New baby and post birth advice #2

WhatABore · Jul 31, 2021

Hbirdette said:
Stuff like this really worries me I struggled with eating for almost half my life and I’m so conscious of having a positive normal attitude, especially infront of my boy when he grows up. My in laws have made a couple of comments about his weight infront of him and it’s really pissed me off to the point where I actually tell them. Obviously I know he doesn’t understand but I don’t want them to think it’s ok. He’s on the 98th centile but totally in proportion - ironic because my MIL is a fat fuck.

This is the same as my daughter.
I think about it constantly.
My Mum always 'jomingly' calls her fat or even comments on her own weight saying "I'm too fat for this.. I'm too fat for that" and I hate it.

My daughter, even though she was born on the 98th percentile, she still is. But that makes her 'obese' on the NHS and I hate the thought of her being classed as obese.
It isn't even like she's noticibly overweight either. She's 3 and a half and most of her trousers in 3-4 are too big for her still!
I don't understand it!

Disneylifeonly · Jul 31, 2021

Ah the joys of body image issues when being pregnant/after having a baby.
My mum is already having a go about me getting "back on track", I gave birth 9 days ago and she's already talking about exercise, the gym, eating healthy etc.
In all honesty I've barely been able to spend more than 10 minutes eating or cooking since Thomas was born.
I cried a lot during the pregnancy thinking mt partner would leave me after my body changes, and he told me 10000 times I was being silly and honestly I was because he tells me he loves me all the time and is just happy our little boy is here safely.
When it comes to the body image side of things just remember your body is doing something incredible and no matter what it has to do, stretching and growing etc, its all for an amazing reason

Hbirdette · Jul 31, 2021

Disneylifeonly said:
Ah the joys of body image issues when being pregnant/after having a baby.
My mum is already having a go about me getting "back on track", I gave birth 9 days ago and she's already talking about exercise, the gym, eating healthy etc.
In all honesty I've barely been able to spend more than 10 minutes eating or cooking since Thomas was born.
I cried a lot during the pregnancy thinking mt partner would leave me after my body changes, and he told me 10000 times I was being silly and honestly I was because he tells me he loves me all the time and is just happy our little boy is here safely.
When it comes to the body image side of things just remember your body is doing something incredible and no matter what it has to do, stretching and growing etc, its all for an amazing reason

Oh wow, has your mum forgotten you’ve just been pregnant for the last 9 months, nurturing your baby and yourself? I’m sorry that she’s said those things to you, could your partner have a word with her at all?

Definitelyme · Jul 31, 2021

WhatABore said:
This is the same as my daughter.
I think about it constantly.
My Mum always 'jomingly' calls her fat or even comments on her own weight saying "I'm too fat for this.. I'm too fat for that" and I hate it.

My daughter, even though she was born on the 98th percentile, she still is. But that makes her 'obese' on the NHS and I hate the thought of her being classed as obese.
It isn't even like she's noticibly overweight either. She's 3 and a half and most of her trousers in 3-4 are too big for her still!
I don't understand it!

You mean your mum calls your daughter fat? I would have flattened her And if she fits clothing for her age surely she is just perfect?! I hate using the centile lines for weight, because someone is always at the top, and then some wee soul will be at the bottom and their parents will be hounded about why they are so small. The lucky 50-75 group get off lightly!

I think the older generation (our parents lot) do throw the word fat round in such a negative way, and dwell on it a lot. I’ve noticed where my husband is from that it’s a big thing there for the next generation up to be absolutely horrendous about calling people fat, and implying that means they are a waste of space. It really, really pisses me off, and I don’t want my kids hearing any of that at all.

My daughter has made a few comments on her weight recently, and she is perfect for her age and height, and it’s really spurred me on to reading some more so o can do my best for the kids trying to help them through all this stuff. This is the first parenting book I’ve ever read!

Disneylifeonly said:
Ah the joys of body image issues when being pregnant/after having a baby.
My mum is already having a go about me getting "back on track", I gave birth 9 days ago and she's already talking about exercise, the gym, eating healthy etc.
In all honesty I've barely been able to spend more than 10 minutes eating or cooking since Thomas was born.
I cried a lot during the pregnancy thinking mt partner would leave me after my body changes, and he told me 10000 times I was being silly and honestly I was because he tells me he loves me all the time and is just happy our little boy is here safely.
When it comes to the body image side of things just remember your body is doing something incredible and no matter what it has to do, stretching and growing etc, its all for an amazing reason

Away on, your mum needs a healthy dose of reality. Was she “back on track” at 9 days pp? Bet not!

