New baby and post birth advice #2

moimoi · Jul 18, 2021

This heat. I’ve been in the bedroom all day with my boy and two tower fans on as it’s the coolest room in the house (still 30 degrees!!), his temperature seems to be ok at the minute (37) but has slept for the past four hours and had a couple feeds in-between.

Definitelyme · Jul 18, 2021

moimoi said:
This heat. I’ve been in the bedroom all day with my boy and two tower fans on as it’s the coolest room in the house (still 30 degrees!!), his temperature seems to be ok at the minute (37) but has slept for the past four hours and had a couple feeds in-between.

I’m at my in laws, whose house is uncomfortably hot all the time, even in winter, and when we get these hot days it’s unbearable

the wee man has been very unhappy all day. And we are all sticky and sweaty when I’m feeding him, and it’s generally not nice at all, is it?

Also, babywearing in this heat

By the time we got back this morning I was dripping with sweat. And also sunburnt either side of the Tula straps

WhatABore · Jul 18, 2021

moimoi said:
This heat. I’ve been in the bedroom all day with my boy and two tower fans on as it’s the coolest room in the house (still 30 degrees!!), his temperature seems to be ok at the minute (37) but has slept for the past four hours and had a couple feeds in-between.

Our house is the opposite. We have the hot water pipes running under the floor in our room.
The baby monitor in out bedroom currently says 39
Luckily the living room is a bit cooler!
I hate the heat

LilyRose1234 · Jul 18, 2021

moimoi said:
This heat. I’ve been in the bedroom all day with my boy and two tower fans on as it’s the coolest room in the house (still 30 degrees!!), his temperature seems to be ok at the minute (37) but has slept for the past four hours and had a couple feeds in-between.

Oh god it’s been awful I swear I haven’t stopped feeding all day, she naps for about 3 minutes and then wakes up hot and uncomfortable and wanting feeding again hasn’t been so bad the last few days so I’m not sure what we’ve done differently today to have such a grouchy baby

moimoi · Jul 18, 2021

WhatABore said:
Our house is the opposite. We have the hot water pipes running under the floor in our room.
The baby monitor in out bedroom currently says 39
Luckily the living room is a bit cooler!
I hate the heat

Oh god, 39! Our living room directly faces the sun so it’s like a fiery furnace in there at the minute.

Definitelyme said:
I’m at my in laws, whose house is uncomfortably hot all the time, even in winter, and when we get these hot days it’s unbearable the wee man has been very unhappy all day. And we are all sticky and sweaty when I’m feeding him, and it’s generally not nice at all, is it?

Also, babywearing in this heat By the time we got back this morning I was dripping with sweat. And also sunburnt either side of the Tula straps

Don’t envy you one bit! Couldn’t imagine baby wearing in this weather, feel so bad for them, hopefully a cool bath will help later on.

Hope it cools down for his 8 week jabs on Friday.

Hairraiser · Jul 18, 2021

Those who have had more than one baby…
Does the desire to have a 2nd one so soon after your first go away?

I’ve posted previously about my situation (1st baby via Nhs funded IVF, I’m infertile so unable to have any more children)

Definitelyme · Jul 18, 2021

Hairraiser said:
Those who have had more than one baby…
Does the desire to have a 2nd one so soon after your first go away?

I’ve posted previously about my situation (1st baby via Nhs funded IVF, I’m infertile so unable to have any more children)

I can honestly say I never had the desire straight afterwards, I hear so many people talk about it but never felt it myself. I do know now that I’m “done” and don’t want any more kids, I haven’t ever felt that way before.

I wish I had some advice for you. You’ve spoken about your journey to motherhood, and it’s clear how important having a family is to you x

WhatABore said:
Our house is the opposite. We have the hot water pipes running under the floor in our room.
The baby monitor in out bedroom currently says 39
Luckily the living room is a bit cooler!
I hate the heat

I also hate the heat. And I hate direct sunlight I hide in the shady spots

Hairraiser · Jul 18, 2021

Definitelyme said:
I can honestly say I never had the desire straight afterwards, I hear so many people talk about it but never felt it myself. I do know now that I’m “done” and don’t want any more kids, I haven’t ever felt that way before.

