New baby and post birth advice #28 being a mum is the best present I could have ever wished for

[Littleelf]

I am so sorry that things have been so tough, and that you have absolutely no support from KW. That is utterly disgraceful what he said, he should be ashamed to call himself a father
Have you looked in to CAHMS for your eldest? I don’t know much about them, but I do know they can give a lot of support to families of children with varying needs. I think you can ask GP or even maybe HV for a referral.
It all sounds so overwhelming for you, and I’m just so sorry you don’t have any help to ease the burden when you need it most.

Thank you ill take a look. To be honest I'm so overwhelmed with information, and the more I read the more I doubt myself and think maybe she doesn't have autism and I'm just jumping on something to explain why she's so badly behaved at times....but today she's been pretty much perfect and she usually is at school so im lost

Where is Mr Elf currently? Me and Tommy just want a chat...

oh ill let him know. He knows he's in trouble

 

[cj_ii]

*adds to birthday list along with climbing block thing even though we don't have the room*

It’s fab & comes in different colours.

 

[Crazycatlady18]

I think we have teeth!! I can feel a very sharp edge in her mouth! Probably explains why she’s been so unsettled and not sleeping well, along with her new routine.

 

[jackolantern]

We’ve started thinking about weaning and from the very little I’ve read I already bleeping hate it and it makes pumping forever look like paradise in comparison

All I know is he loves magnums, surely a full magnum diet provides all the needed nutrients right?

 

[LongishCat]

KW said to me today "this is your job now try to cope better". No I have a job that pays me a wage, these are OUR children and I'm struggling so get off your ass and HELP ME.

I'm sorry, what?!
What a dick! He's their dad, he's also responsible and he should pull his weight. I'll send my actual cat over to scratch open his face

Work has been kinda ok I guess. And Kitten has been doing great at daycare! The daycare lady said it was as if she hadn't been gone. She ate and slept well and is enjoying crawling around.
When I came to pick her up yesterday, she was laying on her tummy in the middle of the room, chomping on a wooden toy. When she spotted me, she threw the toy away, started giggling and screeching happily and then proceeded to crawl/bounce to me like a little seal It was so cute!

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

Thank you ill take a look. To be honest I'm so overwhelmed with information, and the more I read the more I doubt myself and think maybe she doesn't have autism and I'm just jumping on something to explain why she's so badly behaved at times....but today she's been pretty much perfect and she usually is at school so im lost




oh ill let him know. He knows he's in trouble

Could she potentially have ADHD if you’re thinking maybe not ASD? I remember you posting a while ago about your eldest and she sounds very similar to my eldest. ADHD runs in our families (both) and my 4yo behaves exactly as his dad did as a child (diagnosed ADHD at 5, which I think is quite early in comparison to these days!) Anyway, he has night terrors where he runs around like a demon, lots of meltdowns over seemingly minor things but is chilled as anything at nursery, masks massively but at home he’s like he’s a dream until he isn’t. Will throw things including trains at his brothers head () and will totally destroy my living room and anything in his path as if he’s on another planet and won’t be calmed down easily at all..doesn’t respond to discipline which is fine generally as he’s rarely “naughty” just extremely reactive (read as over-reactive). Following this he’ll be calm and say something so minor like “so what are we having for dinner” or “oh mummy…do you remember when…” as if nothings happened! It’s mad! I’ve never seen it in any of the kids I’ve worked with so we think he might be the same as his dad (confirmed by my MIL who feels “so sorry for me having to deal with this like she did” duck off woman ) but anyway sorry this is long, just was thinking about it after your post!

ps. Her behaviour if she is ADHD/ASD/anything really is totally not on you as a parent, some kids are just extremely highly strung and very much struggle to deal with big emotions even later than the “standard” age that everyone says of 2 or 3. I had a big old slap in the face when I realised 4 was definitely NOT as plain sailing as everyone had described (or do they just leave that bit out in the handbook….) also KW is a twit, he should be SUPPORTING you to cope better. Give him a smack from me.

Hugs xx

 

[miaaaa]

Hey gang, hope you're all ok. @Littleelf I have no words for your KW, but I wouldn't judge you for digging him a very shallow grave and considering putting him in it!! In all serious though, I hope you're ok!

