New Baby & Post Birth Off Topic

[Pontiac_Bandit]

Feeling a bit broken right now - absolutely exhausted from multiple bad nights of being up for hours with him, and he's really busy and active at the moment so just needed him to nap so I could breathe and rest a bit. Finally got him to sleep on me but then my mum left a voicemail and texted to say she'd left a message which made me worry it was something bad about my dad. Listened to the voicemail on lowest volume which I've done before with a napping baby on me but baby bandit immediately sprung awake and is now excited and active again, and won't go back to sleep I literally got a 30 second rest, it was like that scene in Father Ted where Ted turns the light back on and Dougal gets up thinking he's slept all night

 

[kayefeluu20]

This time last year I was pregnant but didn't know. I'm now wiping snot off my glasses. It's not my snot. Alexa play Night Changes by One Direction

 

[themuffinwoman]

Feeling a bit broken right now - absolutely exhausted from multiple bad nights of being up for hours with him, and he's really busy and active at the moment so just needed him to nap so I could breathe and rest a bit. Finally got him to sleep on me but then my mum left a voicemail and texted to say she'd left a message which made me worry it was something bad about my dad. Listened to the voicemail on lowest volume which I've done before with a napping baby on me but baby bandit immediately sprung awake and is now excited and active again, and won't go back to sleep I literally got a 30 second rest, it was like that scene in Father Ted where Ted turns the light back on and Dougal gets up thinking he's slept all night

Sorry you’re feeling bad is your dad ok?
When I’m desperate (most days) I do the following bad mum but I need to get stuff done things with MM:

Jumperoo in front of the tv with something flashy and loud (Fireman Sam is a winner)
Jumperoo with a snack- I know he’s not eating tons but could you clip his dummy to him and maybe dip it in gripe water?
has he got a playpen? Or your travel cot maybe with a few toys?
highchair with some toys that stick to the tray/dummy?
Provide him with any forbidden item- your glasses? Tv remote? A box?
Sending hugs xx

ETA MM is currently ripping apart post its whilst I watch Bluey and drink my coffee. I mean, we watch Bluey…
---
Not me crying at the baby race episode of Bluey (again)

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Feeling a bit broken right now - absolutely exhausted from multiple bad nights of being up for hours with him, and he's really busy and active at the moment so just needed him to nap so I could breathe and rest a bit. Finally got him to sleep on me but then my mum left a voicemail and texted to say she'd left a message which made me worry it was something bad about my dad. Listened to the voicemail on lowest volume which I've done before with a napping baby on me but baby bandit immediately sprung awake and is now excited and active again, and won't go back to sleep I literally got a 30 second rest, it was like that scene in Father Ted where Ted turns the light back on and Dougal gets up thinking he's slept all night

Great reference but his doesn’t your heart sink when they wake up and you know that’s it, it’s game over, they’re up again. Do you drive? Will he sleep in the car? Can you drive around at nap time then park up and have a bit of a chill in the car?

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

Sorry you’re feeling bad is your dad ok?
When I’m desperate (most days) I do the following bad mum but I need to get stuff done things with MM:

Jumperoo in front of the tv with something flashy and loud (Fireman Sam is a winner)
Jumperoo with a snack- I know he’s not eating tons but could you clip his dummy to him and maybe dip it in gripe water?
has he got a playpen? Or your travel cot maybe with a few toys?
highchair with some toys that stick to the tray/dummy?
Provide him with any forbidden item- your glasses? Tv remote? A box?
Sending hugs xx

ETA MM is currently ripping apart post its whilst I watch Bluey and drink my coffee. I mean, we watch Bluey…
---
Not me crying at the baby race episode of Bluey (again)

Sorry, I meant to say - my dad's fine and awaiting tests to decide when he can be discharged thank you for the suggestions! Bless him, he must have known I was struggling because he happily played alone on his mat while I finished my coffee and then played in his cot while I got dressed. Trying to focus on the positives to cheer me up - I used a new deodorant for the first time and the scent was so lovely I said "Ooooh that's nice" out loud I hope you got to enjoy your coffee!
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Great reference but his doesn’t your heart sink when they wake up and you know that’s it, it’s game over, they’re up again. Do you drive? Will he sleep in the car? Can you drive around at nap time then park up and have a bit of a chill in the car?

