Narcissistic and toxic parents #2

[cosytoes]

I once stood up to my mum when she blustered into my living room uninvited, with a face the colour of a tomato and started yelling at me. I can still feel the pleasure of telling her calmly that “this is my house and I will not stand for any bullshit she was planning on spewing. If she wanted to talk rationally I would listen but if she was going to rant to leave immediately and close the door on the way out. My house my rules”. I can still see the shock on her face. It stopped her completely in her tracks and left her speechless.

Unfortunately that was the one and only time I’ve ever had the emotional strength to stand up to the old witch. And the only reason I did it was because she was coming to complain about one of my kids who she (wrongly) thought had wronged her.

I went complete mama bear defending my daughter. I only wish I could stand up for myself more often. But years of being ground down have left me drained.

Mr Toes keeps telling me to stand up to her. And I rehearse speeches constantly but I just can’t form the words when I’m with her.
But I’m betting she’ll never call any of my kids again. Because I’m certain that I’d probably find the words then

Why is it so difficult to defend myself?

Sorry for rambling but I too am in bed with a headache.
edited spelling mistake (damn autocorrect!)

 

[catchinguphere21]

I once stood up to my mum when she blustered into my living room uninvited, with a face the colour of a tomato and started yelling at me. I can still feel the pleasure of telling her calmly that “this is my house and I will not stand for any bullshit she was planning on spewing. If she wanted to talk rationally I would listen but if she was going to rant to leave immediately and close the door on the way out. My house my rules”. I can still see the shock on her face. It stopped her completely in her tracks and left her speechless.

Unfortunately that was the one and only time I’ve ever had the emotional strength to stand up to the old witch. And the only reason I did it was because she was coming to complain about one of my kids who she (wrongly) thought had wronged her.

I went complete mama bear defending my daughter. I only wish I could stand up for myself more often. But years of being ground down have left me drained.

Mr Toes keeps telling me to stand up to her. And I rehearse speeches constantly but I just can’t form the words when I’m with her.
But I’m betting she’ll never call any of my kids again. Because I’m certain that I’d probably find the words then

Why is it so difficult to defend myself?

Sorry for rambling but I too am in bed with a headache.
edited spelling mistake (damn autocorrect!)

Well done you for finding the strength to stand up to her, it's really hard. Does anybody else find their mother being so nice and caring towards your children and going against any parenting you have in place with them? If that makes sense ?

 

[Burrito88]

I know this will give you all a good giggle… my narc mother told me she’s realised that she’s an empath (she’s absolutely not) Classic narc or what. Had to bite my tongue!!

 

[nothanksbabes]

I know this will give you all a good giggle… my narc mother told me she’s realised that she’s an empath (she’s absolutely not) Classic narc or what. Had to bite my tongue!!

My borderline/narcissistic former friend is the same. She thinks that because she makes everything about her, she's an empath.

Declaring one's self am empath is a huge narc red flag. Anyone with genuine empathy realises that announcing to the world you're special and more empathetic person than everyone else makes you sound like an arrogant hole.

 

[blossombloss]

Feeling drained after putting boundaries in place and looking out for me for once , they are not happy with that.

So proud of you. Putting boundaries up is so hard, I always feel like I'm being difficult and want to just placate the person. But I have to tell myself that this very feeling is WHY this boundary is needed, yes it's uncomfortable but it's for the best. Sending you all the strength and willpower.

 

[catchinguphere21]

So proud of you. Putting boundaries up is so hard, I always feel like I'm being difficult and want to just placate the person. But I have to tell myself that this very feeling is WHY this boundary is needed, yes it's uncomfortable but it's for the best. Sending you all the strength and willpower.

Thank you kindly the last few nights, my mind has felt like it has switched off and I have genuinely had rest while I sleep. I hope you continue to have such strength, not the easiest when dealing with these people

 

[HitnMiss]

Does anyone here have a narcissist daughter in law? I would go no contact only I want a relationship with my grandchildren.

 

[Slaybutter]

Does anyone here have a narcissist daughter in law? I would go no contact only I want a relationship with my grandchildren.

I could very well be alone in thinking this but that sounds like the subject for a different and maybe new thread.