My friend came over today and we took all 3 kids for a walk, kids were all arse holes (apart from baby, angel as always) once said walk came to an end she literally ran back to her car and sped off. I wish I was joking I am the best contraception she could ever have muwahah

 

[Littleelf]

Could she potentially have ADHD if you’re thinking maybe not ASD? I remember you posting a while ago about your eldest and she sounds very similar to my eldest. ADHD runs in our families (both) and my 4yo behaves exactly as his dad did as a child (diagnosed ADHD at 5, which I think is quite early in comparison to these days!) Anyway, he has night terrors where he runs around like a demon, lots of meltdowns over seemingly minor things but is chilled as anything at nursery, masks massively but at home he’s like he’s a dream until he isn’t. Will throw things including trains at his brothers head () and will totally destroy my living room and anything in his path as if he’s on another planet and won’t be calmed down easily at all..doesn’t respond to discipline which is fine generally as he’s rarely “naughty” just extremely reactive (read as over-reactive). Following this he’ll be calm and say something so minor like “so what are we having for dinner” or “oh mummy…do you remember when…” as if nothings happened! It’s mad! I’ve never seen it in any of the kids I’ve worked with so we think he might be the same as his dad (confirmed by my MIL who feels “so sorry for me having to deal with this like she did” duck off woman ) but anyway sorry this is long, just was thinking about it after your post!

ps. Her behaviour if she is ADHD/ASD/anything really is totally not on you as a parent, some kids are just extremely highly strung and very much struggle to deal with big emotions even later than the “standard” age that everyone says of 2 or 3. I had a big old slap in the face when I realised 4 was definitely NOT as plain sailing as everyone had described (or do they just leave that bit out in the handbook….) also KW is a twit, he should be SUPPORTING you to cope better. Give him a smack from me.

Hugs xx

Its funny you say that because I tick pretty much all the boxes for ADHD and went to my gp about it and he said "yeah you probably have it but because youre an adult and its not affecting your life negatively (job, family life etc) I won't bother to refer you for an assesment"

How you are describing your son sound pretty identical to 5yo so perhaps that's the avenue I need to start looking down now!!! I'm finding our gp really useless which doesn't help

 

[Definitelyme]

@Littleelf if is maybe isn’t ASD there are still so many different conditions it may be worth pushing with your GP for a referral, as it would be so wonderful for you to have the help of a specialist team behind you. I don’t know if it’s an option, but my friend went private for a one off consultation with a specialist psychologist (I believe) who worked with her son for 3 hours and basically ran loads of tests (without her son knowing!) to see if he fitted the parameters for lots of neurodivergent conditions (asd and adhd among them). Even though they didn’t then believe there was enough to support one diagnosis for her son, they were able to pinpoint areas for them to focus on, and give her strategies to help.

 

[WhatABore]

Its funny you say that because I tick pretty much all the boxes for ADHD and went to my gp about it and he said "yeah you probably have it but because youre an adult and its not affecting your life negatively (job, family life etc) I won't bother to refer you for an assesment"

How you are describing your son sound pretty identical to 5yo so perhaps that's the avenue I need to start looking down now!!! I'm finding our gp really useless which doesn't help

GPs/schools are the same when it comes to adhd diagnosis too.
My partners nephew has ADHD but it was such a battle to get him diagnosed, simply because the school said it didn't affect his school work so they wouldn't refer him.
Nevermind how it affects the rest of his day to day life

I'm 99% sure my 4yo has ADHD and pretty much everyone that meets her thinks the same
Waiting to see how she gets on at school when she starts!

 

[Littleelf]

GPs/schools are the same when it comes to adhd diagnosis too.
My partners nephew has ADHD but it was such a battle to get him diagnosed, simply because the school said it didn't affect his school work so they wouldn't refer him.
Nevermind how it affects the rest of his day to day life

I'm 99% sure my 4yo has ADHD and pretty much everyone that meets her thinks the same
Waiting to see how she gets on at school when she starts!

Yes see shes fine at school total angel, and I find with any people who aren't us at home she is totally fine. Its just at home with us shes difficult.