Nap wake-ups when you're in the middle of a TV show or haven't finished your hot drink yet are the worst he's very hit and miss in the car at the moment because he's too bleeping nosy on another day I'd definitely try it but today I need to pop out quickly with him to grab a couple of essentials and then am hoping to do some KIT hours from half 2 as there's an online meeting I can join. Speaking of which, me doing the meeting depends on my husband getting home from work in time - he's just texted to say he's having a good day so is currently "happy" for me to do the meeting. So apparently it's not just about timings, it's about whether he's decided he's in a good enough mood to look after baby rather than having a rest when he gets in. I wish I had the option to opt out of childcare if I decided I wasn't in the mood, wouldn't that be nice I often say to him "are you happy to do xyz so I can do this" and he'll say "I'm not happy but I'll do it" which is so passive aggressive and unhelpful. The other day he offered to help with something so I thanked him, then said "ooh could you do me a favour please" and he said "I already am". I said "THIS is why I struggle to ask for help" and got tearful and he apologised and backtracked but bleeping hell - it shouldn't be this hard should it?!

Seems I've caught some of that hormonal rage others expressed earlier

 

[wishiniwasskinny]

Sorry, I meant to say - my dad's fine and awaiting tests to decide when he can be discharged thank you for the suggestions! Bless him, he must have known I was struggling because he happily played alone on his mat while I finished my coffee and then played in his cot while I got dressed. Trying to focus on the positives to cheer me up - I used a new deodorant for the first time and the scent was so lovely I said "Ooooh that's nice" out loud I hope you got to enjoy your coffee!
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Nap wake-ups when you're in the middle of a TV show or haven't finished your hot drink yet are the worst he's very hit and miss in the car at the moment because he's too bleeping nosy on another day I'd definitely try it but today I need to pop out quickly with him to grab a couple of essentials and then am hoping to do some KIT hours from half 2 as there's an online meeting I can join. Speaking of which, me doing the meeting depends on my husband getting home from work in time - he's just texted to say he's having a good day so is currently "happy" for me to do the meeting. So apparently it's not just about timings, it's about whether he's decided he's in a good enough mood to look after baby rather than having a rest when he gets in. I wish I had the option to opt out of childcare if I decided I wasn't in the mood, wouldn't that be nice I often say to him "are you happy to do xyz so I can do this" and he'll say "I'm not happy but I'll do it" which is so passive aggressive and unhelpful. The other day he offered to help with something so I thanked him, then said "ooh could you do me a favour please" and he said "I already am". I said "THIS is why I struggle to ask for help" and got tearful and he apologised and backtracked but bleeping hell - it shouldn't be this hard should it?!

Seems I've caught some of that hormonal rage others expressed earlier

Oh I’m so sorry you do t feel supported. I’m sorry but your husband is not doing you a favour by looking after his own child!

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

Oh I’m so sorry you do t feel supported. I’m sorry but your husband is not doing you a favour by looking after his own child!

Thank you he's so good with him and sometimes he'll see how exhausted/fragile I am and send me away for a rest which is so nice, but if he's tired or miserable he tends to focus on himself and acts like me needing to hand over childcare is an inconvenience/selfish - I rarely do anything nice with that time alone, usually it's basic needs like sleeping or showering, or washing/preparing food, so it's not like I'm chucking baby at him to go have fun - although that should be fine too when I do 19/20 hours alone with him every day!

I've texted my husband to say I'm glad he's having a good day and I didn't want to say before but my day's been tough and I'd really appreciate being able to do some KIT hours.

