New baby and post birth advice #2

[Definitelyme]

Make sure you all check out what you may be entitled to in terms of governmental help, and childcare vouchers. It’s not an area I am well versed in at all, but from friends’ experiences it really is a juggle of squeezing hours in to longer days, and giving up weekends to work.

If you have, or are planning to have, more than one child I have heard some families who hire a nanny who works in their home, which works out much cheaper than 2 or 3 day sets of nursery fees.

Apart from the cost, it also breaks my heart to think about sending my 7 month baby to nursery I can wfh 3/4 (possibly even 5) days a week - am I mad to think about wfh with a baby at home? (I have flexible working hours so not a rigid 9-5, provided I do 7.5 hours between 7am-7pm)

Obvs I don’t know what you do for a living, but my sister has been trying to do just 1 day a week wfh with her son (he is at nursery other days) and she finds it almost impossible to get any work done except when he’s asleep. And she’s actually not supposed to work that day, she’s just trying to catch up at times.

 

[Pinkii]

Also its not just crappy costs, if you’re lucky to be able to afford a nursery with flexible hours that’s great, but if you can only afford preschool then you’re very limited.

My daughter starts preschool at 8:30-3:30, how am i/anyone supposed to work around that?

my husband husband now works ‘office hours’ but he leaves at 6am and gets home around 5ish, there is no flexibility on his hours unfortunately so he can’t do any drop off’s or pick up’s.

And we don’t live close enough to family for help in that area.

Its honestly crap that all this will fall down to the women

 

[HoneyBee29]

So I’m not planning on going back to work yet but I’ve been looking at jobs online working out roughly what my salary would be, combined with my husbands salary.

errrrrrrm how the duck do you afford childcare?! Genuinely don’t understand how to do this

I usually work full time but I’m only going back 2 days a week her grandparents are available to watch her the 2 days. If I was to go back to working full time I’d just be working to pay for childcare so there isn’t any point, we’re not entitled to anything apart from child tax credit I think it is which is like £80 a month

 

[LilyRose1234]

I usually work full time but I’m only going back 2 days a week her grandparents are available to watch her the 2 days. If I was to go back to working full time I’d just be working to pay for childcare so there isn’t any point, we’re not entitled to anything apart from child tax credit I think it is which is like £80 a month

Can you get the tax free childcare? Think it’s 20% up to a max of £2,000 a year..

 

[mg89]

We are looking at £95 a day for nursery here as we need one that opens 7/7:30/. We can get the tax free childcare, think it'll be about £150 a month. It's crazy prices. not supportive of working parents at all in my opinion.

 

[LilyRose1234]

We are looking at £95 a day for nursery here as we need one that opens 7/7:30/. We can get the tax free childcare, think it'll be about £150 a month. It's crazy prices. not supportive of working parents at all in my opinion.

That’s insane?! Whereabouts are you based? I’m in the south-west and from a brief look, the best local nursery charges £74 a day for 2 days a week going (7.45am-6pm), going down to £54 a day if you commit to 5 days a week.

 

[Hbirdette]

That’s insane?! Whereabouts are you based? I’m in the south-west and from a brief look, the best local nursery charges £74 a day for 2 days a week going (7.45am-6pm), going down to £54 a day if you commit to 5 days a week.

Wow we looked at somewhere last year in the East Midlands and it was £400 a month for 2 days a week

 

[HoneyBee29]

Can you get the tax free childcare? Think it’s 20% up to a max of £2,000 a year..

I don’t think so, must look into it and see though thank you

My cousin and his partner pay about £500 a week for private daycare makes my eyes water thinking about it

 

[LilyRose1234]

I don’t think so, must look into it and see though thank you

My cousin and his partner pay about £500 a week for private daycare makes my eyes water thinking about it

If you’re in England & Wales on the gov.uk website there’s a little quiz type thing that tells you what you’re entitled to - you just pop in your details and it works it out!

Only went on mat leave 4 weeks ago and I’m already thinking about work, tragic

 

[HoneyBee29]

If you’re in England & Wales on the gov.uk website there’s a little quiz type thing that tells you what you’re entitled to - you just pop in your details and it works it out!

