New baby and post birth advice #28 being a mum is the best present I could have ever wished for

[sodit]

I am so desperately broody. I’m still so angry and upset about little lad’s newborn days going by in a blur of nicu and feeding issues, that I just want a chance to properly enjoy it. I know a new baby isn’t a do over, but knowing more now I know I’d be able to advocate for us better.
Mr SI is increasingly anxious about the finances though and thinks we shouldn’t have another. (Me, the one who actually does our finances, thinks we will make it work somehow).
Cycle isn’t back yet though so unlikely to need deciding on soon. And I need to gee myself up for another pregnancy, first and third tris I was so sick. Dunno how I will cope being alone with little lad and needing to feed him/do nappies when Mr SI used to have to eat simple stuff like a sandwich in another room.

And on the Mr SI front - he’s gone back to work today after a month off he’s got two days off next week then that’s it until October half term, gutted. I was kinda looking forward to having him out from underfoot and getting a routine back, but no groups or anything are back to normal until September and mum is having an op soon and having a month off to recover, so there will be a requirement for me to pitch in there while she can’t drive.
Not feeling great today either, so was going to treat myself to the baby having an emergency Cheerio+blueberry low clean up breakfast but while I was in the shower Mr SI nipped down and cooked the baby a big breakfast as a back to work send off. He never does this? But he chose today? Then left before the eating and cleaning

 

[LittleBluebird]

We took our first trip to the city center today! All of these little outings help me to feel more confident for when OH leaves and I’m on my own with a 7 week old and my aging dad when he visits.

I think I’m nervous because she eats on demand and doesn’t “demand” until she’s over hungry and then starts crying a lot. Then I need to find somewhere to feed her that’s not smack dab in the middle of a city street or on a bus etc. We did feed in car park today so that was a new adventure. Only a few people saw my breasts .

I also feel like such a fraud when I say “gave birth”. I always put it in air quotes because I feel like to give birth one must labor and push. What kind of ducked up internalized misogynistic thinking is that? Am I being silly for thinking this? OH says yes. (I don’t want to cause any offense to others who’ve had sections, this is my own messed up thinking)

 

[bepobee]

After finding the birth and first few weeks of having baby boy really difficult I was insistent that he would be an only child. Now I'm finding myself feel pangs of envy / broody when I see pregnancy announcements. Oh dear!!

 

[LilyRose1234]

No, no! Not at all, your post wasn’t aggressive. The oh DUH was meant for me not you. More like silly me, why didn’t I think of that. So now I need to apologize for sounding condescending.

I think we’ve found the politest little corner of the internet

 

[Buddy161]

Hi everyone, haven’t been able to keep up with these threads lately but need to vent. I had the whiniest baby today nothing I could do was working she is getting her front teeth and she fought sleep all day and I got frustrated earlier now I didn’t shout or anything at her but I just said oh please go asleep and now I’m convinced she hates me the guilt is actually eating me alive. I tried so hard to have a baby and I feel so ungrateful

 

[jackolantern]

KW swanned off on an impromptu afternoon at the pub so I'm left here with both kids. Baby elf has refused to nap since 11 so he is MISERABLE. Trying to sort out some food for the 5yo one handed as he won't let me put him down. 5yo demanding all sorts, everytime I come out the kitchen shes asking for a drink, some sauce or whatever and I'm straight back in. Baby elf has definitely eaten cat food today everytime I blink hes at the bloody bowl! Now attempting to run a bath for the kids with a screaming overtired baby hanging off me.

