New baby and post birth advice #28 being a mum is the best present I could have ever wished for

[wakametango 2.0]

My birthday is coming up and I was kind of looking forward to being able to go out for a few hours, have a couple of drinks with some friends….

Just mentioned it to Mr Rita and he’s said he’s working that weekend now (he had originally booked it off as we were supposed to be going on honeymoon and I didn’t realise he’d cancelled his holidays). He said he’ll try and get one of the days off but I doubt he will be able to tbh.

I’m disappointed, but then I feel really guilty for being disappointed that I’m not able to have a few hours to myself and enjoy a few cocktails to celebrate my birthday. It just feels like his life hasn’t really changed at all, he still does all the things he did before, whereas mine is completely different. He goes out all the time doing stuff for himself and has time for all these hobbies and a social life. He just goes and does it, there’s no “is it okay if…” it’s just “I’m going here.” If I want to do something on my own I have to ask and book about 4 months in advance. Don’t get me wrong I love my new life and I love being a mum so much but it’s just made me feel a bit shit.

and now I feel guilty because this isn’t even a real problem compared to what some of you have I’m so sorry

It is a real problem though isn’t It because you feel your needs are being neglected and you’re not getting time to yourself as he is.. many of us feel the same. They do what they want free as a bird, without a second thought and we’re here asking for permission to meet our basic hygiene needs. I don’t have a solution as we still have the same ‘chats’ here but I’ve started cutting in front of him getting in the shower in the evening as it could make me scream when he sits down with an ice cream to relax and I’m still going, not ready to put my feet up.

 

[onlyheretoorbit]

Baby o has started doing this thing where she lies on her tummy but picks her bum up and rocks it up and down like she’s twerking except she’s currently lying on my chest doing it and it’s like being humped by a small hairless dog

 

[Crazycatlady18]

It’s been one hell of a week. The most crying ever. A week of 5.30am wake ups, she’s exhausted.
She’s napping and we’re at the 2hr mark and I usually cap them at 2hours. I’m thinking just let her catch up. She obviously needs it.

 

[Definitelyme]

Trying to figure out how you can dislike Northern Ireland...
I know like everywhere it has its downsides, but it's an absolutely beautiful country!

Because they are convinced they are going to be bombed or shot down in the street

 

[orange club biscuit]

She’s not even currently upset, just standing up in her cot shouting HEY DUGGEE at me

 

[Dipdab]

I think I’m broody then I go to my twin club and today met a woman with 4 year old twins and 2 year old twins and I’m like nah. I don’t wana take that risk 🫠

 

[Lulu Goss]

Put baby down for her 2pm nap. Mr G came in with me and watched her fling herself all over the place in her cot, chuck her dummy out 100 times, cry, roll around again - so I was like see, this is what I’m dealing with twice a day.

She did get herself into a bit of a state crying, and I normally when that happens I just shhh her and she does calm down and go to sleep. Today she cried for longer (because she was massively overtired and her teeth are bothering her). He went into KW mode and basically said he doesn’t think she should be going to sleep like that, she’s crying too much, it’s not normal (for a baby ) and she’s obviously distressed. I don’t know what else he expects me to do, he said “isn’t leaving her to cry it out dangerous” and I was like she’s not being left to cry it out, I’m sat next to her patting her. But equally she does need to nap, he doesn’t understand that she doesn’t just fall asleep like she used to and she’s (supposedly) in a routine that I want to try and stick to.

She has fallen asleep but now I feel bad. He’s not here every day, it’s me doing it all, but now I’m wondering if I am doing it wrong and she should just be able to be put down to nap without all the dramas

 

[Rxt156]

I’ve just been shit on

 

[Definitelyme]

Sorry I’ve missed the old thread!
@LongishCat I’m so so sorry to hear about your FIL! I’ve been thinking of you all. what a terrible time. Lots of love to the Longish cats!

@bottombanana thanks! How are you guys?
You summed up MIL perfectly. She’s not been too bad actually because she’s getting days in the week where she’s baby sitting so she’s backed off. Still makes the odd comment but nothing like it was.

two days til baby’s birthday and we have lots of nice things planned over the whole weekend which I’m looking forward to but with everything that happened with her birth and NICU stay also approaching a year ago gives me anxiety. I’ve spent the year just telling myself “she shouldn’t have been born till October” and I’m wondering at what point I just get over it.

Hope everyone’s ok! Worlds gone a bit crazy hasn’t it. So I’m probably going to have to start selling some organs to afford the nursery costs but that’s alright isn’t it.

Sure you can do with one kidney anyway right?

Not quite the same situation, but when my nephew was born (full term) he was very unwell, had to be helicoptered to a specialist hospital at 1 day old and had 3 operations over a few weeks. My SIL didn’t celebrate his first birthday as she said she couldn’t bring herself to as it was just reminding her of how horrendous the NICU stay and the whole situation had been. They had a day together as a family, and then they celebrated 6 weeks later - on the anniversary of when he came home from hospital and their “proper” family life began. I know that it’s different for everyone, but just to let you know others have felt similar about a first birthday approaching.

 

[onlyheretoorbit]

Bad mum moment - baby was on the sofa in one of those c shaped pillows sat up. Stood up to move my drink and she dived off and landed face first on the floor oh the crying! Real screaming hysterics for a good 10 mins. She’s okay now but she has got a little pink patch on her head where she hit it

 

[onlyheretoorbit]

I can’t remember if we discussed it here or in the pregnancy threads, but there’s that phenomenon that as soon as a man needs to be somewhere, he’ll start doing obscure jobs around the house instead.

Mr O has bought us a Dominos which needs to be collected. I’ve told him several times that I’m fecking starving and may eat the dog. He’s currently watering the garden.

