdown when so many felt alone, it’s not surprising her and thousands of others find themselves in her situation. My auntie was the same, she starting drinking more during lockdown 1 when everyone was furloughed and sat in the sun, a glass at lunchtime was soon 5 bottles a day and a lengthy hospital stay.

What I do think is it gives people more understanding of why police believe she may be in the river. She has clearly been having an awful time. Her drinking was obviously at a point where others noticed and recognised it as an issue and whether that’s a couple of bottles of wine a night, or a drink in the morning continuing all day, it’s still a problem. The fact police were attending the address points to the home environment becoming toxic and I’m not going to speculate on whether that came from Nicola or Paul, because wherever it comes from it amplifies the already difficult home life and things spiral. I hope Nicola has found peace - either in a new life or if she has sadly passed away.

My heart hurts for her family. Nobody deserves to be going through this. I believe if Nicola had have known her disappearance would result in all this then things would be different. She wouldn’t want her girls spending all this time wondering if Mummy would ever be home.

And MW-T is an absolute prick for gloating that his questioning of the police lead to the disclosures. What an asshole. Why would you be proud of something like that? Her poor parents, her poor girls.

 

[PinkFigs]

Poor woman having all that personal information about her released to the whole country. Disgusting.

 

[EllaBella89]

I really don’t want these threads to turn into an echo chamber where we can’t freely discuss things, I understand certain discussions may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it always moves along and onto something else. I said a couple of threads back, there’s always the option of scrolling past things that you don’t agree with rather than trying to shut down certain topics. I find these threads overwhelmingly positive and I can imagine they’ve done a lot more good than harm, especially with the discussions around the menopause and mental health. We knew what we signed up for when we joined tattle, and it’s a small corner of the internet in the grand scheme of things, and as long as no one is seeking out anyone mentioned and harassing them, I can’t see the harm in what’s being discussed

ETA: good than harm, not harm than good

 

[DellaC]

What's his tiktok account name please

Durtyweeshite

 

[Ally Pally]

It's actually quite bloody scary tbh, a woman's disappearance completely hijacked by a bunch weirdos and amateur sleuths.
I feel the police were damned whichever route they went down. I think all the parties involved should have just released that Nicola was a vulnerable person and it should have been left like that. I'm guessing the family wanted it kept quiet and possibly pressured the partner because of that slight chance that she'd just taken herself off and didn't want people to stop looking out for her. Just my thoughts.

 

[thegreencow]

I do not think Paul acting poorly at all in his interview. What have Nicola's alcohol issues got to do with us? If people had not been sticking their nebs in and threatening to sell stories then the info wouldn't have needed to be released in the first place. Anyone threatening to sell or caught selling stories should be arrested as they're as bad as the Tik Tokkers imo. All we needed to know was that she was a high risk misper and potentially vulnerable. The police did not help but fuelling speculation.

If Nicola's body is found and it's determines she killed herself yesterday or today after this information was made public then several people should be ashamed of themselves; most of all Mark Williams Thomas.

100% agree with the below tweets. A man likely wouldn't have got half the media attention Nicola has and the news would be putting more focus on the earthquakes in Turkey and Syria. The media cherry pick missing people who will get the most clicks; white, blonde or brunette, thin and pretty.

 

[BigMavis]

Can I just mention something, it's not projection when people spot signs in others. If anyone has gone through DA/DV counselling part of that service includes knowing what to look out for in future relationships. And thank god, because people who want to control others know exactly the type to zone in on. I'm not projecting saying this, tis fact.
Now Paul may be a loving, attentive, understanding partner and Nicola may be a nightmare to live with, I simply don't know, but I do know his blog, his words and actions since she has gone missing are at odds with that narrative.

 

[MeghanSnarkle]

Because like the menopause and alcohol situation, is no one else’s business. Someone has had to make it everyone’s business by being a complete low life. No one has to tell people their personal issues

Its a weird one isn't it ....

I agree that's it's no one elses business, it's private and she's still a missing mum first and foremost.

I do however equally feel like saying you know what fuck it !
Yes it's out there Nikki but don't you worry yourself about it girl no shame in being peri menopausal and if having a drink helped you're not the first and you won't be the last so sod 'em all let's just get you back and get you sorted with some help .

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Can we all agree Paul is a creep?

Yeah, I started off thinking he had an odd vibe but I've been quite defensive of him in terms of his very solid alibi (even though he still makes me feel uneasy) but the more I learn, the more I think whilst he might not be a murderer, he's not a particularly nice bloke either. I'm actually beginning to wonder exactly what Nicola was having to cope with.

 

[Multi-21]

Couldn't quote this as thread closed.

I appreciate her face has been blasted over every web page and newspaper BUT she is just a normal looking 40+ year old. She looks like me and my friends. If she dyed/styled her hair would you really notice her and notice it was NB?

I'm not so sure.

I walked past a playground earlier this week and I’d never really noticed before but all the mums had on padded coats that finished somewhere between their knee and their ankle, big sunglasses, ankle or calf high black boots and carried a reusable coffee mug from home. It was actually like some unwritten uniform which I’d not noticed until all the talk about what Nicola was wearing.

 

[mRsKbRoOkS]

Paul’s a fucking c*nt I’m enraged, not finished catching up, but his TikTok following has really wound me up. What an absolute sleaze!!! I don’t think he killed Nicola but I do think he probably made her really miserable and exacerbated any struggles she had. Some men really are horrible bastards!!!!!!!!! And so fucking thick, if we can find that so can Nikki. Arghhhhhhh

It is 100 percent Paul in that TikTok profile photo by the way!!

 

[pommobear]

Are you saying I'm not deserving of an opinion on this case or place in this thread because of the field I work in? Why are you policing what I can share and comment on?

What I AM sharing are facts. Yes, facts based on reliable data and statistics.

I never said menopause isn't severe. I never said women don't suffer. I'm not invalidating anyone's experience. I believe my comments have triggered you and you ought to take a step back and breathe for a minute before responding.

The media is doing what it's always done for years, using mental illness to scare people. To instil fear.

Perhaps you can refer me to the online study you've been a participant in? Primary Care services have introduced the aforementioned menopause-specific measures. I'm sorry you've not had the help you so need.

Wow for someone who claims to work in mental health this is an incredibly tone deaf, patronising and dismissive post.

 

[Skyeball]

You have literally hit the nail on the head - couldn’t agree with you more

I concur, what Nicola's family are describing is me. I'm not suitable for HRT having had pretty serious reactions to artificial hormones in the past, and also fibroids and an endometrial ablation.
There is no help, there is no GP interest. I'm OK and pretty much teetotal FWIW, but it's an endurance test.
I feel so, so sorry for Nicola and her family. She must have been trying so hard in every aspect of her life.
I don't know what has happened to her but I feel like I want to pass my respect on to the ether to her for what she was dealing with before all this.
Also may the person who forced the release of this info burn in hell.