Only went on mat leave 4 weeks ago and I’m already thinking about work, tragic

Aw that’s brilliant will do that! Thank you! Omg I know I’m due back the beginning of December. I’ve been off from the middle of February but I’ve 4 weeks paid holiday still to use so gonna use that to cover the month of December and go back after Christmas want to have my first Christmas at home with baby

 

[mg89]

That’s insane?! Whereabouts are you based? I’m in the south-west and from a brief look, the best local nursery charges £74 a day for 2 days a week going (7.45am-6pm), going down to £54 a day if you commit to 5 days a week.

North London! Madness isn't it. He was goign to go 4 days a week but thankfully work are letting me drop a day, partner is dropping half a day and my mum will have him one day a week.

 

[Icbaaaa]

Thank you for your lovely reply

it’s nice to talk to others who are recently new mums themselves , I don’t ever feel judged here which is lovely
It’s difficult to get my nearest and dearest to understand how I’m feeling, and I get quite upset if someone says something I don’t like.

My husband is really supportive, but I find he doesn’t understand the female mind and our need to nurture and procreate. He says he gets it, but I can tell he’s just as confused as I am



I’ve tried to reach out to birth reflections at my hospital, to no avail. They only have an answer machine
And I’ve contacted birth trauma association, they are good but again only able to speak to someone via email.
I was told by my GP I must try these before I am referred to further help.
but I think I need that further help sooner rather than later, I feel like I’m fighting everyday with these feelings.
I feel guilty at times also as there are so many I have befriended over Instagram still trying to get their babies, i should be grateful

I'm just catching up on this thread and wanted to reach out to you.
It must be so difficult not getting any help with how your feeling, how old is your little one?
I'm not sure if it's the same everywhere but my HV does the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale check at 6 weeks. I'm not really open with people in my personal life about it, but just wanted to be honest here and say I'm suffering with PND. Its not an easy road to be on, but definitely push for help from your HV. Mine put in an urgent referal and I got contact the same day with a perinatal team who I'm now under their care. Please don't take no for an answer, keep pushing and don't take no for an answer. PND is serious and it angers me how new mums aren't taken seriously about their mental health and feelings. Please reach out anytime you wish and I'll be glad to give you a shoulder to lean on

 

[Definitelyme]

I'm just catching up on this thread and wanted to reach out to you.
It must be so difficult not getting any help with how your feeling, how old is your little one?
I'm not sure if it's the same everywhere but my HV does the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale check at 6 weeks. I'm not really open with people in my personal life about it, but just wanted to be honest here and say I'm suffering with PND. Its not an easy road to be on, but definitely push for help from your HV. Mine put in an urgent referal and I got contact the same day with a perinatal team who I'm now under their care. Please don't take no for an answer, keep pushing and don't take no for an answer. PND is serious and it angers me how new mums aren't taken seriously about their mental health and feelings. Please reach out anytime you wish and I'll be glad to give you a shoulder to lean on

I’m so glad you are getting help As you’ve said to hairraiser, make sure you reach out any time you need someone, because I know every mum on this thread would be there for you x

 

[Icbaaaa]

I’m so glad you are getting help As you’ve said to hairraiser, make sure you reach out any time you need someone, because I know every mum on this thread would be there for you x

Thank you so much I suffered with PND with my first so kinda expected it this time around. I hid it a lot the first time though and this time I was just brutally honest, it's always scary opening up and becoming so vulnerable but it's for the best in order to recover xx

 

[Hairraiser]

I'm just catching up on this thread and wanted to reach out to you.
It must be so difficult not getting any help with how your feeling, how old is your little one?
I'm not sure if it's the same everywhere but my HV does the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale check at 6 weeks. I'm not really open with people in my personal life about it, but just wanted to be honest here and say I'm suffering with PND. Its not an easy road to be on, but definitely push for help from your HV. Mine put in an urgent referal and I got contact the same day with a perinatal team who I'm now under their care. Please don't take no for an answer, keep pushing and don't take no for an answer. PND is serious and it angers me how new mums aren't taken seriously about their mental health and feelings. Please reach out anytime you wish and I'll be glad to give you a shoulder to lean on

Aw thank you so much for your reply. Lovely words!!
He is 4 months + 2 weeks.
I’m actually currently in contact with them due to him not putting on weight properly & he’s under the correct centile for his age (never understand those things)

I’m glad the perinatal team were able to help you, I’ve not heard of the Edinburgh postnatal depression scale, il have to ask if they do that.
Hope you begin to feel better soon, it’s such a tough ride motherhood and I’ve only done it once, so my hat goes off to you!

