New baby and post birth advice #49 IT WAS JUST A NORMAL SIZE SH*T

[Pontiac_Bandit]

Im at wits end... baby wotsit last week has become more and more difficult to take a bottle to the point he now refuses... even attempt to he just sceams... hes literallt had nothing this morning. I dread trying to feed him, feel like i cant go out. Feel at breaking point

I'm sorry is he taking dummies ok? Could you try a different size/shape teat to see if he'll take that, or maybe give him Calpol 30 minutes before you intend to feed him to calm him down/get rid of any teething pain?

 

[Very traditional]

Hi all, does anyone have any recommendations for high chairs? Ideally I want something that will last a few years so height adjustable, with a removable tray, that’s easy to keep clean. Thanks so much!

 

[NoName789]

Does anyone have a wearable breast pump that doesn’t cost £300? (Elvie, tommee tippee, Medela)

I saw someone on here rates the Momcozy one, does anyone have a Fraupow or a Pipetta?
I have a Medela swing but starting to think for a couple of pumps during my day a wearable one would be more efficient for me.

I used the pipetta dual one for about 5 months until I stopped completely. For the price it did the job I needed! I didn’t get on with the medela swing and couldn’t justify the cost for the Elvie as I wasn’t sure how long I would stick with it.

 

[imtakingabath]

Does anyone have a wearable breast pump that doesn’t cost £300? (Elvie, tommee tippee, Medela)

I saw someone on here rates the Momcozy one, does anyone have a Fraupow or a Pipetta?
I have a Medela swing but starting to think for a couple of pumps during my day a wearable one would be more efficient for me.

I also used a Fraupow, was pumping every 3 hours for 3 months and had a pretty good supply while I kept that going. Could never get baby to latch so eventually weaned off. My only complaint was that sometimes I didn’t realise it wasn’t on properly so would get to the end of the pumping session on one side and would have barely any milk and had to do another 30 mins, so try and get a feel for when it’s attached correctly and getting good suction.

 

[Nosysamsie]

don’t know if I should be posting this here or the rant thread, and appreciate these are first world problems…

We’re visiting some nurseries next month, and although mini muffin is only going once a week from next year, it really really bums me out. I’m so career driven, aggressively so, and thought I would wanna go back after 6 months but honestly I don’t want to go back to work in April. My OH’s response was “get pregnant again”, followed by a rant about how we should move countries to give our kids a better life. He talks tit a lot of the time but it really really upset me. I feel alone as it is, and I couldn’t imagine not being near my parents and them Involved in mini muffin’s life. We also said we’ll move next year as we need a bigger house really, which I’m excited about so mini muffin can have more space, but Mr Muffin says it’s not a priority, and it honestly feels like I’m the only one putting her first.
Doesn’t help my period is due, mini muffin still sleeps relatively well but bloody rolls in her sleep then panics WHILST STILL ASLEEP, so I spent an hour from 4am flipping her. Sorry I know these are all sort of nothing problems but I just had to get it all off my chest.

I completely get this. I went to look at nurseries the other week ready for January & I cried that night. I just don't want to leave my little girl & go to work. I've always been career driven, I'm proud of my career choice, but the thought of missing days of my little girls life are breaking me.
I keep telling myself she'll make friends, have new experiences, socialise & it'll do her good. My sister works in a nursery & keeps telling me the same thing too.
As for the OH, they're just KW. They don't get it & never will. I don't think they realise how lonely maternity leave can be & how much having people we know close by can help. Just ignore his stupidity (it's what I have to do with mine most days).

 

[loveanatter]

I completely get this. I went to look at nurseries the other week ready for January & I cried that night. I just don't want to leave my little girl & go to work. I've always been career driven, I'm proud of my career choice, but the thought of missing days of my little girls life are breaking me.
I keep telling myself she'll make friends, have new experiences, socialise & it'll do her good. My sister works in a nursery & keeps telling me the same thing too.
As for the OH, they're just KW. They don't get it & never will. I don't think they realise how lonely maternity leave can be & how much having people we know close by can help. Just ignore his stupidity (it's what I have to do with mine most days).

