New baby and post birth advice #58 Where have all the dummies gone?!

[Hinchhater1442]

I’m sort of looking forward to going back to work. I like the idea of routine and having a ‘reason’ to get us up and dressed in the morning. I don’t have a career as such, I don’t love my job, but anything I earn is sort of ‘fun’ money so it’s nice to know I’m paying toward days out/holidays, etc..
I also work from home and my job isn’t very hard, so I’m hoping I can use my time to catch up on house bits so once he’s home I can concentrate on him a bit more. I’m only planning to return 3 days a week though

 

[loveanatter]

I'm so torn about going back to work or not Baby F is only 4 months but I started to look at childminders with the view of going back to work 2 days a week. We are very fortunate that money wise I don't have to go back to work, obviously need to watch what we spend but we'll be ok.

If you didn't 'have' to go back to work would you?! We already do lots of group so the social aspect I'm fine with and when I started to think about leaving her I didn't want to, which I also understand is normal.

Sorry for the waffle, baby F is going to be our only child and just want to soak it all up but will I also regret not going for my own sanity?

So I’ve always been in this position. First 2 times I went back, not sure I really wanted to but I’d worked really hard to build my career and so did. I guess I was scared of losing my hard work.
This time I haven’t, because we would have had 2 at nursery (we knew this when we planned the 3rd) and I haven’t.
I think it’s a hard one either way and so follow your heart but I’m really happy to have had more time at home x

 

[Ro98]

Baby Ro is so much worse with his cough to the point of nearly vomiting and I feel like an awful mum after declining a dr check up yesterday as he was so perky, eating & drinking fine
This morning can’t drink without coughing and taking deep breaths in after a coughing fit. Will get him looked at today but feel like the worst mum in the world hearing him cry and cough so much today.

 

[easyliketuesdayafternoon]

I'm so torn about going back to work or not Baby F is only 4 months but I started to look at childminders with the view of going back to work 2 days a week. We are very fortunate that money wise I don't have to go back to work, obviously need to watch what we spend but we'll be ok.

If you didn't 'have' to go back to work would you?! We already do lots of group so the social aspect I'm fine with and when I started to think about leaving her I didn't want to, which I also understand is normal.

Sorry for the waffle, baby F is going to be our only child and just want to soak it all up but will I also regret not going for my own sanity?

I don't have this as an option as it would be too tight on just my OHs wages but, even if I did, I think I'd still want to go back. I'd definitely take longer than what I'm currently doing (at least a year) but I've worked really hard to get into my current industry and position within that industry. As much as I might have added "mum" to my descriptors, it hasn't replaced anything.

I'm going back full time in June when he's 6 months but toying with the idea of getting my head down for a couple of years to bank what I can then maybe taking a year off with him - when we can better afford it and he will maybe remember the time.

 

[Fearne]

Thank you for all of the advice about going back to work. It's not that I won't go back at all, but maybe not until she is about 2 or 3.

I dont want to go back and miss so much but then also don't want to be all consumed by being mum. Can't win.

I do have the option of doing some event work so think I'll do that for some adult conversation and then think about my 'proper' job in a few years.


Maybe too personal but if you don't work, how do you manage money? We have a personal account each and a joint account. Unsure how is most effective to managing it, especially in terrms of if I need anything.

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

Baby Ro is so much worse with his cough to the point of nearly vomiting and I feel like an awful mum after declining a dr check up yesterday as he was so perky, eating & drinking fine
This morning can’t drink without coughing and taking deep breaths in after a coughing fit. Will get him looked at today but feel like the worst mum in the world hearing him cry and cough so much today.

You're not a bad mum at all, if he seemed ok yesterday then you weren't to know he'd get worse again! You're doing everything you can, and hopefully the doctor who sees him today can help him feel better
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Thank you for all of the advice about going back to work. It's not that I won't go back at all, but maybe not until she is about 2 or 3.

I dont want to go back and miss so much but then also don't want to be all consumed by being mum. Can't win.

I do have the option of doing some event work so think I'll do that for some adult conversation and then think about my 'proper' job in a few years.