@Littleelf if is maybe isn’t ASD there are still so many different conditions it may be worth pushing with your GP for a referral, as it would be so wonderful for you to have the help of a specialist team behind you. I don’t know if it’s an option, but my friend went private for a one off consultation with a specialist psychologist (I believe) who worked with her son for 3 hours and basically ran loads of tests (without her son knowing!) to see if he fitted the parameters for lots of neurodivergent conditions (asd and adhd among them). Even though they didn’t then believe there was enough to support one diagnosis for her son, they were able to pinpoint areas for them to focus on, and give her strategies to help.

Yes I think once shes back at school again with a new class and new teachers we will see if they are more willing to listen and work with a gp. If I hit another brick wall with them private might be an option.


Whyyyyyyy is it so hard to receive help for the little blighters???

 

[Borntorun]

I won solo bedtime tonight and I have no one to celebrate with because I’m here by myself with the kids. So I’m gonna brag here instead. Both kids are asleep, no shouting, no tears.

 

[wakametango 2.0]

Yes see shes fine at school total angel, and I find with any people who aren't us at home she is totally fine. Its just at home with us shes difficult.



Yes I think once shes back at school again with a new class and new teachers we will see if they are more willing to listen and work with a gp. If I hit another brick wall with them private might be an option.


Whyyyyyyy is it so hard to receive help for the little blighters???

I’m sorry school aren’t supporting you. It sounds really tough, especially without KW’s support too which is the most vital. It’s amazing you’re being open to diagnosis’ because sometimes admitting things aren’t “okay” is the hardest part. Loads of good advice has already been given so just wanted show some support x

 

[Definitelyme]

Yes see shes fine at school total angel, and I find with any people who aren't us at home she is totally fine. Its just at home with us shes difficult.



Yes I think once shes back at school again with a new class and new teachers we will see if they are more willing to listen and work with a gp. If I hit another brick wall with them private might be an option.


Whyyyyyyy is it so hard to receive help for the little blighters???

I follow a girl on instagram and her 3yo has been diagnosed with autism, but she often laments the total lack of help available for them, and the absolute hell they have to go through with paperwork etc to get even the smallest thing sorted. It’s shameful that families are treated so poorly.

 

[Belle Amie]

I think we’re teething properly now, baby B’s been so whiny all day and didn’t sleep until 4pm he had 2 hours and sobbed his little heart out and chewed his hands. Calpol’s helped and he’s so much happier, I’m not ready for how long this could take I want to wake up and see a little tooth.
Would you all give calpol when they cry like they need it to take the edge off or do it every 6 hours? The tooth could take a while to come through right?

 

[wakametango 2.0]

I think I’ve been a KW this evening. Mr Waka was greeted with a bag of wet washing to be hung up, yesterdays still outside, frozen pizzas & garlic bread out in the counter top, I put baby Waka to bed and said ‘I’m going for a shower’ (he usually goes first) he got the hint and I’m currently enjoying my oven pizza with my (clean) feet up

 

[Definitelyme]

I think I’ve been a KW this evening. Mr Waka was greeted with a bag of wet washing to be hung up, yesterdays still outside, frozen pizzas & garlic bread out in the counter top, I put baby Waka to bed and said ‘I’m going for a shower’ (he usually goes first) he got the hint and I’m currently enjoying my oven pizza with my (clean) feet up

Not a KW at all! Just a mum who is saying "I do it all for everyone else each day, today I want five bloody minutes to just please myself, guilt free" Be more Waka I say!

 

[Lulu Goss]

We’re two hours into bedtime and baby G (having screamed and head banged her way out of her cot) is now rolling around on my bed frantically trying to lick/bite me. She was almost asleep an hour ago, it’s almost like she’s now gone hyper ‍

 

[Borntorun]

I won solo bedtime tonight and I have no one to celebrate with because I’m here by myself with the kids. So I’m gonna brag here instead. Both kids are asleep, no shouting, no tears.

Coming back to add that 20 mins after this post, she woke up screaming. And thus my smug self was knocked down a peg

 

[wakametango 2.0]

We’re two hours into bedtime and baby G (having screamed and head banged her way out of her cot) is now rolling around on my bed frantically trying to lick/bite me. She was almost asleep an hour ago, it’s almost like she’s now gone hyper ‍

Sounds like how baby Waka used to be! She was crawling up and down the bed laughing her head off, heart racing one night! It’s like they get Delirious