New baby / post birth advice

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HoneyBee29

Hbirdette said:
Hmm maybe I’m overthinking it a bit then plus his”routine” he’s in at the minute is bound to change by tomorrow judging on how unpredictable babies are
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I don’t really have a routine tbh, she only has a bedtime routine but I don’t put pressure on myself either to have one everyday as they are so unpredictable, I just go with the flow and whatever happens that day happens
 
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Hbirdette

HoneyBee29 said:
I don’t really have a routine tbh, she only has a bedtime routine but I don’t put pressure on myself either to have one everyday as they are so unpredictable, I just go with the flow and whatever happens that day happens
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Yeah I know what you mean, I think I’m just unsure what to do with him when he’s asleep at 5pm, if he’s tired, he’s tired! I’ve just fed him again, he woke up a bit but I read a book to him and he’s pretty much asleep again now. I’m hiding upstairs so I can avoid making dinner and putting the washing on.
Does anyone else feel like a bloody housekeeper at the minute? I know my husband is at work all day but he’s become allergic to lifting a finger at the moment
 
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littlepup

As said here before, don’t fixate on quantity, your body will make what baby needs on the quantity you have. A smaller amount will just be more calorie/nutrient dense than a larger amount and if baby was starving they’d be sure to let you know!
If you’d start topping up when you don’t need to, you can negatively affect your own supply. I was also in this position and it’s so hard to have confidence when their weight gain/loss hasn’t been ideal but baby would 100% be telling you if you needed more.

re bonding with baby - I went to Tesco the day I brought her home, off to the doctors, we left her with my mum a number of times in the first month even, no bothers. I felt horrendous when I wasn’t too bothered by her first jabs to be told by other mums they bawled because their baby cried but to me it’s a medical necessity. I see Infliences saying ‘I can’t imagine life before/without you’ - I can, it was fun, doesn’t mean I don’t prefer my life now. None of it means I’m not bonded or don’t love her, I adore her, would give my life for her but I don’t need to hold her hand 24/7 for that to be true and a bond is developed by shared experience, we shouldn’t expect it straight away but it will only get stronger.
I actually think it can be unhealthy to create too much dependancy - my life shouldn’t hinge on only her, yes my world revolves around her but I didn’t cease to be the person I was when she entered the world.

@Hairraiser I’m so sorry you had such a bad time. While not nearly as bad as yours I had a shitty pregnancy and birth experience too and have found many women with similar experiences which makes me think, what’s to say a second time would be what you’d imagined. I think far, far more women have a difficult time than is discussed. Even with a second perfect experience you would still have had this first awful one and I suspect it would impact the next with the additional anxiety so another pregnancy still won’t be perfect. My personal feeling is that you would be best to continue pursuing help in recovering mentally from this experience before trying for a second time because with this experience in the background you can’t move forward peacefully.
Obviously this is the opinion of a random on the internet who has just a few lines to go on so apologies of it’s unwarranted or offends, I don’t mean to x
 
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moimoi

I really understand with the traumatic birth, I had a horrific birth (allergic reaction to epidural, baby in distress and had to have an emergency crash section under general anaesthetic too and they cut his bloody face and he’s gonna have two scars on his cheek!) I only had to wait 4 hours after the birth before I held him which I can’t even remember as I was totally out of it so not as bad as your 48 hours but that was bad enough. I’m the opposite as you though, I won’t ever have another child as I can’t bear the thought of going through something like that again.

My time in hospital and the first two weeks were an absolutely horrific emotional mess, I still have terrible flashbacks. I was referred to the perinatal mental health nurse and she visited a couple of times which which was so helpful to talk through. I’ve also been referred to talking therapies but I think I’m going to leave it as I just want to move on but you should 100% reach out to someone or any resources you have available near you to talk through it. I don’t know where you are but I’m in London and I’ve been given info for so many CBT/talking therapies/counselling groups in my area, I’ve lost track of them!

Great job on reaching out to Birth Reflections, I’ve got a debrief in a few weeks too and put in a formal complaint through PALS.
 
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Definitelyme

@Hbirdette i think when wee ones under 6 months are sleepy, just pop them to sleep and see how they get on. As you said yourself, the routine will change over the next while anyway, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself to have naps at certain times. Let him sleep when he is tired and you won’t go too far wrong. 5pm is a tricky one, my wee one would start getting tired then too, so he sleeps then, and he is woken a bit around 7 when we get the bigger ones ready for bed, but doesn’t stay awake long (maybe half an hour) before he’s out for the night. (Not Sttn I hasten to add!)

Definitely get i. Touch with your HV or go to a baby clinic and get him weighed. How is he progressing on his centiles? As long as he isn’t dropping down too many he should be just perfect if he’s falling asleep during feeds maybe more frequent, smaller feeds?

I am so sorry to hear about the hell you went through. I can’t even begin to imagine how traumatic that was for you, and your oh as well. Brilliant to hear you are actively seeking out ways to navigate your feelings around the birth trauma, and that there is help available.
 
