New baby and post birth advice #41 Trigger warning: Soup

[onlyheretoorbit]

I haven’t ever given it much thought tbh, but I guess depends on the situation. So if the house can accommodate everyone and the couple are happy to live in it with each other as co-parents I think that would be the ideal. If that can’t happen and custody is split in favour of one parent (so they get majority time) that parent should remain in the family home, no matter if it’s mum or dad. And if it’s 50/50 custody then I haven’t a clue

Controversial perhaps, but I don’t see how 50/50 custody can be good for the kids, constantly going between 2 homes and never having one constant ‘base’ but maybe some make it work.

During some of our darker moments, I’ve often wondered this about me and KW. We’d either have to live together as room mates or baby would stay with me.

 

[Jellybean093]

Tbf I went in with an extensive list so I must have looked potty, I didn’t give her tomato or citrus based foods before nursery either due to her reflux, coupled alongside the undiagnosed intolerances they must have thought I was absolutely bonkers.

Re living situations I think you’re right as children stay in the home with main carer, which is usually mums.

When I worked in a nursery we never questioned anything about allergies. It’s really not on that has happened, no matter how big your list was you know your child better than anyone!

I haven’t ever given it much thought tbh, but I guess depends on the situation. So if the house can accommodate everyone and the couple are happy to live in it with each other as co-parents I think that would be the ideal. If that can’t happen and custody is split in favour of one parent (so they get majority time) that parent should remain in the family home, no matter if it’s mum or dad. And if it’s 50/50 custody then I haven’t a clue

Hmm… it’s complicated and I don’t want to give too much away just in case I get found out Mr B moved out when he split up with the ex, my brother did, another male friend did. They all go back to mummys house
I think me and a friend nearly came to blows over it, because she believes he should be there (both on the mortgage) but until you’re in that situation or have been in that situation , you can’t answer. I know I wouldn’t want Mr B here and as lovely as 50/50 sounds, it would never happen, especially as the childcare would always falls down on me

 

[Definitelyme]

When I worked in a nursery we never questioned anything about allergies. It’s really not on that has happened, no matter how big your list was you know your child better than anyone!



Hmm… it’s complicated and I don’t want to give too much away just in case I get found out Mr B moved out when he split up with the ex, my brother did, another male friend did. They all go back to mummys house
I think me and a friend nearly came to blows over it, because she believes he should be there (both on the mortgage) but until you’re in that situation or have been in that situation , you can’t answer. I know I wouldn’t want Mr B here and as lovely as 50/50 sounds, it would never happen, especially as the childcare would always falls down on me

Well - in my thoughts - if he has to live elsewhere and pay rent or mortgage there, then he shouldn’t be expected to pay the mortgage where she is also living, that wouldn’t be fair at all. And if she then can’t afford it on her it would be a case of moving to somewhere she can afford.

I honestly dont think there is any right answer, I think everything is dependent on that exact situation, and no two families are the same, so it’s kinda impossible to say!

 

[Jellybean093]

Well - in my thoughts - if he has to live elsewhere and pay rent or mortgage there, then he shouldn’t be expected to pay the mortgage where she is also living, that wouldn’t be fair at all. And if she then can’t afford it on her it would be a case of moving to somewhere she can afford.

I honestly dont think there is any right answer, I think everything is dependent on that exact situation, and no two families are the same, so it’s kinda impossible to say!

There’s things in place re a move, but not just yet which makes things awkward. God, I never want to split from Mr B

 

[Definitelyme]

There’s things in place re a move, but not just yet which makes things awkward. God, I never want to split from Mr B

MrMe and I always say we actually just couldn’t be arsed, we’d just have to stay together because we are too lazy to ever split up and sort this sorta stuff out

 

[Jellybean093]

MrMe and I always say we actually just couldn’t be arsed, we’d just have to stay together because we are too lazy to ever split up and sort this sorta stuff out

I’ve always said to him that I’ve been a single parent before, and I can do it again, but I forget I had 1 child then. I now have 4

 

[sodit]

