Nicola Bulley #12

[1982]

Yes absolutely. I’d eventually like to add sections on
Peri Menopause
Menopause
Alcohol use - personal and family support
Mental health support
Missing persons

If others are in agreement?
And of course anything else deemed appropriate

I have littlest at home now until Tuesday but I will definitely be able to get it done properly next week.

I think regardless of what happens with the search for Nicola, the wiki can remain as a source of info for anyone who needs it x

What an amazing person you are Thank you for this

 

[LyraBalaqua]

As we’re sharing our menopause experiences…

My Mum started the menopause at 39 and she was a absolute nightmare, she would just leave the house walk for miles we would drive around the streets looking for her. She was angry shouted constantly at us really nastily! I need to add she’s wasnt like this before she was calm and rational she was a serving Policewoman it totally changed her personality for a couple of years .

I on the other hand had a period just before my 40th birthday and never anything again menopause done , no hot flushes, no mood swings, nothing!

Anyway back on track MTW has a lot to answer for!

There’s no ‘one size fits all’ with menopause and I suppose that’s the scary thing ; one doesn’t know how it’ll effect oneself until things become unnerving.

 

[Boring Monday]

It wasn’t done in a kind manner though. In the press conference it was said for the first time ever that she had a number of vulnerabilities that meant she was deemed a high risk missing person. There was no suggestion at that stage the police had been forced to give out that nugget of information.

We then saw how the media in that room reacted to that one bit of info out of everything else that was said. The torch paper had been lit.

A few hours later, the below is the wording from lancs police own website. Again, no mention at all that they were releasing this info because of their hand being forced. What was stopping them from saying ‘it’s with regret we now have to release private information about Nicola however we have learned that the media were going to run a ‘paid for’ story and with agreement with the family we would prefer the facts to come directly from us. Blah blah blah’. Far more respectful, if that was really the driving force behind it.

So Police being forced to do this is bullshit, IMO. And even if it is true, the still fucked up the narrative.


We have described how Nicola had some vulnerabilities at the time she went missing and we just wanted to expand on that a little.

Sadly, it is clear from speaking to Paul and the family that Nicola had in the past suffered with some significant issues with alcohol which were brought on by her ongoing struggles with the menopause and that these struggles had resurfaced over recent months. This caused some real challenges for Paul and the family.

As a result of those issues, a response car staffed by both police and health professionals attended a report of concern for welfare at Nicola’s home address on January 10th. No one has been arrested in relation to this incident, but it is being investigated.

It is an unusual step for us to take to go into this level of detail about someone’s private life, but we felt it was important to clarify what we meant when we talked about vulnerabilities to avoid any further speculation or misinterpretation.

Because as much as it may gall them, they have to keep the media onside.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

It might not be that rare, it could be that it's misdiagnosed.
It's a known fact that GPs will diagnose MH problems when it's indeed a hormonal imbalance.
I'm in peri and doubted my MH with how low I was and my GP immediately suggested anti depressants with no real questions on my other symptoms.
I've suffered from Nicola's age, which isn't 'early', it's normal!
I stuck to my guns, knowing my body, and was 2 seconds away from mentioning NICE guidelines when my female GP (who you'd think would be more sympathetic) finally mentioned HRT and went through the health check for them with me and prescribed HRT. I'm one of the lucky ones that it worked for, which goes to show that it was my hormones and not my MH.

As a side note, I was told thought that HRT isn't for everyone and that some Anti D's can help with symptoms... something maybe for anyone who can't take it to look into...

Have a look at Diane Danzebrink's story, hers is one of many where woman have almost killed themselves because of hormones and thankfully she lived to tell the tale and is now a huge advocate for women.

There are pathways to specialists privately, but not easily on the NHS, if at all.. I'd assume you'd know that and be more empathic being in mental health. You do seem pretty judgemental for being in the profession you say you're in.

The thing I will agree with is that this new information about Nicola will put the fear of God in women who are at their lowest point, but because it's not been handled right and it needs handling incredibly sensitively and educationally.. like not saying it was early menopause!

My hope is that GPs, and clearly some MH professionals, will be forced to take a mandatory course in female hormones, peri and menopause.. then we will see lives, family lives and marriages saved

Eta.. if I'd told a GP or MH professional what I'd been going through in my family life now and historically they have misdiagnosed me with MH problems, when it really wasn't that at all

My PMDD was always quickly written off as MH issues. I do have anxiety disorders running alongside, but all the severe depression sounding symptoms, just just treated as such, even though I pointed out a number of times it seemed cyclic . No idea what the menopause will have in store for me, will it be OK and a relief from the menstrual cycle? Or PMDD on steroids..?
I'll report back in a few years.