 

[kayefeluu20]

What's wrong with men? I'm relatively lucky with mine but the majority of them need to realise we're not in 1955 and parenting should be as close to a 50% split as possible. Dicks.

 

[WeepingCassandra]

My stupid brain is being overtly stupid today so as a duck you to it I have eaten 10 vegan party sausage rolls an hour before I would normally have lunch. duck you brain.

We're going to a local National Trust property later this afternoon for a nice stroll with some NCT friends and I can't wait. The house is basically tidy, I just need to hoover through. Dishwasher and washing machine on. Kitchen counters are clean and baby is napping. The sun is shining and I've got my stuff ready for the gym later so it's all good. I'm really hopeful the weather holds until the weekend so I can get in the garden tomorrow and Friday and really start to weed, sow and sort out the veg!

 

[CallMeHollywood]

Feeling a bit broken right now - absolutely exhausted from multiple bad nights of being up for hours with him, and he's really busy and active at the moment so just needed him to nap so I could breathe and rest a bit. Finally got him to sleep on me but then my mum left a voicemail and texted to say she'd left a message which made me worry it was something bad about my dad. Listened to the voicemail on lowest volume which I've done before with a napping baby on me but baby bandit immediately sprung awake and is now excited and active again, and won't go back to sleep I literally got a 30 second rest, it was like that scene in Father Ted where Ted turns the light back on and Dougal gets up thinking he's slept all night

Sounds rubbish, I’m so sorry. Glad to hear your pop is getting there though give up on the nap for 30 minutes. Go outside and both of you have some fresh air, then start again.
---

My stupid brain is being overtly stupid today so as a duck you to it I have eaten 10 vegan party sausage rolls an hour before I would normally have lunch. duck you brain.

We're going to a local National Trust property later this afternoon for a nice stroll with some NCT friends and I can't wait. The house is basically tidy, I just need to hoover through. Dishwasher and washing machine on. Kitchen counters are clean and baby is napping. The sun is shining and I've got my stuff ready for the gym later so it's all good. I'm really hopeful the weather holds until the weekend so I can get in the garden tomorrow and Friday and really start to weed, sow and sort out the veg!

Yes! Love a “duck you” sausage roll. Ten is even better sounds like a marvellous day - love those!
---
I’m realising how little baby Wood naps during the day

 

[themuffinwoman]

Sorry, I meant to say - my dad's fine and awaiting tests to decide when he can be discharged thank you for the suggestions! Bless him, he must have known I was struggling because he happily played alone on his mat while I finished my coffee and then played in his cot while I got dressed. Trying to focus on the positives to cheer me up - I used a new deodorant for the first time and the scent was so lovely I said "Ooooh that's nice" out loud I hope you got to enjoy your coffee!
---


Nap wake-ups when you're in the middle of a TV show or haven't finished your hot drink yet are the worst he's very hit and miss in the car at the moment because he's too bleeping nosy on another day I'd definitely try it but today I need to pop out quickly with him to grab a couple of essentials and then am hoping to do some KIT hours from half 2 as there's an online meeting I can join. Speaking of which, me doing the meeting depends on my husband getting home from work in time - he's just texted to say he's having a good day so is currently "happy" for me to do the meeting. So apparently it's not just about timings, it's about whether he's decided he's in a good enough mood to look after baby rather than having a rest when he gets in. I wish I had the option to opt out of childcare if I decided I wasn't in the mood, wouldn't that be nice I often say to him "are you happy to do xyz so I can do this" and he'll say "I'm not happy but I'll do it" which is so passive aggressive and unhelpful. The other day he offered to help with something so I thanked him, then said "ooh could you do me a favour please" and he said "I already am". I said "THIS is why I struggle to ask for help" and got tearful and he apologised and backtracked but bleeping hell - it shouldn't be this hard should it?!