I only like looking at wonder weeks etc for helping me feel proud of the micro milestones he’s reached - the rolling, sitting, clapping etc stick out, but there’s loads of small things they achieve too also gives me a nudge with the ones he’s probably on the cusp of to make sure he’s getting exposure to the tools or setting to achieve it.
-100 pom poms to my dad and MIL though, fed up with them both. The baby can’t walk. He is 13.5 months old so there is nothing at all surprising or concerning about this. Especially given that for about 8 weeks he’s been taking independent steps here and there, standing up from the ground unassisted occasionally etc. So he’s well on the way.
But whenever either of them around him it’s constant. Trying to coax him to walk. Trying to reassure me that “it won’t be long yet”. Walking this, walking that. Telling him when he asks for something that he can have it if he walks over for it. Brings the red mist down honestly
I have absolutely 0 concerns about my son following his own development trajectory. If it ever seemed like he’d benefit from additional support I’d do my research and try a few things/involve professionals if necessary. Not have a couple of out of touch grandparents harping on at him all the time absolute pet peeve at the best of times when people talk about children’s issues and perceived deficiencies in front of them, but people trying to do it about MY son!?

Re the who should move out thing - in our sitch Mr SI can totally be the one to move along.

Although realistically in the medium term it would probs be exactly as it is now - him sleeping in the spare room, except out of actual choice rather than because of it being the least worst way for the three of us to get some shut eye.
And in the long term, it’s down to finances. But that’s the final straw for lots of couples, so presumably not something easy to agree with an ex about.

 

[Megatron1298]

It should not be allowed to get clucky for another baby when your baby is only 4 months old. Someone slap me. (For context my sister just had a baby and I am not coping lol)

 

[Borntorun]

I still find this so awful that they wanted to give her foods because there Wasn’t proof. You wouldn’t give a vegetarian meat!


I’m going to go a bit off tangent , so please scroll by if you’re not interested
What are peoples options on couple with children splitting up and living situations? I’ve always believed if you split up, the man should live somewhere else, not in the same house, as mum normally gets custody, and who wants to uproot kids? This may be because I went through my parents divorce and my dad moved out straight away.
This isn’t me and Mr B by the way friends of ours. I don’t want to cause any rows snoop. Just seeing other peoples POV

I’ve always thought what would be best for children would be the birdnesting approach. So you’d buy a second small property. The children stay in the original home. The parents are the ones who move between spending time with the children in the main home or living alone in the smaller property, and the parents rotate based on their own custody pattern. That way the children have a stable base, their lives are minimally disrupted and they get to spend time with both parents, but the parents themselves don’t have to continue living together. I think you’d have to be a very mature person to make this work though

 

[WhatABore]

I still find this so awful that they wanted to give her foods because there Wasn’t proof. You wouldn’t give a vegetarian meat!


I’m going to go a bit off tangent , so please scroll by if you’re not interested
What are peoples options on couple with children splitting up and living situations? I’ve always believed if you split up, the man should live somewhere else, not in the same house, as mum normally gets custody, and who wants to uproot kids? This may be because I went through my parents divorce and my dad moved out straight away.
This isn’t me and Mr B by the way friends of ours. I don’t want to cause any rows snoop. Just seeing other peoples POV

I think it totally depends.
If a couple split, and one we're to go to court straight away, custody would be split 50/50 from the get go.
Custody only tends to go in favour of the mother these days as by the time the Dad goes to court, he's the one to have moved out and the kids are already staying with just Mum so the court don't want to switch that up.

I do think it's situational though. In our case, if we were to split, he would be the one to move out. 1. Because he can stay with his Mum. And 2. Because my Step Dad actually owns our house.

My friend however, her partners parents own the house and only her partners name is on the house despite them being together for 10+ years. So she would be the one to move out.

It's very situational I guess.

 

[onlyheretoorbit]

Oh good lord I am unwell. I’ve had that horrible dry cough and no voice since Thursday but last night I think I saw every hour ‍ every time I started to drift off I’d start coughing and I think it’s starting to turn chesty 🫠
Days like this I regret living so far away from family

 

[Daisydunn15]

It should not be allowed to get clucky for another baby when your baby is only 4 months old. Someone slap me. (For context my sister just had a baby and I am not coping lol)

I thought id be like this, my friend has a fresh newborn and he's lovely but I found it so odd that he was just laying on me without trying to climb into my tshirt, pulling my hair or dragging me by the lip cos that's all I get now. I got a bit bored when I was holding him loved holding mine all day but I've had my fill thank god

 

[Definitelyme]

@Borntorun have you managed to get your pump working?

 

[Borntorun]

@Borntorun have you managed to get your pump working?