Honestly it’s really hard at first. But then you get to work and remember what being you is like plus eating lunch (I ate mine whilst still working but even then!) without someone pinching something and a hot drink that’s still hot and it’s refreshing.
The feeling of being excited to see them when you go to pick them up is really special
It’s hard when they’re poorly (as they often are when starting nursery) and you’re still getting your head around your job/juggling who is going to look after them etc. But on the whole, nursery is so good for them xx

 

[LilyRose1234]

Honestly it’s really hard at first. But then you get to work and remember what being you is like plus eating lunch (I ate mine whilst still working but even then!) without someone pinching something and a hot drink that’s still hot and it’s refreshing.
The feeling of being excited to see them when you go to pick them up is really special
It’s hard when they’re poorly (as they often are when starting nursery) and you’re still getting your head around your job/juggling who is going to look after them etc. But on the whole, nursery is so good for them xx

Agree 10000% with this! Plus the benefit for me is that I was relatively newly qualified into a competitive industry when I went on mat leave, even taking only 6-7 months off has put me at a disadvantage to those I qualified with (albeit it’ll probably even out when they have babies etc!) but if I took a few years off I don’t think I’d actually get back into it, I’d be replaced by the new grads with their work experience etc.
Plus, I don’t have a choice, bills need to be paid (even if I did choose nothing wrong with that either!) but I focus on that which stops me feeling guilty!

 

[loveanatter]

Agree 10000% with this! Plus the benefit for me is that I was relatively newly qualified into a competitive industry when I went on mat leave, even taking only 6-7 months off has put me at a disadvantage to those I qualified with (albeit it’ll probably even out when they have babies etc!) but if I took a few years off I don’t think I’d actually get back into it, I’d be replaced by the new grads with their work experience etc.
Plus, I don’t have a choice, bills need to be paid (even if I did choose nothing wrong with that either!) but I focus on that which stops me feeling guilty!

Absolutely! I’m not going back this time because it’s baby number 3 but I always think that from a young age you’re teaching them the value of working for what you have x

 

[LilyRose1234]

Absolutely! I’m not going back this time because it’s baby number 3 but I always think that from a young age you’re teaching them the value of working for what you have x

Don’t get me wrong, if I could afford not to I’d definitely love to take more time off or go part time, but we are so conditioned into thinking we have to feel guilty for everything - guilty if we work, guilty if we stay at home. I refuse to be made feel guilty about something I have no choice about!

 

[themuffinwoman]

I completely get this. I went to look at nurseries the other week ready for January & I cried that night. I just don't want to leave my little girl & go to work. I've always been career driven, I'm proud of my career choice, but the thought of missing days of my little girls life are breaking me.
I keep telling myself she'll make friends, have new experiences, socialise & it'll do her good. My sister works in a nursery & keeps telling me the same thing too.
As for the OH, they're just KW. They don't get it & never will. I don't think they realise how lonely maternity leave can be & how much having people we know close by can help. Just ignore his stupidity (it's what I have to do with mine most days).

Thank you, I really needed to hear this I don’t have anyone in real life to talk about this stuff with, I confided in a friend and she said she really enjoys working and will always work with her kids, which is obvs good as it’s what she wants but it really hammered home how much of a u turn I’ve done and how I want to be a SAHM. Even typing that makes me feel ashamed for some weird reason because I’ve never ever been like that. I’m so sorry you were upset after the nursery visit, one thing that they all seem to do (I think) is they log almost their every movement on apps and post photos which should hopefully help

 

[LilyRose1234]

Thank you, I really needed to hear this I don’t have anyone in real life to talk about this stuff with, I confided in a friend and she said she really enjoys working and will always work with her kids, which is obvs good as it’s what she wants but it really hammered home how much of a u turn I’ve done and how I want to be a SAHM. Even typing that makes me feel ashamed for some weird reason because I’ve never ever been like that. I’m so sorry you were upset after the nursery visit, one thing that they all seem to do (I think) is they log almost their every movement on apps and post photos which should hopefully help

I don’t think you need to feel ashamed for wanting to stay at home. It seems to be very very common for even women who were excited to go back to work to want to stay with their babies. Also not uncommon to look forward to going back to work (because topics like this always seem to cause offence to someone haha), but we’re all different and wanting to go to work or stay at home, even if it’s a total 180, is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! If staying off isn’t feasible for you though, just remember that mini muffin will probably love nursery and thrive, and it likely won’t be as bad as you’re worried about xx

 

[themuffinwoman]

Don’t get me wrong, if I could afford not to I’d definitely love to take more time off or go part time, but we are so conditioned into thinking we have to feel guilty for everything - guilty if we work, guilty if we stay at home. I refuse to be made feel guilty about something I have no choice about!