Stimpii · Jul 31, 2021

Jojoo said:
That’s true thank you, just feels such a teeny amount im just scared im going to big forever I know that’s silly I got back down last time but something feels different this time.

I had baby number 3 in January, my pre pregnancy weight was 2 stone over what it should have been. After the baby was born I was the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life . I remember crying to my mum saying I’m not gonna be able to lose such a big amount.

But once I started something just clicked. Once you start seeing the number on the scales go down and then you start to see a change it spurs you on.

littlepup · Jul 31, 2021

This is something I’m really trying to be aware of. I’ve told both sides of the family we’re not having ‘good’ and ‘bad’ food, no ‘I’ve been good because I had a salad’ or ‘I’ve been naughty having ice cream’. We’re not having food linked to behaviour like ‘you did well, we’ll have a McDonald’s’ or ‘no chocolate because you were rude’. No placating with food and trying to avoid the words fat and greedy. I’m finding it really hard to change my vocabulary and attitude and stick to my own rules though. How does everyone else go about it?

I didn’t gain much excess in pregnancy and it all dropped off me on the first weeks but in the early days struggling with breast feeding and the way it makes you ravenous I’ve gained it back. I do find it depressing because I can’t even say it was pregnancy, i was eating 3-4 chocolate bars a day, any time of day or night. I’ve never even wanted to eat like that before. I wish I could go back and change it because losing it is so hard and it was just greed that caused me to gain it

Disneylifeonly · Jul 31, 2021

Hbirdette said:
Oh wow, has your mum forgotten you’ve just been pregnant for the last 9 months, nurturing your baby and yourself? I’m sorry that she’s said those things to you, could your partner have a word with her at all?

My partner has taken her to the side and said that he heard the midwife say to me takes at least 9 months for your body to go back to normal and then he said he doesn't care at all how I look.

moimoi · Jul 31, 2021

littlepup said:
This is something I’m really trying to be aware of. I’ve told both sides of the family we’re not having ‘good’ and ‘bad’ food, no ‘I’ve been good because I had a salad’ or ‘I’ve been naughty having ice cream’. We’re not having food linked to behaviour like ‘you did well, we’ll have a McDonald’s’ or ‘no chocolate because you were rude’. No placating with food and trying to avoid the words fat and greedy. I’m finding it really hard to change my vocabulary and attitude and stick to my own rules though. How does everyone else go about it?

This is what I’m going to try to do, I follow a children’s nutritionist on IG who advocates stuff like this: https://instagram.com/family.snack.nutritionist?utm_medium=copy_link

I’m now really conscious of not projecting any of my thoughts and feelings re: body image around my son as I don’t want it to become an issue for him.

It is SO hard though, I have body dysmorphia and have had therapy for it (unsuccessfully!). Gaining weight and losing it was my biggest fear in pregnancy, I’ve only gained a bit of podge on my belly but it’s so depressing. I’ve been going back to the gym and it’s all my mind can focus on, and I constantly ask my partner if I look fat.

Definitelyme · Jul 31, 2021

littlepup said:
This is something I’m really trying to be aware of. I’ve told both sides of the family we’re not having ‘good’ and ‘bad’ food, no ‘I’ve been good because I had a salad’ or ‘I’ve been naughty having ice cream’. We’re not having food linked to behaviour like ‘you did well, we’ll have a McDonald’s’ or ‘no chocolate because you were rude’. No placating with food and trying to avoid the words fat and greedy. I’m finding it really hard to change my vocabulary and attitude and stick to my own rules though. How does everyone else go about it?

I didn’t gain much excess in pregnancy and it all dropped off me on the first weeks but in the early days struggling with breast feeding and the way it makes you ravenous I’ve gained it back. I do find it depressing because I can’t even say it was pregnancy, i was eating 3-4 chocolate bars a day, any time of day or night. I’ve never even wanted to eat like that before. I wish I could go back and change it because losing it is so hard and it was just greed that caused me to gain it

Like @moimoi I also follow family snack nutritionist, and she has great info about reframing how you think and speak about food. Once you get started, it gets easier, andmore natural.