Maybe too personal but if you don't work, how do you manage money? We have a personal account each and a joint account. Unsure how is most effective to managing it, especially in terrms of if I need anything.

It's not quite the same but I got statutory maternity pay therefore a few months ago I stopped getting any money at all (been off a year now) - my husband and I have separate accounts and I just keep an eye on my account and let him know when it's getting low and he tops it up to make sure I can afford to pay the mortgage/have enough money to buy things etc. We've always classed our money as shared regardless of who earned it but I know everyone does things differently. I'd imagine maybe having the working parent transferring money regularly via direct debit and then topping up as needed would probably work best. It's hard at first asking for money when you're used to managing your own finances and you feel a bit ashamed to have to ask though!

 

[Nosysamsie]

1 year jabs today anyone have any tips?

 

[Ro98]

Thank you for all of the advice about going back to work. It's not that I won't go back at all, but maybe not until she is about 2 or 3.

I dont want to go back and miss so much but then also don't want to be all consumed by being mum. Can't win.

I do have the option of doing some event work so think I'll do that for some adult conversation and then think about my 'proper' job in a few years.


Maybe too personal but if you don't work, how do you manage money? We have a personal account each and a joint account. Unsure how is most effective to managing it, especially in terrms of if I need anything.

We still have both our personal accounts, me and my OH get the same ‘spending money’ each into it for whatever we want to buy for ourselves that month or save it for something (I put some aside like I would when I worked for a hair appointment every 4months) then spend the rest on whatever I want. The rest of his pay goes on bills and into our joint account & joint savings.
So the joint account we use for food shopping, parking, if we need anything that’s health related (essentials like toothbrush heads not a new mascara which I’d buy from my money).
Joint savings we put towards gifts for people, holidays, house things etc.
I never have to “ask” him for money. At payday it’s just given to both of us and an equal amount.
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You're not a bad mum at all, if he seemed ok yesterday then you weren't to know he'd get worse again! You're doing everything you can, and hopefully the doctor who sees him today can help him feel better
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Thank you Poor mite has a chest infection so hopefully the antibiotics help him

 

[anything at all]

1 year jabs today anyone have any tips?

from what I remember other than him absolutely screaming the place down.. he was mostly fine in the days afterwards.
We went in overprepared, we took milk, dummy’s and a couple of small favourite toys nothing did calm him at first though but we tried my partner ended up carrying him most of the way home because there was no putting him back in the pram

Us on the other hand pretty sure we picked up covid from the drs surgery as hadn’t been anywhere else in days!

Hope it goes okay!

 

[NoName789]

1 year jabs today anyone have any tips?

Cuddles and Calpol. We were fine right after but some of the side effects don’t appear until about day 10

 

[Chewycinema]

1 year jabs today anyone have any tips?

Lots of cuddles! Calpol if needed. Don't worry too much if she gets a rash in a couple of weeks cos that's usually when the side effects from measles in the mmr pops up!

 

[anonymous_flower]

If I didn't have to go back I probably wouldn't have done. Though if I hadn't, we'd have managed, but I didn't want to just manage. I want to be able to eat out, and go on holiday, and treat ourselves sometimes, and my wage enables us to do that.

However, I don't have a career, I have a job. I enjoy it in general, but it's not particularly taxing, and I don't really have any ambitions to work my way up anywhere. 3 days a week I get up, go to work, then come home. No big responsibilities, just a job. I never had any big career aspirations, my biggest wish in life has always been to be a Mum.

I'm very happy with this arrangement, and it works for us. But I do wonder if I'd worked hard to get to a particular position in a particular career, if I would have felt differently about going back?

I feel like I could have written this, it's exactly my set up
I had to go back to work but I'm glad I do now. Gives me space to be myself, not just 'mom' can have adult conversations and I always have a warm lunch!

 

[justonemorepage]

I have to go back to work financially, and I want to for routine and my own MH but I'm very apprehensive about leaving my baby in the care of others. She'll be in daycare 3 days and with my parents 2 days, and it's not that I don't trust them but I feel I know what's best for her day to day, she responds to me the best for things like naps etc. I'm also going to miss her terribly but I do need to be my own person outside of being her mother. I think once I'm a few weeks in it will get easier. Dreading it at the moment though because I've pretty much been with her 24/7.