I wish I had some advice for you. You’ve spoken about your journey to motherhood, and it’s clear how important having a family is to you x

I also hate the heat. And I hate direct sunlight I hide in the shady spots

It’s getting to the point now where I can’t even look at a pregnant woman if I see one, or any pregnancy/birth announcements online

I get a few hours to myself this evening for a bath & pamper while hubby has the baby. And I’m sitting in the bath just crying at photos of him as a newborn. I’m so so so desperate to do it all again .
I feel bad for my boy as I’m just completely overwhelmed by these feelings and I’m worried I’m not giving him the attention he needs

Hbirdette · Jul 18, 2021

ok so the car journey to my mums went fine don’t really know why I was panicking. We’ve managed with the heat pretty well but I found if he felt a bit sticky I put a damp Muslin on his legs/tummy/forehead and he seemed to love it.

Hairraiser said:
It’s getting to the point now where I can’t even look at a pregnant woman if I see one, or any pregnancy/birth announcements online

I get a few hours to myself this evening for a bath & pamper while hubby has the baby. And I’m sitting in the bath just crying at photos of him as a newborn. I’m so so so desperate to do it all again .
I feel bad for my boy as I’m just completely overwhelmed by these feelings and I’m worried I’m not giving him the attention he needs

Bless you don’t feel bad! Honestly, I think for some women it’s totally normal to feel like this. Have you spoken to your husband about it? What does he say? Would a privately funded ivf be something you could look into in the future or is it off the cards completely? Sorry hope you don’t mind me asking. I hope you enjoyed your pamper evening, I’m very jealous

Definitelyme · Jul 18, 2021

Hairraiser said:
It’s getting to the point now where I can’t even look at a pregnant woman if I see one, or any pregnancy/birth announcements online

I get a few hours to myself this evening for a bath & pamper while hubby has the baby. And I’m sitting in the bath just crying at photos of him as a newborn. I’m so so so desperate to do it all again .
I feel bad for my boy as I’m just completely overwhelmed by these feelings and I’m worried I’m not giving him the attention he needs

In one way I think grieving for the loss of having more children is really quite natural. It’s not your choice, you have every right to be devastated about it, and to feel sad you’ll never get those newborn days again.

But I would be worried that you’ve used the words “overwhelmed by feelings”, because to me that would be a red flag to watch out for a friend’s mental health. I am absolutely confident you are an amazing mum, and that your little boy is getting 100% of you. But I would worry for you that this could lead to something more serious - PND. Please keep an eye on yourself, and talk to someone trusted about how you feel and ask them to keep an eye on you as well.

WhatABore · Jul 18, 2021

Hairraiser said:
It’s getting to the point now where I can’t even look at a pregnant woman if I see one, or any pregnancy/birth announcements online

I get a few hours to myself this evening for a bath & pamper while hubby has the baby. And I’m sitting in the bath just crying at photos of him as a newborn. I’m so so so desperate to do it all again .
I feel bad for my boy as I’m just completely overwhelmed by these feelings and I’m worried I’m not giving him the attention he needs

I think these feelings your having are important and it's good for you to feel that way!
You're grieving.
Yes you have a little boy. But you're grieving the idea of never having another one and I think that's completely normal. Especially when that isn't a choice you made yourself!
Don't feel bad in the slightest!
Your feelings are completely valid.
Have you got somebody you can share your feelings with? Even your partner?

It may be a good idea to talk to a health visitor or doctor and get some help or at least someone to talk it through with as what you're feeling is completely understandable!

Hairraiser · Jul 18, 2021

WhatABore said:
I think these feelings your having are important and it's good for you to feel that way!
You're grieving.
Yes you have a little boy. But you're grieving the idea of never having another one and I think that's completely normal. Especially when that isn't a choice you made yourself!
Don't feel bad in the slightest!
Your feelings are completely valid.
Have you got somebody you can share your feelings with? Even your partner?

It may be a good idea to talk to a health visitor or doctor and get some help or at least someone to talk it through with as what you're feeling is completely understandable!