Seems I've caught some of that hormonal rage others expressed earlier

That gives me the rage. I’m sorry. Men are rubbish and when you’re feeling down the last thing you want is someone saying tit like that.

My friend was sending me a voicenote complaining about her husband and he walked in on her

—-

I feel so awful for MM. She moved onto chewing a pen and I saw her mouth was bleeding her gum on the other side is sore and bulging so looks like she might have 4 bottom teeth in a row and 0 top?? Tried to get her to nap on me but she dozed and woke up screaming. Final settling in session today for her, not a good day when she just wants cuddles

 

[WeepingCassandra]

Thank you he's so good with him and sometimes he'll see how exhausted/fragile I am and send me away for a rest which is so nice, but if he's tired or miserable he tends to focus on himself and acts like me needing to hand over childcare is an inconvenience/selfish - I rarely do anything nice with that time alone, usually it's basic needs like sleeping or showering, or washing/preparing food, so it's not like I'm chucking baby at him to go have fun - although that should be fine too when I do 19/20 hours alone with him every day!

I've texted my husband to say I'm glad he's having a good day and I didn't want to say before but my day's been tough and I'd really appreciate being able to do some KIT hours.

I think some men are just blindsided by the idea that they might have to sacrifice their work for their kid, whereas it's normal for Mums. (I do wonder how same sex relationships work in this sense). Mine is wonderful in many ways but couldn't get his head around looking after LO for a couple of hours when I wanted to do some KIT days and ended up calling his parents down to look after baby.

 

[fudgebox]

I think some men are just blindsided by the idea that they might have to sacrifice their work for their kid, whereas it's normal for Mums. (I do wonder how same sex relationships work in this sense). Mine is wonderful in many ways but couldn't get his head around looking after LO for a couple of hours when I wanted to do some KIT days and ended up calling his parents down to look after baby.

My friend is in a same sex relationship and they have a daughter, and her partner does all the housework, is the breadwinner, and they both take it in turns getting up with their daughter!!!

 

[opintionatedperson]

My friend is in a same sex relationship and they have a daughter, and her partner does all the housework, is the breadwinner, and they both take it in turns getting up with their daughter!!!

Sometimes you'd think it be easier to be with another woman
My husband wanted an award for taking care of baby at weekend during a wedding I was in the wedding party and accused me of not spending time with baby. I was pumping as much as I could and also doing my duty,, it's one day he has to do it solo and I Stoll was the one cleaning his vomit when he projectile vommited

 

[Tifastrife]

TF is so funny bless her, she found a packet of those veggie straws on the side, brought them over to me and hit them a bit like “I want these!” It’s 8am girlie but sure, cos you’re so cute you can have one 🫣
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I really wish I could be more you on some occasions have you seen the video of the mum, dad and baby in bed? The dad is really snoring and the baby is like “absolutely not” and goes over and slaps the dad then goes back to the mum?!

Omg yes so funny! Normally I try tolerate it cos I feel bad kicking him out the bed but last night it was just continuous , was kicking him and it wouldn’t stop so I was like no you need to leave!
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I did this the other day. Told the hubby just how annoying it is being last all the time. I told him I expect to be second to baby, but that he needs to put my needs ahead of his sometimes.
Well done for waking him & kicking him out instead of just going into the spare room yourself!

I’m sick of it too. He’s on lates this week so rather than be like hey I’ll get up with baby so you can catch up on sleep, he feels he’s entitled to sleep in as late as he can before starting work. Even just one morning would be so appreciated but apparently that’s unreasonable because he has to go to work
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Feeling a bit broken right now - absolutely exhausted from multiple bad nights of being up for hours with him, and he's really busy and active at the moment so just needed him to nap so I could breathe and rest a bit. Finally got him to sleep on me but then my mum left a voicemail and texted to say she'd left a message which made me worry it was something bad about my dad. Listened to the voicemail on lowest volume which I've done before with a napping baby on me but baby bandit immediately sprung awake and is now excited and active again, and won't go back to sleep I literally got a 30 second rest, it was like that scene in Father Ted where Ted turns the light back on and Dougal gets up thinking he's slept all night

I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time. Will Mr Bandit take over later so you can get yourself a rest? I hope your dad is ok! ETA: sorry just caught up I hope you get your KIT hours!