 

[MsGilmore]

It wasn’t done in a kind manner though. In the press conference it was said for the first time ever that she had a number of vulnerabilities that meant she was deemed a high risk missing person. There was no suggestion at that stage the police had been forced to give out that nugget of information.

We then saw how the media in that room reacted to that one bit of info out of everything else that was said. The torch paper had been lit.

A few hours later, the below is the wording from lancs police own website. Again, no mention at all that they were releasing this info because of their hand being forced. What was stopping them from saying ‘it’s with regret we now have to release private information about Nicola however we have learned that the media were going to run a ‘paid for’ story and with agreement with the family we would prefer the facts to come directly from us. Blah blah blah’. Far more respectful, if that was really the driving force behind it.

So Police being forced to do this is bullshit, IMO. And even if it is true, the still fucked up the narrative.


We have described how Nicola had some vulnerabilities at the time she went missing and we just wanted to expand on that a little.

Sadly, it is clear from speaking to Paul and the family that Nicola had in the past suffered with some significant issues with alcohol which were brought on by her ongoing struggles with the menopause and that these struggles had resurfaced over recent months. This caused some real challenges for Paul and the family.

As a result of those issues, a response car staffed by both police and health professionals attended a report of concern for welfare at Nicola’s home address on January 10th. No one has been arrested in relation to this incident, but it is being investigated.

It is an unusual step for us to take to go into this level of detail about someone’s private life, but we felt it was important to clarify what we meant when we talked about vulnerabilities to avoid any further speculation or misinterpretation.

Just because someone doesn’t say something as soon as it enters their head doesn’t invalidate it. They were probably trying to keep the family out of it, but that didn’t work either because there are still plenty of vultures circling. They probably would have wanted to give an indication that Nicola is vulnerable or they were coming for her welfare from the first time it was publicised, but the family obviously prevented that. The police can’t win either way. Damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

 

[Ridandroo]

I’m confused… can someone clarify the link between Emma and Dan Walker please? I have seen they were photographed together, but have seen many others too of Emma with other people from Strictly. I assumed she just went to see them on tour??

 

[veevee04]

I really don't think she's purposely ended up life. People usually commit suicide in private and it usually done at night/ very very early morning in secluded areas if outside She was walking the dog after dropping the girls off at school it doesn't fit a suicide. Poor Nicola though her privacy has been completely broken by the police . They didn't need to bring up drinking or the menopause bleeping arseholes.

 

[Filouette]

Yes, all of this.
From the off it was made out she was happy, this was out of character and there was no clue why she’d suddenly disappear. The press were thinking abusive partner, juicy story incoming, latched on and blew it up to damn huge proportions. There was really no need.
The police know if she was drunk or hungover that morning. The police will know if she’s gone off before. The police will know if she threatened to harm herself before. This is how they came to the conclusion she is most likely in the river - accident or otherwise - and they have always said “ most likely “ but not ruled out other scenarios, it’s just this is the most probable.

The error was to basically frame this as a locked room mystery from the beginning. Happy, pretty mum on a dog walk, not a care in the world, on a work call, disappears from an open field. No CCTV caught her leaving. It's impossible. That's what the press latched onto. Not the fact that she disappeared but how because it sounds impossible. If they had given a hint about vulnerabilities or a history of disappearing for a few hours or days or anything like that, then it would not have been so reminiscent of a detective novel. They let the press run with this story and encouraged it even.

 

[kek93x]

I’m confused… can someone clarify the link between Emma and Dan Walker please? I have seen they were photographed together, but have seen many others too of Emma with other people from Strictly. I assumed she just went to see them on tour??

Someone mentioned she was a crisis actor not sure how true this is

 

[neroli]

I can't even remember hearing about her. My god, 6 months. That must be torturous for her family.

I wonder why the reporting of these cases has been so different?

No children have been mentioned? Mental health issues mentioned at outset by parents? No connections with the media to keep case in the news?

Very sad for all those desperate for news of their loved ones but who appear to have been forgotten. Must be very tough for them,particularly at the moment.

 

[VicksterIcon]

I’m confused… can someone clarify the link between Emma and Dan Walker please? I have seen they were photographed together, but have seen many others too of Emma with other people from Strictly. I assumed she just went to see them on tour??

Her father in law used to present BBC Local News (not sure if it’s Look North)

 

[1982]

As we’re sharing our menopause experiences…

My Mum started the menopause at 39 and she was a absolute nightmare, she would just leave the house walk for miles we would drive around the streets looking for her. She was angry shouted constantly at us really nastily! I need to add she’s wasnt like this before she was calm and rational she was a serving Policewoman it totally changed her personality for a couple of years .

I on the other hand had a period just before my 40th birthday and never anything again menopause done , no hot flushes, no mood swings, nothing!

Anyway back on track MTW has a lot to answer for!

