Hi everyone, hope you're all doing OK and taking care of yourselves. Been reading some of your posts and sending light to all of you who need it.
I've not posted for a while as been busy navigating my daughter though her GCSEs and looking after my own narc mother under duress after a major operation. I've found caring for her, cooking for her, cleaning and visiting her a real strain both mentally (as it's goes against my instincts) and physically as I have ME, which flares up intermittently. But, she hasn't got a partner and my brother, her son, also passed 18 months ago so I feel a sense of obligation and empathy toward her.
Anyway, it's making me very conflicted and pressured, and in all honesty unwell. Thankfully she's on the mend and seems to be a lot more mobile the last few days so the pressure is easing somewhat.
I'm just sad today, as yesterday I received my final grading for my degree (2:1) and it's a miracle that I got through it as covid hit me hard, as did the loss of my brother and raising a teenage girl with emotional needs on my own.
I text our family group last night to tell them I'd passed my degree, and all I get back from my mum was a 3 word text. This isn’t about me wanting praise or attention. I'm just feeling sad that I've pushed myself and exhausted myself to look after her and I'm just realising yet again that I will always get the bare minimum from her. I can't speak to her as she shuts down, or changes the subject. Or uses her favourite line 'I don't like confrontation' even if I'm speaking calmly.
Where do I go from here? She's still not 100% better, I'll be expected to carry on looking after her and just keep quiet. But I'm drained. She said she will call me today (I'm taking a day to myself) and if she does I will be gracious. What else can I do?
Sorry this is long, thanks for reading and I know having pride in my achievements is an inside job. It's difficult to put into words what I expected, but maybe been disappointed too many times now.
I've not posted for a while as been busy navigating my daughter though her GCSEs and looking after my own narc mother under duress after a major operation. I've found caring for her, cooking for her, cleaning and visiting her a real strain both mentally (as it's goes against my instincts) and physically as I have ME, which flares up intermittently. But, she hasn't got a partner and my brother, her son, also passed 18 months ago so I feel a sense of obligation and empathy toward her.
Anyway, it's making me very conflicted and pressured, and in all honesty unwell. Thankfully she's on the mend and seems to be a lot more mobile the last few days so the pressure is easing somewhat.
I'm just sad today, as yesterday I received my final grading for my degree (2:1) and it's a miracle that I got through it as covid hit me hard, as did the loss of my brother and raising a teenage girl with emotional needs on my own.
I text our family group last night to tell them I'd passed my degree, and all I get back from my mum was a 3 word text. This isn’t about me wanting praise or attention. I'm just feeling sad that I've pushed myself and exhausted myself to look after her and I'm just realising yet again that I will always get the bare minimum from her. I can't speak to her as she shuts down, or changes the subject. Or uses her favourite line 'I don't like confrontation' even if I'm speaking calmly.
Where do I go from here? She's still not 100% better, I'll be expected to carry on looking after her and just keep quiet. But I'm drained. She said she will call me today (I'm taking a day to myself) and if she does I will be gracious. What else can I do?
Sorry this is long, thanks for reading and I know having pride in my achievements is an inside job. It's difficult to put into words what I expected, but maybe been disappointed too many times now.