KW just messaged to say hes "having a blinder" so staying out I'm mean ffs I haven't seen anybody accept my kids for months but okay mate carry on drink up get another round in dont worry about me

The bin is too good for him, put him in a silage tank x

P.s. In the sun

 

[LilyRose1234]

It isn't selfish at all. Not even one bit. Lets be brutally honest here, noone on earth would wish for a child with any sort of difficulties, physical or mental - because life is already bloody hard enough! That doesn't mean you don't love the bones off T2 or that you aren't an amazing mum. You very clearly are. It's human to feel that way and so fucking brave to admit it. You've all been dealt a shitty fucking hand and it isn't fair and anyone who expects you to feel otherwise is in denial and frankly, a cunt. I challenge anyone to walk in your shoes and not feel the same. Despite all this, you constantly do your best and show up for that little girl which is more selflessness and love than many folk can muster in a whole lifetime! Nevermind with other babes and a partner who works away from home. You are an absolute fucking superstar. Don't ever forget it and don't ever feel guilty for the hard times. Resent as much as you need to and vent as much as you can. That little girl knows how much you love her, none of this changes that.

I knew you could do funny, but this got me right in the feels!
But you’ve said it perfectly, @I’mThankyou_ you’re an absolute trooper and there’s no shame in admitting that you don’t find it easy, in fact it’s hugely courageous. No advice at all just know that we’re all here to support you

 

[LittleBluebird]

LittleBluebird is 1 month Sunday and I’m already broody! I LOVED being pregnant & I am loving love the NB stage. My pregnancy was an absolute breeze save for a few minor complications, like GD.

However we’ve agreed on 1 kid due to KWs job & my chronic insomnia + MH. He’s gone for 2+ months at a time and it’ll be a lot for me to work FT, deal with my mental health, & care for 2 kids alone.

I’m also 35 & had a c section and OB said wait 2 years.

We’ll see how I feel then, but right now— wouldn’t be angry if I got pregnant again.

 

[Crazycatlady18]

Maybe the women should be called the lions from now on & the men can be the lionesses

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you! Well, I'm atleast one of those things

View attachment 1470824

Happy birthday chum! Can’t wait to hear what surprises Tommy has in store for you on your special day

I actually just snorted at this.
Lord above!
You've probably got more chance of that in England at the moment

I mean obvs we have had our fair share of trouble here over the years but you’d think we lived in an active war zone the way they get on. Also we live in the country, a million miles from everywhere. More likely to get rammed by a cow than bombed, even at the height of the troubles

 

[I’mThankyou_]

For heavens sake shes on my FYP again.
If I'm having nightmares about her, the rest of you are.

Love you all xox

 

[Hushpuppy]

How on earth do I have a one year old next week?How the f has that happened?

I can't believe we both survived, if I'm honest!

Hope you're all well ladies x

 

[wakametango 2.0]

i honestly give up with this child’s sleep, I just cannot any more fighting naps, bedtime, still waking up one million times at night!

I think she is about to drop to 1 nap some days. Those who have gone through this, what age were they? Baby b is 11.5 months, I thought we had a bit longer on 2…

I caved in and bought just chill mamas sleep course. Do you want me to outline the routine? Baby waka responded to it first day and sleeps up to 2 hours at mid day and 11.5 hours at night 7-6:30ish now
ETA she’s 11 months and 2 weeks!

 

[cupcake_face]

I’ve googled this and I can’t really find anything other than it might be self soothing but I don’t think it is in this case and it’s normal for toddlers but I don’t remember my eldest doing it.
When the baby gets upset, like I take his brothers crisps out of his reach, he gets on all fours and bangs his head on the floor while he cries is this normal? He’s 1 in 10 days

Yeah it’s absolutely normal, it’s often just their way of showing their frustration as they don’t have the language to express it yet. Are you able to distract him when he does it?

I’ve tested positive for Covid for the first time this morning and Baby Cupcake has the saddest sounding little cough so pretty sure he has it too may aswell just paint a red cross on our door at this point. Send help and/or wine ‍‍

 

[Borntorun]

Right ladies, at your recommendation I have brown noise on. I’m expecting miracles. See you all at 7am, yeah?

Fully expect to be awake at 11, 1, 2, 3, 5 as normal

 

[I’mThankyou_]

I saw this on Facebook, and straight away @jackolantern popped into my head....

