You’re right, I need to regain some of the power. I feel like due to the situation I just feel controlled and like my life isn’t my own.
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I understand, when I was at the height of our ‘separation’ it was all consuming and I felt really battered down.
There were a couple of things that happened in a really short space of time and I thought you know what, I only want people in my life who bring something to the table.
For my own mental sanity they had to go, friends wouldn’t make you feel like that so why allow family to do it?!
It's Mother's day here in UK and I can't wait for it to be over. If I read another post about how fantastic somebody's mum is I think I'll explode.
I'm the same when it's father's day. Hang on in there, it will be over soon xxx
Thinking of everyone here today on such a hard day glad it is nearly over 
Same here!
I have very minimal contact with my parents due to my mother but I sent a card and flowers only because doing nothing would be 'thrown back' at me at some point. Last year I gifted a voucher for somewhere and later had a card/letter ( can't remember why) and it had a side note that she no longer visited that place.
I just laughed because I really didn't give a f*** as with the flowers I am just playing her game back at her.
I just laughed because I really didn't give a f*** as with the flowers I am just playing her game back at her.
I sent a card with my kids photos as she nevers sees them and just wanted to remind her what she's missing. My kids are fab and I've made sure I've filled the void of "Nanny" myself. I do feel desperatly sad that I've not had a "Mum", but I hide that away. Days like this, my birthday and Christmas are now ever so painful. Sending love to all those in similar situations xx
When my children were younger they did see my parents but they decided to stop seeing them too, I do talk about them and occasionally it maybe slightly negatively but honestly, but wanted them to know I was the 'issue' not them.
It is hard when everyone has their parents love and support but worse when questioned why we have no contact as if we are at fault.
It is hard when everyone has their parents love and support but worse when questioned why we have no contact as if we are at fault.
My father was a terrible husband to my mum- now passed- and worse dad to me. Adored my brother who is neither use nor ornament.
He is now in a care home after a stroke. Has been for 2 years.
He is self funding.
I have so much I could say about him.
He was an awful man.
Now we are losing our inheritance too. Which was mostly my mums money.
I feel consumed really with hate for him.
I can’t get peace in my head. I would really appreciate some of your advice
He is now in a care home after a stroke. Has been for 2 years.
He is self funding.
I have so much I could say about him.
He was an awful man.
Now we are losing our inheritance too. Which was mostly my mums money.
I feel consumed really with hate for him.
I can’t get peace in my head. I would really appreciate some of your advice
Lots of people will tell you to forgive. You don’t have to. There is no point in forgiving someone unless they are sorry.My father was a terrible husband to my mum- now passed- and worse dad to me. Adored my brother who is neither use nor ornament.
He is now in a care home after a stroke. Has been for 2 years.
He is self funding.
I have so much I could say about him.
He was an awful man.
Now we are losing our inheritance too. Which was mostly my mums money.
I feel consumed really with hate for him.
I can’t get peace in my head. I would really appreciate some of your advice
You need to accept the past and don’t let what he has done destroy you and your future.
My mother was a dreadful wife and mother. Even after she died she haunted my dreams.
It wasn’t until I accepted it had happened that I started to move on.
Thank you for your kindness.
I feel like it’s the final insult that what was basically Mum’s money is now keeping him alive to the tune of 4K a month meaning we will lose our inheritance too.
he is in a nappy talking nonsense. The care home rang me & said do I want him having a covid jab!! I wanted to scream no but felt I had to say yes?
I feel like it’s the final insult that what was basically Mum’s money is now keeping him alive to the tune of 4K a month meaning we will lose our inheritance too.
he is in a nappy talking nonsense. The care home rang me & said do I want him having a covid jab!! I wanted to scream no but felt I had to say yes?
I'm so sorry. My dad is in a care home too. Do you visit? I struggle to be honest.My father was a terrible husband to my mum- now passed- and worse dad to me. Adored my brother who is neither use nor ornament.
He is now in a care home after a stroke. Has been for 2 years.
He is self funding.
I have so much I could say about him.
He was an awful man.
Now we are losing our inheritance too. Which was mostly my mums money.
I feel consumed really with hate for him.
I can’t get peace in my head. I would really appreciate some of your advice
I went once on my own, and was told not to come without kids next time as he wanted to see them more than me , been a couple of times and could quite happily not go again.
My mum is in a different home as she has Alzheimer's. I'd rather not see her either if I'm honest. My brother does all the admin for them. It must be very time consuming for you.
It’s so lovely to speak to someone who understands.
My brother even said to me I owe our father nothing. We are not on good terms either sadly as he has literally left it all to me despite not working for 25 years. We used to be so close.
When I have previously visited I felt nothing.
I feel he has karma for a lifetimes awful behaviour. But sadly I’m caught in the crossfire.
Are your parents self funding?
My brother even said to me I owe our father nothing. We are not on good terms either sadly as he has literally left it all to me despite not working for 25 years. We used to be so close.
When I have previously visited I felt nothing.
I feel he has karma for a lifetimes awful behaviour. But sadly I’m caught in the crossfire.
Are your parents self funding?
Yes they are both quite wealthy luckily for them. Care is very expensive. It's not really a life they are living in these care homes, as nice as they are though. I leave after seeing them in turmoil, it drags up lots of feelings, I mask when I see them so it takes days to recover. And my OH and kids get my grumpy self. That's why I'd rather not go but the guilt trips. They're your parents, they looked after you. Blah, blah
I agree, no one really understands. My relationship with my brother is ruined also because of things.
I agree, no one really understands. My relationship with my brother is ruined also because of things.
So so true.
Everyone else sees the nice parent, the act. Not what happens indoors.
It’s not abuse, there is no violence. It’s the hurt, the belittling, the way you are made to feel useless.
It’s taken me years to come to terms with the fact it was my mother, not me, that was inadequate.
Now, if I try and talk to people about it the say oh, it’s in the past, you need to move on.
I have, mostly. But there is part of me that looks back as a third person and sees how that child was treated and it breaks my heart.
Silly things. Everyone having a certain style of shoe at school but you had clumpy lace ups. No reason, just because, so you never felt you fitted in.
Then it carries on when you grow up. You lose confidence.
sorry..too much wine
@Mollywobbles it IS abuse, emotional abuse, and can be more damaging than physical abuse .