 

[themuffinwoman]

Just dropping MM off (she’s asleep so god knows what she’l be like when I take her in) for her last settling in session but sounds like many of our partners are rubbish. I’ve got a few nights away from home with work and he told me “sorry I can’t do that, I can’t look after her overnight alone, I’ve never been with kids much”. Well BUDDY, you have 9 Nieces and nephews you spent tons of time with whilst MM is the first baby I’ve spent time with since my sister wars born 30 years ago. He’s said he’s still happy to take her once a week during the day whilst I work and pick and drop at nursery if needed which is good but I just felt really alone? Why is sorting out childcare always my bloody problem? Everything is my problem, he says I’ve got an attitude and it’s like yep when I’m the breadwinner, primary caregiver, taxi, dog owner, appointment setter, cleaner, gardener, cook, clothes washer, tidier, plumber (???) and general handyperson who doesn’t have time to brush my hair you bloody bet I have an attitude.

 

[fudgebox]

I’ve told my husband he better get up with the baby on Mother’s Day and bring me breakfast in bed!!

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Just dropping MM off (she’s asleep so god knows what she’l be like when I take her in) for her last settling in session but sounds like many of our partners are rubbish. I’ve got a few nights away from home with work and he told me “sorry I can’t do that, I can’t look after her overnight alone, I’ve never been with kids much”. Well BUDDY, you have 9 Nieces and nephews you spent tons of time with whilst MM is the first baby I’ve spent time with since my sister wars born 30 years ago. He’s said he’s still happy to take her once a week during the day whilst I work and pick and drop at nursery if needed which is good but I just felt really alone? Why is sorting out childcare always my bloody problem? Everything is my problem, he says I’ve got an attitude and it’s like yep when I’m the breadwinner, primary caregiver, taxi, dog owner, appointment setter, cleaner, gardener, cook, clothes washer, tidier, plumber (???) and general handyperson who doesn’t have time to brush my hair you bloody bet I have an attitude.

Sorry but why is he acting like he’s doing you a favour to look after his own child?

these bleeping men!

Would your work pay for an overnight nanny?

 

[Hotel_breakfast]

So sorry so many of you are having KW problems I think we are the generation of women brought up being told we can have it all, yet the men weren't brought up being told what they need to do to help us have it all. So we are expected to go to uni, get a well paying job but also have kids and do all the work that goes alongside that as if we don't need help.

Mr Breakfast is good, I really think being in lockdown with our eldest helped him be more hands on and realise what my days were actually like. He even said he feels bad this time round like he doesn't spend as much time with baby breakfast because he's in the office now and he misses her. I don't know if it helps but he was brought up by a single mum with 4 kids and she made them very independent through necessity, but also his dad had them every weekend by himself so he saw his dad be more hands on than my dad ever was. My mum even said my dad would never do bedtime when I was little because he didn't have the patience and she's amazed how much Mr Breakfast does. (Edited to add - Just realised this sounds like a brag but it annoys me when dads get praise for doing the bare minimum of parenting that us mums do all the time and get taken for granted! You never hear a mum being called a 'hands on mum')

 

[wishiniwasskinny]

I’m lucky that Mr Skinny is very good and hands on with baby. He works shifts so right now I’m the one providing most baby care in the day and night but on his days off he’s more than willing to have her alone and encourages me to go out for a walk or to the gym or to meet a friend, alone.
However, his level of obsession with the baby is somewhat frustrating as it means he’s lost all ability to do anything else around the house! He just has her in his arms 24/7