New baby and post birth advice #28 being a mum is the best present I could have ever wished for

[calmyourritas]

My KW is being a complete KW… the wifi isn’t working in the house for anything except his work computer and has been all week. Which is great for him, but I’m therefore parenting without any tv, iPads, yoto, anything all bloody week. Because he won’t do anything about it til the weekend, he won’t even let me restart the router, because he doesn’t want to potentially jeopardise the fact that his laptop still works. Which I sort of get but also it’s so annoying

Restart it when he’s not looking and feign innocence if it stops working on the laptop

 

[jackolantern]

At what point do people stop telling me because I can’t put the baby down that she’s spoilt? Every single time I see my mum, she makes a point repeatedly telling me she’s spoilt. I don’t know how I’ve kept my cool so long. But it’s really starting to bother me. If she isn’t saying how spoilt she is, she’s constantly commenting on how she looks, she never says anything bad but it almost comes across negative to me? It all could be hormones but it bothers me so much

Honestly I think people will always say it. Tommy is nearly 6 months and I still hear it, it's worse now actually because now it's just morphed into "it won't ever get better!". You cannot spoil a baby and you most certainly cannot give them too much love of all things! Honestly I think people just say it to justify it to themselves that they didn't give their babies the amount of comfort they required and they feel guilty. Easier to just say other people are soft than admit you were a bit hard!

The worst for me is they expect to sit down and hold him like a 2 day old who lies there in silence (to take their selfies). Then they get annoyed at me because they actually have to put some effort in. Give him back then and fuck off

It's not just hormones, you are totally valid in how you feel. I'm sorry your mum is making you feel this way People can be so insensitive.

 

[I’mThankyou_]

My birthday is coming up and I was kind of looking forward to being able to go out for a few hours, have a couple of drinks with some friends….

Just mentioned it to Mr Rita and he’s said he’s working that weekend now (he had originally booked it off as we were supposed to be going on honeymoon and I didn’t realise he’d cancelled his holidays). He said he’ll try and get one of the days off but I doubt he will be able to tbh.

I’m disappointed, but then I feel really guilty for being disappointed that I’m not able to have a few hours to myself and enjoy a few cocktails to celebrate my birthday. It just feels like his life hasn’t really changed at all, he still does all the things he did before, whereas mine is completely different. He goes out all the time doing stuff for himself and has time for all these hobbies and a social life. He just goes and does it, there’s no “is it okay if…” it’s just “I’m going here.” If I want to do something on my own I have to ask and book about 4 months in advance. Don’t get me wrong I love my new life and I love being a mum so much but it’s just made me feel a bit shit.

and now I feel guilty because this isn’t even a real problem compared to what some of you have I’m so sorry

It is a real problem, and I think this is the biggest issue in motherhood is the loss of a woman's identity.
Two people become parents and only one person's life and whole identity changes.
Regardless of the fact you absolutely love Judy Lee and love your life, you are still Rita.
Please don't ever feel guilty for feeling stuck in mum mode, it's the most natural thing in the world & it sucks!

 

[WhatABore]

At what point do people stop telling me because I can’t put the baby down that she’s spoilt? Every single time I see my mum, she makes a point repeatedly telling me she’s spoilt. I don’t know how I’ve kept my cool so long. But it’s really starting to bother me. If she isn’t saying how spoilt she is, she’s constantly commenting on how she looks, she never says anything bad but it almost comes across negative to me? It all could be hormones but it bothers me so much

People still say it to me now and Everleigh is 16? months.
Because she doesn't like people and clings to me. Or screams if someone talks to her that she doesn't know. So I comfort her.
And I get told I'm spoiling her

I had an old woman the other day start talking to Everleigh in the pushchair and I said she isn't very confident with people she doesn't know.
Old woman proceeded to get in Everleigh's face. So Everleigh starts screaming. Got her out the pushchair and the woman tutted and was like "Wow. No wonder she's like that if that's what you're like with her. Spoiling her"

 

[Crazycatlady18]

I hate nursery. It’s just caused the most amount of crying ever this week. She won’t settle I feel so guilty. I wish I could afford to quit
I know it takes time to
Settle in and she is always ok there she just takes it out on me and I hate it.

 

[Tea fairy]

Ladies... sorry I've been M.I.A

We've had a much better week this week... I just need to shout out from the rooftops that we have discovered PINK NOISE and it's a game changer, apparently promotes deeper sleep.... my non sleepers just did
9.30. 12.30 3.30 wakes and are still asleep now!!!

 

[Borntorun]

Husband flies abroad for work today. Toddler has woken up vomitting. It’s going to be a long week isn’t it

 

[Borntorun]

Two days old People boast about getting their babes in their own rooms so early and I'm just like, that's really not the flex you think it is.