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moimoi

Omg, that’s bloody horrific, so unacceptable and complete negligence!! I would 100% make a formal complaint. They should be bending over backwards for you to make sure you get answers, they eventually did with me as I think they were scared about being sued!

I had the hospital investigate too, and had a patient safety midwife contact me, she set up a call with her and a senior obstetrician. She got me to send a list of all questions I had and they answered them one by one on a video call. Are you going to get anything like that? Their excuse was that it was a rush to get him out and there’s a 3% risk of cutting the baby in all csections, and my waters had been broke for over 24 hours so there was no protection there. They seemed to have access to my notes.

Not too sure what the debrief is going to involve and how it’s going to be different to the video call. I’m also going to hear back from another team within 40 days about my formal complaint, but that was more complaining about the horrible midwives and post natal aftercare I received in the hospital.
 
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Icbaaaa

My daughter had her first set of immunisations this morning but I'm not sure what to dress her in now we're home? I don't want her getting too hot in a vest & sleepsuit or blanket or too cold in just a vest. It's quite clammy here today and she's had her paracetamol. Am I best just keeping an eye on her temperature and if she gets too hot take the sleepsuit off?
 
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Hbirdette

Yep just keep an eye on her! I kept my baby’s legs bare when he had his first jabs incase they were sore when I put leggings on etc but he wasn’t phased. I think as long as you’ve given her calpol that should keep a temperature at bay if she was going to develop one at all. Hope you’re both ok! I found it so emotional!
 
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WhatABore

I kept her in just her sleepsuit and kept a check on her temperature
 
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Definitelyme

Also had just a sleepsuit on my baby after his. The 8 and 16 week injections (I’m assuming the men B portion) always cause excessive screaming in my babies after about 6 hrs. Just be prepared in case!!
 
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Hbirdette

Mega paranoid about pp hair loss and I keep finding hairs on my baby’s clothes hoping it’s cause I’ve not washed my hair for a few days. I’ve not got thick hair as it is!
 
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mg89

That' what we did, we just took her temp and if too hot took off a layer. It was feb here when he had his 8 week ones so we had him in a sleepsuit and vest and he was fine.

Definitelyme said:
Also had just a sleepsuit on my baby after his. The 8 and 16 week injections (I’m assuming the men B portion) always cause excessive screaming in my babies after about 6 hrs. Just be prepared in case!!
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Same as us! A bit hot a few hours after and then insane screaming from about 6hours onwards. I was pretty shocked at how much he screamed!!
 
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HoneyBee29

Mine
My little girl was just in a sleepsuit, and just used a thermometer to check her temperature every so often, we are told here to give them 1 dose of calpol after the injections then another 3 hrs later, then another just to keep any temperature down
 
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Definitelyme

My eldest son screamed like a wild banshee for what felt like seventy hours he cried all the time anyway, but the younger two also did it so much be a “thing”. They didn’t do men b when my eldest had it so I was somewhat shocked when it happened
 
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mg89

Hahaha! The nights after both of those jabs were awful for us, I co-slept to try and comfort him but he would just wake up screaming or whimpering. Felt so bad for him! We had the constsnt crying at that age too, it's relentless. We now have a constant moaning noise and whining, needing to be moved and given something new to play with about every 45 seconds.
 

Icbaaaa

Thank yous! I've been checking her temp and she's fine thankfully, she's had her second dose of calpol and just been so sleepy so giving her lots of cuddles!
 
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Kit123

Hbirdette said:
Mega paranoid about pp hair loss and I keep finding hairs on my baby’s clothes hoping it’s cause I’ve not washed my hair for a few days. I’ve not got thick hair as it is!
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My hair loss was AWFUL. Didn't help that we was in the midst of the longest lockdown. As soon as I got my hair cut it improved massively and it doesn't come out as bad. This was til about 7 months mind!
 
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HeyLetsGo

Omg we’ve got 8 week jabs tomorrow I’m dreading it now! I can’t remember my first being particularly bothered by it? But maybe I’ve forgotten
 
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Definitelyme

HeyLetsGo said:
Omg we’ve got 8 week jabs tomorrow I’m dreading it now! I can’t remember my first being particularly bothered by it? But maybe I’ve forgotten
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Selective memory depends how old your eldest is, as my eldest didn’t have the men b, I think it’s the trouble maker. Hopefully your baby won’t be bothered either

I really must make our 12 week appointment. I’m shocking at remembering and they have a one way system in the doctors so I couldn’t go back to reception at 8 weeks to make it
 

Squiggle

HeyLetsGo said:
Omg we’ve got 8 week jabs tomorrow I’m dreading it now! I can’t remember my first being particularly bothered by it? But maybe I’ve forgotten
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Mine had his last weds and he really cried. Once it was over he was so chilled. Didn't bother him whatsoever. I was so worried! Fingers crossed you have the same experience! I gave calpol and hour before we went and then made sure 5 hours later I did another lot.
 
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