My mum had the menopause at 39 with absolutely no symptoms yet my Auntie had it at 37 and it completely changed her personality too, in fact she went crazy. So strange how the same genetics can cause different experiences for each woman. I’m 40 and still having my periods but I know I’m going through some changes…just hope I don’t suffer like so many other poor woman do. Jeez, men have it easy

 

[veevee04]

What I don't get if she was such an alcoholic why was her partner ok with her driving the car and kids to school very weird.

 

[VicksterIcon]

What I don't get if she was such an alcoholic why was her partner ok with her driving the car and kids to school very weird.

My sentiments too. I’m not saying she was drinking first thing at breakfast but we all know how alcohol can stay in the body into the next day.

 

[flutternutter]

So now shes peri-menopausal? Women can have symptoms for YEARS prior to actual menopause!

I would like to know where this information has come from. It screams to me that hes telling 2 very different stories of what life at home was like. Why?

Also this is totally personal experience but I knew a couple, he was a massive drinker, she became a massive drinker after getting with him. She ended up dying of alcohol related illness. He's still alive, still a massive drinker... it seems very one sided about alcohol consumption, why is no one questioning how much he drinks too? Maybe their lifestyle is drinking a lot?
Is the January police incident the only incident?

 

[Tofino]

From what I’ve read from NB’s parents and loved ones, it was because people were threatening to sell stories on Nicola. Unfortunately the police can’t stop that and perhaps they wanted to address it themselves, rather than letting these despicable people get there first and make things up, along with profiting from it. I think they were stuck between a rock and hard place, forced on them by utter low life’s.

I’m sceptical because why would the police not make it clear that was the reason for doing so yesterday? The first mention was a family statement this afternoon, nearly 24hrs later.

The family also don’t mention the alcohol issues. I’m not convinced the police and family are on the same page about this private info tbh. It’s a complete mess.

 

[InTheDollsHouse]

What an amazing person you are Thank you for this

Thank you, but honestly I’m not. I’m just a mum who felt that this could so easily be me. I have two children, I walk the dog when they’re at school and childcare.

I said quite early on in all of this that if I disappeared tomorrow my mental health struggles would be assumed as the reason, but that wouldn’t be it. I wouldn’t want everyone to give up on me and just assume the worst.

None of us know what’s happened to Nicola. We may never know. Frankly it’s not even our right to know.

As long as her loved ones get the answers, that’s what matters.

Tattle threads won’t change that, but this little corner of the internet brings people together in such an amazing way.

The information in the recaps is only really collated by me, it’s everyone here that contributes to it. The support and the shared experiences over these 12 threads has made people - including me - feel less alone and that’s no small thing. I’ve got far more out of it than I’ve put in.

Tattle gets slated by influencers but that’s because they don’t understand the kindness here

 

[da1sycha1n]

I’m confused… can someone clarify the link between Emma and Dan Walker please? I have seen they were photographed together, but have seen many others too of Emma with other people from Strictly. I assumed she just went to see them on tour??

Emma Whites father inLaw is Stewart White he was a journalist and presenter of a regional BBC News programme Look East, up until recently Dan Walker presented BBC Breakfast before moving to Channel 5, Emma is married to Ed White who works for a Marriot Hotel in London, there was photographs of Dan Walker getting a suite upgrade at the Marriot Hotel Ed worked in, both Emma and Dan communicated in the post he made, one of her friends runs a dance school and this also has links to Strictly, she also has a friend who appeared on Loose Woman

 

[teaandgoss101]

Just adding to the stories My mum (bearing in mind this would have been the sixties ) had a friend , they were school age, whose mum was ‘crazy’ my mum said she would shout in the night. Completely lose her j head go into pubs accuse random women of cheating with her husband . Was labelled the local alcoholic nutter. The menopause was a taboo subject I’m not sure it was even a thing back then. Anyway my mum lost touch with her friend and bumped into her in adulthood. Turns out it was hormones !and now we know menopause. With the right support and treatment she got better.

This whole situation. Is just so sad. If she is out there in hiding , I really hope this info being put out there won’t push her over the edge.

 

[Tofino]

No one said the police were forced to do so. It could be that after discussions with the family, they thought it was best to be proactive rather than reactive to awful stories being released in the press. The family seem to believe NB is still alive and obviously want to protect her as much as possible. IMO it’s better coming out in this way, than in a tabloid.

Everyone is allowed an opinion, however I doubt we will ever know the true reasons for info being released. It’s all just speculation x

ETA - I think the family statement also support why the police revealed what they did. Just my opinion.

huh? A large amount of posters on this thread alone are blaming MWT for leaving the police with no choice/forcing their hand/backed into corner because he or other journalists were going to run a story. That is what I am giving my opinion on. And also my opinion it was not in agreement with the family based on their own words.