My mum always says I slept through the night from two days old. Then when my eldest was about six months old and still waking hourly I asked her more questions and it turned out she put me to sleep in the back bedroom as I made too much noise so I suspect I didn’t sleep through at all and she just didn’t hear me

 

[Lulu Goss]

Just checking in, hope everyone’s good!

Went out for Mr Gs birthday yesterday so baby had a sleepover at my mum and dads. My mum messaged this morning to say she’d gone to sleep like an angel, slept through the night and woke up at 7am. Why doesn’t she do that for me?!

Drank way too much Prosecco yesterday, so instead of enjoying a full nights uninterrupted sleep I was up every hour being sick. The only plus is that now at 9am my hangover has basically been and gone, so at least I can make the most of the next 3 hours to chill out before baby comes home!

 

[jackolantern]

I think I'm just going to start saying to people, babies who don't get enough love and cuddles, turn into stoney-faced cows like you, so that's why he gets all the love he wants, not imposing that fate on him

 

[bottombanana]

Tommy when he brings his first partner home only to find out he’s been betrothed to multiple other people across the country:

(Tommy’s first partner when they come over and realise his parents own an axe: )

 

[Dipdab]

You know what really fucks me off, family and friends who were so insistent on meeting baby as soon as she was born. Wanted to come round as soon as we were home. Met her once and then not even mentioned it again. Always busy or have something better to do when I try to arrange something

I actually think that annoys me more than people who didn’t even bother to come. I’m giving up with people now

Yep I’ve been quite disappointed in a couple of friends. They came to visit when they were born got “the photo” holding both babies for the gram and never bothered to visit again.

 

[a.pain]

i have been absent on this thread as I went back to work on Friday. Missed all the chats. Baba became poorly on Saturday with a bad chest infection, she is miserable and vomiting all her feeds so had to keep her off nursery this week (she’s only been in for two days out of the 7 she’s meant to have been!) My OH had to take today and yesterday off to look after her as it was only my second day back at work and I work from home and could just hear her crying and wailing in misery all day so was really distracted. And to top that off I had a job interview this afternoon for an internal promotion- having already been popping downstairs to feed the baby and been puked on several times I was absolutely not in the frame of mind for an interview and completely ballsed up the last question, can’t stop cringing in embarrassment! I know it’s only coincidental timing and probably due to starting nursery but feel like the universe and my baby are telling me not to leave her.

 

[Borntorun]

You guys are evil and I love it

 

[Borntorun]

We need a name for shit grandparents

Narcissists?!

Oh Glam-ma what an absolute nut job she is!
And I like that you found out via Facebook, that just is the cherry on top.

I am stupidly really pissed off about it. I wanted to elope, and when I was engaged she told me she’d never speak to me again if we did. So we had a proper wedding. So for her now to elope and then to find out via Facebook takes the real biscuit! It must have been quite planned as she’s got professional hair, makeup and flowers in the photo. I think I’m just cross she lied? I dunno. I have a lot of feelings about it and I’m not quite sure how to express those yet

 

[LongishCat]

So.. back to work for me tomorrow after being off for three weeks.
I feel more anxious, stressed and tired than three weeks ago. Absolutely hating the idea of going back So much has happened, it feels like I've been away for months, but on the other hand I didn't recuperate at all.

Kiiiinda glad Kitten is going back to daycare though, because three weeks of undivided attention has made her very needy She also loved going there, so that helps (for anyone with daycare/nursery issues and stress: it does get better!).
Bit worried about drop off tomorrow though, hope she will still recognize the daycare lady and not cry. She's picked up a bit of seperation anxiety

MrCat finally got me some nice birthday gifts btw and we went to the cat café in our city, so that was really nice. And overdue

 

[Jellybean093]

Baby choked on a bit of brioche today. Mr B was sitting next to him but wasn’t quick enough to get it out. Every time he brought it back up, he’d panic and swallow it again. I’ve never been so frightened in my life
Mr B tried to squeeze it out of him, which nearly crushed his ribs. He’s fine now, but I can’t stop thinking ‘what if’ the most terrifying and longest probably not even 30 seconds of my life

 

[jackolantern]

We need a name for shit grandparents, however @Borntorun ‘s glam-ma is in her own league, her name can stay

Arsewrinklers

 

[PrincessShark]

We’ve only got BabyShark tonight and I feel so so lost. Big kids have gone for a sleepover.

I’ve just found out one of MrShark’s friends has passed away, very young and leaving behind tiny kids. She was lovely, always hands on with her kids even while living with cancer. Would it be completely wrong of me to drive to grandmas, give the kids and cuddle and squeeze It really puts things into perspective doesn’t it

 

[I’mThankyou_]

We've somehow managed to move my room around that we can fit two fully built cots in our room. So tonight for the first time since they were 5 weeks old the twins will be sleeping alone.
If this doesn't stop twin 1 starting her day at 4am I'm selling her on Etsy....