Thank you for your lovely reply

it’s nice to talk to others who are recently new mums themselves , I don’t ever feel judged here which is lovely
It’s difficult to get my nearest and dearest to understand how I’m feeling, and I get quite upset if someone says something I don’t like.

My husband is really supportive, but I find he doesn’t understand the female mind and our need to nurture and procreate. He says he gets it, but I can tell he’s just as confused as I am

I’ve tried to reach out to birth reflections at my hospital, to no avail. They only have an answer machine
And I’ve contacted birth trauma association, they are good but again only able to speak to someone via email.
I was told by my GP I must try these before I am referred to further help.
but I think I need that further help sooner rather than later, I feel like I’m fighting everyday with these feelings.
I feel guilty at times also as there are so many I have befriended over Instagram still trying to get their babies, i should be grateful

littlepup · Jul 18, 2021

Hairraiser said:
It’s getting to the point now where I can’t even look at a pregnant woman if I see one, or any pregnancy/birth announcements online

I get a few hours to myself this evening for a bath & pamper while hubby has the baby. And I’m sitting in the bath just crying at photos of him as a newborn. I’m so so so desperate to do it all again .
I feel bad for my boy as I’m just completely overwhelmed by these feelings and I’m worried I’m not giving him the attention he needs

Initially I felt I’d do it again tomorrow but as she becomes, for want of better wording, more interesting and harder work, I feel less so. We’re a little team now. She’s beginning to reach out for me, she touches my face and cuddles, she’s everything and I’m not sure I want to, or indeed have enough to, share myself with another baby.
However I need to be sure on that very soon due to my age. I know I will mourn my fertility when it goes and am already scared it’s too late for another but it’s not overwhelming, I can accept that I have my daughter and that will always be enough.

If you feel that these feelings are consuming and overtaking your concentration on your son now though I think it could be a sign of PND.

edit: just seen your last message. Use NNUH maternity voices and NNUH bumps and babies Facebook pages or updates on where birth reflections and other services are currently.

Hairraiser · Jul 18, 2021

littlepup said:
Initially I felt I’d do it again tomorrow but as she becomes, for want of better wording, more interesting and harder work, I feel less so. We’re a little team now. She’s beginning to reach out for me, she touches my face and cuddles, she’s everything and I’m not sure I want to, or indeed have enough to, share myself with another baby.
However I need to be sure on that very soon due to my age. I know I will mourn my fertility when it goes and am already scared it’s too late for another but it’s not overwhelming, I can accept that I have my daughter and that will always be enough.

If you feel that these feelings are consuming and overtaking your concentration on your son now though I think it could be a sign of PND.

edit: just seen your last message. Use NNUH maternity voices and NNUH bumps and babies Facebook pages or updates on where birth reflections and other services are currently.

Aww that’s lovely to hear, that your daughter is recognising who you are to her. I can’t wait for that feeling. I see what you’re saying about not having to share yourself with another baby.
a friend of mine has 2 under 2 and she said it’s crazy hard work, one is only 15 months the other is 6 months. (Yes she had sex soon after giving birth and fell pregnant straight away)
Nothing wrong with it of course cause I know it happens a lot, but it must be something that is difficult to get right as both ages are very needy.

yeah I feel I may have some degree of PND. I’m not ashamed by it at all, I had a feeling I would be like this once he arrived. So I was kind of prepared but it still isn’t easy.

I will have a look on Facebook, thank you. Do the birth reflections people move about then?

moimoi · Jul 18, 2021

Trust me to get chills and a temperature of 38.5, had a really bad headache all day too. Hoping it’s not the start of mastitis! I really need to express my right boob as it’s like a bowling ball, no noticeable pain though.

littlepup · Jul 18, 2021

Hairraiser said:
Aww that’s lovely to hear, that your daughter is recognising who you are to her. I can’t wait for that feeling. I see what you’re saying about not having to share yourself with another baby.
a friend of mine has 2 under 2 and she said it’s crazy hard work, one is only 15 months the other is 6 months. (Yes she had sex soon after giving birth and fell pregnant straight away)
Nothing wrong with it of course cause I know it happens a lot, but it must be something that is difficult to get right as both ages are very needy.

yeah I feel I may have some degree of PND. I’m not ashamed by it at all, I had a feeling I would be like this once he arrived. So I was kind of prepared but it still isn’t easy.