 

[Definitelyme]

Went to the zoo today.
Everleigh spent the whole day trying to grab anyone's bag she could reach.
At one point, I pushed her up towards the window with the chimps, grab my 4yo so she can see, turn back around and Everleigh is undoing a woman's bag standing next to her and digging her hand in

She also wouldn't stop shouting at a little boy who had a Duggee Tshirt on. Poor kid looked terrified

The other week ToddlerMe walked up to a woman who was sitting on a low wall (we also were, so he toddled Off from us to her) and just lifted her mobile from her hands. I was MORTIFIED

Probably t.m.i , but I know how great this group is for advice....
I'm 4 weeks post section tomorrow... May have had a bit of a saucy moment with my husband a few days ago and felt fine... today (2 days later) I'm quite sore and light pink when I wipe and kinda hurts to finish my wee? I should have waited the 6 weeks but really fancied it ha ha

Actually unbelievably impressed that you found any time for a saucy moment! Go mama!
But yes, just be very careful. Even sometimes when you feel well after a section you can still be healing internally. The pink wouldn’t be such a big issue I don’t think, as many people bleed for weeks and weeks (my record is 9) after having a baby. They do say if it tails off then returns that you’ve been over doing it so just bare that in mind.

 

[Tea fairy]

How are you getting on?

We were doing well up until like day 3 or 4, now day 20 and we have have gone totally backwards!
They are chill by day, but literally by night there are each fussy from about 8pm until 6am and getting absolute zero sleep!
Not quite sure how to manage them at the moment... my husband has his own gardening business and obviously needs his sleep to go to work and earn, but then I get less than 2 hours from when he comes down at 3am until like 5-6am.

Not gonna lie, we are struggling ... we also have a really out of control 3.5 year old who was tricky before babies arrival but it's like this has made him snap and he has just lost the plot... so that has been really difficult.
We were given a TAF last week which I believe is a team around the family , but all takes time to get the ball rolling.

Sorry , way longer message than I'd intended!

 

[Definitelyme]

@Definitelyme ETA not to say ToddlerMe is pompous!!!! Just sharing how I got into a tug
Of war with a 4 year old

ToddlerMe is a jackass sometimes he bloody loves a phone, he walks around talking in to it for as long as he can get away with. Probably phoning childline complaining his boob supply was cut off after a mere seven hours of non-stop drinking…

 

[WhatABore]

My next door neighbours have their baby grandson staying with them who is around the same age. Obvs with it being hot and windows/doors open etc I keep hearing that baby and thinking it’s one of mine . The monitor in their room is even picking it up occasionally. So buzzing for guess which baby is crying throughout the night . (I’m sure they’re having the same issue with us).

We have this constantly.
Next door has 2 sets of twins. 2 year olds and 5 year olds. And crying is constant
Constantly thinking its one of mine

 

[wakametango 2.0]

Omg, can you give a bare bones outline? I literally cried the other night because I just don’t think she should be waking up 6/7 times at 13 months when she isn’t napping either

Wake between 6:30-7:00
Breakfast 7am
Milk/snack 8am
No nap before 9am.
Nap 9:00 if woke closer to 6:30 but try to get to 9:15-9:30. Wake no later than 10am. (This nap shortens until it’s gone)
Snack 10am
Lunch 11:45
If no morning nap, nap 12:15
Morning nap- nap at 12:30-12:45
Snack 2
Dinner 5
She says bath 6:15, milk 6:45 (I swap these two)
Bed 7pm

settling method is firm hand on chest to replicate hug and x3 ‘sssh’ & leave room. If unsettled set a timer and return at your set time (this can stay the same or extend, it’s what you feel comfortable with). If they wake at night, repeat settling method. All naps and bedtimes start with same routine, nappy, sleep bag, book then down (I have dummy and a cuddle. She has started to push me away now as she knows she’s ready to sleep). Yesterday she chilled in the cot for 25 mins by herself which she never does. She still wakes bang on 4am every night but goes back down with a kiss and dummy whereas before she would cry until she got in the bed, even if I rocked her and laid her down asleep. She had no ability to relax and was playing until 9pm each night.
I think that’s everything! It’s a 10-18 month routine

ETA being in the room can over stimulate some babies but there is also a suggested method of staying in and moving back a distance each time, think @Lulu Goss did this. Laying them down if they’re standing can turn into a game so if the timer went and she was standing I wanted until she was down again to resettle her.

(My own opinion) I kept the book the Same for the first few days for comfort so she knew what to expect. then I introduced a new one. I now have 3 on rotation in the bedroom and she can choose which one she wants and I know she’s getting older and will want some control over some things so this gives her some power back

 

[Definitelyme]

I think I’ve been a KW this evening. Mr Waka was greeted with a bag of wet washing to be hung up, yesterdays still outside, frozen pizzas & garlic bread out in the counter top, I put baby Waka to bed and said ‘I’m going for a shower’ (he usually goes first) he got the hint and I’m currently enjoying my oven pizza with my (clean) feet up

Not a KW at all! Just a mum who is saying "I do it all for everyone else each day, today I want five bloody minutes to just please myself, guilt free" Be more Waka I say!

 

[onlyheretoorbit]

We all apologise when we walk into tables don't we

I walked into a chair earlier and called it a cunt however a person could run me over with their car and I’d apologise

 

[WhatABore]

She’s not even currently upset, just standing up in her cot shouting HEY DUGGEE at me

Everleigh woke up last night and at 3am was singing 'row row row your boat' to herself.
Although she can only say row. So she just repeat sings the word row

 

[jackolantern]

It’s my 30th tomorrow and in typical fashion I’ve just started my first proper period since having Tommy, FML