 

[HitnMiss]

Yes I wondered that too. I couldn't find one anywhere so I'll have a go at making one.

 

[Slaybutter]

@HitnMiss Thanks for understanding fingers crossed your community comes out!

 

[HitnMiss]

Me too. It helps to know you're not alone

 

[Slaybutter]

The DIL thread: https://tattle.life/threads/daughter-in-law-experiences.38913/

 

[MrsOgre]

I'm still trying to speak to my mum and getting either one word or no responses. I've just moved house, my aunt is texting me to ask how it's going and what's my new address and my mum isn't interested at all. I feel guilty, that it's somehow my responsibility to keep communicating. I wish I could just cut her off completely.
I really feel for all of you here that have a very different perspective of an awful parent, I should count myself lucky that she just doesn't care at all.

 

[Good Egg]

I once stood up to my mum when she blustered into my living room uninvited, with a face the colour of a tomato and started yelling at me. I can still feel the pleasure of telling her calmly that “this is my house and I will not stand for any bullshit she was planning on spewing. If she wanted to talk rationally I would listen but if she was going to rant to leave immediately and close the door on the way out. My house my rules”. I can still see the shock on her face. It stopped her completely in her tracks and left her speechless.

Unfortunately that was the one and only time I’ve ever had the emotional strength to stand up to the old witch. And the only reason I did it was because she was coming to complain about one of my kids who she (wrongly) thought had wronged her.

I went complete mama bear defending my daughter. I only wish I could stand up for myself more often. But years of being ground down have left me drained.

Mr Toes keeps telling me to stand up to her. And I rehearse speeches constantly but I just can’t form the words when I’m with her.
But I’m betting she’ll never call any of my kids again. Because I’m certain that I’d probably find the words then

Why is it so difficult to defend myself?

Sorry for rambling but I too am in bed with a headache.
edited spelling mistake (damn autocorrect!)

I’m an absolute coward and cannot stand up to NM. I cower and give in. She has power over me. Hard to explain. I don’t take tit from no one but her I cannot stand up against

 

[Tanne1999]

Not a parent, but my partners uncles wife (he won’t call her Aunt).



Everything has to be about her. And I mean everything.
It’s my mother in laws 60th next weekend. Throwing a surprise party. When we brought up the idea at a family wedding (the only time we can get everyone together as we live all across the UK), she suggested we make it a joint 60th birthday party with their 18th wedding anniversary, and the 1st anniversary for the wedding we’re at. We said absolutely not, my mother in law rarely gets anything for herself and deserves this, so it’s going to be about her and her alone. Plus we don’t want to fork out for a party for other people.


Party is next Saturday. She’s saying she’s happy to ‘follow instructions’ but to be mindful because she wants to watch the coronation concert. She’s also asked if they are needed to set up the venue. This is only so they can claim they contributed and they’re so helpful and amazing etc She’s also nitpicking saying the buffet that she and her husband arranged for a different party was amazing, and so was the cake, and the venue, and the DJ.

They’re making a big song and dance about the fact they’re driving 2.5hrs to come. So are we. My MIL’s dad and his wife are flying part way and driving the rest of the way. Few people are travelling some distance to come. Don’t see us parading about boasting.

I had my other half’s uncle on the phone complaining saying everyone else had booked a room at the venue and they weren’t made aware of this. I don’t see why I need to be ringing them to tell them where to stay. They’re in their 60s and book holidays all the time - I didn’t really feel the need to point out where to stay.


She’s also almost certainly going to mention the fact she had health issues, and then pick faults at everything.

I wish we didn’t have to invite them because they’re just so draining on us all, but my MIL specifically said if we are going to plan anything for her 60th, then they must be invited.


I’m practically t-total, but duck me I need a gin after just typing this!!!

 

[Good Egg]

Not a parent, but my partners uncles wife (he won’t call her Aunt).



Everything has to be about her. And I mean everything.
It’s my mother in laws 60th next weekend. Throwing a surprise party. When we brought up the idea at a family wedding (the only time we can get everyone together as we live all across the UK), she suggested we make it a joint 60th birthday party with their 18th wedding anniversary, and the 1st anniversary for the wedding we’re at. We said absolutely not, my mother in law rarely gets anything for herself and deserves this, so it’s going to be about her and her alone. Plus we don’t want to fork out for a party for other people.