No! I’ve returned it. Currently at work for a kit day again and hoping my boobs don’t explode before I get home at 3…

 

[cupcake_face]

what are everyone’s opinions on ‘leaps’

the baby’s been screaming loads today not himself at all so I downloaded that wonder weeks app and he’s entered a leap today. I remembered it with my first but half of me thought this is bollocks coz she was hard work anyway

ETA this was all while KW was in the boozer

Pre-baby I thought they were an absolute load of shite. However, I did download the app out of curiosity when Baby Cupcake turned into a demon at about 5 weeks and when I checked it said he was in his first leap. I don’t follow ii as in countdown to when the next leap will supposedly start, but I have found it’s been pretty accurate in terms of offering a bit of a possible explanation as to why baby’s behaviour or sleep etc has changed if I can’t attribute it to teeth or illness. I do think a lot of the skills it says they should be practising during each leap are a load of rubbish too so I don’t take too much notice of those.

 

[Hushpuppy]

I still find this so awful that they wanted to give her foods because there Wasn’t proof. You wouldn’t give a vegetarian meat!


I’m going to go a bit off tangent , so please scroll by if you’re not interested
What are peoples options on couple with children splitting up and living situations? I’ve always believed if you split up, the man should live somewhere else, not in the same house, as mum normally gets custody, and who wants to uproot kids? This may be because I went through my parents divorce and my dad moved out straight away.
This isn’t me and Mr B by the way friends of ours. I don’t want to cause any rows snoop. Just seeing other peoples POV

I think the mum should stay in the house with the child, if it's doable. I would expect to do this if it happened to me as he has family nearby he could quickly move in with, and I don't, whilst sorting out another property etc. But I would also then sell that house and move 3 hours away to be near my family so I have a support network near by me, because all I have around here is his family, so I really think it depends on the situation of the couple.

ETA: It all sounds like far too much agg though, just the thought alone, so I definitely wouldn't want to go through it.

 

[WhatABore]

Partner is in a crappy mood with me because I took a leaf out of his book and refused to get up

He was off yesterday and today with it being new years and Bank Holiday (plus he'll be going back to bed later ready for work tonight) .
I got up all last week with Everleigh even after her waking up for 3 or 4 hours straight most nights.
I took him fishing yesterday, took all the kids to mums, went and picked him up, took him home, back to mums. Then out in the evening because he wanted kfc (I just wanted to go to bed)
So he had all day to himself playing xbox too.
Kids are back at school tomorrow so if I were to have a lay in, today would be my only chance.
So I simply refused to get up and made him get up with her.
I mean, she didn't wake until 5 to 6 anyway as she was awake for a few hours around 11 again.
But boo boo, he didn't go to bed until 2.30 because he was playing xbox.
So he's annoyed he's had to get up

When he left the bedroom, I said "Thank you, love you"
He replied with "Yeah."
Which annoys me so much

 

[Definitelyme]

Partner is in a crappy mood with me because I took a leaf out of his book and refused to get up

He was off yesterday and today with it being new years and Bank Holiday (plus he'll be going back to bed later ready for work tonight) .
I got up all last week with Everleigh even after her waking up for 3 or 4 hours straight most nights.
I took him fishing yesterday, took all the kids to mums, went and picked him up, took him home, back to mums. Then out in the evening because he wanted kfc (I just wanted to go to bed)
So he had all day to himself playing xbox too.
Kids are back at school tomorrow so if I were to have a lay in, today would be my only chance.
So I simply refused to get up and made him get up with her.
I mean, she didn't wake until 5 to 6 anyway as she was awake for a few hours around 11 again.
But boo boo, he didn't go to bed until 2.30 because he was playing xbox.
So he's annoyed he's had to get up

When he left the bedroom, I said "Thank you, love you"
He replied with "Yeah."
Which annoys me so much

Good woman!! You are just right, MrBore doesn’t know how good he has it!

 

[Rxt156]

Does anyone have tips for moving the baby into their own room. He’s 10 months old now and I’ve found that actually disturbing by being a loud sleeper and tossing and turning aggressively in the night . He’s been in his own room for a few days but it’s not really going well. Can he sense I’m not in the room any more? I’ve also moved the cot to the lowest setting now rather than the middle one so he doesn’t climb out in the night. He wakes up as soon as i put him down‍. Last night i was up 12-1.45am trying to get him back to sleep‍

 

[jackolantern]

It should not be allowed to get clucky for another baby when your baby is only 4 months old. Someone slap me. (For context my sister just had a baby and I am not coping lol)

From now on I've designated myself resident KEEP YA KNICKERS ON shouter when any of you hussies gets the brood on, so hey, it's me, your friendly

KEEP YA KNICKERS ON

bestie x

Who knew a pumpkin could be a form of contraception ay?