I will have a look on Facebook, thank you. Do the birth reflections people move about then?

No it’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Christ, the difficult journey you’ve been on to get to this point it’s no surprise at all that there’s a whole lot to process now you’re at this stage. The entire process of infertility is traumatic coupled with the pregnancy and birth you’ve had is so much to deal with.

Sorry I meant where they are in terms of where they are up to with requests. Ladies discuss sometimes on there. If you post asking how long the service is taking to get back to you, you’ll likely find someone saying ‘I had my baby in Jan, contacted them in March, I got a call last week’ or whatever to give you an idea.
‘NNUH Bumps and babies’ and ‘Norfolk and Norwich Maternity Voices Partnership’ are the two pages.

Hairraiser · Jul 18, 2021

littlepup said:
No it’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Christ, the difficult journey you’ve been on to get to this point it’s no surprise at all that there’s a whole lot to process now you’re at this stage. The entire process of infertility is traumatic coupled with the pregnancy and birth you’ve had is so much to deal with.

Sorry I meant where they are in terms of where they are up to with requests. Ladies discuss sometimes on there. If you post asking how long the service is taking to get back to you, you’ll likely find someone saying ‘I had my baby in Jan, contacted them in March, I got a call last week’ or whatever to give you an idea.
‘NNUH Bumps and babies’ and ‘Norfolk and Norwich Maternity Voices Partnership’ are the two pages.

Aw thank you for understanding. It’s nice that someone has seen the shit storm for what it is.
my mum bless her heart, after I’ve poured my heart out to her and tell her about the flashbacks , she tends to say ‘but look how amazing he is’

of course, he is amazing, he is the best thing to ever happen to me! But when I nearly died giving birth to him, I’ve obviously suffered mentally, it kind of feels like it’s irrelevant if you know what I mean?

Majorly changing the subject here but can you put formula milk in those frozen teething toys things? Not sure if that’s a thing or not? But just worried he needs something to cool him down.

OIM · Jul 18, 2021

Hairraiser said:
Those who have had more than one baby…
Does the desire to have a 2nd one so soon after your first go away?

I’ve posted previously about my situation (1st baby via Nhs funded IVF, I’m infertile so unable to have any more children)

For me it definitely went away from around 12 months to 2 yrs then I wanted the second again!

Definitelyme · Jul 18, 2021

moimoi said:
Trust me to get chills and a temperature of 38.5, had a really bad headache all day too. Hoping it’s not the start of mastitis! I really need to express my right boob as it’s like a bowling ball, no noticeable pain though.

I've only has it once, and it started out as fever and chills. My boob felt bruised, but not very painful, and no noticeable lump in it. Feed feed feed, express if you can, as much as you can, and take ibruprofen to take down any swelling (even if you can’t feel it t may be there). If it’s still bad tomorrow am phone your GP

Hairraiser said:
I feel guilty at times also as there are so many I have befriended over Instagram still trying to get their babies, i should be grateful

you should never feel guilty. Everyone goes through different struggles, and nobodies pain is any more or any less valid than someone else's. Just because your friends are still in their journey to motherhood doesn’t mean you aren’t totally valid in feeling the way you do.

moimoi · Jul 18, 2021

Definitelyme said:
I've only has it once, and it started out as fever and chills. My boob felt bruised, but not very painful, and no noticeable lump in it. Feed feed feed, express if you can, as much as you can, and take ibruprofen to take down any swelling (even if you can’t feel it t may be there). If it’s still bad tomorrow am phone your GP

That’s good to know, I always assumed you’d get a big red swollen boob first! You’re right about the bruised feeling. When I started to express, it did feel bruised and I had a big lump. I think I’ve drained it to the best I can and my temperature has gone down a bit.

New baby and post birth advice #2

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