Party is next Saturday. She’s saying she’s happy to ‘follow instructions’ but to be mindful because she wants to watch the coronation concert. She’s also asked if they are needed to set up the venue. This is only so they can claim they contributed and they’re so helpful and amazing etc She’s also nitpicking saying the buffet that she and her husband arranged for a different party was amazing, and so was the cake, and the venue, and the DJ.

They’re making a big song and dance about the fact they’re driving 2.5hrs to come. So are we. My MIL’s dad and his wife are flying part way and driving the rest of the way. Few people are travelling some distance to come. Don’t see us parading about boasting.

I had my other half’s uncle on the phone complaining saying everyone else had booked a room at the venue and they weren’t made aware of this. I don’t see why I need to be ringing them to tell them where to stay. They’re in their 60s and book holidays all the time - I didn’t really feel the need to point out where to stay.


She’s also almost certainly going to mention the fact she had health issues, and then pick faults at everything.

I wish we didn’t have to invite them because they’re just so draining on us all, but my MIL specifically said if we are going to plan anything for her 60th, then they must be invited.


I’m practically t-total, but duck me I need a gin after just typing this!!!

It’s like dealing with a giant toddler... nothing is good enough, they pout, all about them Centre of attention

Sympathies to you x

 

[Meringue22]

I once stood up to my mum when she blustered into my living room uninvited, with a face the colour of a tomato and started yelling at me. I can still feel the pleasure of telling her calmly that “this is my house and I will not stand for any bullshit she was planning on spewing. If she wanted to talk rationally I would listen but if she was going to rant to leave immediately and close the door on the way out. My house my rules”. I can still see the shock on her face. It stopped her completely in her tracks and left her speechless.

Unfortunately that was the one and only time I’ve ever had the emotional strength to stand up to the old witch. And the only reason I did it was because she was coming to complain about one of my kids who she (wrongly) thought had wronged her.

I went complete mama bear defending my daughter. I only wish I could stand up for myself more often. But years of being ground down have left me drained.

Mr Toes keeps telling me to stand up to her. And I rehearse speeches constantly but I just can’t form the words when I’m with her.
But I’m betting she’ll never call any of my kids again. Because I’m certain that I’d probably find the words then

Why is it so difficult to defend myself?

Sorry for rambling but I too am in bed with a headache.
edited spelling mistake (damn autocorrect!)

I’m the same. I find it so hard. And when I’ve found the guts to speak up she says ‘what’s wrong with you?! You’re so touchy!’.

 

[Good Egg]

Does anybody find you cannot be yourself around a narc? Like if you feel tired/unwell they’ll say “there is always something wrong with YOU” etc dismissing your feelings.
Yet they do nothing at that’s fine. Meanwhile you are running yourself to the ground...

I’ve been on a twelve hour shift. Two hour commute. I’m exhausted but she rang and I said I’m feeling shattered (a ridiculous conversation about mundane non important issues) I explained I’d call tomorrow and said I was tired to which I got shouted at for being ridiculous and you can’t be tired, always something wrong with you

Why do they do this

 

[Meringue22]

I was telling my narc mum what my job as a personal carer entails. I mentioned that I have to administer lots of meds which includes eye drops and eye cream. Her response?
‘Urgh. I would rather you put a pillow over my head than have to have eye drops’?! She also thinks carers are STUPID. She’s a delight(!).

 

[Snowjoke]

Does anybody find you cannot be yourself around a narc? Like if you feel tired/unwell they’ll say “there is always something wrong with YOU” etc dismissing your feelings.
Yet they do nothing at that’s fine. Meanwhile you are running yourself to the ground...

I’ve been on a twelve hour shift. Two hour commute. I’m exhausted but she rang and I said I’m feeling shattered (a ridiculous conversation about mundane non important issues) I explained I’d call tomorrow and said I was tired to which I got shouted at for being ridiculous and you can’t be tired, always something wrong with you

Why do they do this

I get this too… yet they never do anything to help lighten the load