My problem is with school. They still bang on about healthy and unhealthy foods, you have to eat your sandwiches before you eatXYZ in your lunchbox etc. So of course hearing that every day somewhat counteracts what they hear at home. But I always tell them “nobody would be healthy only eating apples!” We are really big on balance in our house, and really try not to label food with anything but it’s name.

Another great tip if to serve dessert with the main portion of the meal. We don’t always have dessert, and a lot of time it’s just fruit, but we always serve it all together. So for example last night we had cherries for dessert, but my youngest ate hers before her pasta. We would do the same with sweets, cake etc.

ETA: one thing the body happy kids books said which I liked is that some bodies ARE fatter than others, and we should try and use fat in the same way we use tall/short and other descriptors, as not using it implies fat is inherently bad, whereas fat is much needed in the body.

CrimeJunkie · Jul 31, 2021

Ladies do any of you have any tips on how to help constipation? My little one is 11 days old and think she’s struggling with it I’ve tried bicycle legs and tummy massage but doesn’t seem to have helped!

Definitelyme · Jul 31, 2021

CrimeJunkie said:
Ladies do any of you have any tips on how to help constipation? My little one is 11 days old and think she’s struggling with it I’ve tried bicycle legs and tummy massage but doesn’t seem to have helped!

Has she pooped in the last few days? Is she breast or formula fed?
I read something recently about babies needing to squirm and grunt and groan, almost seeming like they are in pain, and that it’s normal but often mistaken for constipation in the early days. Basically their wee digestive system isn’t developed enough to just poop so they have to go through the whole rigmarole of grunts and squirms to get things moving. I found it really interesting as I noticed my latest baby definitely very squirmy and seemed uncomfortable in the early weeks.

WhatABore · Jul 31, 2021

CrimeJunkie said:
Ladies do any of you have any tips on how to help constipation? My little one is 11 days old and think she’s struggling with it I’ve tried bicycle legs and tummy massage but doesn’t seem to have helped!

.
My second had it quite bad where it was literally rock solid pellets coming out! She was crying in pain.

When she does go, is it solid?
After a while, their digestive system slows down a bit and they(formula fed) tend to go every couple of days.
If it's still soft when they go, it isn't usually a worry

CrimeJunkie · Jul 31, 2021

Definitelyme said:
Has she pooped in the last few days? Is she breast or formula fed?
I read something recently about babies needing to squirm and grunt and groan, almost seeming like they are in pain, and that it’s normal but often mistaken for constipation in the early days. Basically their wee digestive system isn’t developed enough to just poop so they have to go through the whole rigmarole of grunts and squirms to get things moving. I found it really interesting as I noticed my latest baby definitely very squirmy and seemed uncomfortable in the early weeks.

She is formula fed and has pooped this morning. That’s really interesting! She is doing exactly what you said, grunting and squirming but also crying and throwing her arms everywhere

WhatABore said:
.
My second had it quite bad where it was literally rock solid pellets coming out! She was crying in pain.

When she does go, is it solid?
After a while, their digestive system slows down a bit and they(formula fed) tend to go every couple of days.
If it's still soft when they go, it isn't usually a worry

Her poo has been quite solid this last week but then sometimes it’s softer. She’s been straining and grunting for the last half an hour but still no poo

Definitelyme · Jul 31, 2021

CrimeJunkie said:
She is formula fed and has pooped this morning. That’s really interesting! She is doing exactly what you said, grunting and squirming but also crying and throwing her arms everywhere

If she went this morning, assuming it was nice and soft as normal, I would say she’s ok. Apparently the thing I was talking about is called infant dyschezia!

That said, when my son was going through it (he’s now out of it, he’s 14 weeks and it’s been at least a month, probably longer, since he did it) I did bicycle legs too, and actually do it all the time now with him while singing “row row row” (his legs are the oars ). Tummy time (and tiger in the tree hold when he was very small) definitely help him to get things moving and get things out.