Basically this. I’m sure if I stayed home I would feel guilty but I feel guilty having to work. Like someone above said, hopefully she’ll see me as a positive role model and that it’s normal. I think some of the problem is that being a “working mum” is still almost novel for millennials/gen x because a lot of us grew up with the traditional family setup.


I’ve just looked at if I used my holiday to go part time and if I used some of it from mat leave year plus some of next year I can work 3 days a week till October, which makes me feel slightly better.

I don’t even leave her with her dad/my parents for more than a few hours because then I feel like I’m missing out on this precious time

 

[Ro98]

Im at wits end... baby wotsit last week has become more and more difficult to take a bottle to the point he now refuses... even attempt to he just sceams... hes literallt had nothing this morning. I dread trying to feed him, feel like i cant go out. Feel at breaking point

We had this a few weeks ago and still have it now *at times. I bought a bottle aversion book & followed her recommendation / rule for feeding. It meant he drank 1/2 of his usual for a few days but then he got back on track and stopped screaming and refusing feeds. It’s SO tough!! I wanted to cry every feed time as I dreaded it so much. Sending love x

*ETA- I also give him Nelsons teething granules morning & night before those feeds so he starts the day/ends the day with 2 proper bottles and offer a teething toy from the fridge 30mins before a feed now and that helps as I found teething pain made feeding impossible. Worth a go?

 

[themuffinwoman]

I don’t think you need to feel ashamed for wanting to stay at home. It seems to be very very common for even women who were excited to go back to work to want to stay with their babies. Also not uncommon to look forward to going back to work (because topics like this always seem to cause offence to someone haha), but we’re all different and wanting to go to work or stay at home, even if it’s a total 180, is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! If staying off isn’t feasible for you though, just remember that mini muffin will probably love nursery and thrive, and it likely won’t be as bad as you’re worried about xx

Absolutely, completely agree with everything you said, and nothing wrong at all with wanting to go back to work. Like I said, I thought I would be like that, I’ve just really surprised myself. Thank you xx

 

[LilyRose1234]

Absolutely, completely agree with everything you said, and nothing wrong at all with wanting to go back to work. Like I said, I thought I would be like that, I’ve just really surprised myself. Thank you xx

It’s weird how babies make you second guess things you thought you knew you wanted! It seems to be a very controversial topic but the bottom line is we can’t win whatever we do, so might as well do your best to do what’ll make you happy

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

Basically this. I’m sure if I stayed home I would feel guilty but I feel guilty having to work. Like someone above said, hopefully she’ll see me as a positive role model and that it’s normal. I think some of the problem is that being a “working mum” is still almost novel for millennials/gen x because a lot of us grew up with the traditional family setup.


I’ve just looked at if I used my holiday to go part time and if I used some of it from mat leave year plus some of next year I can work 3 days a week till October, which makes me feel slightly better.

I don’t even leave her with her dad/my parents for more than a few hours because then I feel like I’m missing out on this precious time

You definitely don't need to be ashamed for changing your mind and struggling with the thought of something that you were looking forward to previously! We all grow and change, and having a baby is the biggest change of all!! It definitely makes you reassess what's important and how you want to do things, and I think it's natural to potentially have less enthusiasm/motivation for a job that you were once completely dedicated to when your baby is now your focus! I love my job despite how stressful it is, because it gives me purpose and feels like I'm doing something important because I'm indirectly helping vulnerable people, and me and my husband were originally planning to do shared parental leave with him taking over at some point between 6 and 9 months - baby is only 15 weeks but I'm already struggling with the thought of going back and am sort of hoping my husband decides he'd rather continue working!! The good thing is that children socialising and exploring the world at nursery is really positive for them, which helps soften the blow about needing to return to work if you can't afford not to or decide you want to continue working

 

[themuffinwoman]

Hi all, does anyone have any recommendations for high chairs? Ideally I want something that will last a few years so height adjustable, with a removable tray, that’s easy to keep clean. Thanks so much!