 

[ThePidge]

Little pidge and the dog bake some decent logs, that’s the only baking that happens in this house

 

[fryingbrian]

Hope you’re all well ladies, just need to offload for a second. I’ve got the worst viral infection at the moment (not covid), my glands on my neck are so swollen I can barely speak or swallow having such a shit time of it. Had to wake my boyfriend up at 2 last night to speak to 111 for me as I couldn’t and bc I’m breastfeeding I’m so limited in what pain relief I can take. Pretty much everything says to avoid if breastfeeding it’s such a pain!!! Beb sleeps well on a nighttime but because I’m feeling so shit ive barely slept the last couple of days any pain relief ideas much appreciated

 

[Borntorun]

Nursery hours are such a nightmare. I’m already feeling guilty that I’ll be signing baby author up for the extra breakfast and teatime slots as otherwise there’s no way I can make it to and from work in time to make collection. From what I can tell as a first timer not yet using it (but signed up to start when I return to work) nothing about nursery childcare seems particularly user friendly - super expensive, inflexibility on drop off and pick up times and the slightest illness they are sent home (although appreciate that it’s important to try and stop bugs spreading on that last one, especially after covid, even if from what I hear the amount of bugs doing the rounds at nurseries/schools is insane even with the send home policy).

Our nursery are actually ok. I pay for 8-5:30 and can drop off or pick up any time in that window. They’ve only ever sent her home once when she fell off the climbing frame and had a head injury. Other than that, I’ve kept her home twice, once with chicken pox and once with D&V. They’ve never sent her home otherwise. I get sent two photos of her each week, and a report of what she’s eaten through the app. Shes 3 so does tell me what she’s been up to as well though. She mostly likes snitching on all the other kids and tells me who got in trouble each day

 

[Definitelyme]

What was even more hilarious was that she posted a Facebook status at 9pm on his birthday (after clearly just remembering!) wishing him happy birthday (because a 1 year old will truly appreciate that) BUT SPELT HIS NAME WRONG.

I just get upset because I think how can any one of his grandparents actually love them. They can’t. They’ve never met him. Or met him for 4 hours at 7 months old.

Other than that, toddler (!) moimoi is absolutely thriving and driving me mad running and crashing into everything. We’ve got our first proper scraped knee! We’ve been thinking about maybe putting him into nursery (£95 per day… London) for a couple days a week just to have bit of a break but I feel bad especially as I’m not working atm. We also need to be out of our place next month but dont have anywhere yet so trying not to break down I hope you and your brood (and everyone else!) are all ok.

I think if you have no help to ever get five minutes break, then utilising nursery is absolutely the way to go. My SIL lives nowhere near any grandparents and her eldest has gone to daycare for two days a week since he turned one, and she is a SAHM. She uses the time for stuff like the shopping that isn’t fun with kids, and to have the small break she doesn’t otherwise get.
£95 per day though
But I say go for it, don’t feel guilty. You are always a better mum when we’ll rested and in a good headspace x

Not as bad as some of you guys (there's some shocking behaviour mentioned on here!) but my parents are also shit grandparents.
They live a long way away and are obviously jealous of the fact that we live close to my in-laws but like put some effort in then?!
They visit maybe twice a year, and only in certain months of the year so we go for like at least 7-8 months without seeing them because of this. When they do visit they won't take the toddler or so anything with her without us being in the same room so they're no help. Like just play with her in the garden or walk along the street, it's not hard!

They are both retired and yet can't find time for a video call at a time that works for us, the only times they suggest are midday or 6-7pm which is lunchtime and dinnertime into bedtime and they're totally inflexible on that despite having nothing to do with their time.

Despite me telling them about a million times they don't change their top between smoking and trying to hold the baby so I have to take him off them and they get funny about it.

And my mum does the same as above crying down the phone that she never sees them and moaning if I haven't sent her any pictures for a few days.

Wow that was a rant! Doesn't help that I've had no sleep yet as for some reason baby is super unsettled and KW is being as helpful as a chocolate fireguard.

My in laws also live far away, both retired, can fly to New Zealand and stay with my SIL for two months, but can’t come to us for more than 3 days twice a year because they don’t like Northern Ireland Makes me so mad.