Infant Dyschezia: Grunting Baby Syndrome | Colic SOS

Does your baby have grunting baby syndrome or to give its medical name infant dyschezia? This is a very common ailment for young babies

colicsos.com

https://childrenswi.org/-/media/chwlibrary/publication-media-library/2020/03/30/20/48/2144en.pdf

Pinkii · Jul 31, 2021

CrimeJunkie said:
She is formula fed and has pooped this morning. That’s really interesting! She is doing exactly what you said, grunting and squirming but also crying and throwing her arms everywhere

Her poo has been quite solid this last week but then sometimes it’s softer. She’s been straining and grunting for the last half an hour but still no poo

The early days are quite funny with all their weird noises and grunts (once you’re over that phase you will remember it as cute haha)

Apparently crying is completely normal, helps them push. Its all new sensations to them so it will take a few weeks for them to get used to it.

My daughter would grunt and groan and cry and bring her legs in from 6am and then poo around 11 am.

I would definitely continue with the baby belly massage, and if you look up baby reflexology there is a point that you can press that helps.

I did all of that when my baby was constipated when first on gaviscon, one of them
Worked.

moimoi · Jul 31, 2021

Definitelyme said:
Like @moimoi I also follow family snack nutritionist, and she has great info about reframing how you think and speak about food. Once you get started, it gets easier, andmore natural.

My problem is with school. They still bang on about healthy and unhealthy foods, you have to eat your sandwiches before you eatXYZ in your lunchbox etc. So of course hearing that every day somewhat counteracts what they hear at home. But I always tell them “nobody would be healthy only eating apples!” We are really big on balance in our house, and really try not to label food with anything but it’s name.

Another great tip if to serve dessert with the main portion of the meal. We don’t always have dessert, and a lot of time it’s just fruit, but we always serve it all together. So for example last night we had cherries for dessert, but my youngest ate hers before her pasta. We would do the same with sweets, cake etc.

ETA: one thing the body happy kids books said which I liked is that some bodies ARE fatter than others, and we should try and use fat in the same way we use tall/short and other descriptors, as not using it implies fat is inherently bad, whereas fat is much needed in the body.

I think I might have followed it after I saw you mention it!

LilyRose1234 · Aug 1, 2021

Definitelyme said:
Like @moimoi I also follow family snack nutritionist, and she has great info about reframing how you think and speak about food. Once you get started, it gets easier, andmore natural.

My problem is with school. They still bang on about healthy and unhealthy foods, you have to eat your sandwiches before you eatXYZ in your lunchbox etc. So of course hearing that every day somewhat counteracts what they hear at home. But I always tell them “nobody would be healthy only eating apples!” We are really big on balance in our house, and really try not to label food with anything but it’s name.

Another great tip if to serve dessert with the main portion of the meal. We don’t always have dessert, and a lot of time it’s just fruit, but we always serve it all together. So for example last night we had cherries for dessert, but my youngest ate hers before her pasta. We would do the same with sweets, cake etc.

ETA: one thing the body happy kids books said which I liked is that some bodies ARE fatter than others, and we should try and use fat in the same way we use tall/short and other descriptors, as not using it implies fat is inherently bad, whereas fat is much needed in the body.

I love this idea of serving pudding with main, will definitely be trying this!!

It sounds stupid because she’s only a month old but I’m already trying to be really positive about body image and food around her, getting into the habit early I don’t want her growing up hearing me complain about my body or associating some foods as “good” and some as “bad”.

Definitelyme · Aug 1, 2021

LilyRose1234 said:
I love this idea of serving pudding with main, will definitely be trying this!!

It sounds stupid because she’s only a month old but I’m already trying to be really positive about body image and food around her, getting into the habit early I don’t want her growing up hearing me complain about my body or associating some foods as “good” and some as “bad”.

It doesn’t sound stupid at all! I think it’s fab!

CrimeJunkie · Aug 1, 2021

Thank you all for the advice. I’m still unsure if she’s constipated, her poo this morning was formed but not rock solid, just a bit firm the only way I managed to settle her last night was lying her on my legs with her legs pushed up towards her chest. We’re seeing the midwife tomorrow so going to mention it to her. Wondering about switching formula to see if that will help, it’s all such a guessing game!

LilyRose1234 · Aug 1, 2021

Definitelyme said:
It doesn’t sound stupid at all! I think it’s fab!

It’s kind of weird how after a month of refusing to say anything negative about my body etc, I’m actually feeling more comfortable and confident than before I was pregnant - fake it till you make it I guess! I just really don’t want baby girl growing up with the same body image issues that I had, especially when I look back at photos and realise I had nothing to worry about!

New baby and post birth advice #2

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