New Baby & Post Birth Off Topic

[themuffinwoman]

I get the difficulty in parents not being on board. My in laws spent months telling me she's too young, she needs to be with family, I should consider whether I need to work.
As it turns out they had it in their heads that they'd have her on a regular basis and had told their friends that, so my MIL looks like a twit (oh well not my doing).
My advise for it is ignore it. Be proud of the decision your making for your family. Noone else can understand it & let's be honest, we don't need to justify our reasons to our parents/in-laws.

Where do they get these ideas from? I find that so rude about not going to work, I mean how dare anyone say that about your choices. Also why would she tell her friends that
She’s going to be with my parents once a week or more, and they’ve spent years moaning about how their friends have their grandkids and they’re taken advantage of and can’t do anything because they have to look after them etc so I’m unsure whether they want to look after her all the time or for me to not work?

 

[WeepingCassandra]

@themuffinwoman yes! I don't think many people now who haven't had kids in the last 10 years (maybe 15) really understand what it's like now. I was talking to my Aunty about this (my cousins are 18 and 20, so she had them at the start of the 2000s) and she was saying about how you feel like you need to have it all but you can't. She was able to stay home with hers and didn't have to put them in childcare but my other cousin (older than me, in her early 40s now) had her oldest in 2010 and had no choice but to put him in as they couldn't survive on one wage at the time. We lived abroad when I was little so childcare wasn't a problem as my mum didn't work but when I went to school as my Dad was away a lot my mum would just bung me with our next door neighbour until she got back from work... which is now illegal...

The only person who seemed to get it was my husbands Nan who's in her 90s, we went to her birthday party at the weekend and were talking about childcare. When I said I needed to put him in she said "well I didn't have any of mine in of course [1950s] but then you girls today have so much choice, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't! You got to do what makes you both happiest".

Whatever path you choose, she'll always have you in her corner and that's really all she needs. <3

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

Gonna reply mentioning everyone because it would be a mega post if I quoted then added my individual replies

@Pontiac_Bandit really glad you felt good doing your KIT day and your husband has been helpful. Have you got more KIT days planned? Go baby bandit and his toast!!! Toast is such a fab medium for so many other foods too so it’s great he jammed it in can you see your dad this weekend?
random acts of kindness from strangers are so touching, especially mums who have been through It and just know that even by packing your bag at the supermarket it makes the day slightly easier.

the men are the same I think in terms of how helpful they are, although he’s more of a dick about it than his very softly spoken and sweet BIL… difference is none of his family are around to pick up his slack which is what would happen in his country, so the strain of men being relatively useless isn’t felt AS much, or frowned upon as much, although I think it’s slowly changing. To his (incredibly minor) credit he did try for an hour at 2am last night to get her back to sleep, but she just cried for an hour and lunged towards the door until I went in and she immediately chilled out in my arms. I’m hoping when he spends the days with her it’ll give him more confidence/fewer excuses because I won’t always be there. He’s actually really good with her when I’m not there I’m just a huge safety blanket for his weaponised incompetence.
Thank you for being so lovely she actually ate the most she’s eaten in days for dinner with the pizza I made and some yogurt, then fell asleep just before 7. She was knackered bless her. Hope baby bandit gives you a good night.

@WeHadFunRight you’re right, it does very much depend on the child from what I’ve read. She’s a bit of a sensitive soul (takes after me clearly) so I thought this would always be tough. Just catastrophising in my head oh what if this knocks her and she gets stressed out etc but I need to chill and take it one day at a time.

@WeepingCassandra ah my beef is with lack of flexibility I understand this would be a nightmare but I would love to just say on the Friday “right she needs to go 1/2/3 days next week” because my work schedule varies so wildly with what I’m doing. Some days I could pick/drop her with school hours but others she would need to do 7-5:30. I think my mum’s issue is that she hasn’t experienced being a working mum and that yeah, I don’t start work till 9, but I need the mental space (and maybe an hour to walk the dogs before a hectic day) because I have a demanding job.

This is so true
View attachment 2799813

I'm going into the office in a couple of weeks for potentially a full day/maybe 9-4 and then I've also got some days pencilled in to work from home for a few hours depending on how baby bandit is/how I'm feeling etc so at the very least I'll get out the house once and can shut myself away upstairs a few more times I've arranged to visit Sunday morning if they feel up to it, my mum got all emotional about it being my first Mother's Day and asked if I was sure I wanted to spend it going to theirs, bless her!

Ah that's tough if his family are all the same - I'm glad he made an effort overnight though, and persevering for an hour even though it didn't work is pretty impressive for someone who usually doesn't make the effort! I hope he gets the confidence/stops avoiding childcare so that you don't have an extra thing to stress about and can focus on work/having a rest when needed. Oh bless her, I'm so glad she ate and settled well! Baby bandit settled quickly but woke up a little while ago quite upset so we've had some cuddles and he's asleep again....for now!!

 

[Nosysamsie]

Where do they get these ideas from? I find that so rude about not going to work, I mean how dare anyone say that about your choices. Also why would she tell her friends that
She’s going to be with my parents once a week or more, and they’ve spent years moaning about how their friends have their grandkids and they’re taken advantage of and can’t do anything because they have to look after them etc so I’m unsure whether they want to look after her all the time or for me to not work?

They said "it'd be good for her" for me to be at home. Never mind I've spent 3 years at uni & gained 12 years experience in my career, let's just put it to one side.
Don't get me wrong, if I won the lottery I'd drop working full time in a heartbeat, but I'd still keep myself on as agency/bank and do random shifts.
We chose not to go to grandparents because we wanted some freedom of when we have our holiday, and I wanted her close by incase she was unwell (she's a 2 minute walk vs a 40 minute car drive).