I use the chico polly magic, I think you can get a version that lasts till they’re 12 and turns into a chair, but it’s super adjustable and you can take the tray off and store it on the back.
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You definitely don't need to be ashamed for changing your mind and struggling with the thought of something that you were looking forward to previously! We all grow and change, and having a baby is the biggest change of all!! It definitely makes you reassess what's important and how you want to do things, and I think it's natural to potentially have less enthusiasm/motivation for a job that you were once completely dedicated to when your baby is now your focus! I love my job despite how stressful it is, because it gives me purpose and feels like I'm doing something important because I'm indirectly helping vulnerable people, and me and my husband were originally planning to do shared parental leave with him taking over at some point between 6 and 9 months - baby is only 15 weeks but I'm already struggling with the thought of going back and am sort of hoping my husband decides he'd rather continue working!! The good thing is that children socialising and exploring the world at nursery is really positive for them, which helps soften the blow about needing to return to work if you can't afford not to or decide you want to continue working

Your job sounds really rewarding you’re right, also it’s so cliche but literally it’s so overwhelming having a baby it takes a bit of time to realise and just think ok life is not what it was! Would you stay on mat leave if your husband said he would keep working?
I’m sure nursery will be great for her, she’s such a happy and interested little girl, I’m just an anxious person and couldn’t imagine not being with her. And now very bitter that she will have to go to school and be away from me 5 days a week (obvs she legally has to go haha).

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

I use the chico polly magic, I think you can get a version that lasts till they’re 12 and turns into a chair, but it’s super adjustable and you can take the tray off and store it on the back.
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Your job sounds really rewarding you’re right, also it’s so cliche but literally it’s so overwhelming having a baby it takes a bit of time to realise and just think ok life is not what it was! Would you stay on mat leave if your husband said he would keep working?
I’m sure nursery will be great for her, she’s such a happy and interested little girl, I’m just an anxious person and couldn’t imagine not being with her. And now very bitter that she will have to go to school and be away from me 5 days a week (obvs she legally has to go haha).

It's incredibly rewarding but it's also ruined me physically and psychologically over the past few years I thought I'd struggle not to think about it when I went on maternity leave, but I did an alarmingly thorough handover for my cover and then shut my laptop and haven't looked back! We planned to take the whole year of leave in some way, so I'm hoping that'll still be the case and one of us can be off until next April - we don't really have any childcare options through family due to distance/health so it'd probably be cheaper to use the whole year than pay for childcare, and then I'll probably return to work after that - I work from home the majority of the time so I'm hoping that'll help me adjust, although maybe I'll decide I don't want to go back at all...I really have no idea at the moment!

Could you maybe practice spending gradually longer chunks of time away from mini muffin to help you adjust when the time comes? Things like going for coffee with a friend, going to the hairdresser etc, things that are nice for you and you can return refreshed and excited to see her? Currently the thought of baby spending some time at nursery and eventually school is quite appealing, but maybe that's because he's been crying a LOT the past 24 hours and having a break to sit alone, quietly for a bit sounds like heaven right now

 

[WotsitG1]

We had this a few weeks ago and still have it now *at times. I bought a bottle aversion book & followed her recommendation / rule for feeding. It meant he drank 1/2 of his usual for a few days but then he got back on track and stopped screaming and refusing feeds. It’s SO tough!! I wanted to cry every feed time as I dreaded it so much. Sending love x

*ETA- I also give him Nelsons teething granules morning & night before those feeds so he starts the day/ends the day with 2 proper bottles and offer a teething toy from the fridge 30mins before a feed now and that helps as I found teething pain made feeding impossible. Worth a go?

Which book was it? Weirdly he will always take last bottle of night and ovetnight feed fine.
Iv tried doing alittle feed, stop and play for 5 mins or change nappy and make sure hes happy and go back but as soon as i pick him up it starts again.
I felt awful yesterday as i felt my patience going.
Also to say hes poop habits have changed alot and it seems to been since then its got worse... he was going a few times a day but now its every few and he spending the days he doesnt go really straining and seems uncomfatble. So i wondered if he was linking that feeling to feeding too

 

[Tifastrife]

All the talk about going back to work etc… I really don’t want to go back. Unfortunately I have to for a minimum three months but I’m really considering leaving after that. I work in childcare and the thought of looking after other people’s children while paying for a nursery to look after my child feels so redundant. I think I need a career change lol