 

[Chickenandgravy]

Yaaay i can now be on this thread as a new mum! my wee girl arrived on Saturday after a pretty quick labour and delivery, she's just perfect, although quite mucosy and quite sick (reflux?!) After feeding midwife supposed to be coming today...helpful when they don't give you a time though isn't it
Also does anyone have any remedies for chapped bleeding nipples? Nipple cream doesn't touch them, they got so bad yesterday I had to start pumping but the wee break has made it a bit more bearable today.
She's got tongue tie but because she can still latch they won't do much apparently!

 

[wakametango]

Yaaay i can now be on this thread as a new mum! my wee girl arrived on Saturday after a pretty quick labour and delivery, she's just perfect, although quite mucosy and quite sick (reflux?!) After feeding midwife supposed to be coming today...helpful when they don't give you a time though isn't it
Also does anyone have any remedies for chapped bleeding nipples? Nipple cream doesn't touch them, they got so bad yesterday I had to start pumping but the wee break has made it a bit more bearable today.
She's got tongue tie but because she can still latch they won't do much apparently!

I’m from the pregnancy thread, I spy on here because I like hearing tips and advice from new Mumas I’m not yet qualified but did see silver nipple cups online that seem a miracle for sore breast feeding nipples.
The 925 silver is antifungal and antibacterial I think

Nipple Shields in Tri-Laminate Silver, Nickel-Free - Nipple Shields for Nursing Newborn - Breast Pads for Prevention and Treatment of Nursing Breast Fissures |Medical Device Class 1 Koala Silver Cup Amazon product

 

[Chickenandgravy]

I’m from the pregnancy thread, I spy on here because I like hearing tips and advice from new Mumas I’m not yet qualified but did see silver nipple cups online that seem a miracle for sore breast feeding nipples.
The 925 silver is antifungal and antibacterial I think

Nipple Shields in Tri-Laminate Silver, Nickel-Free - Nipple Shields for Nursing Newborn - Breast Pads for Prevention and Treatment of Nursing Breast Fissures |Medical Device Class 1 Koala Silver Cup Amazon product

Ooo thanks!

 

[LilyRose1234]

Yaaay i can now be on this thread as a new mum! my wee girl arrived on Saturday after a pretty quick labour and delivery, she's just perfect, although quite mucosy and quite sick (reflux?!) After feeding midwife supposed to be coming today...helpful when they don't give you a time though isn't it
Also does anyone have any remedies for chapped bleeding nipples? Nipple cream doesn't touch them, they got so bad yesterday I had to start pumping but the wee break has made it a bit more bearable today.
She's got tongue tie but because she can still latch they won't do much apparently!

Congratulations!!
I also struggled with my nipples at the start - I pumped and added in a small bottle of formula in the evening to try and cope with the cluster feedings, but as the days got on it got a lot less uncomfortable and they seemed to heal as I got used to the feeding! Almost 3 weeks in and I don’t really express at all now because it’s so comfortable (although still give her some formula at night to help her sleep a bit more soundly because she’s always hungry). You could try the nipple shields as well, see if they help!

 

[littlepup]

Nipple shields are a God send, they saved me from having to stop bf. They say they can cause nipple confusion and she did start to prefer to feed with them but that was soon overcome. I Didn’t use them all the time, just when it got too painful. You can get them next day on Amazon prime, the £4 Nuk ones are perfectly fine.
Lansinoh nipple cream did help sooth a bit.
You can have a tongue tie released privately. I can’t remember but I think it was something like £70 or £120 where I am.