And like yours my MIL spends her days bitching about how her niece takes advantage of her sister with the free babysitting. So why would I send her?!

 

[unidentified]

Not a parent to a little one anymore (daughter is nearly 17) but I wanted to reassure you guys that she’s been in nursery from 12 weeks old because I was studying at the time and my parents worked full time. She’s grown up absolutely fine and we have a great bond so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Being a parent is hard enough without comments that aren’t helpful to anyone. You don’t need to explain what you’re doing or why. You want to work, work; you want to be at home and you can, great be at home. Sod anyone else’s opinion! Come on mamas, you’re doing wonderful. Plus, being around the little shits all day is bloody hard going (still love them though).

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Gender pension gap: women need to work 19 more years than men

Women will need to work an extra 19 years to close the gender pension gap, according to a report from pensions provider NOW: Pensions.

www.personneltoday.com

mention this when someone tells you that you should be at home… the whole thing pisses me off. Why should women be the ones expected to stay at home without any recognition of the sacrifice in earnings and pension contributions they’re making? Take a career break, fight to get back into your industry, be 5 yrs behind where you could have been…. Yada yada yada….

 

[justonemorepage]

My grandmother was shocked today to find out that I'm still breastfeeding my 4 month old. In her utter horror she asked "how much longer I intend on doing it" my reply? "As long as I can" which was met with silence. The woman truly infuriates me.

 

[loveanatter]

I think the they’re so young etc etc in childcare is really interesting. When I put my first in childcare my grandma was very much a ‘we didn’t do that in my day’. I had some really career wins before I had my second, and when he went to nursery she was very much appreciative that times had moved on.
She still asked me why I didn’t make the most of the ‘hospital nursery’ when I had my third though like that exists now!
But these that don’t understand, haven’t lived our lives for so so many reasons. You do what suits you & what suits your family.
Those that questioned me putting my first in nursery are the first to ask why I haven’t gone back to work after my third….

 

[Burrito88]

My grandmother was shocked today to find out that I'm still breastfeeding my 4 month old. In her utter horror she asked "how much longer I intend on doing it" my reply? "As long as I can" which was met with silence. The woman truly infuriates me.

It really bothers my mum, she says she breastfed me for 6 weeks but I don’t believe her because she’s very uncomfortable with it all. She suggested baby burrito will have gotten “all the goodness” by 3 months and warned me that it will take at least a year to “get my bust back” I hope to make it to 6 months before I slowly transition to formula, if that feels right at the time!

 

[Heyguysswipeup]

It really bothers my mum, she says she breastfed me for 6 weeks but I don’t believe her because she’s very uncomfortable with it all. She suggested baby burrito will have gotten “all the goodness” by 3 months and warned me that it will take at least a year to “get my bust back” I hope to make it to 6 months before I slowly transition to formula, if that feels right at the time!

I really don’t get why people are so opinionated about breastfeeding / formula feeding and why they seem so concerned about the effects of it on our body etc, as if they know best
Surprisingly the person who’s been the most opinionated has been my dad??!! He isn’t anti breastfeeding at all, but loves to put his 2 cents in on everything, and doesn’t get why I’ve chosen to pump at work instead of giving my baby formula at daycare.. umm cos I want to dad, cheers

 

[fudgebox]

I really don’t get why people are so opinionated about breastfeeding / formula feeding and why they seem so concerned about the effects of it on our body etc, as if they know best
Surprisingly the person who’s been the most opinionated has been my dad??!! He isn’t anti breastfeeding at all, but loves to put his 2 cents in on everything, and doesn’t get why I’ve chosen to pump at work instead of giving my baby formula at daycare.. umm cos I want to dad, cheers

Omg my dad is very much breast is best and when I decided to give up because baby fudge wouldn’t latch and it was affecting my mental health he was disappointed!!! My mum explained to him and he did understand in the end, but bloody hell Matthew you can have an opinion on breastfeeding when you grow some yourself

 

[CallMeHollywood]

Omg my dad is very much breast is best and when I decided to give up because baby fudge wouldn’t latch and it was affecting my mental health he was disappointed!!! My mum explained to him and he did understand in the end, but bloody hell Matthew you can have an opinion on breastfeeding when you grow some yourself

Love this. Ffs sake Matthew, grow some breasts.

Wood slept through. Very much a fluke because of his lack of naps, but he got a straight 7.5 hours and a cursory 2.5 hours before his evening feed. Drinking coffee waiting for him to stir a bit more

 

[Heyguysswipeup]

Love this. Ffs sake Matthew, grow some breasts.

Wood slept through. Very much a fluke because of his lack of naps, but he got a straight 7.5 hours and a cursory 2.5 hours before his evening feed. Drinking coffee waiting for him to stir a bit more

Omg my dad is very much breast is best and when I decided to give up because baby fudge wouldn’t latch and it was affecting my mental health he was disappointed!!! My mum explained to him and he did understand in the end, but bloody hell Matthew you can have an opinion on breastfeeding when you grow some yourself

Hahah I feel like that needs to be a thread title ‘ffs Matthew, grow some breasts’

But agreed, if you’ve not birthed a child then your opinion is irrelevant

 

[CallMeHollywood]

Hahah I feel like that needs to be a thread title ‘ffs Matthew, grow some breasts’

But agreed, if you’ve not birthed a child then your opinion is irrelevant

Agreed. After Wood had his SCId scare, the doctor said, “you know, it helps if you can give him your own milk”, like I’d not been trying… head.
---
Baby is still asleep, so here’s the new thread: https://tattle.life/threads/new-baby-post-birth-off-topic-2-ffs-matthew-grow-some-breasts.44366/