 

[Hotel_breakfast]

I've just gone back to work, I do 4 days a week and it's been fine. It's my 4th week now and I've felt a bit down this week because baby breakfast has been poorly so not napping well in nursery. She's well enough to be in nursery but when she's sleeping on her back she's coughing so wakes herself up. So she's been going to bed really early too and I felt like I barely got to see her. She's just started clapping this week too, changing so quickly. She's started earlier than my eldest cos I couldn't afford to take the 3 months unpaid this time cos y'know, cost of living crisis... But on the whole, I am enjoying being back in work, having grown up conversations and remembering that I am actually good at other things! I know baby breakfast will settle down and we'll get into a nice routine but the illnesses are brutal in the first 6 months of nursery.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

I feel like I could have written this, it's exactly my set up
I had to go back to work but I'm glad I do now. Gives me space to be myself, not just 'mom' can have adult conversations and I always have a warm lunch!

See, I enjoy my current position because while there's the opportunity for the adult conversation, a lot of it is working alone, and I love the chance to not use my brain and just do something easy that I don't need to think about too much.

The not having to share lunch with a tiny person is definitely a bonus lol

 

[Nosysamsie]

Yayyy jabs done. Tears after the second, but done with by the time we left the nurses room. Happy little girl playing as she normally does now. Thanks goodness thats done with now until preschool ones

 

[WotsitG1]

I feel like the absolute worst this evening. Our boilers died… it’s located at the back of a large cupboard which one a very small person can get too (not me). I’m on my own today and tonight. So I got baby wotsit a heater for his room. Done bath and getting him dressed… he likes to protest pyjamas going on usually has alittle crawl round…. It was a split second he’s got to the heater I thought I’d blocked off and put his hands where the heat comes from….screams like Iv never heard. I panic and just chuck pyjamas on him ready to whizz to a&e but he calmed down and I can see no sign of redness or burns.. Iv put him to bed and really hoping it was just shock. I felt it myself as as it’s only on low it wasn’t actually very hot to touch so hoping was just shock! I feel awful, absolutely awful and worrying he’s gonna wake up with burns but I checked and chekced and can see nothing

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

I feel like the absolute worst this evening. Our boilers died… it’s located at the back of a large cupboard which one a very small person can get too (not me). I’m on my own today and tonight. So I got baby wotsit a heater for his room. Done bath and getting him dressed… he likes to protest pyjamas going on usually has alittle crawl round…. It was a split second he’s got to the heater I thought I’d blocked off and put his hands where the heat comes from….screams like Iv never heard. I panic and just chuck pyjamas on him ready to whizz to a&e but he calmed down and I can see no sign of redness or burns.. Iv put him to bed and really hoping it was just shock. I felt it myself as as it’s only on low it wasn’t actually very hot to touch so hoping was just shock! I feel awful, absolutely awful and worrying he’s gonna wake up with burns but I checked and chekced and can see nothing

Don't feel bad, you thought he was safe and it sounds like he was just reacting out of shock rather than pain - keep an eye on his hands but if they weren't red and he calmed right down it sounds like he just surprised himself by touching something unexpected and got upset because he was tired

 

[Jellycat369]

A View attachment 2891006
Does this just look like a dribble rash to anyone who knows about these things? Started a couple of days ago but it's gradually spreading and getting redder and I'm a little bit worried. He's not scratching it or anything and he's been a bit out of sorts anyway with teething and sleep regression so hard to tell if it's bothering him

My son has something similar and the HV said it's likely to be hormonal (he's 5 weeks). I'm not convinced as it's spread and seems to come and go too. Having trouble getting hold of our GP, thinking it might be related to an allergy and will need to switch his prescription formula

 

[Spencerskates]

The back to work conversations just prove that there’s no right or wrong and you’ll find what works best for you and your family!

For me, I think I’d feel happier about working if I didn’t resent my job and the way I was treated through my pregnancy and maternity so much. But like another poster said, I have no real career aspirations and my goal in life has always been to be a Mum, and that feels stronger after a TTC struggle and difficult pregnancy.